CHAPTER 30
I moved into Charlie’s house on a Friday. Mom and Dad came to help, but I didn’t have much stuff—just my bed and my dresser and a few suitcases of clothes, a box of pots and pans and a set of dishes I was given for graduation. Dad put my bed frame together in Katrina’s old room for me. We could hear him grumbling as Mom and I put my dishes away.
Charlie and I snuck excited smiles at each other, anxious for my parents to leave so we could get good and high. Mom didn’t like the place, I could tell. She and Charlie exchanged some awkward hellos, and then she started cleaning while Dad set up my bed frame and moved my mattress in.
Finally, everything was unpacked. Dad looked unaffected but I could tell my mom was stalling, putting off saying goodbye to me for as long as she could. I think she’d been in denial I was actually moving out, hoping maybe I’d change my mind during all the packing and planning—but I’d never stay home now, not when I knew how awesome it’d be on my own. Even if my parents renounced all their new rules (which they hadn’t) I wouldn’t even consider it.
My ultimate, total freedom was just moments away from fruition. Mom was cleaning everything she could get her hands on in an attempt to prolong the inevitable goodbye, and I could tell my dad was getting impatient. The entire house was sparkling by the time they gathered their things to go.
Dad patted me goodbye and his face was smug, like he expected me to come crawling back home once I discovered how tough it really was out on my own. I kissed his cheek, smirking to myself. I’d show him.
Mom had a tough time leaving. She was wringing her hands, her expression pained .
“You be sure to call us, if you need anything.”
“I’ll call.” I nodded.
“You can come home, you know, if you change your mind.”
“Mom, I’m only ten minutes away.” It was hard not to roll my eyes.
“I know, but it’s not the same.” She shook her head, her dark curls bouncing, and then pulled me into a sudden, fierce hug. “I can’t believe I’m an empty-nester. It’ll be so lonely at home without you there.”
I grimaced. Welcome to the last two years of my life, I wanted to say. But when Mom pulled away from me, tears were swimming in her sad brown eyes, so I bit my tongue and smiled sympathetically instead.
“You remember the deal. Come home on Sunday, for dinner?”
I sighed. How I’d ever agreed to it was unbelievable. Mom must have cornered me at an especially weak moment, and when she asked me to come home every Sunday for supper, I just…gave in. I still don’t know why. I’d rather clean the men’s bathroom at the Red Wheat than sit across the table from Marcy and Blake, but from the look on Mom’s face, she’d be crushed if I didn’t show.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll be there.” I was getting impatient. All I wanted to do was get high, but my parents had stayed for hours, sharpening my craving for cocaine with the long, drawn-out anticipation.
“Come on, Deb.” Dad nearly growled. “I’ve got to pack for tomorrow.”
“Okay, Mitch. Okay.” Mom sighed and nodded. “Goodbye, Mackenzie.” She kissed me on the cheek. “Don’t be a stranger.”
I managed a tight smile. “I’ll see you in two days, Mom.”
Eagerly, I shut the door behind them, leaning against it, sighing in relief. “Finally. I didn’t think they’d ever leave.”
“You’re so dramatic. They’re not that bad and they didn’t stay that long.” Charlie argued. She was already cutting up coke for us.
I listened as my parents’ car started, as they pulled away from the curb and drove off down the street. My parents were gone. Finally, we were alone. I was free.
I felt so light-hearted I was nearly giddy. I could do anything, everything I’d ever wanted to do. I could go anywhere. I could stay up as late as I wanted. I could smoke in my house. I could do copious amounts of totally illegal drugs, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
I giggled and lit a cigarette, then sniffed back a hard line, just to prove my point .
Charlie and I hung out by ourselves for a while, celebrating the start of our new beginning. We got majorly high on cocaine. I loved that I didn’t have to worry about trying to find a ride home and pretending I was sober when I got there. I was home. I could get as wrecked as I possibly wanted and just head down the hallway to bed.
This was freedom—sheer, complete, irresponsibility.
The guys came over after to help us celebrate. We drank and got high and partied late into the night. When I finally went to bed, drunk and sleepy, I stared out my bedroom window at the night beyond—grinning at the moon, white amidst the silver clouds. The stars twinkling, the country lights bright and pretty on the horizon.
My life was really beginning; I could feel it. The whole world spread out in front of me, and I could experience all its secrets now, everything it had been hiding, all the wonder it was keeping. No longer would I be sheltered from what was out there.
I fell asleep with a smile on my face.