CHAPTER 28
In the history of grad reception entrances, it had to be the coolest one ever.
Grey drove up to the Community Centre, where my classmates and their families were gathered in little groups, waiting for the reception to start. Everyone was dressed to the nines—all the guys were in dark suits and ties, most of the girls in fluffy, frilly pastel confections.
We rumbled slowly in, drawing the attention of the crowd as everyone stopped to look up at us. If I hadn’t been so high on coke, I probably would have been blushing like mad, but at that moment, I felt hot and glamorous and just…special. Out of the ordinary. I was bursting with pride to be the one on Grey’s motorcycle, to be the one with the gorgeously hot, mysterious older man all the girls were gawking at.
The engine growled idly as he stopped the bike at the curb, and I climbed lightly off, smoothing my dress back into place. I could feel everyone’s eyes on us.
“Everyone’s staring.” I giggled.
Grey chuckled. “They’re staring at you. I can’t say I blame them.”
I smiled bashfully. “Yeah?”
“Come on. You know you’re the prettiest one here.”
“I am?”
“Oh yeah.” He scoured the crowd for a moment and then nodded certainly at me. “Oh yeah. Without a doubt.” He tilted my chin up with his finger, and then we kissed.
I hoped everyone was still watching us, hoped the gawking girls would see him kissing me. I felt so amazing at that moment. It was surreal, like I was caught in a dream or something. A dream come true. I felt I might burst with happiness .
I gave Grey a little wave as he revved the engine once and started smoothly off onto the street. With a happy sigh, I turned once he’d gone, heading down the sidewalk into the crowd of my graduating class. It was a perfect day; the sun was sailing warmly in the clear blue sky, a soft and gentle breeze stirred the branches of the large old poplar trees that lined the streets. The grass was deep green and fresh cut, the delicious scent of summer mixing with the buzz of nervous, excited energy in the air.
I scanned the crowds of people gathered as I strolled, looking for my family, wondering if they had seen my little entrance. Wickedly, I hoped they had.
I walked by Brad and his friends without really looking his way, just enough to notice he still wore the evidence of the absolute beatdown he’d received—courtesy of Grey and Zack—on his face. His eyes were puffy and yellowy-blue with bruises.
I smirked to myself. Served him right.
Ben, Toby, and Jessie were off by themselves, so obviously stoned I wondered how their parents didn’t know. I giggled and waved at them as I passed. Toby gave me appraising thumbs up, and Jessie whistled loudly. I awarded them with a smile and a quick twirl on the sidewalk, which was met by a smattering of applause from their little circle. With a laugh, I curtsied low at them—as low as I could in that tight a skirt.
“Nice moves.” His voice, suddenly loud in my ear, startled me.
I pressed a hand to my chest. “Fuck, Riley.”
“Sorry.” He apologized, but he didn’t look sorry. He didn’t look overly impressed at all. His eyebrows were furrowed, a frown on his lips.
Other than the tense expression, Riley looked good. Like, really good in his tux. He’d gone with the traditional black and white three-piece, a silver tie and shiny dress shoes. His dark hair had been cut short, almost a buzz, really. His dark eyes glowered out at me. He looked older, distinguished, almost…sexy. I barely recognized him.
“Wow. You clean up nice.” I admitted.
“So do you.” His gaze trailed over me, up and down, as if paying special attention to detail. “That’s the dress you found in the city, right?”
“Right.” I shouldn’t have been surprised he remembered; at one time, we meant something to each other. I shook my head and pushed the sadness away, determined not to ruin graduation with the same old Riley song and dance that didn’t solve anything or get us anywhere.
We stood awkwardly for a moment. I scanned the crowd again for my family.
“They’re over by the doors.” Riley noticed my search and pointed in their direction. “I saw them on the benches over there. ”
“Great, thanks. Where’s your mom?”
“She’s there, with Emily and her mother.” He pointed again.
The Christian was wearing a silver dress with long sleeves and a full-length skirt. I couldn’t decide if I liked it, but that wasn’t the reason for my frown.
