CHAPTER 23
I was on cloud nine. That’s the only way to describe it. Whenever I had a spare moment throughout the day, my mind would instantly whir to that night, would go over each and every word Grey had said, every move he’d made, every look he’d given me. Every kiss we’d shared. My heart would nearly burst. A wide, happy grin would spread over my face and I’d sigh with excitement and utter contentment.
I did this in the middle of our English exam. I just couldn’t focus on reading comprehension anymore, so instead I thought of Grey. I spent half the morning in my own little world, absently twisting a strand of hair through my fingers, dreamy and far off. When the teacher warned us only twenty minutes remained, I snapped back into it and hastily finished the rest of my test, guessing most the answers and assuming on the others. I hoped I would graduate.
Sadly, I hadn’t seen Grey since. He’d been with the band in the city all weekend meeting with their new label, and now my parents had me on lockdown for exams. They wouldn’t even let me work, I was only allowed out to write my tests and then I had to head straight home to resume studying for the rest.
At least…I was supposed to be studying.
“Save me. Save me, please.” I complained into the phone instead, lying back on my bed, my legs crossed, my foot kicking at the empty air.
“It’s only for a few more days.” Charlie laughed at my dramatics. “You’re so close to being done. Just suck it up.”
“Yeah.” I twirled a lock of hair around my fingers. “How’s work? Do you miss me?” I smiled hopefully. “Has Grey…asked about me?”
“He did. I told him your parents were holding you hostage until after diplomas. ”
“Yeah.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. Why my parents were suddenly exercising such strict discipline with only a week left of school, I didn’t understand. It wasn’t like they cared what I did any other time—really, I hardly ever saw them besides the mandatory Sunday-family-day-Blake-and-Marcy-torture-day. I wasn’t happy about their new rules either. I’d put up a fight, a good fight at that, but they’d ganged up on me, working as a “team” to ensure I knew who was boss. It was possibly the most frustrating hour of my life. I couldn’t wait to be old enough to do whatever the hell I wanted without having to listen to anyone ever again.
To make matters worse, Dad had taken the whole week off work to parent me through exams, offering plentiful, ever-so-helpful (and unasked-for) studying tips which included (to my eternal delight) what always worked for Marcy.
“Only a few more tests to go before graduation,” he’d observed when I grumbled my way into the house after school. “What are you studying tonight? Math?”
I made a face and crossed my arms, glaring at the floor.
“Oh, stop being so dramatic.” Dad chuckled. “It’s one week of your life. It won’t kill you to take a break from going out every night, will it?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “I guess we’ll see in the morning.”
“You know, when Marcy was your age—”
“Dad.” I stopped him before he could remind me, again, of Marcy’s perfection. She’d been the valedictorian of her class when she graduated—gorgeous, popular, athletic. I was young then and chubby still, wishing I could be as smart and perfect as my wonderful big sister so my mom would cry with pride when I crossed the stage too. How things changed. “Spare me, Dad, please? I don’t want to hear it.”
“Fine.” He sighed. “I just think she set a pretty good example for you, you know. It wouldn’t hurt to learn a little from her.”
“Yeah, okay. The next time I want to get engaged to a total dick, I’ll give her a call.”
“Mackenzie.”
“What.”
“Why are you…?” He looked at me like he was completely baffled. “What makes you so angry all the time?”
“I’m not angry all the time. I just don’t want to hear that shit.”
“Watch your mouth. And don’t take that tone with me.”
“Whatever, sorry.” I rolled my eyes. “Can I go now? I have a lot of studying to do.”
My dad didn’t answer, just nodded his head and waved me off with a rigid motion of his hand. I’d huffed past him then, up the stairs to my room to call Charlie .
“Did you see Brad today?” She was wondering.
“Yeah.” I frowned. “He wouldn’t look at me. He has two huge black eyes; maybe he couldn’t see. He got the shit kicked out of him.” I laughed, a shudder running through me. I hadn’t forgotten the total violation of his attack. I wondered if I ever would.
“Serves him right. Stupid bastard.”
“No doubt.”
“I’m just so glad the guys were with me. It was Grey’s idea, you know, to go out there. He was so pissed at me for letting you go early before you could talk.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I feel really bad about it, actually. I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize Brad would turn out to be such an asshole, I mean, he looked so sweet.”
“Of course, Charlie. Come on, there’s no way you could’ve known. I didn’t even know. He was sweet. He seemed totally harmless. This was not your fault at all.”
“Yeah, well, I still feel bad.”
“Don’t.”
Charlie sighed. “Anyway…I knew Grey liked you all along. He just needed a push in the right direction, I guess, hey?”
“Yeah.” I sighed happily. “Oh, hold on a sec.” A sudden knock interrupted our conversation. The door opened a crack and my dad’s head poked through.
“Off the phone,” he demanded. “You’re supposed to be studying.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay.”
“I mean it. Off.”
“Okay, just let me say goodbye.”
“You have two minutes.”
“Okay!” I yelled. The door shut and I growled in frustration. “Charlie?”
“Yeah?” She was giggling.
“What a pain in the ass.” I sighed. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Have fun studying. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, if I’m allowed.” I rolled my eyes again, slamming the phone down in disgust. I restrained myself from throwing it at the door, just barely. The urge was still there. I took a few deep breaths with my eyes closed, tense and agitated. I needed something—I craved something to take the edge off my mood. I wanted a smoke, I always did, but even if I found a way to sneak one, I doubted it would be enough. This was a deep belly craving, like my very veins were in need .
Then I remembered. I sat straight up in bed, my eyes wide at the thought. Could I really do that? Here? Would I get caught?
I slid off the bed and found my purse. Charlie’s vial was still inside it, I’d forgotten to give it back to her. She’d forgotten too, or didn’t care—she hadn’t mentioned anything about it. I held the vial in my palm for a moment, my hand still hidden in the bag. The silver canister was cool and heavy, filled with promise. I went over the choice in my head, weighing my options. Cocaine was almost impossible to identify unless someone knew what to look for. Would my dad? For the most part, I would seem completely sober to him, maybe just a little jittery. But I was going to be holed up alone in my bedroom all night. There was no way he’d notice.
Screw it. I needed to get high. It only took me a few minutes, the lid was off and the white powder up my nose in an instant. I did a couple, then a couple more. The relief was instantaneous, beautiful. I could feel delight creep slowly through my veins, my tension melt and ease away. I sighed and screwed the lid back on, hiding the vial back in the purse.
I sat on the bed and tapped my foot. I turned up the music, a little Limp Bizkit. I pushed my studying stuff away and grabbed some nail polish.
Visions of Grey danced in my stuttered thoughts. I couldn’t wait to be with him again. I painted my toes and then my fingers. I took two grad dress options out of the closet and stared at them, debating. I chose the black one—the one my mom hated—and put the other one away. I tried the dress on and paired it with shoes.
I stood in front of the mirror, wondering what to do with my hair. I did it up, down, half-up, half-down. I spun. I put together an outfit for the next day. I picked up some deep red lipstick and painted my lips, staring into the mirror. I practiced some sexy smiles. I took the grad dress off and hung it up. I put some lotion on my legs.
I did not study at all.