Chapter 26
CHAPTER 26
Logan
My phone started ringing the second I stepped through the door of my apartment. It was Clay’s ringtone, which I had recently changed to Wind Beneath My Wings in a moment when I’d been feeling particularly romantic, and although it was a bit sappy, it fit too well for me to consider changing it.
Clay knew when I got off work and must have calculated my commute down to the second to time his call so precisely. I pulled out my phone and answered the video call before I’d even sat down.
“Clay. I’m so glad to hear from you. It’s been a shit day.”
“Well, hopefully I can make it better. Ooh, still in uniform. It really must have been a tough day. It took you longer to get home than usual.”
I looked down at my clothes. It wasn’t actually a uniform, just a business casual suit that was tailored enough to look professional, but comfortable enough for me to spend hours running around the city if I had to.
In a way, Clay wasn’t wrong in calling it a uniform. I only wore such clothes when I was working, and usually preferred to wear jeans and a leather jacket when I was off the clock.
“Yeah,” I sighed as I finally took a seat on my own couch. “A long day.”
Should I tell him about the case?
I didn’t want him to get involved, but he also deserved to know that the people who hurt him might never be brought to justice if we couldn’t dig up more evidence.
I looked at his face, smiling eagerly at me through the screen. There was no way I could tell him about the Bell ringer case when he looked so happy. There was a spark of mischief in his eyes, and I knew he was in particularly high spirits. It would be cruel to ruin that with bleak news.
All thoughts of the Bell ringer case were pushed to the back of my mind, as far away from Clay as I could keep them.
Clay tugged at the collar of the bathrobe he was wearing. “Maybe I can cheer you up. Make your day a little better.”
“My day’s already better just hearing your voice.”
“No, I mean…” He huffed and fidgeted with the collar of his bathrobe some more. “You’d think I’d be better at this, but I don’t actually know how to get things started.”
Based on his tone and expression, he was frustrated but not upset. Confused, I propped my phone up on some books on my coffee table so I could face it more directly and give Clay my full attention.
“What are you talking about? Get what started?”
Clasping his restless hands in his lap, Clay looked off to the side for a moment and took a deep breath, like he was gathering his strength, before turning back to me.
“Okay. So… Doctor Coleman had an idea.”
“Your therapist?”
“Yeah. We’ve been working these last couple months on my hang ups around sex, and she had an idea to help me… ease into it.”
Not sure where this was going, I just nodded and waited for him to explain.
Instead of words, he answered me with actions. He first set up the phone on the bookshelf across from his bed, then stepped back so that I was able to see all of him. The bathrobe covered him from wrist to ankle, which was odd since he usually wore his day clothes up until it was time to go to bed.
Unable to look directly at the screen, he toyed with the tie keeping the robe closed.
“Don’t laugh if it looks stupid.”
In one smooth motion, he removed his bathrobe. The cloth fell to the floor, and my jaw went with it.
Hidden under the robe was one of the sexiest sets of lingerie I’d ever seen. Not much of his skin was truly exposed, between the long velvet gloves that covered his arms, tall boots that reached to his mid-thigh, and the semi-transparent lace that showed off tantalizing peeks of his torso. Everything was in shades of red, making him look like a literal devil come to life.
“So?” Clay asked, tugging at the lace top to pull it down over his stomach as much as possible. “What do you think?”
My brain was still full of white noise, and my first several attempts at forming sentences came out as a stuttering mess.
“I— You— Clay— Fuck. You gotta warn a guy before hitting him with… all that.”
Clay giggled as my tongue repeatedly tripped over itself, but there was a nervous edge to the sound that didn’t sound entirely happy.
“So, you do like it?”
Finally getting myself back under control, I managed to piece my scattered brain back together and fully process what I was seeing.
“Of course I like it. But, Clay, what’s all this about? You said this was Doctor Coleman’s idea?”