She was smiling, laughing. Grasping Mrs. McIntyre’s arm like they were best friends.
“Why don’t you come over and say hello?” Riley invited.
I shook my head. “Maybe later, I should really get over to my, uh, family.”
Riley saw right through me. “Yeah, right, okay.” He chuckled. “Tell your parents hi.”
“You too.” I implored, already walking away. I loved Riley’s mom; she’d always been so cool, so accepting. I talked to her more than I did my own parents.
I just couldn’t watch her enjoying my replacement. It hurt too much.
I found my family right where Riley said I would, on the benches by the front doors.
“So, who’s the guy on the motorcycle?” Dad demanded as soon as I was in earshot. “Is that your friend from the other night?”
“Yes. Boy-friend, actually.” I admitted proudly.
Dad raised his eyebrows. “Will we get to meet this boyfriend?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged.
Aunt Linda smiled at me, intervening. “Mac. He’s gorgeous. But so are you; look at you. You’re an image. All grown up.” She squealed.
“Thank you.” I smiled sincerely at my favourite aunt.
“Are you depressed or something?” Blake-the-dick asked, giving one of his snooty laughs. “What’s with the black? You’re not at a funeral.”
I could feel the ire he inspired building up in me. I choked it down, smiling sweetly. “I’ll wear it to your funeral,” I promised.
“Come on, Blake. Black is classy.” Marcy stood up and smiled. She looked gorgeous and expensive. I wondered if she was trying to upstage me with her fancy pink satin dress and heels, her perfectly curled, shining dark hair. “You look great, Mac,” she complimented. Just not as great as me, I imagined her thinking.
I muttered something in response. Mom got up then, too, and kissed me on the cheek. “I can’t believe you’re graduating. You look nice, honey. Imagine how you would’ve looked in that pretty gown I liked so much.”
I looked down at the ground, indignant. “Thanks, Mom.”
Grandma smiled at me moment, but instead of saying anything to me, she started complaining about the heat of the sun. My uncles helped her up and escorted her into the cool shade of the building, giving me an acknowledging nod. Then, sudden yelling sent Aunt Linda scurrying to deal with my little cousins, who were running pell-mell around the wide green lawn before the Centre, screaming.
For an instant, I felt like joining in.
“Well, I guess…” Dad got up and began ushering everyone in. “This’ll start soon. Let’s find our seats. Come on, Mackenzie.”
“Yeah, I’ll be right in,” I mumbled. He took my mother’s elbow, heading up the stairs into the building, Marcy and Blake right behind them. I watched them go, deflated.
I hadn’t expected them to gush and go on about how great I looked or to shower me with praise or affection or anything, but still—really? Was that all the attention I would get at my own graduation? Was that all I was worth?
The cocaine was wearing off. That was it. Suddenly I wasn’t numb anymore. The disappointment was registering in my mind and the sweet, buzzing hum had faded from my vibrating nerves. I bit my lip. Luckily, I knew how to fix this.
And I had to fix it.
In mere moments I was alone in the bathroom. Charlie, my saviour, had fixed me up with a little emergency coke for just such a moment. Quickly, I did some, my heart hammering eagerly, my tension melting away by the third inhale. Sighing happily, I braced my hand against the bathroom door and let the deliciousness flow through me. That was better. Now I felt good again, like I would make it, no matter what they said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do.
I flushed the toilet to make it seem like I’d used it, then came out and washed my hands at the sink. I stared at my reflection for a minute, scrutinizing myself and my features. My dark eyes were wide and clear, a pleasant shimmer of colour stained my cheeks, and my lips were full and soft. They curved into a smile as I stared in the mirror. Maybe I wasn’t as gorgeous and wonderful as Marcy always was, but Grey seemed to like what he saw. And that was all that mattered to me.
My family could go and screw themselves.
With that happy monologue running through my head, I entered the reception hall in a much better mood. Everyone was filing in by then, the hall was noisy with the din of talk and laughter and the harsh sound of chairs scraping against the wooden floor. It smelled like buffet, like vegetables and chicken and coffee.
