Chapter 6
I leaned outside the door to my bathroom, listening to the shower running on the other side. We didn’t talk much when we came back but she did hold my hand the entire time until both our palms were sweaty, so I called that a win. Reese and I had planned to meet later, while Natalia gave me a hopeful smile on our way out. She’d said for now, she had as much as she could go off of and this kind of thing was one part power development and one part revolving around what motivates those powers.
Something inside of me wanted to let her do what she had to, let her help herself. There was another part of me, a much larger part that nearly combusted at the thought of seeing her in any pain. I honestly didn’t care if it was for training purposes or not.
It made my chest swell with pride to see the tiny bits of light that she tried to release and even though I knew she couldn’t hear me, I mentally kept thinking you can do this . My heart did stutter though when her darkness kept popping up, but not in a way where it didn’t belong there. I had no idea whether she noticed it or not, but from where I stood there was an inner turmoil going on in the middle of that room. The darkness and the light weren’t really fighting each other, but it looked as if they were both trying to grab her attention even though her entire existence had been dedicated to only one. Splitting her affection had never been an option.
Growing up, angelic light wasn’t something that just forced its way out of your fingertips. I had developed it over time and watched my dad and so many others before me use theirs, in hopes that I would mimic them in some way.
I tilted my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. I thought back to when my father would watch me try to control my own light in my palm, while I watched it mold and move. It grew in size the harder I focused and most times I would get embarrassed that it wasn’t good enough so I would snuff it out before anyone could see how mediocre I thought mine was. My father would sit next to me on the edge of my bed and bring up his own light, so confident and mesmerizing.
He would say, “open your hand and let it out.”
I would hesitate but did as he asked. My light so tiny, yet so powerful would emerge.
He would bring his own light near mine and my eyes would light up as they intertwined, causing the whole room to seem as if it was set ablaze. I wasn’t in my head in those moments. I was proud that I could be a part of something that was so much bigger than myself.
My father would close my hand with his own and kiss my head, mumbling into my hair. “One day your light will be just as big as that all on your own, but sometimes it’s okay to get a little help.” I’d shrug him off but keep his words with me, even now they still lingered.
My light only ever grew after each of those moments and even now I still surprised myself with what I could do. I was still getting to know myself and I wanted to give Dani the same grace. She could feel both powers, but that didn’t necessarily mean she could perform a seamless balancing act without fuck ups. I, of all people, knew angelic light wanted nourishment and dedication. It wasn’t jealous or fragile, but perhaps it wasn’t all that different from the darkness in some way.
I’d never truly asked Dani about it; she’d always said she was fine in that way that honestly had me wanting to believe her. She wanted to protect me just as much as I wanted to shield her from the world, but of course, my girl quite literally gave me a proverbial middle finger while simultaneously swooning over my protective nature.
My eyes popped open when I heard my name. I quickly opened the door, the steam from the shower dissipating once I let some of the outside air in. I noticed her silhouette in the shower and tried to rid my brain of the thoughts of her naked and drenched in soap.
“Yeah?” I answered, clearly ready to do whatever she asked.
The shower door rattled open, her face coming into view. Her curls were soaking wet, glistening from the water that dripped off the ends. One of her eyebrows was raised in a way that told me she was about to be incredibly cheeky, and I was never prepared for it. She tapped her fingertips along the glass of the shower door, letting out a huff. “Are you getting in or not?”
“I thought you would rather…”
She shushed me. “Always so sweet, but who cares what you thought . I’m asking you, are you coming into the shower with me or not? Choose wisely, Mr. Cassial.”
I closed the door without another thought. My clothes were off in seconds, and I fumbled into the shower with her, the sound of her intoxicating laughter filling my ears. I bent down to kiss her, her lips wet and slippery. The shitty lighting in my bathroom still didn’t dull the way every part of her brown skin glowed and I could have kissed every single inch of her body. She lightly pushed me away, reaching down and picking up a bottle of conditioner. I looked at the opal-colored bottle that I’d gotten at one of the village's markets the day after she started staying with me.