“Well, not this specifically.” He sat down on the edge of his bed, crossing his legs one over the other in a way that emphasized how good his limbs looked in the boots. “This outfit was my choice. That was the point. I’ve dressed up plenty of times for other people’s pleasure, but I’ve never really chosen something simply because I like it. She suggested I pick out something that I liked and that made me feel good, as a way to… how did she put it… reclaim my agency when it comes to my sexuality.”
“And nearly kill me in the process. You know, I was joking about you being pretty enough to be used as a weapon. You didn’t need to make it literal.”
This time Clay’s laughter sounded a little more genuine. My positive reaction to his appearance seemed to help him feel more comfortable, and he was quickly gaining confidence in his flirting.
Leaning back on his arms so the lines of his body were on full display, he pointed at me with the toe of one boot.
“Looks like I’m not the only one packing a weapon.”
I was so distracted by the sight of his legs encased in red leather that I didn’t immediately notice what he was pointing at. My eyes trailed down him, from hip to toe, and only then did I follow the line of his leg toward myself.
And the very obvious tent in my pants.
Awkwardly clearing my throat, I crossed my legs in a useless effort to hide my reaction.
“Sorry. Don’t worry about that.”
“No. Don’t hide.” Clay uncrossed his legs and leaned forward so he was closer to the camera. “I’ve been working on getting more comfortable with combining the ideas of you and sex in my head. So, I don’t want to shy away from it. I want to see.”
“You want to see?” Clay’s new position with his legs uncrossed gave me an even better view of his waist and inner thighs, which caused my erection to strain even harder against my pants. There was plenty for him to see, if that’s what he wanted, but I wasn’t certain what he was asking for.
Clay didn’t seem to know either as he nervously bit at his thumbnail, then sputtered when he found himself biting velvet instead of his own skin and dropped his hand back down to his lap.
“Yeah, I want to see you.” He toyed with the top of his boots and traced the seam that ran down his inner thigh in a way that was a tease I would have thought it was intentional if I didn’t know better. “You’ve seen me undressed before. It’s not fair that I’ve never seen you. Plus, I like the idea that you find me attractive. So… Let me see you. Please?”
The coy look he sent me from under his lashes was too intentional to be an accident. Maybe he did know what he was doing and was teasing me on purpose.
I certainly wasn’t going to complain.
“All right.” I shrugged and slipped off my jacket before unbuttoning my shirt. My actions were slow, taking my time on each button so that he could stop me if it turned out I’d misinterpreted his request.
My caution was unnecessary. The moment I started undressing, Clay perked up like an eager dog. If he had a tail, it would have started wagging.
“Really? You’ll let me see?”
Removing my shirt, I tossed it aside, unconcerned with where it landed. “Were you expecting me to turn you down?”
His shy demeanor returned, and he ducked his head, but he never stopped looking me up and down. “I hoped you would agree, but I didn’t know if you’d find doing something on camera like this uncomfortable.”
Before removing my pants, I had to take my shoes off first. There was no sexy way to remove shoes, especially not ones with extra laces like mine, so I hurried through it to get them off as fast as possible.
“I told you before. We’ll do whatever makes you comfortable. Does the distance between us help since I’m not actually in the room with you?”
Still eyeing me like I was putting on a fascinating show, Clay nodded. “I think so. If you were here with me that would probably be too much, but this is easier. I can make it stop just by turning off my phone.”
With my hand on the button of my pants, I froze. “You know I would stop if you asked me to, right?”
“I know,” Clay quickly reassured me. “But just because I know something is true, doesn’t mean I feel it’s true. That’s a lot of what I’ve been working on with Doctor Coleman. Everything involving sex feels like a threat, even when I know it’s safe. That’s why this is a good starting point. The threat is minimal since you’re so far away.”
At first, I felt insulted that Clay considered me a threat, but I kept my mouth closed and breathed through my nose as I let the hurt from his words wash past me. It was one of the first things they reiterated to us when I joined the FPA, to evaluate our reactions and not let our own emotions affect the way we treated people.