The evening passed in a blur. I ended up making a few more trips to the bathroom, as the coke didn’t last nearly as long as I’d hoped. When the reception finally concluded, we crossed the park to the large auditorium where the ceremony was held. We lined up alphabetically, my mom on one side of me and my dad on the other.
“Are you getting a cold, Mackenzie?” Mom wondered at one point, as I rubbed my nose. “You keep sniffling.”
“Maybe,” I answered quickly and dropped my hand. “That must be it.”
“Remind me to get you some echinacea later.”
“Sure. Thanks.” I nodded.
Eventually, it was our turn to enter. We walked to the archway, where our picture was snapped, and then a guy from our class escorted me up the steps to the stage. I found my seat and sat down, relieved I hadn’t tripped in my heels. The lights were hot. I stared out in amazement at the sea of strange faces.
I looked in vain for Grey and Charlie throughout, but they were impossible to see in the dimly lit auditorium. When my name was called to receive a diploma from the principal, I could hear them cheering above the smattering of applause. I rose to shake Mr. Lemmon’s hand, blushing madly.
Some kids from our class got up after and gave the traditional ‘Most Famous For’ speeches, singling us out and highlighting the things we were most known for. Things like “calling in sick for a bad hair day”, “freaking out over exams”, or “having a new truck every year,” that kind of stuff.
But then, it was Riley’s turn.
“Okay, so this one is a two-for. Riley McIntyre and Mackenzie Taylor have the same famous-for’s, which is…well, each other. For as long as we can remember, if you’re looking for Riley, you’ll find him with Mackenzie…” My classmate was reading from her paper in a sweet for-the-crowd kind of voice, breaking my heart a little more with every word she spoke. “True BFFs,” she continued, “they’re completely inseparable; even when Mackenzie insists on skipping school as much as she does, they’ll still be together…”
Seriously? Was this real? I stared down at the floor and felt my face blush bright crimson, waiting out the awkward moment. The entire student body was either totally oblivious, or that list had been made months ago. Riley and I were anything but inseparable now, a grim reminder I certainly didn’t need. I crossed my arms and hugged myself, wishing this would finish already so I could go and get high.
The worst was that the Christian knew. She knew that Riley’s and my supposed inseparability simply wasn’t the truth. I could practically feel her gloating from a few rows behind me. For the record, she was the most famous for “being sweet. ”
Being a “Christian” or “the worst” must have been taken already.
By the time the ceremony came to a close and we’d headed, single file, down the stairs and up the aisle, I was in desperate need of more blow. I ducked out of the line and into the bathroom before anyone could notice I was missing.
Someone noticed. Sure, Riley was nowhere to be found when I wanted his attention, but when I was trying to sneak away, he came looking for me.
He was standing in the hall outside the bathroom when I emerged; his arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. “You okay?” He surprised me by asking.
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” I played dumb.
“I don’t know. I saw you running to the bathroom, and I thought maybe you were upset…about what they said up there?” He did look sincerely concerned.
“Oh. I mean, it was awkward, but…whatever.” I shrugged, like it didn’t matter. My nose burned, and I rubbed at it without thinking.
“Right.” Riley eyed me suspiciously. “What were you doing in there, Mackenzie?”
“Using the bathroom.” I chuckled casually. “Is that okay with you?”
“Yeah, right.” He scoffed. “You’re lit up, aren’t you?”
“Ha!” I laughed again, good and high now. “Of course not.”
“Don’t. Don’t lie to me. I can tell you are.” He shook his head, as if he were disappointed. “You’re into the blow now, huh? All the time? Nice. Good choice.”
“Thanks.” I didn’t care for his judgement, but I felt too good to let it get to me. I shook my head at him. “Are you and your Christian ready to head off into the sunset yet, or what?”
“Ugh…why do you call her that?” Riley demanded. “That’s not all she is. Maybe if you got to know her—”
I stopped him quickly. “That’s not going to happen.”
“You’d probably like her. Would that be so bad?”
“Yes.”
He shook his head. “Fine. Whatever. She’s better than your boyfriend, anyway.”