I thought she’d like the scent—cinnamon— and from the amount of liquid that remained, I was correct.
“We can talk about what happened, but you have to be of some use in the meantime.” She turned around, moving all her hair to her back. I smiled to myself as I squirted the product into my hand. I started to work it into her hair from the ends, easing my fingers through every tangle I got caught on.
I cleared my throat as I continued taking my fingers through her hair. “I am sorry.”
Her shoulders moved while she laughed. “It was probably one of the most unsurprising things you’ve done.”
“That’s not fair. You were nearly choking, Dani.” I reached the middle of her hair, which was the thickest, so I started to move slower as I worked.
She tilted her head back a little, eyeing me from over her shoulder. “Nick, it was Natalia. We aren’t dealing with Lilith or Satan forbid, Dimitri. I would love for your faith in me to last a little longer than five minutes.”
I paused, wrapping her hair in my fist and pulling her head back. She stared at me with those innocent eyes that I knew were anything but. “I have all the faith in you Dani. Don’t ever think that I don’t, got it?”
She gave me a smile that made my chest thump, even with her looking at me upside down. “Fuck you’re hot when you’re feisty.”
I let go of her, feeling myself getting hard and started to condition her curls again. My fingers began to slip through her hair with ease, silently showing me that I had done a solid job. “I have to keep up with you somehow, don’t I?”
She hummed. “So does this mean you’ll keep your light to yourself?’
I reached out and let the shower water rinse off my hand. She took that as her cue that I was done, moving her hair to one side and turning around. I couldn’t help but move my eyes down her body. “Absolutely not.”
Her mouth dropped open slightly in shock. “You are unbelievable.”
I walked forward causing her to back up so that her spine was against the wall, and I crowded her so the water from the showerhead ran down my back. She had this nervous look about her, but she was never afraid of me. I think despite the level of the conversation, she was still turned on.
“I love you. I’ll admit I might have been a bit too hasty this time and like I’ve said before I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight your battles, Dani. I do, however, like knowing you want me involved in those battles, right alongside you. I actually have an affinity for watching you win, but sometimes I like knowing we won together.” I placed both my hands on either side of her head and rested my forehead against hers.
She moved her head to the side, examining my arm. Her brown eyes zeroed in on the faint scars left by Dimitri’s nails. “The last time you fought with me, you…it…” She tentatively touched her fingertips to my arm as if the wound still ached. There were times when I noticed my arm and my blood raged when Dimitri’s face would appear, perfectly clear in my thoughts. That darkness that would also linger inside of me would build but then I thought about all the progress I’d made since we got back, the lack of nightmares and panic attacks I’d had, and my light would win out in the end. She had so much to do with that.
“Every day gets a little better, I promise. I’m never going to be one hundred percent perfect, but I’m working on it. I don’t regret ever fighting next to you and I never will. This isn’t about me though, it’s about you.” The shower was steaming again, and I ran a hand through my wet hair, placing it on her cheek, so my thumb could caress her face. “I’m not going anywhere, Dani. If Lilith or fucking Dimitri find out about you and come here, I’m right here. I want you to be ready, but I also want you to know I’m here even if you falter.”
“And what if you falter and I’m not any good for either of us?”
I kissed her forehead. “I’ve already done that. I thought letting the darkness suffocate me was a good idea. I thought stabbing you was an even better one. I’ve faltered, baby, believe me.”
“Yeah well, what happened wasn’t ideal, but it led me to this very odd balance.” She chuckled, looking down at where her stab wound should have been. It disappeared the minute I brought her back. It was like those moments where I thought I’d lost her, the moments where I would have done anything to rewind time hadn’t happened. “Now I suppose we just exist together. Two very overprotective entities.”
