27. Oliver
27
Oliver
She looked awful, and it was my fucking fault.
The guilt that flooded through me as I accompanied the doctor out of the house made my stomach twist, and I made sure nobody was paying attention to me when I slipped back into the house and quickly made my way up to my room.
I cast a guilty glance towards the closed door to the nest before I made my way into my bedroom, and when the door was shut behind me, I rested my back and head against the wood, letting out a low groan.
Since Killian brought Lilah back to the house, I had been wavering between the desire to storm into his room and yank her out of his bed, and run away from the house altogether. In the former situation, my instincts could decide whether I wanted to yank her out of his bed to throw her out of the house myself or so that I could pull her into my bed and make it up to her for everything I’d done.
The worst part was that I didn’t even know what I could do to make it up to her at this point.
I could feel the pain my omega was feeling through the faint bond in my chest, and one of my hands rose to rub over the spot, a soft moan of discomfort rumbling through me as I felt exactly what my presence had done to Lilah.
Things would be easier if I were gone. I could shift and slink away when nobody was paying attention. I wasn’t even sure if they would notice that I was gone, at least for a few days.
I grimaced. But what about the pack? I couldn’t just have to keep my duties as Prime, no matter how much better off they would be without me...
A gentle knock on my bedroom door startled me before I could get too much further down that particular line of thinking. I sighed and stood up, smoothing the front of my shirt and straightening the nonexistent wrinkles before I and opened the door.
Emmett was standing there, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. He looked up at me with a spark of empathy in his dark eyes, and I couldn’t stop myself from grimacing again as I stepped to the side and allowed him into my room.
“You’re not okay,” he stated plainly the moment the door was shut behind him.
“What on Earth gave you that impression?” I asked drily, walking over and sinking heavily onto my bed.
Emmett sat on my bed next to me, and after a moment, I let out a low growl of frustration and glanced around my room. “She’s never going to forgive me, is she?” I murmured.
Despite the fact that I had been the one to reject her in the first place, the thought of her never forgiving me, of never being able to see her in the bedroom that I was looking around, of never having her in my bed, happy and sated and mine , sent a pang of frustration and longing through me.
“I never took you for a fatalist,” Emmett remarked.
“You saw how she looked at me down there, Emmett,” I said, my voice despaired. My heart thumped unevenly at the thought of her wounded look as she kept glancing over at me while Lisa examined her. I think she thought she was being subtle, but I knew every time her eyes were on me, filled with hurt and betrayal.
It hurt. No matter the fact that I had brought this on myself, it fucking hurt .
“I didn’t think you were afraid of a little bit of hard work,” Emmett said, looking at me. I steadfastly didn’t look back at him, though I could feel his gaze burning into the side of my face. “Do you want her to forgive you?”
The curiosity in his voice made me raise my head and look at him finally, and I chewed the inside of my cheek for a moment before letting out a slow breath. I hated this. I hated feeling so uncertain. This was fucking awful .
“I think I made a mistake,” I finally admitted, my voice soft. “By rejecting her. I should have heard her out instead of letting my emotions get the better of me.”
Emmett nodded, not saying anything, which gave me the courage to continue. “But I’ve hurt her so badly.” My voice was small—again, making my stomach twist with humiliation—and I let out a shaky sigh. “I don’t know how we move forward from this.”
“You grovel.” The words were blunt and simple, and I furrowed my brow as I looked at Emmett. Something in my expression must have been funny because a smirk spread across his face, and he nodded, standing up and shoving his hands in his pocket. “If you want her to forgive you, you’ll have to prove you’re sorry. It won’t be easy, but I don’t think you deserve for it to be easy after the way you’ve had your head stuck up your ass.”
He nodded as if he’d just imparted sage words of wisdom, then turned on his heel and walked out of the room. The clicking of the latch echoed in my head, pulsing on the mild headache that was forming, and I looked around my empty room, letting my guilt fester for one long moment.
Then, I slowly returned to myself, shaking my head and taking a deep breath to clear my thoughts. Emmett was right—forgiveness didn’t come without an apology and the evidence of behavior changed. I couldn’t blame Lilah for looking at me like the source of all her problems downstairs because...well, in this instance, I was.
And it was going to take time for her to forgive me, for her body to realize that I wasn’t going to hurt her again. The reality of Bond Rejection Syndrome made me wince, and the knowledge of what she was going to be going through over the coming days and weeks only made me more determined to do whatever was necessary to help her.
To earn her forgiveness. To have her back with me.
The realization that I wanted her back with me made my head spin, and I looked around, licking my lips. The thought of her being in here with me, in my room, in my bed , saturating my sheets with her scent and making my head spin with how much I wanted her...
I needed it. More than the air I breathed.
And I would do whatever was necessary to get it back. I’d had her once...and I would have her again. Fully, this time, without trust issues or trauma standing between us.
Lilah was going to be mine.