Chapter 53
Chapter
Fifty-Three
We make it to Verdune in time. We would have been here sooner but I had a bit of a meltdown when the four of them agreed so readily. It felt like pity but after we yelled at each other a bit we all felt adult enough to talk, and it wasn’t pity at all, it was them trusting me that I was doing what I wanted, what I needed to.
Despite what I had gone through, I would not miss Heidi doing something so important. It felt wrong not to but I knew in my heart it was not right for me to be there too considering I just escaped Rex. My head was a mess, bad thoughts looping louder and louder. Unquestionably it made me feel and act manic, but that was better than feeling and acting like a victim.
King’s silence when I ran out of the bathroom, fully dressed, telling him, Tyson, Maverick, and Steel that I’d booked room and food for all the Fallen travelling with us was like a bucket of cold water. And King being King, he didn’t stop telling me it was too soon. He pushed me to reconsider, and I nearly agreed but that would have felt like I was losing even more.
Tyson and Maverick coming with me were non-negotiable. King couldn’t accompany me considering the Scorned Girls knew exactly who he is. Steel wasn’t in any shape either. Steel is okay though. Tyson stitched him up like only a doctor in ER knows how to, and now all he needs is bed rest, lots of food and time to recover. Which is coming, after I do this.
“Her security is next level,” Tyson says quietly as we enter the foyer of Verdune Pharmaceuticals.
And he’s not wrong. There’s guards and security along with the media milling around waiting.
“Heidi’s had a team of guards surrounding her since the day she was born, Ty. But yeah, there are extra people around today.”
Simona pushes through the electronic doors behind us, and before anyone can stop us, we make a run for each other. Her gentle nature wraps around me and before I know it, I’m fighting back tears.
“Tris, what is wrong,” she whispers, holding me so carefully like I’m about to break.
The concern and empathy in her eyes nearly sends me running. I shouldn’t have expected anything less but at the same time I had hoped I’d be able to hide it for a little longer. At least until after we saw Heidi.
“I’m okay, I promise. I will be okay, Sim.” I say quietly.
Tyson and Maverick both flood our bond connection with their own concern and it mixes with Simona’s compassion making me stronger in a sense, but struggling more on the other hand. I sink into her touch, letting her brush away my emotions. And fix me back up, temporarily at least.
I know Simona won’t push for answers, not here, so instead she ensures I remember she’s here for me, and always will be. Behind us a door opens, and she lets me jump at the distraction, turning the situation from something about me to the reason for our presence.
“Ladies, I’m Gracey, Miss Holmes’ personal assistant. She’s just in here,” a professional looking woman says, sweeping her arm wide to welcome us through.
Gracey holds the doors open and lets it go as soon as Simona and I step inside another hallway, making it clear it’s girls only. In that one move she proves how good she will be for Heidi too. But Maverick and Tyson along with Simona’s guards catch the door and step behind us making it also clear that our security is also non-negotiable.
“How is she?” I ask Gracey as we wait at the next door for her to unlock.
The security protocol is insane today, making me think Heidi has been going through more than we know.
“Ready,” is all Gracey says before she pushes us in Heidi’s makeshift office.
Simona races past me leaping into Heidi’s arms, enveloping her in a huge hug but I stumble, caught by how fierce Heidi looks. In the space of a few weeks, she’s emerged as a stronger, better version of herself. I watch her and Simona closely, the both of them talking softly, smiling and laughing and I feel almost jealous for some reason, until they both stare at me.
“Tristan, get over here. We need you,” Simona says forcefully, in her soft, sweet tones, her cookies and cream scent clouding around me, enforcing her words.
I’ve hit a roadblock, but at the urging of my girls I stumble into their arms and soak in their love. God, how I need this.
“I truly wondered if we’d get here,” Heidi says in between giving us both small kisses, and big cuddles. Except once she says it, her eyes flare like she wasn’t really meant to say that out loud, again reinforcing that she’s only told us a tiny bit of what she’s had to endure.
Which kind of pulls me up because that is me and Raney. I turn to look at Simona with the same thoughts swirling around; how many lies have we each told each other? How many fake smiles have we shared to protect one another?
All of a sudden the roadblock from before becomes a mountain of regret. I’m questioning if I’ve put them at more risk because of what happened to me, but then I’m off on another tangent wondering if they can see what I’ve just been through. I hope not. I really do because Heidi would stop everything and Simona would insist she does too. Raney would be furious she wasn’t here to support me. Invariably my thoughts move on to my biggest fear, what if my Scorned Girls never forgive me.
The whole room tips with the weight of my fear. I struggle through the very real possibility of me losing my Scorned Girls. But as hard as that is to accept, I also know I wouldn’t change a single lie I told them either.
Heidi wraps her hands around my face, her apple scent releasing into me because of course she too can see through my cracks to see how much I am spiralling.
I twist away from both of them. “Now is not the time or place. Please,” I insist, nearly begging, trying to refocus back on Heidi and her day. “You need to dazzle the crap out of the crowd. What’s the general consensus out there, Ho?” I ignore their questioning stares, distracting her with why we’re here.
