Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang Us, Daddy (Murder Daddy #3)

5. Bennet

CHAPTER 5

BENNET

I can’t remember the last time I slept so well as I did when cuddled beside Benji, with Nate’s arm draped over him, caressing my hip. My dreams were of happily-ever-after and all the sordid situations that come with it. I should be walking on clouds right now, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get my head on straight.

When we woke up, Benji and I showered together as usual, washing away the musky scent of sex still clinging to our bodies. Neither of us spoke much at all. This new twist in our relationship is one I didn’t see coming. I can say with full honesty I have never thought about Benji sexually. A bit queer, considering our past entanglements. I can’t count the number of times I’ve knelt at his side, holding his hand as one of our many boyfriends fucked him. Kissing his forehead. Brushing his damp hair from his eyes. Whispering what a good boy he is. Now, things have changed. Whether that’s for the better, I’m not entirely sure. Part of me wants to lean into the madness and wrap him in my arms. Maybe I would if I didn’t feel like death warmed over.

“You look terrible,” Benji says. He’s sitting in his chair behind the shared desk the agency assigned us. We’ve only been here an hour, and I’m already dreaming of the moment I make it home, climb the stairs, and fall into bed. When we arrived, Meadows had a box of papers on our desk, and a nervous smile aimed right at us. He apologized, telling us even though he promised we’d rarely actually have to do any work here, the agency was short staffed, and told us we’d be lifesavers if we could transfer the data from the field reports—whatever the hell that means—into the tracking system. I tried focusing on the work for as long as I could, but I only lasted ten minutes before needing to rest my head on the desk.

I wish Nate was here. He’d make it better. He makes everything better.

“I hate this job,” I groan. It’s not that I mind this work specifically, I just really don’t want to work. Definitely not when I feel like I’m dying. Maybe not ever. Oh, who the hell knows; it feels like my head’s going to burst and I can barely see straight.

“I’m calling Dad,” Benji says, snapping me back to reality.

“Huh?”

He’s got his phone wedged between his shoulder and ear, and he’s got the back of his hand pressed against my forehead. “You’re burning up.” His voice is so soft. It’s like cashmere and twinkish exuberance. “Do you think we should have Meadows take a look at you? He’s a surgeon. He might be able to help.”

“I’m fine.” I’m not fine, actually, but he doesn’t need to know that. Aside from my headache, it feels like I’ve swallowed glass. My throat is raw, and every attempted word is agony.

“Clearly, you’re not.” He pauses. “Dad! Oh, thank God. Listen, we need you. Bennet needs you. He’s burning up and it looks like he’s going to be sick.” He covers the phone with his hand. “Please don’t throw up. We work at a hitman agency. They might kill us.”

I lay my head on the desk because my insides are spinning and I’m feeling really tired. Benji’s got his hand on my back, but I’m sweating like a slut-tastic twink in church, and I really don’t want to dirty him up.

“Benji,” I whine, squeezing my eyes shut tight. “Benji, everything hurts.”

“I’m right here, baby. Don’t worry. Dad’s coming. He’s gonna make it all better.”

I close my eyes for what feels like a second, but when I open them, Benji’s kneeling on one side of me, and Nate is on the other, his hand caressing my cheek. I blink, trying to figure out if this is just part of some fever dream. But each time I open my eyes, he’s still here, staring down at me like the fate of the world depends on me, and he’s going to protect me with all the strength he’s got.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to have all that much strength at the moment. His face looks how I feel. Exhausted. Sweaty and icky. There’s even a light-green hue to his face, but that could just be my fever kicking up.

“Nate,” I croak, my eyes watering. I hate how needy I sound. Benji is the one who needs coddling, not me. I don’t need anyone to dote on me or treat me like I matter, because I don’t.

“Hey, little guy,” he answers, sounding pained. He kneels next to me and places his hand on top of Benji’s, which is cupping my cheek. Nate’s thumb brushes across Benji’s knuckles a few times, but his eyes are locked on mine. “I think we’re both in the same boat, right now.”

“You’re sick, too?”

He nods. “Yeah, I’m really sorry you’re not feeling well, buddy. I wasn’t feeling great at dinner, then I let you sleep next to me and probably breathed in your face all night. I’m so sorry.” He’s studying me closely. If he were anyone else, I might even say a little too closely, but Nate’s not just anybody. He’s safety and security. He’s endless sunshine bursting through the rainclouds, making the whole world just a little bit brighter. With Nate, I don’t mind the intrusion. He’s a kind man with a good heart, and for some reason, he seems smitten with us. Wanting to thank him for coming all the way down here to check on me, I hold a hand out for him. Benji’s got his face buried in the crook of my neck, offering me affectionate comfort in lieu of prescription pain relievers. Nate takes my hand and gives me a gentle squeeze. “What do you say we get out of here?”

