Chapter 31
CHAPTER 31
Clay
Two years after we met, I stepped into Logan’s apartment for the first time.
No, it was my apartment. I lived here now.
It was new for Logan as well, as his place hadn’t been big enough for two people. We’d picked it out together online, but Logan had gone to visit the place alone, so I’d never seen it in person before.
Moving so far across the country while also getting ready to take the GED test had been a nightmare to manage. I’d had more than one meltdown in the ensuing months, which Logan had talked me through over the phone. There were some days I didn’t think I’d ever get here, but here we were. The results of my GED test had just come in a few days ago, and while I didn’t ace it, my score was more than enough to pass.
Jason and Patrick had thrown me a graduation party, which also doubled as a going-away party. The house had been covered in so much confetti, they were still finding it in the couch cushions when I left.
The bags I was carrying hit the ground with a loud thud as I looked around the living room of my new home. Most of my stuff was being shipped separately, so my bags only held the basic essentials.
When I’d arrived at my brother’s place two years ago, I’d had only a single bag’s worth of stuff to my name. Now, I’d acquired so much stuff, it required special shipping.
What a difference two years could make.
Strong arms wrapped around me from behind, and Logan’s warm body pressed up against my back. It was another testament to my progress that I didn’t jump or flinch from the unexpected contact, and merely relaxed back into the embrace.
Logan’s lips skimmed the side of my neck before he spoke directly into my ear.
“So, what’d you think of the place?”
I looked around for a moment, as if I hadn’t just been admiring the space around me.
“I don’t know. Did we really need such a big place? I can’t even help with the rent until I get a job. Maybe three bedrooms was too much.”
I laughed, but it wasn’t a joke. The price tag on a three-bedroom apartment in the middle of Baton Rouge was no laughing matter. We’d argued over it for weeks, especially when Logan tried to insist that I didn’t need to pay for anything. We eventually compromised when Logan pointed out that we needed the space. His job, especially after his promotion, required a secure home office. Plus, it wouldn’t be right to ask my brother and Patrick to sleep on the couch when they came to visit. So, a guestroom was also a necessity.
I’d agreed to the three bedrooms on the condition that I paid at least a small portion of the rent.
My savings wouldn’t allow me to pay much right now, but I was determined to one day afford my half of the rent.
Once I figured out what career path I wanted to pursue. I didn’t have all the answers yet, but there was time to figure it out.
I looked over my shoulder at Logan, making sure to smile at him so he would know I was joking about the apartment.
He just shook his head and gave me a brief kiss.
“Tease.”
Before he could get too far away, I slipped a hand into his hair and pulled him back into a proper kiss.
Sexual frustration was a new experience. I’d never really desired anyone before Logan, and for most of our relationship, sex had been a difficult subject. Finally, after two years of therapy, I was comfortable enough to admit that I wanted him without any guilt.
Unfortunately, despite this breakthrough, he’d remained frustratingly out of reach. We’d been so busy the last few months, there hadn’t been much time for romance. Even the number of intimate video calls had decreased.
Even now, with him standing so close to me that I could feel the heat of his body through our clothes, desire pumped through my veins. We’d nearly joined the mile-high club on the flight over here. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that Logan was the one flying the plane.
Now that we had our feet on the ground, I wasn’t going to wait any longer.
When the kiss ended, I turned around and looped both arms around his neck.
“The living room looks great, but I’m more interested in the bedroom.”
Logan’s dark eyes sparked, and he led me by the hand through the bedroom door.
“Here. Take a look. I tried to decorate it in a way I thought you’d like, but feel free to change anything you want.”
I couldn’t have recalled a single detail about the bedroom if someone had asked me about it later. All I saw was the bed, illuminated by a single ray of afternoon sunlight that snuck through a tiny gap in the closed curtains.
Tossing my jacket onto a nearby chair, I sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s perfect.”
I’d hoped that my invitation would be obvious, but Logan didn’t seem to be getting the hint. He stayed standing by the door, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.
“That’s good. I’ve kept half the drawers empty, so you can move your stuff in whenever. We can also reorganize things if you?—”
“Logan,” I cut off his rambling. “That all sounds great, but it’s really not what I’m interested in right now.”
I held out my hand toward him, making my invitation clearer, but he still didn’t come any closer.
