Limitless Love: A Polyamorous Charity Anthology

8. Gary

Overwhelmed was too small a word for how Gary felt. As Rowan could attest, it took a lot for him to lose his composure, but when what they wanted was within reach, his emotions were all over the place. Having Lev crawl into his lap and tell him, in no uncertain words, that he wanted them—the four of them—settled something inside Gary, and he couldn’t control himself. He and Rowan might be married, but their hearts had enough space for more people, and Bryan and Lev were those people.

As Rowan left the room, Gary inhaled and watched his two best friends as they settled back onto the bed. They still had other things to discuss, but their sexual compatibility was something they didn’t need to worry about. It was the other aspects of their lives they would need to consider. Like what they told others. Some friends wouldn’t care because they were part of the same lifestyle, but their families would probably have something to say about it. Not that it was any of their business, but they would have to decide what they were willing to say about their relationship.

A foot connected with his hip. “What are you thinking so hard about?” Bryan asked.

Gary smiled. “The life cycle of a narwhal,” he teased and climbed from the bed, dragging some joggers up his legs. When they threatened to slip down his hips again, he frowned and glared at Bryan and Lev when all three of them realised he’d just put on Bryan’s joggers instead of his own. He knotted the waistband and left them to their laughter.

“Where are you going?” Lev called.

“To help Rowan,” he shouted back.

Jogging down the stairs, his hand brushing down the bannister, he rounded the bottom of the stairs and entered the kitchen. He opened his mouth and paused. Rowan braced his hands on the counter, his head lowered and his shoulders shaking. Gary’s heart kicked up speed as he slid his arms around his husband.

“Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong?”

Rowan spun in his arms and dug his fingernails into Gary’s bare back while sniffling into his neck. “I don’t want to lose them.”

Gary didn’t either, but… “Why do you think we’re going to lose them?” he asked.

Rowan sniffed hard and pulled back, lifting his red eyes. “It all seems so perfect. I was smiling and happy until I came into the kitchen. Then I saw Bryan’s car keys on the table, and I realised they weren’t ours to keep.”

Gary brushed his thumbs across Rowan’s soft skin, wiping away the tears. “It’s hard for me, too,” he forced himself to admit. “I’m trying to reconcile how I feel now—after years of knowing and wanting them—and how they might feel with it being new and enticing. I suppose we’ve had time to let that newness disappear, and something deeper is already in place.” He dropped a kiss on Rowan’s lips. “We have to give them time. They might catch up sooner than we think, or they might decide it’s not for them after a while, just like what could happen to any relationship. Either way, we’ll figure it out.”

“And we’re here to figure it out, too,” Bryan said, and Gary spun them sideways to watch Bryan and Lev enter. Bryan cracked his knuckles, and Gary stared at him. “After you both left the room, Lev and I were talking, and we suddenly stopped and rubbed our chests at the same time.” He glanced at Lev, who took his hand. “It was as if a piece was missing. Which is a strange way of thinking about us after only having taken this step tonight. But if I’m honest with you—if we’re honest with you—we’ve always felt complete when the four of us are together, no matter what we’ve been doing. And though I haven’t wanted for anything in my marriage to Lev, we’ve realised there was always something missing when we separated.”

Lev nodded. “I’ve been feeling it for a while, but I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I hadn’t told Bryan,” he grimaced in his husband’s direction, “because I’d been trying to figure it out. Which was how I came to watch you two so much. I was trying to understand if it had something to do with our relationship.” He gestured to him and Bryan. “But the more I watched you, the more settled I felt. Which initially confused me even more until I thought about the poly side of things.”

Bryan stepped closer, dragging Lev with him. “What we’re trying to say is that we’re all in, as we said upstairs. We want this to work, but none of us can give guarantees. We can communicate, and we can work on things, but we can’t guarantee our feelings or that our lives won’t change. No one can. But what we can guarantee is that we will always talk to you about it.”

“No matter how hard the subject is, we’ll bring it up at the worst moments, like dinner with your parents, Rowan, or in the middle of the cinema while stuffing our faces with popcorn,” Lev said with a smile. “We won’t give up without a fight.”