I gave her a small smile, rubbing my nose against hers. “You and me.”
She spun us around, so that she could let the water run down her hair, removing the conditioner. She ran her fingers through her mass of curls, scrunching out the water. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at me. “Honesty is a main priority, yes?”
I reached for some soap and started to wash my own body. “Yeah, of course.”
She ripped the soap out of my grasp, pointing at where the red had started to fade significantly at the top of my hand. “Then what the fuck is that?” Her tone was nearly lethal and I really, really , didn’t want to talk about this right now.
I clasped my hand around hers tighter as I pulled her into me. She let out a small gasp of surprise at our sudden closeness. “How about we talk about this…afterwards.” I bent down to kiss her, practically hearing her heartbeat thud from within her chest.
She let her lips graze my own. “I’m not being swayed by your cock this time, Nicholas.” She pressed her hand against my face, pushing me away.
I groaned, absentmindedly stroking the top of my hand, drawing attention to it. I stopped the minute her brown eyes flew over to it. “It’s really nothing.”
“How come I don’t believe you?” She rolled her eyes, reaching around me to turn off the water.
I watched her reach for the towel she’d slung over the shower wall, wrapping it around her body. I sighed, a bit saddened that I wasn’t freely viewing her gorgeous body anymore, but more so, I was considering all the outcomes from telling her the truth.
“You.” I admitted, stepping out after her.
Her eyes narrowed with confusion as she grabbed another towel from my neatly folded stack shelved above my toilet. “Huh?”
I tucked the excess part of the towel away once it was securely around my waist. “You caused it.”
She pointed her index finger towards my hand. “I burned your hand?” It was almost like I could hear the cogs and wheels turning in her head.
“Yes, but it doesn’t hurt for long and it normally goes away in a few hours or a day.”
“Nick, what the fuck!”
“I said it’s fine! What are you upset about!?” My tone wasn’t serious, which was clearly the opposite reaction she wanted from me.
She ran her hand roughly though her wet curls. “I’ve been randomly burning you and you’ve just kept it to yourself. Who does that?”
I let out a laugh with no humor laced in it whatsoever. “Someone who didn’t know what the fuck was going on, so he kept it to himself so he could figure shit out, while making sure the person he cared about the most was okay, like a good boyfr—” I stopped myself before I could finish, looking at the floor. We hadn’t had that conversation yet and with everything else going on, it was just never a solid time to bring it up. I didn’t know if Dani had ever had boyfriends before; she’d told me she’d never been in love or had someone say it to her, but that didn’t mean she’d never been in a committed relationship of any kind.
I wanted to be her boyfriend, but I didn’t want that to happen while also mentioning that she nearly melted my flesh a number of times in the last few weeks.
She pulled her lips in, pressing them together as she let my last words fall away. I heard her feet pad along the floor before she was right in front of me. Her eyes looked softer when I gave her my full attention. “When?”
I tilted my head to the side, not understanding.
“When does it happen?”
I laughed again, but this time humor enveloped it fully. “Well, so far it’s only happened when we…well when you…”
“Nick…”
“It’s only happened when we’re…well right when you….”
She sighed, annoyed. “Just spit it out!”
“It’s when you come!”
She opened her mouth but closed it immediately. Her eyes widened in shock, but in a matter of seconds, her shoulders started to shake from laughing. “Wait, wait, fucking wait. That’s why you acted so weird the morning you went to see Ariel. When I was holding your hand, you took it away so fast that I was confused. It was right after I…oh my god!” The side of her mouth scrunched up, her laughter ceasing instantly, as she brought her hand up and slapped the side of my head.
“What was that for?” I rubbed my head, knowing it didn’t hurt one bit, but trying really hard not to chuckle over her frustration.
“You don’t just keep that to yourself, Nicholas. No matter how it happened, I deserved to know. Despite what you say, I hurt you and I don’t love that.” She walked past me, opening the bathroom door, letting some of the cool air from the other room filter in.
