Life of the Party (Wayward #1)

CHAPTER 14

“Wasn’t it worth it?” Grey had asked me that morning. By that evening, I’d changed my answer. No, it wasn’t worth it. I felt carsick sitting still. Charlie set another glass of water on the table and brushed my hair back from my face.

“You know what would help?” Her voice was low, meant only for my ears. I didn’t know, but whatever it was, I wanted it. I looked up into her lovely blue eyes.

“What?” The restaurant was dead—our supper rush had come and gone without us batting an eye, but that was helpful, given my condition. Sophie had just gone home, and Charlie and I were taking advantage of the situation, sitting and rolling cutlery at one of the tables.

Charlie rose, revealing her perfect figure painted into a long-sleeved, v-cut black dress, and grabbed her purse from the hooks in the station. After rummaging for a moment, she handed me a little pink and brown tin. “Go to the bathroom.”

“Uh…okay.” I took the tin from her, puzzled. She giggled.

“You’ll know once you’re there.”

I headed slowly down the brown brick hallway, shivering at the temperature change. The girls’ bathroom was empty, eerily quiet but for a dripping faucet along the sinks.

I opened the tin and immediately understood. There were a few things in it, rolling papers, a lighter, some roaches, a vial of cocaine…

At first, I wondered how something that made me feel so rotten could possibly help, but then I was too excited to care. I took it all into a bathroom stall, unscrewed the vial very carefully, and placed a tiny amount of powder on the end of the scoop. Pinching closed my other nostril, I took the cocaine quickly, almost expertly. After that, I did one more on the other side, just to make it even.

The feeling took me quickly, like it had the night before. I sat in near instant relief, a smile flitting to my face as the good feelings spread. It worked. Headache, nausea…gone. I felt like a new woman, energized, recharged. Full of life and joy again.

A totally different person joined Charlie back at the table. She noticed immediately.

“Told you.” She laughed.

“Wow, what a difference.” I laughed with her. “How do you keep from doing it, all day, every day? It’s so good!” I lowered my voice for that last part.

“I don’t know…self-control, I guess. The more you do it, the less you feel it. Remember that.”

“Do you do it very often?” I handed her back the tin, which she quickly replaced in her purse.

“I try to keep it for special occasions,” she admitted. “But sometimes it’s helpful in a pinch. Like tonight.”

“Wow, Charlie. I think I’m in love with you.” I smiled.

“Me too, Mac.” Charlie laughed, her blond curls shaking. “Now, tell me about your night…”

After the deadest shift in history—and a few more trips to the bathroom for each of us—Charlie shut the OPEN sign off with great excitement. We lit a smoke, nearly synchronized, and laughed. The kitchen staff were out front already, and we talked and joked together. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know them. Cocaine gave me such courage, such confidence that I could approach complete strangers and strike up a conversation, have them laughing before the end. I loved it.

“Oh hey, I think they’re here.” Charlie declared, watching a pair of red taillights pull into the parking lot outside.

“They?” I peered out into the dark.

“Well, him, anyway. I asked Zack to pick me up after work.”

“Oh.”

Charlie smiled. “Come on. Maybe someone’s here for you, too.”

The thought was appealing. I nodded excitedly and grabbed my purse and coat, handing Charlie hers. We waved goodbye to the group around the tables and headed out into the warm summer night .

The faded silver car was pulled up at an angle outside the brick face of the restaurant. Music greeted us dimly from its opened windows—heavy guitars, thrashing, screaming vocals. Zack noticed us and jumped out of the driver’s seat to greet Charlie, just as the rear door of the car opened and Grey stepped out.

I couldn’t stop the wide smile that leapt across my face at just the sight of him.

Dressed again in dark jeans, Grey was wearing a black short-sleeved shirt over top of a white long-sleeved. I loved the way he dressed; I loved his constant stubble and his dark tousled hair.

His blue eyes met mine as I approached. I’d wanted to kiss him, to run into his arms, but even with my coke-confidence, the look on Grey’s face was enough to discourage me. I was a little taken aback by the hard, cold expression he greeted me with. Awkwardly, I stood there, my smile falling.

