Chapter 2
Addison
For some reason I had the meme stuck in my head of the little teacup piglet twerking thanks to a loop of streaming. And that pig kept twerking to the sound of Rihanna’s “Work.” Because all it felt like I was doing these days was working.
But I was not nearly as adorable as the sweet little teacup pig, nor did I have the gloriousness that was Rihanna’s ass. Nobody needed to see me twerking.
All I was doing was working.
Of course, that wasn’t all I was doing, considering I had the memories of something that I shouldn’t have done swirling through my mind.
I loved my job, I really did. But sometimes it felt like my job was trying to kill me.
I loved being in finance and I was a damn good investment banker. And yet, dealing with finance bros meant that I worked twice as hard for half the gains.
So I always had to be focused. I had to have my mind in the game, numbers at my fingertips, and I needed to work on projected growth and investments. I had a dual degree in finance and economics, and an MBA in finance from a top school. I had left my friends and family back in Denver to go to that top school out of state and came back to work at one of the top finance companies in the country. It was the top one in Denver, and I kicked ass at it when they actually saw me doing it.
So I needed to keep my mind focused.
And not on something from two months ago.
I did not need to think of Luca. Or the fact that I could remember what he tasted like. Or remembered what he felt like when he was thrusting in and out of me, how he was so careful. Even though we were anything but careful with what we had done with each other that night.
In the years since we met, we had become best friends and were too involved in each other’s lives.
It hadn’t even been two years since we met and everything clicked. I had known that I wanted this man in my life, but not for romantic reason. Why would I want to go down that romantic alley? Romance killed. It ruined lives.
Romance got in the way of what was important.
Succeeding, achieving, and being strategic about your life.
My five- to ten-year plan did not include a man.
The last time I included a man in my life plans, everything had gone to shit and I was still reaping the consequences of that—wallowing in the ramifications of falling in love with a dumbass who happened to be in the same career as me, and happened to be at the same level as me at our current company.
Because of course, we both loved fucking Denver, Colorado, and loved the mountain view and air and the fact that we had sun even when it was zero degrees outside.
So we had both moved back here after grad school and started at the same damn company. I knew what it meant to work with your ex, to hate the man you had once let inside you.
I was not about to be the jaded bitter bitch ex-girlfriend. So I worked with him, I dealt with the snide jokes, I dealt with the finance dude-bro mentality every day with every single man that worked with me. And there was a lot of men considering this had somehow become the old guard boys club even though we were supposed to be an enlightened society. Well, fuck that; we all knew that was a lie.
I knew that falling in love and going down that path and being with someone—other than a single night where names didn’t matter and neither did orgasms—would only lead to heartache and insanity.
I knew that none of that mattered.
I knew that taking a chance and being with someone that actually mattered would only break you and stand in the way in the end.
Luca was not part of my five- to ten-year plan.
He was my friend. He was my confidant. He was the guy I got drunk with and knew I would always be safe with.
Except I had been the one to kiss him. Which led to what else happened that night.
If either one of us had been in our right mind, it wouldn’t have happened.
Of course, I knew I was lying to myself. Completely lying to myself.
Because even buzzed, no longer drunk, he had asked for consent and I had freely given it to him. I lied to myself and said we would talk about it the next morning.
But of course, we hadn’t. No, I had pretended to be asleep as he rolled away the next morning and called himself a rideshare to go home. That walk of shame had been in the early morning hours where nobody was truly awake enough to notice.
And we had seen each other every week since. After all, my other best friend was married to his brother. So of course I would see him.
We hadn’t talked about it except for the fact that knowing we hadn’t talked about it meant we were firmly of the same mind.
We would remain friends. We would pretend it hadn’t happened, and we would go about our business as if everything was normal and nothing had been fundamentally changed.
Because of course it hadn’t.
We were adults. Maybe this was a new age, where you could have sex with someone, amazing sex where you could still remember the toe-curling orgasms that had made you see stars. Maybe all of that could happen and then you could move on and just be friends.
Because it wasn’t like I was ever going to have sex again. There wasn’t enough time for that, based on the paperwork in front of me and the never-ending emails.
I needed to stop thinking about Luca. I needed to focus.
Luca mattered because he was my friend, but he didn’t matter when it came to my sex life.
That would never happen again.
Of course, if it hadn’t truly mattered, if it meant nothing other than a quick release between two friends who cared about each other, why hadn’t I told Devney or Paisley about it?
I knew the answer to that. Because that would make it important. And then they would want to talk about it. And then I would freak out and want to actually figure out what the hell I was feeling.
I didn’t want to do that.
“Lily, you got the Franklin report?” a deep voice asked from the doorway, and I looked up quickly, ignoring the slight sense of dizziness from the motion.
I hadn’t eaten enough that day, because I’d been queasy off and on thanks to the major report that was coming up. I had finished it, but then they added a new addendum so I needed to go back through it all and it had taken all night. All night where I hadn’t been feeling great thanks to the stress of this fucking job.