I lifted my head towards the ceiling, hating that I made her feel this way. “I didn’t think I’d be saying sorry this much today, but I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I’m being honest when I say you didn’t necessarily hurt me, and I mean…I’m not completely upset about how it happens.” I smirked over at her, watching as she playfully shook her head at me.
“Natalia is probably right,” she muttered more to herself than to me.
“What about Natalia?”
She tucked pieces of her hair behind her ear. “Ugh, she said you might be an asset to my whole situation. The internal turmoil.”
I blinked, patiently waiting for her to continue.
“I told her that you had other things to deal with. You are working on a healthy mental state, you have your whole dad thing happening and I just didn’t want to be a burden, nor do I need you to be all macho hero man because I would rather throw myself out your fucking window than be a damsel in distress.” She started to chew on her thumbnail anxiously. “She might have mentioned something along the lines of light calls to light and all that nonsense.”
One corner of my mouth tipped up, but I covered my lips with my hand, trying to seem nonchalant. “Hmm, so she thinks my help is needed?”
“She suggested it, but that doesn’t mean I’m asking.”
I shrugged. “My light seems to be mingling with yours, which would mean that in some odd way I’m actually burning myself. The burning could be morphed into something constructive if you let it.”
“It’s not funny.”
“I’m not laughing. It’s just an observation.” I walked over to her, clasping my hands around her shoulders. “I am willing to provide you with any thread of light I have. I would love to be able to do that without having to get you naked and needy.”
She scrunched her nose up at me. “We both know you don’t mind.”
“I do not. You could burn me anytime you want, and I wouldn’t complain. I do want to give you the best advantage possible though, Dani. I am not asking you to give up this independence you have, but maybe your light would cooperate better if it knew you could trust it like you trust me.” I lifted her chin with my finger, forcing her to look directly at me. “You completely let go when you orgasm, so we’ll focus on that next time we see Natalia. Not the orgasm, but the letting go thing.”
I heard my father’s words echoing in my head.
One day your light will be just as big as that all on your own, but sometimes it’s okay to get a little help. He’d meant it for my younger self to be able to reflect on it for when I got to adulthood, but maybe, it could be of use right now. “It’s okay to get a little help, Dani. You took some of my darkness, remember, so how about you let me willingly give you some of my light.”
She rubbed her lips together as if she was mulling this over. “You’ll back off when I need you to?”
I groaned, but she stared at me with this look in her eyes that had me wanting to fold instantly. “ Only when you really need me to. Otherwise, I’m at your side, soaking up how much of a badass you are.”
“Compliments get you everywhere.” She pecked my lips, seeming to concede for now. She leaned back a bit before I could kiss her again. “Do one thing for me please?”
I let out a steady breath, assuming she would say something like please, talk to your dad. I would do it, I promised her that, but I wasn’t ready to face what that meant. The fact that I would have to discuss my mother was something that left a lump in my throat and a pained feeling in my chest. A feeling I didn’t know existed, especially when it was over someone I could hardly remember.
“Talk to Garrett. Let him talk to you about anything. Your necromancy, his kids, whatever. You of all people should know what a relief it is to just talk to someone about how you feel.”
She was my fiery hybrid with a heart as big as Heaven itself. I nodded, understanding every word she said. “Okay.”
She kissed my nose. “Good boy.”
I raised my eyebrows as she stuck her tongue between her teeth, giving me one of her various flirtatious expressions. “That is the first and last time you ever say that.” I tucked my hand into the front of her towel, loosening it.
She bit her bottom lip, examining me. “Nick, the whole burning light thing…orgasms…”
I pulled her towel completely off, bending at my knees so that I could tuck my hands behind her thighs and pick her up. She wrapped her legs around my lower back, pushing her breasts against my chest. “That hasn’t stopped me yet and it won’t stop me now. If you burn me then you burn me. I’ll heal.”