I nod, whining, “Please? Hate this stupid place. Hate this stupid job. Wanna go home.”

“Home,” Nate coos. “That’s right, buddy. Home.”

“Wait,” a familiar voice calls out, and when I look up, Meadows is jogging across the small waiting room as if he’s trying to catch a train leaving the station. Considering I’m still sitting down, unable to move, there’s really no need for him to rush, but I guess he lives for the drama. He quickly makes his way toward the reception desk, his wavy red hair bouncing like a Baywatch daddy. He’s got a bottle of Powerade and a package of cheese crackers. When he reaches us, he hands them both to me. “Hey, Bennet.” He’s got the same concerned look on his face as Nate and Benji. Like the rest of them, he holds the back of his hand against my forehead, checking my fever. “Fuck. You really are burning up.”

“Language,” Nate scolds before remembering who he’s talking to. He scolds everyone for using bad words, but he’s clearly forgotten he’s standing in the presence of an actual killer. Maybe? I mean, I know he’s a surgeon, but maybe he moonlights for extra cash? I know he’s one of the heavy hitters here. From the training material he gave us, there are only two people above him in the agency’s company hierarchy.

“Excuse me?” Meadows says. He doesn’t look angry, just taken aback. I don’t think he’s used to anyone talking back to him. At first, I think Nate might backtrack, apologizing out of fear.

Instead, with trepidation still present on his face, he clears his throat and deepens his voice, saying, “There’s no need to be crass. I’m trying to teach my boys right from wrong, and you throwing out four-letter words like Mardis Gras beads doesn’t help the situation in the slightest.”

Meadows watches Nate, his eyebrows lifting in amusement. “Your boys?”

Nate nods. “Yeah. My boys—and right now, one of them needs me. So, I’m going to take him home, and I’d appreciate it if you’d watch your mouth around Benji when I’m gone.”

“What?” Benji asks, jerking away from me. “You’re leaving me here?” While he’s asking the question, Nate’s still laying into Meadows, leaving just me and Benji to soak in the meaning of Nate’s statement. “I have to stay here? Without you?”

After everything we went through with Nito, I made a promise to myself to never leave him alone again. I spent a week without the other half of my soul, and it felt like I was emotionally bankrupt the entire time. I grab my half-heart necklace as Benji reaches up to grab his. Benji can’t be away from me, and I don’t want to be away from him. He gets scared so easily.

Nate blinks a few times, still looking really tired. Suddenly, it’s like a light switches on and he realizes what a ridiculous thought it was. “What? No. Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course, you’re coming home too. You’re a package deal. I’m not feeling my best, buddy. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

Meadows stands beside Benji, petting his hair like he’s some kind of lap dog. I want to slap the hand away, but the man has an entire surgical wing in this underground labyrinth, so I’m pretty sure he could do a lot worse to me. Doesn’t stop me from doing it, though.

“Stop bothering him,” I growl, placing my hand where Meadows’ just was. Instead of rage, my threat is met with soft laughter. When I look up, Meadows is smiling warmly.

“My bad,” he says, holding his hands up in surrender. He kneels in front of Benji and widens his smile, probably to put my best friend at ease. “You can go if you want, but if you stay, I’ll make it worth your while. I really could use the help with the filing. We’re almost a year behind.”

Benji blinks at him. “Worth my while? How?”

Meadows chews his cheek as he thinks. “How about I drive you home after work, and we can stop at the Dairy Queen and get ice cream?”

“A chocolate dipped cone?”

Meadows wriggles his eyebrows. “I’ll get you all the chocolate dipped cones.” When Benji finally nods his approval, Meadows lets out a sigh of relief.

“Okay. Yeah. I’ll stay. But . . . Mr. Meadows?”

“Yeah, kid?”

Benji cocks a brow at him. “If you think you’re bribing me with a goddamn ice cream cone, you’ve got another think coming. Cash. I want cold hard cash. Wanna buy my dad something pretty, because he’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Language,” Nate barks, though his cheeks are pinkening from the compliment. He quickly smiles at Benji, saying, “Thank you, son,” before jerking his neck in Meadows’ direction, hissing, “You see? This is what I mean. Less than half a day with you and you’ve got him swearing like he’s in a PG-13 film. I won’t stand for it, son.”

Meadows snickers. “I’m thirty-five.”

“And I’ve got thirty-five ways to get the point across if you keep swearing in front of them. Not on my watch, you won’t.”