“Can I talk to you a minute?” Grey wondered, his voice cool and indifferent. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Uh…yeah. Sure.”

“Here,” he motioned with his head for us to move. I watched him, dumbfounded, following as he grasped my arm and led me away to the edge of the parking lot.

“What’s up?” I tried to keep my voice light, casual, but the expression on his face had me deeply worried. A deep spasm of dread crept into my belly, with it the feeling I wasn’t going to like whatever he had to tell me.

“Listen, Mackenzie.” He started. I liked the way he always said my full name when so many people felt the need to shorten it. I shook my head at the random thought and tried to focus.

“Yes?”

“I just…I don’t know. When I woke up this morning, I got to thinking about it, about our night last night, and I don’t know…I kind of feel…bad.”

“Bad? What for?” That was the last thing I felt when I thought of the night we’d spent together, the last thing I wanted him to feel.

“I hope I didn’t give you the wrong idea.” Grey stood, casual and cool, his hands in his pockets, his eyes on the pavement below our feet. I stared at him in wonder.

“Wrong idea about what?” I crossed my arms as if to shield myself from the blow of his words. I knew what was coming next.

“About us.” He looked up from the pavement then, and met my eyes. His were totally blank…deep blue and gorgeous, but void of any emotion. I wondered if my eyes looked the same way, or if they were betraying me, giving away my devastation .

I took a breath and nodded for him to continue.

“I mean, we had some fun together, right?” Grey grinned at me.

“Yeah, oh yeah.” I tried to force the same enthusiasm into my voice.

“Okay. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Don’t get me wrong, last night was great—but…”

“No, yeah, totally.” I nodded agreeably, even adding a good, forced smile. “It was just fun, for sure. I get that. No big deal.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Of course, yeah.” I smiled at him again…but my facade was dissolving rapidly. I had to get away from him before it all fell apart.

Zack and Charlie were waiting in the car when Grey led me back to it. I followed along beside him, hugging myself despite the warm temperature of the air.

“You coming? We could drop you off.” Grey eyed me, with what I couldn’t tell…dismay, indifference? It didn’t matter. Clearly, I wasn’t invited to join them again.

“No, thanks. I think I’ll walk home.” I decided, spur of the moment. There was no way I could get in the car—so near Grey—and pretend like nothing was the matter. I wanted to be by myself.

“You sure? Free lift?” He suggested. I met his eyes a moment, shook my head, and turned for the sidewalk. As he opened the car door to get in, I overheard Charlie asking about me. I didn’t hear Grey’s reply as the door shut, and after a moment, the silver car sped past me, burning down the street. The music floated in the air long after the car had faded from view.

It was windy, but the wind was warm. I let out a shaky breath and began to walk. I felt stupid, and exhausted…and just…used. Maybe it had been “young” of me to assume Grey and I were now an item just because we’d made out for a while. Maybe people their age did that all the time.

I didn’t. I didn’t go around throwing myself at every boy and making out with someone new every weekend. The small list of boys I’d kissed all meant something to me; they had been and still were special. Especially Grey.

I pictured them in the car, passing the flask around, the music loud. What were they going to do that night? Was Grey going to meet some other girl to have fun with?

I kicked at a random pop can thrown negligently on the street. I was so na?ve. So stupid .

Maybe I’d wanted him to like me too much. Maybe I’d imagined all his special looks and soft smiles. We’d had such a good time though, we’d connected, romantically, more than I ever had with anyone else. Was that just wishful thinking as well? Was I really nothing more to him than a warm body to party with?

Whatever. My poor self was so exhausted. The cocaine slowly crept from my system, totally draining me…emotionally, physically. I felt the edges of a headache looming.

Our town was small enough it only took fifteen minutes to walk practically everywhere. I spent the remainder of the time thinking of Grey and the night before and how wonderful it had all been. How good it had felt waking up to him that morning. How he cupped my head to kiss me when I was leaving.

How it had been much, much more than just fun to me.