It was a hard lesson to remember in the heat of the moment and required the discipline of all my years on the police force.
Clay didn’t mean to insult me. He was just explaining his mindset and he trusted me enough not to misinterpret or take it personally.
After reminding myself of this, the sting of his accusation faded, and my heart was calm once again.
“So, you want me to continue?”
With an eager smile on his face, Clay braced his elbow on his knee and propped his chin in his hand to stare at me expectantly.
“Yes, please.”
Despite my earlier confidence, I’d never actually stripped on camera. There was something more vulnerable about it than when my partner was in the room with me. It wasn’t a bad feeling, but I did feel like I was on display.
Since I was sitting down, there was no choice but to stand up so I could remove my pants. The way I had my phone angled meant that the upper half of my body was off the screen when I was standing, so Clay was really getting a full view of everything he wanted to see.
At least he seemed to be enjoying the show, based on the sparkle in his eyes as he watched me.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed my pants off my hips and let them fall to the floor. Then, before I could lose my nerve, I shoved my underwear off just as quickly.
When I sat back down, the leather material of my couch was cold against my skin, yet I felt hotter than ever. My arousal hadn’t dimmed at all since Clay first revealed his outfit. If anything, the embarrassment crawling under my skin only made me even harder. That was something I hadn’t known about myself, and blood rushed to my cheeks as I blushed.
Trying to adopt a relaxed pose, like I wasn’t screaming on the inside, I threw an arm over the back of my couch.
“Good?”
I had no idea what I was even asking about.
Was I good?
Was he good?
I just needed to say something to fill the silence, and it was the only thing I could think of saying.
Clay didn’t seem to mind as he bit his lip and drank me in with his eyes. “Hmm. Very good.”
Still wanting to go at his speed, I didn’t make another move despite the erection that was now throbbing painfully hard between my legs.
“What do you want me to do now?”
“What?” Clay looked up at me, meeting my eyes for the first time in several minutes with a startled expression.
“Come on,” I encouraged. “This is your show. So, tell me what you want me to do next. I’m following your command.”
“Really? Anything?” He was obviously intrigued by the idea, but also skeptical as his eyes narrowed at me. “What if I wanted you to start doing jumping jacks?”
Without hesitation, I stood from the couch intending to follow his orders, but he stopped me before I could get started.
“Wait. Stop. Come back. I don’t actually want you to do that.”
I sat back down, this time throwing both arms over the back of the couch so that I was lounging more than sitting.
“So, what do you want me to do? Give me the word and I’ll do it.”
Clay gaped at me, eyes alight with possibilities, but also in complete disbelief that he was being given such an opportunity.
The bottom part of his outfit was made of velvet just like his gloves. Calling them shorts was a generous term, since they didn’t cover his legs at all, but the thicker material hid his body more than typical lingerie. Until now, there had been no hint of actual arousal from him, but he must have found the idea of ordering me around very appealing, because a noticeable tent formed in the front of his shorts.
The evidence of his arousal helped ease my own embarrassment. I must be doing something right if Clay found it so exciting.
While I’d been distracted observing him, he’d been busy deciding what to do with his newfound power. He sat up straighter, as if his bed were a throne, and gave me a look like a king regarding his loyal subject.
“You told me before that you’ve had dreams about me. I want to see how you take care of yourself after these dreams.”
What could a subject do but obey his king?
With the real thing sitting right in front of me, it wasn’t hard to remember how my dreams of him would leave me a sweating, desperate mess. I already ached for him, and now that I had permission, my hand found my cock as if it had been magnetized. I immediately started stroking myself, moaning as pleasure licked up my spine like fire, and squeezed my eyes shut tight.
“Stop.”
My hand froze the moment I heard Clay’s order, and my head fell back against the couch with a groan of frustration.
“Clay. You’re killing me.”
He laughed at me, and although I was practically writhing with desperation, I smiled as well.
“You’re going too fast,” he chastised me, shaking his head like I’d disappointed him. “I want you to go slower so I can enjoy it.”