Benji’s looking super nervous, so I ask my friend, “Are you sure, Benj?” I don’t like this idea. I really, really don’t like it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him,” Meadows says to me, smiling warmly.

“And you’ll watch your mouth,” Nate insists, folding his arms across his chest. “If he comes home swearing up a storm, I’ll have your hide. And if he gets scared, you’ll drop everything and drive him home.”

Meadows chuckles. “I fucking promise.”

Nate’s eyes look like they’re going to fly out of their sockets. He’s got one hand fisted at his side, and he bravely drives a finger into Meadows’ chest. “You and I are going to have a chat about manners,” Nate says. “I’m a little under the weather, so if I vomit on you, I apologize.” As they wage a stupid war of words, I turn my attention back to Benji, who’s staring off into space, lost in his head.

“Benji?”

He startles, and when he looks over at me, he looks worried. “You’re not going to do anything without me, are you?” He darts his eyes at Nate. “With Dad. You’re not going to”—he darts his eyes down to our interwoven fingers—“without me?”

Is that what he’s worried about? Feeling left out of a sexual journey? First of all, I feel like death warmed over, so I probably couldn’t rise to the occasion even if I wanted to. But more importantly, I wouldn’t want to. Those last few months—when Nito forced Benji to watch him and me, or when he’d force me to watch them without me—felt like someone was stealing my entire world out from under me. I never want to be intimate without Benji again. I don’t want to touch another man unless he’s touching them, too. There are maybe a handful of things I’m willing to do without my best friend present, and none of them involve intimacy with another party. Fuck. It’s not even a jealousy thing for me; I can’t physically cope with being away from him at all. I can barely breathe without Benji.

“Baby, look at me.” I wait for him to meet my gaze, and when he does, his beautiful blue eyes are damp. “All or nothing. That’s me and you, isn’t it? Beginning to end.”

He nods, but he doesn’t seem terribly convinced. “Promise?”

“Always,” I promise. His eyes are everywhere except where they belong: on me. He’s working himself up to something, I just don’t know what. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just . . . Would it—I mean, do you think it would be okay, if . . .” He closes his eyes and sighs, so I squeeze his hand as a reminder that I’m here. “Can I kiss you, Bennet?”

It’s a silly request, because we kiss all the time. He’s never once asked permission, nor has he needed to. My face is his to kiss at his leisure. There’s nothing I love more than feeling his lips feathering across my cheek or trailing across my forehead.

“If you’re willing to risk catching whatever I have,” I offer with a shrug.

His lip curls up, just a hair. “You’ll nurse me back to health.”

He’s right, of course. I’ll always take care of him, just like he always takes care of me. Sluggishly, I lift my hand up and down my face like a showcase model on The Price is Right . “It’s yours for the taking, then.”

With wide eyes and trembling hands, he leans forward. I close my eyes, expecting to feel his mouth against the side of my face or my scalp. Instead, Benji’s soft lips press flush against mine, taking me by surprise. As my breath hitches in my chest, Benji’s lips part, and I find myself falling into him, deepening the kiss. He tickles my bottom lip with his tongue like he’s trying to get a reaction, but all I can do is sit here and try to understand what’s happening. Aside from last night, we’ve never kissed like this. He’s essentially my brother. No . More than that, Benji is like the other half of my heart. We’re twin souls, wrapped in unrelated bodies. This kiss may be wrong, but I don’t know if I’ve ever felt anything truer in all my life. The rest of the world fades away until it’s just him and me, the way it’s always been. All or nothing. Beginning to end.

“I love you,” he mumbles against my lips. When he pulls away, he’s still teary-eyed, and he brings his hand to my cheek, caressing me gently. “Please get better. I hate seeing you like this.”

Wanting to assure him, I do the only thing I can think of. I lean closer, and I return the kiss he’s just given me. It’s not a long kiss, and it’s not particularly passionate. But it’s simple and true.

“If I’m asleep, wake me up when you get home,” I say, watching as his tongue travels across his lips, chasing my flavor.

“I’m scared,” he admits, and I know he is. He has to be. I’m fucking terrified, and I’ve got Nate to keep me company. Benji won’t have anyone. I can’t let that happen. I can’t just leave him alone. “Of being without you.”

“Do you want to FaceTime me? I’ll keep my phone on the whole time, I promise.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“I’d do just about anything for you.” When Nate turns around and makes his way toward us, I know we don’t have much longer, so I pull him in for a hug, clinging to him with all the strength I’ve got. “I love you, too, Benji.”

With a heart weighed down by grief and guilt, I leave Benji behind to face the rest of the workday on his own.