I glared at him. “You have some nerve, Riley. Why would you say that?”
“Yeah, what could it be? I’ll just pick one from hundreds of reasons. He’s totally irresponsible. Letting you ride on his bike like that? What if you’d fallen off?”
“He went slow.” I defended. “He wouldn’t have let me fall.”
“Right, I forgot. He can do no wrong, can he?” Riley stated wryly.
“It was my idea anyway.”
“Okay, then how about getting hooked on coke? Was that your idea, too? ”
“No!” My voice rose in frustration. I dropped my hands hopelessly. “I’m not hooked on coke. Riley, I can’t…I can’t do this with you anymore.”
It was just too hard. It didn’t seem to matter how many times we swore off our friendship, because we were still inevitably drawn to each other, even now, even when we both knew it would cause us nothing but pain and frustration.
We couldn’t sever the ties of our relationship no matter how doomed it was, and we seemed destined to act out the same argument time and time again, to live in a state of constant conflict with no reconciliation in sight.
Because we were afraid.
Afraid to really end it, to end us, even though that was exactly what we needed.
I had to get away from him. I turned and started walking, heated to the very core, pushing my way through the crowded foyer and out the front doors. It was pleasantly calm and cool outside, dim with the dwindling light that remained from the sunset.
I breathed deep the sweet evening air.
“Mac, wait,” Riley called to me through the crowd. He caught up quickly. “I’m sorry. Please. I don’t want to leave it this way with you.”
“I don’t think we have a choice, Riley.” I realized grimly. “We can’t even talk to each other without one of us getting upset. You should just go.”
“I know, I am.” He grabbed my hand to stop me, “I’m going…we’re going, tonight. We’re driving to the airport from here.”
This news was shocking to me. I’d known he was leaving, but not this soon. I stared up at him, suddenly speechless. It was the answer to our problems, his leaving, but I wished it didn’t have to be so. I would’ve given anything in that moment to make him stay, despite everything else.
“Riley—”
“I know. I know.”
“But…will…” I bit my lip. “Will you be coming back?”
“I don’t know. Probably. We’ll come visit at holidays and stuff.”
“Will I see you then?”
“Maybe.” He relented. “If I know where you are…and if you’re still alive by then.”
“Of course I’ll be alive.” I rolled my eyes.
“We’ll see.” Riley frowned. His dark eyes focused on me seriously, like there was something else he wanted to say. He opened his mouth to speak.
Then, I heard someone calling his name. The Christian, calling him, beckoning him away from me .
It was time for Riley to go.
“I don’t want to say goodbye.” He admitted. He looked torn.
“Just say it and get it over with,” I demanded. The coke must have been wearing off, because I could feel again. And I didn’t like what I felt, like my very heart was hurting, like it was throbbing with pain. I took a deep breath.
Riley wrapped me in a sudden, fierce hug. I couldn’t believe the strength in his arms as he held me tightly to him. I snuggled into the chest of his tuxedo, fighting with all my might to keep from crying all over him. At that moment, I was safe again in my best friend’s arms, and everything was right between us.
I clung to the moment. I clung to my friend.
“You be careful on that bike,” Riley whispered in my ear. He kissed the top of my head, and then he let me go. He pulled away from me and I was all alone again, cold and exposed. I wrapped my arms around myself and gave him a weak smile, blinking furiously to keep from crying.
Riley walked away. Toward the Christian. I couldn’t watch him go; I turned away and looked up at the calm, quiet night, seeking solace from my sudden emotional upheaval in its dim, dark stillness. It wasn’t enough though. I needed something more.
Something stronger.
“Hey, gorgeous.” A different pair of arms suddenly wrapped around my waist, pulling me close. Despite everything, I found myself smiling, curving up against the warm strength behind me—less alone now, less exposed.
Riley was gone, but I still had Grey.
He kissed my cheek. “You okay?” He wondered.
“Yeah.” I decided quietly. At least, I would be. “Riley just left.”
“I figured.” He hugged me tightly.
“Grey?”
“Yeah?”
I sighed heavily. “Will you take me away from here?
“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”