I hitch my skirt up and flash my butt to sit onto the edge of her desk.
“Lucky you’re a supermodel or honestly, Tristan…”
In the space of one forced joke and a look only really good friends share I lose my grip again. Before I can stop myself I spout off bullshit about being a candy-floss bimbo with boyfriend problems. I seriously don’t know where it comes from.
Simona and Heidi stare at me, before Heidi starts closing in on me, retribution and fury in her eyes. “Who the living shit said that?”
“Don’t.” My hand flies up, stopping her in her tracks. I blink furiously to keep the lies and truth tucked away.
The office we’re hiding in fills with the scent of their worry, and I swear it stinks from all my lies.
The door opens and Heidi’s on again, off again, boyfriend steps in, wondering what’s going on. And by the looks on his facehis Alpha is picking up on me having a meltdown. “You’re giving off some pretty big signals, getting Heidi’s team all antsy,” he explains unnecessarily.
I knew walking in here, I would be acting. I was prepared for that, but I was not prepared to be in a small space, coming face to face with an Alpha who is not mine. But I’m a newly bonded, freshly packed Omega and I lash out like a cornered bobcat.
“Fucking, Alphas. Read the situation, Kairo,” I hiss. But the longer he looks at me, not that it appeases the feral part of my designation freaking out for no other reason except this Alpha is not mine. It makes me extra salty and chaotic. “I need girl time not you getting on your fucking high horse.”
We stare designation to designation no longer talking person to person. Kairo searches for answers but I refuse to yield. If I wasn’t slathered in the very best scent blocking lotions and wearing thick make-up on my bites he might find the reason I’m acting like I’ve lost my fucking mind, but because I am all he can do is try to console. “Tristan, not all Alphas are cockheads. Ask your bestie. Either way, I want you to know if you ever need a hand, you can count on me and I’ll help in any situation. Okay?”
For fuck’s sake! Why can’t Kai just be a dick? He’s genuinely a really amazing person and if I was standing in front of my besties with my pack behind me, I know our interaction would be so very different. My chin wobbles as another wave of guilt crashes over me before a large, bigger wave of calm and security crashes through my bond with my pack, chasing it away.
I can even feel how close Tyson and Maverick are to breaking through the door. Knowing they’re close helps. I look down at Heidi’s shoes before focusing on what she’s wearing, using whatever I can to stop freaking out. When I look back at Kai and my girls, they’re still looking at me like I’ve lost my marbles but they’re also making it clear they won’t push me like I asked.
“Thanks, Kai. It means a lot and I’m sorry I snapped before.”
Thankfully, our conversation switches back to why we are here, and then I latch on to Heidi as my focus, patting down a few errant loose fly-aways. Of course she lets me, continuing to talk with Simona and Kai before I swipe off her lipstick and use a colour that matches her skin tone and her outfit better.
Gracey pops her head back in and ends our catch up. Heidi had made it clear in all the texts and phone calls that she literally only had ten minutes tops and wouldn’t be letting us stay to watch her speech because of the possibility of a security breach. And considering what happened at Raney’s pack day, it kind of made sense. Simona hugs Heidi before she waits by the door.
“So, you’re slightly fucking unhinged today. And that does not change how much I have loved you being here. It meant the world you came, Tris. No shit though, you better be ready to spill whatever is going on when I ask?” She arches an elegant eyebrow, waiting for me to agree before she starts talking again, “Don’t you ever forget how important you are to me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut dealing with her love before I wrap her in a hug, nearly strangling her. “I love you so much, Heidi. And I hope I’ve told you before but you really are an inspiration to me. Now go fucking dazzle.”
Gracey rushes me out of Heidi’s office, and I barely stop myself from collapsing into Tyson’s waiting arms. Instead, it’s Simona who hugs me.
“Tris, I’m really sorry.” She’s so softly spoken I have to lean into her to hear. “I was going to suggest we have dinner, but I need to go.” Her eyes flick over to her bodyguard who seems to be assessing her, as opposed to guarding her.
She must feel my protectiveness rising, and she brushes my hair off my face, distracting me away from him and back to her, “Guess we both have secrets, eh?” Without waiting for my reply, she leans in and kisses my cheek before leaving as quietly as she spoke.
Alone, in the corridor with no besties to face, my mask slips right off and I’m suddenly exhausted. Being this tired also comes with a reluctance to leave with Maverick and Tyson, one I never expected. Without a doubt King, Tyson, and Maverick are going to want to talk about what happened but I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with it myself. Actually, I know I’m not. I’d rather face Raney right this second than have to look at my pack, and my Alpha, while I tell them what I went through.
“Tris, it’s okay,” Tyson says carefully, his hands out like he’s approaching a wounded animal. But in true Alpha mentality, he’s added a dose of his designation making its words impossible to deny or ignore.
“I’m having a moment,” I admit, staring down the opposite hall from where they are.
“I know,” he says. And he doesn’t stop coming closer until I’m in his arms, holding me so tightly I can finally breathe properly. “You and I are in the main bedroom tonight. Maverick is going to watch over Steel in a different room.”
