Chapter 21
Carter had walked away from Kit and the damned barbeque without looking back. He stood in his home office trying to rein in the storm of feelings raging through him. One thing he’d never tolerated was lying. Kit had said she couldn’t have and didn’t have any children.
He thought about that time when they had first met and he had asked her. He had a damned good memory. What had he asked her?
It was her first day on the ranch and they’d been standing in the kitchen. “Married?” he’d asked. “Any kids?”
Kit hadn’t looked at him—he could picture it clearly. She’d looked so beautiful and he’d been attracted to her in ways he had never been attracted to any woman.
What had been her response? Her words came back to him.
“I’ve never been married, and I’ve never raised a child.”
Not a flat out lie, but a lie by omission.
He dropped his Stetson onto his desk and pushed his fingers through his hair. He moved to the office window and spotted Noah and Kit walking toward the guest house. His gut clenched as the pair headed around the house and disappeared.
Nothing seemed to add up with this entire situation. He didn’t know what to say. What to do.
He started to sort through every conversation they had ever had.
Why hadn’t he seen this coming?
What about the day he’d asked her if she wanted kids? He remembered her telling him she liked kids, but couldn’t have any.
Was that true? Had something happened that prevented her from having any more children?
He let his gaze drift over the crowd of people laughing, eating, playing horseshoes, and participating in other activities. His gaze stopped on the kids riding the pony in the small ring they had set up.
Once he’d learned she couldn’t have children, his thoughts had immediately gone to adoption and he’d pictured raising several adopted kids with Kit. He hadn’t even known her that long, and he’d already been thinking about kids with her.
Adoption.
Noah had to be eighteen or nineteen. If that was the case, then Kit would have been no more than fifteen or sixteen when he was born. If she had given him up for adoption, that would explain why she hadn’t recognized him—and why she hadn’t known him by Noah.
Kit had been homeless at that age. He tried to see the whole situation from the point of view of a scared, homeless teenager. She would have had no choice, of course. It wouldn’t have been right for the child to raise him on the street.
How would that have left her feeling?
Guilt, pain, sorrow. The kind that could drown a person.
It hadn’t drowned her. She had made something of herself.
But there was no way that could have been easy for her.
He moved away from the window and picked up the scorpion paperweight his sister had given him when he was young. He thought about his little sister being homeless and pregnant, and having to give up her child.
The thought nearly drove him to his knees. God, what Kit had gone through—he couldn’t begin to imagine. It would be beyond difficult to talk about.
When he’d asked her the questions, she had barely known him. He could understand her not wanting to tell a stranger. However, as much as they shared since then, she should have told him everything along the way.
Yes, she should have, but did she deserve to be treated badly by him? Was it enough for him to turn his back to her and end the special relationship they shared? He loved her so deeply it hurt like hell to think of never being with her again.
She didn’t deserve to be treated anyway but as the good, wonderful person she was.
He scooped up his hat and tugged it low on his brow before heading out the French doors of his office and onto the back lawn. He nodded to guests but kept going. His strides ate up the distance between his home and the guest house.
A few people tried to talk to him, but he made his way past. “There’s some place I need to be.”
They let him go. His friends and family knew he wasn’t the type to just ignore them if it wasn’t important.
When he got the arbor, he ducked under it, leaves brushing his hat. He hesitated at the door and heard voices on the other side.
He knocked and the voices went quiet. A moment later and the doorknob rattled and then the door swung open.
Kit stood in the doorway, her eyes damp. She’d been crying.
“What happened?” His protective instincts jumped by a hundred percent. “Are you all right?”
She nodded. “I’m fine.” She looked over her shoulder before turning her attention back to Carter. “Noah and I were just talking about—I don’t know if it’s something he wants to share.”
“It’s fine,” Noah said from behind her.
Kit stepped out of the way to let Carter into the guest house. The moment he stepped inside, he saw Noah. The young man was completely bald.
Noah scooped his hat off the coffee table and pulled it on. “I have leukemia,” he said as he adjusted the hat.
“Damn.” Carter walked into the middle of the room, close to Noah. “Do you mind if I ask you what your prognosis is?”
The young man shrugged. “Sure.”
Carter took a chair while Noah and Kit sat on the couch. Kit was no more than a couple of feet from Carter’s chair.
Noah explained about his diagnosis, the steps that had been taken to date, and that he needed a bone marrow transplant. He talked about his search for a donor and hoping his birth father or mother would qualify as a donor.
“I hope like hell Kit or your birth father are a match,” Carter said. “I’d be happy to help look for Haymaker. Your mother and I can help finance the search.” He looked at Kit’s surprised expression and leaned forward to reach for her hand. He took it in his. “What’s mine is yours, Kit.”
She looked too stunned to speak.
“Thank you, Mr. McLeod,” Noah said.
Carter looked to Noah. “Call me Carter.” His gaze returned to Kit’s. “I think I’m going to be getting to know you a lot better.”
Noah seemed to realize Carter needed a moment with Kit. “Mind if I go have some barbeque? Those amazing smells have made me so hungry, it’s about to drive me crazy.”
“We’ll meet you there,” Carter said, and Kit nodded.
The moment Noah closed the door behind him, Carter took Kit in his arms and studied her beautiful features. “I’m still here.” It was all he could say in that moment.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Noah before.” She placed her hands on his chest. “I tried so many times to tell you I had a son I gave up for adoption when I was sixteen, but couldn’t get the words out.” She searched his gaze. “You also need to know why I can’t have more children. Noah’s birth was difficult and a doctor botched it up so that I am incapable of becoming pregnant again.”
“Shhh. Don’t worry about not being able to bear children. It’s okay.” He brushed hair from her face. “After I learned you have a son…I had to work it through in my head, why you didn’t tell me. I want you to know I do understand, the best I can without having been in your shoes. You were so damned young and going through so much with being homeless. You did the right thing. I’d have a hard time sharing that information if I was in your shoes.”
“It was so difficult.” She shook her head. “I tried, but I guess not hard enough.”
He held her close. “I understand.” He brushed her hair out of her face. “It’s fine.”
“I lied to you,” she said softly.
“Not technically.”
“Technically doesn’t matter. I should have found a way to say it.” She buried her face against his shoulder.
He ran his hand through her hair as he felt tears start to soak through his shirt. “I’m not leaving.”
“I’ve felt so much guilt for so long. It’s so good to have met him.” Her voice trembled as she continued. “But he’s sick and I’m so scared for him.”
“We’ll do everything we can for him.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll be here for both of you every step of the way.”
“Thank you.” She shook her head. “I can’t begin to thank you enough.”
“No thanks are needed, Kit.” He caught her face in both hands. “That’s what people do for the ones they love.”
She stilled but didn’t say anything.
“I love you, Kit.” He smiled. “I intend to spend the rest of my life with you, loving you.”
For a long moment she just looked at him. “You are the most amazing man I have ever met and I love you like crazy.”
He hugged her tight. “Good. Then it’s settled.”
She laughed. “What’s settled?”
“You. Me. Always.”