But this was fine, this was just one rung on the ladder that I needed to climb to get to where I wanted. And I would get there. I was hardworking and damn good at this. I could make money, and I could make people happy.
“Yes. All done and it’s in your inbox now.”
My boss frowned. “Really? I didn’t see it.”
I looked at the string again. “It’s in my sent. It’s also attached.”
“Can you print it out for me? And perhaps help me with that PDF again? I don’t know why they keep changing the file names.”
I smiled brightly and pretended that this didn’t happen every single time I sent him anything.
I wasn’t sure it happened with anyone else. Probably because those men were guys and of course my boss would never ask them how to open a PDF. Even though all he had to do was double-click it. Or even hit return. Or even blink at it and it would probably open faster than me walking to his office and doing it for him.
“It’s in your inbox now, sir.”
“I need you to open it for me, Lily. And print it out. In duplicate. Armstrong and I will meet you in the office.”
I disliked the fact that my boss called us by our last names, as if we were on some sports ball team. I was not on a sports ball team. I’d played field hockey in high school but hadn’t had time or willpower to play in college. So I was used to the last name thing somewhat, but it was a little different when you were on the field with people who understood you and didn’t treat you like the little woman. Now though, I got to be called by my last name, which also happened to be a first name of a woman. Somehow it felt demoralizing, like I was their precious lily, easily crumpled, and used for funerals and wakes.
And okay, that was enough thinking on that line because I was clearly losing my damn mind.
“Yeah, Lily. Better print those out.”
I raised a brow at Travis Armstrong, my ex-boyfriend and nemesis. I hated him. Not that he really mattered because I rarely worked with him. Yes we had worked on this project together—I had done most of the work while he second-guessed everything I did. But here he was, walking practically arm in arm with the boss while I had to print out things.
I was not their administrative assistant. He still called them God damn secretaries, even though the women in those positions had asked HR to stop using that term. But in order for HR to do anything about it, they needed to have spines.
There were always little ways to get around everything, and these “good old boys” had always been very good at it. It didn’t matter what the rules said, they always found exceptions. And that’s why I did what I could to stay on the ball and keep ahead of things. Though I was still a little nauseous and I felt like I was two steps behind. That was going to get me in trouble, so I needed to fix this. It was now or never.
I pulled out the three folders with each of our names on them. This wasn’t my first rodeo, and I had been anticipating something like this. I mean, why would the man know how to open up a PDF on his own computer? Behind our boss, Travis’ eyes narrowed slightly and I gave him a bright smile. Take that asshole. Yes I had been forced to do the work anyway, but those two wouldn’t be walking together side by side talking about anything from golfing or the account itself while I got left behind.
That would not be happening. Especially not with my ex.
I handed over the paperwork and stepped between them, my pace brisk.
“On to the office?”
“Thanks for printing those out, doll.”
I raised a brow at Travis and he just grinned.
Why would I go to HR? Why would I upset anyone? Especially because HR was dating one of the bosses. Ethics—what was the point of them? I couldn’t really go outside the process, not when things would blow up in my face, and it was easier to just get the work done.
The fact that I kept having to remind myself that I loved my job and I loved doing what I did, meant maybe that wasn’t entirely true and something needed to change. But not anytime soon. There had already been enough changes.
By the time we got to the office, I was seething as well as nauseous. I should have eaten that morning, but I’d been so focused on making sure that I kept a leg up on Travis that I hadn’t. And now I was regretting the cup of coffee and two bites of bagel that I had rather than an actual meal.
As we went over the account, and Travis needled me at every single turn, I needled him right back. I knew what I was doing, and this man and all his little digs were not going to get at me. They hadn’t in college, and they wouldn’t now. I didn’t know anymore why I dated him, other than I hadn’t seen him for what he was truly was. But now I did, and I was better than that.
As we stood up for our lunch break, my stomach revolted and I nearly tripped on my heels, putting my hand over my belly.
Travis raised a brow while my boss frowned.
“Lily?”
I held up my hand, knowing if I didn’t move quickly, this was going to end badly. I practically sprinted to the women’s restroom, past the guys making lewd comments that I wasn’t supposed to hear, slammed the door behind me, and locked myself in a stall. I nearly went to my knees, but then thought better of it, before bending over and hurling out everything that had been left in my stomach.
My knees shook and my stomach continued to whirl as I threw up again, and then used the toilet tissue to wipe my face.
I was clammy, but felt slightly better from having thrown up. I flushed the toilet, then went to the sink to wipe my face.
I frowned as I washed out my mouth and wiped my face. I needed to go to my desk and clean up my makeup a bit, and I would. Eventually.
Damn it. I couldn’t believe I’d just gotten sick in front of my boss and my ex. Could this day be any worse?
But no, I wasn’t going to make a scene beyond this. I would go back to work and everything would be fine.
I held my chin high, ignored the fact that I was already queasy again, and made my way outside into the office.
Everybody was back to work, but I couldn’t help overhearing a deep voice that was Travis’ best work friend.
