Life of the Party (Wayward #1)

CHAPTER 68

I said my goodbyes to the staff and to some of the other girls, to my group leader and my old, decrepit therapist. They all wished me the best and gave me encouraging hugs, approving my decision to move into a sober-living facility before totally striking out on my own. It was the best chance I had for staying sober. I had to take it. I needed all the help I could get.

So then, armed with a deep, exciting and newfound love for God, the various coping skills I’d been taught, and ninety days of sobriety, I was released back into society.

It was the beginning of April. I breathed deeply the air outside, softer now, the harsh crust of winter spent. It was still cold out, but the sun’s rays held warmth, and I could feel the promise of spring in the air as Riley loaded my bag into the back of his car—the promise of life, of renewal.

“Ready for this?” he asked me with a grin. Now dressed for the weather, Riley wore a dark red toque and wide black sunglasses. When he smiled at me, I barely recognized him; he was just so…handsome. I dropped my gaze with a pang of regret.

“Yeah.” I lied, forcing a smile. “So ready.”

We got into the car and he started it up. I got settled in my seat, and when I spotted his stereo—the fancy faceplate with the blinking lights and flip-down cover, the memory flashed again. Me and him, singing Destiny’s Child. Dancing and laughing.

“Do you mind if I put on some music?” I asked, an idea brewing. I flipped open the glovebox and pulled out his thick black binder of CDs.

“You’re a free woman.” Riley smiled, pulling onto the road. “Giv’er.”

I went through the binder until I found it, pulling the CD from the sleeve.

“Destiny’s Child? Really?” Riley raised his eyebrows as I put the CD in the player .

“I’m trying to remember something,” I explained, skipping forward to the song and pressing play. Music flooded the cab, loud, bouncy.

Ladies leave your man at home

The club is full of ballers and their pockets full grown

And all you fellas leave your girl with her friends

‘Cause it’s eleven thirty and the club is jumpin’, jumpin’

“Remember this?” I asked, yelling to be heard.

Riley nodded, doing some of the dance moves we’d choreographed to prove it. I laughed at him, turning the song down. The music was familiar, nostalgic, even, but it wasn’t helping me remember anything new.

“It’s not working.” I sighed. “I’ve been trying to remember that one night…I know we were in the car, dancing to this song, drinking…I remember going to that party, taking those pills…but then everything else is just…gone.” I shrugged. “It never bugged me before, not knowing, but I can’t get the feeling out of my head, like I’m missing something important.” I stopped my rambling, looking over at Riley.

He was suddenly tense in his seat. His eyes fixed on the road. His jaw clenching.

“…Riley?”

He cleared his throat. “It’s not this song. Try Oasis.”

“Oasis?”

“Just trust me.”

I did as he said, searching through the binder until I found the disc. I exchanged CDs and Riley skipped forward. “Champagne Supernova” started playing, with the sound of ocean waves.

How many special people change?

How many lives are livin’ strange?

Where were you while we were getting high?

I gasped. I shut my eyes as the familiar melody flooded over me, grasping at memory, at the images suddenly flashing in my mind.

Strobe lights. My ribs, sore. That Top Hat guy again, his cheesy smile. Corduroy couch cushions rough beneath my cheek. Riley’s strong, warm arms around me .

His car. This song.

Riley kept glancing at me. Waiting for me, maybe, to piece it together. I shook my head. Everything was so out of order, so distorted, I couldn’t make any sense of it.

“I can’t…” I shook my head again. “Can you just tell me?”

Riley slowed for a stoplight. We were nearly out of the city, nearly to the highway that would take us home. He gripped the steering wheel, silent, debating.

“Are you sure you want to know?” He asked then, hesitant.

His words made my heart skip a beat. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know. It was a long time ago, Mac.”

There had to be a reason the memory plagued me all week. Despite the ominousness of his warning, I nodded, nervously. “Yes. I need to know.”

No going back now.

“Okay.” Riley nodded, but fell silent again. Grasping for words, maybe? Trying to decide where to start?

He swallowed heavily. “After you took that pill, you were out of control. I’d never seen you like that before. I couldn’t keep track of you—you were going from room to room, dancing, drinking, smoking up, making new friends. You fell off a speaker and kept complaining about your ribs.”

That brought back a flash of memory. Riley crouched in front of me, his eyes narrowed as he lifted up my shirt, exposing my navel, his warm fingers gentle on my bare skin as he pressed against my ribs. “Does that hurt?”

“I can’t breathe.” I’d answered. But it had nothing to do with pain.

I blinked, trying to remember past that point. Everything was a blur.

“You wouldn’t sit still. I lost you—we were getting ready to leave and we couldn’t find you anywhere. I went and checked the basement, and there you were, totally crashed on the couch. But you weren’t alone.”

“Top Hat?” I guessed, cringing.

“Top Hat,” Riley confirmed. “I don’t think anything happened, but if I hadn’t found you…” He shook his head again, shrugging off the memory. “Who knows.”

