Life of the Party (Wayward #1)

CHAPTER 13

The passenger door opened to me, beckoning, and Riley leaned across the seat. He looked puzzled. “Mackenzie? What are you doing here?”

“I stayed at Charlie’s house last night.” I pointed behind me.

“Oh. Well, get in, I’ll give you a ride. Come on, we’re late.”

I hesitated a moment, but took him up on the offer. I was too achy and sore to protest, all of our differences aside. I threw my smoke down and climbed stiffly into the car.

We stared at each other once I was in. He was the same old Riley I’d known forever, but to me, he seemed…different already. Not in looks or appearance or anything, just in him. Like he was peaceful, or something. He smiled hopefully at me, but the wide expanse of seat between us seemed to represent the status of our relationship. My expression was blank as I stared back at him.

Riley sighed. “You smell like a brewery.” He wrinkled his nose. “And something else… Vanilla Fields ? Late night last night?”

“You could say that.” Totally unconsciously, I rubbed my nose, sniffling, trying to quell the dull ache that remained. It felt like my sinuses were completely dry, and each breath burnt them afresh. I sniffed a few times to get some moisture up there.

I felt Riley’s eyes on me then, hard.

I turned to meet his gaze, sniffing and rubbing my nose again. “What?”

“Were you doing coke last night?” His voice was low with accusation, almost threatening. The dark look in his eyes told me he knew the truth, that he’d figured it out from the mere minutes we’d spent together. As odd as it was, the thought gave me hope. If he still knew me that well, there had to be something left here, something of our old relationship we could salvage.

“I gave it a try, yeah.” I shrugged it off. “No big deal.”

“No big deal.” Riley laughed incredulously. He put the car in drive and pulled onto the street. “Do you remember how pissed you used to get when I did coke? Do you?”

“Yes,” I said quietly.

“So? What changed? No, no, no…” Riley grinned sardonically. “Let me guess. You were with Grey, weren’t you? And he was doing it. So you just had to try it, right?”

His perfect insight made me angry. I stuck my chin out stubbornly.

“I was with Grey, yes, but he doesn’t have anything to do with it.”

“Yeah, right.” Riley’s voice was icy, full of disgust. “What else did he make you do?”

“Nothing. He was a perfect gentleman.” I retorted. At least, I thought he was. I couldn’t remember everything, but waking up fully dressed was a good sign.

“Right. Perfect gentlemen convince minors to do cocaine with them. I forgot.”

“What’s your problem, Riley? Not long ago, you were giving me Ecstasy. You’re no different than Grey. You were no different from Grey, anyway. Cut him some slack.”

“There’s a huge difference, here. You weren’t madly in love with me then, like you are with Grey now.” Riley shook his head. “You should see yourself around this guy. You’re a different person, totally infatuated. He shouldn’t have that kind of power over you. I just…I don’t trust him.”

“You don’t trust him?” My head was pounding frantically. “Why’s that?”

“Because. He’s going to hurt you, Mackenzie. I know his type; I know what he’s like. He’ll hurt you, in the end.”

I shook my head incredulously, staring at the passing houses out the window. When I spoke at last, my voice was sad, regretful, and acidic all at the same time.

“Grey can’t hurt me anymore than you have. So don’t act all gallant, okay?”

“Then I have?” Riley exclaimed. He turned into the quiet parking lot, the gravel crunching loosely under his tires. School was already in session, but he didn’t seem to care anymore. He parked the car and cut the engine.

I could feel him staring at me, but I refused to look away from the window.

He sighed. “How have I hurt you?”

I crossed my arms and shook my head. He wasn’t getting any hints from me.

“I know, I know.” He groaned, leaning his head against the steering wheel. “No one said this would be easy. It’s not at all. There always seems to be something more to give up, something I hadn’t thought of. But it’s worth it. So worth it. I wish you could see…”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I pressed my hands to my temples. My head was going to explode.

“I’m sorry, Zee. I thought this would be the hardest for me, adjusting to a new life, making new friends, a new way of living. But it’s not, is it?” He reached out then, hesitantly, and gently cupped my chin in his hand.

Reluctantly, I turned my head for him.

“This is hard for you, because you have to make a new life too, don’t you? One without me in it.”

I could feel tears growing again, and the ache in my throat made me angry. I nodded curtly at his statement.

“I wish there were another way, Mackenzie. I hope one day you’ll understand what I’m doing and why I have to do it. Maybe one day…you’ll even be proud of me.”

I shrugged in defeat. I didn’t fit into his life anymore. It would be easier for me to accept that, to quit hanging around, wishing and hoping and waiting for him to be friends again. I realized then—it wasn’t about him letting go of me. I had to do the letting go. I had to let him go and do whatever it was he needed. I would miss him dreadfully, but it was something I had to do. Something I could do.

“I don’t think we should be friends anymore.” The stream of words poured from my lips, quietly and quickly so I couldn’t stop them. Once they were out, I turned back to the window so I couldn’t see his reaction. I didn’t want to know. I would imagine my words hurt him, and he’d be sad to see me go. My hand gripped the door handle.

“If that’s what you want.” He acknowledged. His voice was soft…sorry, maybe? Regretful? Hadn’t he known all along this was inevitable?

I shook my head and opened the door.

“Mackenzie?” He called to me suddenly, just as I was about to leave.

I paused, taking the sudden opportunity to look him full on, to memorize the sweet face of my best friend. His dark hair was unkempt, as usual, his brown eyes wide and soft, his face endearing. I managed a smile because I did love him, in my way, and he would always be a part of my heart.

“I have to save myself, you know?” He sounded hopeless. “I’m sorry.”

I blinked a few times, hearing his words, and my smile began to shake.

“Goodbye, Riley.” I turned away then, before he could see me cry.