“Must be her time of the month,” the guy mumbled and Travis laughed. I was making my way to my office, my hand over my stomach, and I nearly froze when what he said sank in, my hands shaking. Because no. That couldn’t be the case.
Only it might be.
No. That couldn’t be right. This was just food poisoning. Or a stomach bug.
No. Damn it.
I shut the door behind me and pulled out my phone to call Luca. Because I needed my best friend.
Not just to talk to him.
But to maybe ruin everything.
Again.
* * *
I was not a fan of waiting. It broke time into measurements that either slowed down or sped up, depending on what you were waiting for.
I wanted to know, needed to know what would happen once I finished this.
But that meant I would have to wait for it.
“Addison?”
I turned to see Luca standing there, my best friend. Well, one of them. Somehow, when the world hadn’t been watching, Luca Cassidy had become my best friend.
Devney was my childhood best friend, and would always be like a sister. Paisley was quickly becoming a best friend.
But there was one thing I learned growing up, that those words mattered and changed over time. That I could have more than one best friend. Each person in my life meant something different to me.
Luca and I had clicked the moment we met. I would be forever grateful that Devney had faked a relationship with his brother.
“What?” I asked when he said something. I was lost in my own thoughts, trying to figure out what was going on.
Because honestly this all felt like a dream.
“I asked if you needed something to drink. You know. To help.”
I snorted, because he looked just as lost as I did.
“I’m really not good at this, Luca.”
“You too? Because this is a first for me. And I’m not good at firsts.”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure you’re good at firsts,” I joked before I sat down on the bar stool next and put my hands over my face and screamed.
Luca was there in an instant, his hands on my shoulders as he kept me steady.
That was Luca, the steady one.
I pretended to be steady. But in reality I freaked out and screamed and only pretended I knew what I was doing.
But I didn’t. I had no idea what to do or how to fix it.
“Do you want to go for a walk? Do you want food? Please, just tell me what to do right now.”
I lowered my hands and looked up at my best friend. “I have no idea what to do either. This is really poor timing.”
“Well, I think it’s the timing that needed to happen.”
I blinked. “Are you trying to spout off sage crap that makes no sense but sounds good so you feel better and in control of the situation?”
Luca nodded. “Of course. It’s how I work with cats who really don’t want anything to do with me. I talk calmly, and then my staff and I tackle the poor thing and hide its little head so it’s not scared anymore.”
I blinked, trying to figure out where he was going with this. “Are you saying I’m an uncontrollable cat with a biting issue?”
Luca smirked, his eyes going dark and smokey. “Oh, I know you like biting.”
I froze for a minute before I snorted and laughed, flipping him off. It was exactly the reaction he wanted because I knew he was trying to relax both of us.
“So, seen any good movies lately?” he asked.
“You know I’ve been working eighty-hour weeks and I don’t know what movies are anymore.”
Luca sat next to me, his hand on mine as we waited. And waited. “You work longer hours than I do, and I don’t get any time off.”
He gestured toward the sleeping elderly collie mix currently on my couch. When Luca had shown up right after I texted him saying it was an emergency, he had the elderly dog with him. I normally wasn’t a pet-on-furniture type of person, but I had seen those wide eyes, and not just Luca’s, and known that Reginald the Fifth needed to have anything he wanted.
“I hate that his owners aren’t here anymore and now Reginald doesn’t have any family but us.”
“I’m not good at family, Luca. I’m good at working, and fighting for what I need. I’m really not good at this.”
“You can be. And we both know Reginald’s sick. We’ll take care of him for his last days so he won’t be alone.”
I blinked tears away. “It’s not fair they don’t get as much time as we do.”
“As is evidenced by Reginald’s parents, time is short for everyone. Reginald’s happy right now. He has people who love him and will make sure he’s comfy. And he’s sleeping on your precious, precious couch that you don’t even let me sit on.”
“That was one time, and you were sweaty from a run. You could have sat in that chair, but no, you wanted to sprawl all over my new couch.”
“And tonight you put sheets on your couch so Reginald would be comfortable. You’re a good woman, Addison. That’s why you’re my friend.”
He squeezed my hand right as my phone buzzed.
We both looked down at the alarm, tension riding us.
No, this wasn’t true. Totally not happening.
But time didn’t lie, it sneered at you, and kicked you in the ass. But it didn’t lie.
I walked into the bathroom, Luca right on my heels, and we looked down.
And saw my world change.
Everything changed.
“Well, fuck,” Luca murmured, bringing me out of the screaming inside my head that wouldn’t stop.
The little window in front clearly said it all.
Pregnant.
I was pregnant.
Single.
Working eighty hours a week in a job that I loved with people that I hated. A job where being a woman was more than a mark against you, it was something you had to overcome.
And now I was gestating.
I was single. Alone, standing next to my best friend.
And pregnant.
This day couldn’t possibly get any worse.
And with that thought, I whirled to the toilet and emptied my stomach—my best friend holding back my hair, and the father of my unborn baby as pale as I was.