“Gross.” I acknowledged.

“I was pretty pissed off. I tried to wake you up and he kept telling me you were fine, that you wanted to stay.”

“Wait…” I remembered this part .

“You’re fucked if you think I’m leaving her here with you.” Riley’s voice, so serious, so dangerous sounding, had stirred me conscious. I’d opened my eyes and found him there, pulling me up and off the couch.

“Riley?” I’d smiled, sleepily. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Despite the rigidness of his features, he’d managed a smile. “Time to go, Zee.”

He led me out of the house, his arms tight around my waist as I stumbled along beside him, giggling, on our way to the car. He stopped beside the door to open it for me, but instead of getting in, I pressed myself against him, wrapping my arms around his neck and staring up into his handsome face.

“What?” He’d sighed, exasperated, looking down at me.

“I love you, Riley McIntyre.” I’d realized, gazing into his sweet dark eyes.

He’d chuckled, shaking his head, humouring me. “I love you, too.”

“No. I do.” I remembered feeling it then, the overwhelming, all-encompassing love that swept over me during those few, free, fleeting moments. Moments I knew no inhibitions, no fear. Moments I could do nothing but feel. “I fucking love you, Riley.”

A little smile curved his lips. “Get in the car, Mac.”

We’d all piled in. I’d had to snuggle up against Riley to make room for Ben, and when I did, he put an arm around me, unprompted, holding me tight against him.

Someone changed the music. “Champagne Supernova” was playing, and suddenly Riley and I were alone, parked outside my house.

Someday you will find me

Caught beneath the landslide…

I’d lifted my head, squinting and confused, swiping at the hair in my face. He helped me, chuckling, tucking my dark curls behind my ear, his fingertips light against my cheek, his touch making me shiver.

It felt so good to be so close to him. I’d leaned against the solid width of his chest, feeling his arm tight around me, his warm breath in my face. I’d felt so safe, so whole.

“Doesn’t this feel right?” I’d dared to whisper, blinking up at him. There was something in the air, something heavy, irresistible, as our eyes finally met. “Doesn’t it feel like we belong together?”

And then I’d kissed him .

I couldn’t believe I’d ever forgotten this. Now I could remember everything…the taste of his mouth, the feel of it against mine. How good it felt. How right.

I’d taken him by surprise at first, but after he recovered he’d kissed me back, and then we kept kissing, and kissing—eagerly, compulsively, fuelled by years of pent-up curiosity, the sudden culmination of all our hidden feelings, undeniable and perfect.

You and I, we live and die

The world’s still spinnin’ ‘round, we don’t know why

Why, why, why, why…

Now, my eyes flew open, wide with the memory. Gasping as I realized.

“I kissed you,” I stated simply. That barely covered it. For a few stolen, secret moments, we’d been more than friends. We’d been more than I ever thought possible.

I shook my head. “What happened…after?”

“Nothing.” His voice was gruff, lost in the memory. He wouldn’t look at me. “I put you to bed and when you woke up, you’d forgotten it all.”

“How? How could I ever forget this?”

“You were high, Mac.” He shrugged, like it was no big deal. “It’s okay. I knew it wasn’t really you. I knew it wasn’t real.”

Tears filled my eyes. It had been real. There was no faking that feeling, the love that swept over me, breaking its way to the surface, finally free from restraint.

“It was real for me, Riley.” I managed. “Why didn’t you tell me about it? Why didn’t we talk about what happened?”

He winced, falling silent, like he didn’t know how to respond.

“Did you regret it? Is that why?”

“No. I wanted to tell you. I tried, but you didn’t have a clue. You were so into Grey already…it was easier to just leave it alone.” He shrugged, sadly. “I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. I was afraid…I was afraid of a lot of things.”

“Wait—” Suddenly I remembered that night at the Aurora, the night I first laid eyes on Grey and fell instantly in love. Riley had been trying, all night, to tell me something, but I was too high on Ecstasy, too busy dancing, too focused on Grey to listen.

“That night, at the club. You were trying to tell me then, weren’t you?”

He nodded. “I just couldn’t.”

I choked back my tears. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen. I’m sorry I forgot. ”

“It’s okay, Mac.”

“It’s not. It’s not.” I couldn’t put it into words, how upsetting this was. Like I’d lost something I didn’t even know I had. What could’ve been.

I hugged my arms around myself, trying to keep my tears at bay.

Riley reached out a hand to me, his face ashen. “I fucked up, Mac. Not you. I…I froze. I didn’t know what to do.”

I let out a shaky breath. It didn’t matter now, I realized. There was nothing we could do. Whatever we might’ve had, whatever we could’ve been…too much had happened since. We were two totally different people—both in love with someone else.

It took me a minute before I could speak. “It’s okay.” I sniffled bravely, trying to convince myself. “Like you said, it was a long time ago, right? We’re still friends.”

Riley’s voice was thick with remorse. “Yeah.” He agreed.

We fell silent, lost in thought, creeping ever nearer to home.