“And?” Gutless me decides at the last second not to say King just in case.
“He will be watching over all of us. But for all that to happen, we need to go. I promise we’re not talking about anything tonight. There will be a bubble bath waiting for you but no one is going to ask to see you until you are ready. Okay?”
I clench my jaw, stopping all these endless what ifs and maybes from gathering any more strength. And I know it’s because I only just escaped and I’m tired, compartmentalising a hundred or so different issues, but it doesn’t make it any less easy. If anything, I feel weaker than I did before.
“How do you know what I am feeling?” I ask, still not looking at him but burying my face into his neck to inhale his lemon scent.
He laughs quietly, “Tris, I have felt your emotions like they were my own from the second I saw you hiding at the hospital. You are the strongest, bravest person I know. But you can’t be that all the time. I mean, what use would we be in your life otherwise? We’re all going to be leaning on each other for a long time, but we won’t break. He’ll probably lose his shit a few times getting overly protective. Maverick will start a few fights to prove to himself and you he has the strength to be there for you. Steel is going to live forever in a cloud of regret until he understands that just because it was an abhorrent way for you both to pack, it was inevitable you both did.”
“And you?” I lift my head and face him, nearly getting lost in the safety I see in his eyes.
“I will be anything you need.” Tyson moves away, holding his hand out for me, that last step needs to be mine and I know it. “Besides, I need someone to protect me from your family, when I tell them I rejected their beautiful, amazing daughter.”
I step to him. We were always inevitable, I know that. Much like I know we will survive and thrive. “Goddamn, Ty, you’re on your own there.”
“What? You’re not going to save me from them?” he laughs, teasing me, pulling me closer for a very sweet, and desperately needed hug from my Alpha.
And the rest of the night happens exactly like he promised it would. All the lights are on in the hotel suite, ensuring there are no shadows for me to get lost in. A scalding hot bubble bath is waiting and no one utters a noise of protest when I close the bathroom door. More surprisingly, no one breaks the door down when I make too much noise, scrubbing my skin raw until I can’t feel Rex’s eyes on me anymore.
Without looking in the mirror, I comb my wet hair out and then focus on my face and body, using almost every cleanser, toner, and cream I can find. But I do feel more myself, and that’s what I need.
Sitting up on the vanity is a pile of clothing options too. New PJ’s, a tracksuit, even a long nanna style nightie but I bypass all those options, choosing one of Tyson’s t-shirts before pulling over the top of it one of King’s long-sleeved tops. Maverick’s training shorts are miles too big, but I roll the band, making them work.
There’s nothing of Steel’s for me to wear, and it stings in a way, but it’s also okay. The bedroom is empty when I come out of the bathroom. I can hear the four of them talking in the sitting area, louder than usual but they’re letting me know they’re close by if I need.
As obvious as they are, I am too.
“Goodnight,” I yell out, without moving to turn any of the lights in the room out.
The bed is huge, and lying in the middle on top of it is a single pillow. Lifting it up, it is saturated in butterscotch and sadness. I take Steel’s pillow with me, throwing the others out before snuggling under blankets.
Tyson walks past without stopping on his way into the bathroom, the shower starts up a second later, and I watch him undress and brush his teeth.
King stands at the door until I stop pretending he’s not there.
“Killer, you good?”
I shake my head no, while I say the opposite, “Yeah, sure.”
“You good if I do that sitting next to you or want me to stay out here?”
“Please, don’t you start pretending I have options about where you sit, King. I will not cope.”
He laughs softly, but it’s strained, like we all are. He pushes off the door frame, crossing the distance to the bathroom. I can hear his boots hitting the floor, his keys and phone dropping onto the side table. He climbs on the mattress, his hand dropping on my hip. “Good point. I’m not moving from your fucking sight. I need to see you. In the morning, I want answers, Tristan, and you will give them to me.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I sass back. But it’s weak, and we both ignore the small hiccup I make. As soon as he sits, I roll over to face him, hooking my arm around his waist.
“Never been so fucking scared, killer,” he admits, clasping my hand and squeezing it hard.
I press my head against his leg, unable to answer, desperately not wanting to cry. I just want to sleep.
King doesn’t speak, his touches full of everything neither of us can say out loud. The shower cuts off, but neither of us move, or pull apart. And like with King before I know Tyson is waiting at the door to the bathroom.
“Come on, Ty, I’m tired. Stay on top though, if that’s okay,” I say, twisting around and finding him dressed exactly where I thought he would be. He’s shaved, slicked his hair back, trying to look as normal as I am, but like all of us his eyes betray the lie, we’re all fucked up and exhausted.
Flopping down on the pillow again I wait for him to lie behind me before I hold my arm up waiting for a cuddle from the back. I don’t let him pull away. “Sleeping on top might change though.”
It does change.
Within a few minutes, I ask them to undress and get under the blankets with me. I need their skin on mine, their scent in my lungs, their hands on my hand. The two of them hold me all night long.