I could already see his plan forming behind his eyes. He was going to tease me for as long as he could. The power I’d given him over me excited him, and he planned to make it last.
Bracing myself for a rough ride, I followed his request and started stroking myself much slower than before.
It was torture. I wanted nothing more than to take myself firmly in hand and chase the orgasm that was building in my gut, but Clay wouldn’t let me. He insisted that I keep my touch slow and soft, and even started directing me on exactly how I should touch myself.
For a full minute, he had me focus on just the head of my cock, bringing myself so close to orgasm my vision started to turn white. Then, just before I found release, he ordered my hands away from my cock entirely and only let me touch my thighs and chest until I calmed down. Then, when I could finally touch my cock again, I had to keep my strokes so light and slow that I could barely feel them.
It was the most intense kind of edging because I was doing it to myself. At any moment, I could easily put an end to it and let myself come, but my hands seemed to no longer be connected to me. They moved only under Clay’s command, as if he’d somehow reached into my brain and taken direct control of me.
Clay never took his own clothes off, but at some point, he started rubbing himself through his shorts. I couldn’t even enjoy the sight of him pleasuring himself, trapped as I was within the prison of my own skin. He controlled everything. He told me when I could make noise and when I had to be silent. When I could close my eyes and when I had to keep them open.
I obeyed every word he said.
The sun was still up when I returned home from work, but it had set behind the horizon when Clay finally gave me permission to finish. Tears were leaking from my eyes at that point, and it didn’t take more than a couple of quick strokes for me to fall over the edge that I’d been teetering on for so long.
My throat was a dry, tangled knot, and the moan that I let out when I came sounded like someone was choking me. I made a mess of my own hand and thighs, and even managed to stain the couch, but I didn’t care about the cleanup. My brain was filled with nothing but static and fog as I lay sprawled over the couch, as limp as a wet rag.
“Wow,” Clay gasped. His voice was breathless, and when I cracked one eye open to look at him, I could see a wet patch on the front of his shorts.
I tried to sit up, but my boneless limbs wouldn’t cooperate, and I collapsed back into my undignified sprawl.
“Forget what I said earlier. You weren’t trying to kill me before. This is how you plan on killing me.”
Clay’s whole body was shaking, though I suspected it was more from emotional exhaustion than physical exertion. He lay down sideways on his bed, using his arms as a pillow so he could still look at the phone. “That would be such a waste. I’ve got too many plans to kill you now.”
I groaned again and ran my clean hand through my sweaty hair to push it out of my eyes.
“Fuck. If that’s what sex is like when you’re seven states away, I don’t think I could handle having you in the same room.”
Clay scowled at me, his pale eyebrows furrowing, but it was clearly a joke since his lips were still smiling.
“You’d better figure out how to handle it, because that’s my goal. Someday we’re going to have sex for real, and you better be ready when we do.”
The half-assed salute I gave him would have horrified my drill instructors from the past.
“Sir, yes, sir. I promise, I will rise to the occasion.”
Clay smothered his giggle against his arms, but I could still hear him. Every time I heard him laugh it made my heart nearly float out of my chest.
When we first met, such sounds of joy seemed impossible for him. He’d come such a long way in such a relatively short amount of time.
The memory of my early conversation with Roland flickered to life in my mind, but I immediately pushed it away. There were so many things I could talk to Clay about, but I would not be bringing up the Bell ringer case. Especially not now, after we just made another monumental leap forward in our relationship.
Maybe, someday, I’d bring it up with him, but today was not that day.
In fact, that day might never come, but as I listened to Clay’s laughter, I realized that failing to solve the Bell ringer case wouldn’t be the end of the world. I wouldn’t give up on it, but I also had to admit when something was beyond me.
I couldn’t solve this case all by myself, but I could dedicate myself to ensuring Clay’s happiness, and help him keep moving forward.
Even if that was all I ended up achieving, it would be enough.