Rowan buried his face into Gary’s chest as he lost his fight with his tears again, and Gary wanted to join him again, but he’d already shed more tears that night than he had in years. Instead, he smiled at Bryan and Lev and nodded.

“Thank you. And we promise you the same. Though maybe we’ll choose better situations than what you described.” He chuckled and breathed easier when Rowan’s laughter joined theirs. Rowan lifted his head, wiping his face.

“Sorry.”

Lev stepped forward, dropping Bryan’s hand. “You don’t need to be sorry for anything. I have a feeling our emotions are going to be all over the place for the next few days or weeks until we figure out just what the hell we’re doing here.”

Lev’s stomach growled again, and he covered it with his hands, his cheeks flushing.

“Jeez, Lev. I knew you could eat, but bloody hell. Your stomach sounds like it’s a wild bear,” Rowan said, stepping back and going to the sink. Washing his hands, he said, “As you’re all here, you can help make sandwiches.” He flicked his wet fingers towards them, and Lev held up his hands with a laugh.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll help. After all, I’m eating them, too,” Lev said, heading for the sink.

Working together, they created a small feast of sandwiches, yogurt and fruit and took them into the living room. They took their usual spots, and Gary picked up the remote, waving it towards them.

“Movie or talking?” he asked.

“Movie,” Rowan said. “I think we’re all talked out for the moment.”

He looked it, too. Not that Gary would ever tell him that he was anything but gorgeous.

“Whose turn is it?” Bryan asked.

Lev raised his hand. “Rowan chose yesterday,” he said with a mouthful.

Gary shook his head and tossed the remote to Lev, settling back against the sofa and enjoying his sandwich. Lev scrolled through several films before selecting what he wanted, and Gary grinned.

“I guess it’s a weekend of comfort movies, is it?” he asked.

“Bulletproof Monk is fantastic,” Lev argued.

“You’re as bad with that film as Rowan is with The Matrix,” Bryan said, throwing a strawberry towards his husband.

“You can talk!” Lev argued. “Need I say Bumblebee?”

“Come on! That’s a classic!”

Lev covered his mouth, hiding his grin. “Isn’t a classic something that’s been out for over ten years?”

“Shut up,” Bryan said, though he grinned.

Gary watched them. There was something different, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Maybe a lighter feeling in the air. He didn’t know, but it didn’t matter. Whatever it was or wasn’t had helped them to return to how they had been before the events earlier in the evening. Before he and Rowan had received the call asking for the visit. But there was an extra layer to it, and Gary couldn’t care less what it was. They were communicating, they were happy, and they were still friends—with some added elements to it.

He gathered the dishes once everyone finished and took them to the kitchen, putting them in the sink with the others from earlier. Usually, he would want them cleaned and put away before they went to bed, but that night, he was loosening his control, and he turned the light off and slipped back into the living room, settling beside Rowan, who curled into his side.

“You okay?” he whispered.

Gary smiled. “Never better.” He dropped a kiss on Rowan’s lips, tracing the mounds with his tongue before pulling back. He smacked another one on his nose and forehead and tucked him in closer. Catching Bryan’s eye, he winked, and Bryan grinned back.

They could do this. They could live the life they wanted without caring what others thought. That was one thing polyamorous people had to deal with. Society had a fascination with “normal,” and poly relationships weren’t considered normal. Although they didn’t hurt anyone, the sight of someone with more than one partner sent some people into a hissy fit.

Luckily, his family was extremely open and loving. They didn’t care how many people he was in a relationship with as long as they treated him right. Whereas Rowan’s family left a lot to be desired. They were only still in contact with them—irregularly as it was—because Rowan had settled down with Gary. The moment they went public with their new dynamic, Gary would guarantee Rowan’s family would state their disgust and disappear. Rowan knew it, too, which he was sure was weighing on him. But Rowan was strong, had learnt his strength during their marriage, and would no longer let his family tell him what to do.

As for Bryan’s and Levi’s families, Gary expected some pushback, especially from Bryan’s, who were religious and ignored Bryan’s extra-curricular activities as long as they didn’t interfere with their lives.

Whatever happened, they would have each other.