“What, um…” He cleared his throat, looking as nervous as a teenager about to ask their crush to prom. “What are you interested in?”
Was he playing coy?
Is that what was happening here?
Every person I’d ever slept with before had approached sex with a single-minded purpose. I’d never had to invite someone into bed before. My compliance was already assumed by the time we got this far.
For once, remembering my past didn’t hurt. It still wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t the instant mood killer it used to be.
Logan and I had done plenty of stuff together over video calls.
Why was it so much more awkward in person?
Thinking back to those calls, I realized what was different. Every time we’d gotten sexual before, I had usually taken the initiative and told Logan what to do. Yet now that we were finally face to face, I expected him to take the lead because that was what always happened in the past.
That wouldn’t do.
Adopting a more confident set to my shoulders, I leaned back on my hands and pointedly glanced at the floor in front of me.
“Logan. Get over here.”
Just as I’d hoped, he jumped to my command. His knees hit the floor so quickly as he knelt in front of me that I could feel the impact even through the carpet. Thank God he was in good shape, or he would have hurt himself.
Taking command over a video call was one thing, but doing it in person was a much greater challenge. I felt like a fraud. My veneer of confidence was only paper thin, but before I could second guess myself, I hooked one leg over his shoulder and pulled him closer.
“That’s better. I was started to feel like you’d lost interest in me.”
He ran his hands up both my legs from ankle to thigh, stopping just before he reached the crease of my hip. “No. I want to make sure I’m not pressuring you into anything. And…” His cheeks turned bright red, and he buried his face against my thigh to hide his expression. “And it’s really hot when you order me around.”
I tangled my hand in his hair, giving me a perfect handle to tip his head up and make him look at me.
“Doing this over video is one thing, but you still like it when we’re in-person?”
He nodded, accidentally tugging his own hair.
“More than like it. I love it. Tell me what you want me to do.”
The desperation in his eyes, and the way his breathing picked up just from thinking about following my orders, sent a thrill of arousal through me. I could get used to this.
“Ah, Logan.” I sighed as I tightened my hand in his hair. “You’re going to spoil me. All right. You want me to tell you what to do? Fine.”
I pushed down on his head just hard enough for him to feel it.
“These last few weeks have been so stressful. Make me feel good so I can relax.”
The power I felt when he instantly moved to obey me was thrilling. First placing several kisses along my inner thigh, he worked his way upward until he was literally nuzzling between my legs. Even just the pressure I could feel through my pants was pleasurable. I couldn’t imagine how good skin-on-skin contact would feel, but I was eager to find out.
Logan quickly grew frustrated with the barrier my pants created and reenacted some of his dirtier dreams by pulling the zipper down with his teeth. I had to stop him and remove my pants myself for fear that he would rip my clothing, but eventually, I sat there in nothing but a button-down shirt that was left hanging completely open.
With my hand in Logan’s hair, I guided him back where I wanted him. We both moaned when his lips brushed over my arousal. It was a strange sensation to be touched there so delicately. Even my own hand wasn’t as gentle. Logan’s lips, followed by his tongue, were as delicate as a butterfly’s wing.
I tipped my head back and closed my eyes, intending to enjoy the sensation, but in the darkness behind my eyelids, other memories started playing. My eyes immediately sprang back open and I looked back down at Logan, reminding myself who was touching me now.
It wasn’t the same.
Nothing about this was the same, and I refused to ruin this moment by letting those old memories overlap with my new reality.
Using his hair like puppet strings, I directed the motion of his head.
“Come on. Don’t tease me. Make me feel good.”
After taking a deep breath, Logan wrapped his mouth around me and swallowed me whole. My hand that wasn’t in his hair fisted in the bed sheet as I cried out from the shocking sensation that ran along my entire nervous system.
His mouth serviced me with the confidence of a pro. I would have been jealous of the people he’d gotten on his knees for in the past if I could have formed a complete thought, but the only words running through my brain were “More. More. Yes. Please. More.”
I may have also been saying them out loud, but I couldn’t tell through the static that filled my ears.
As I felt my climax approaching, my back arched and my hips jerked, driving me deeper into his throat. Logan didn’t even choke as he accepted all of me and sped up. My hand still sat on his head, riding the up and down motion rather than guiding it.
I could have told him to stop at any time. I wouldn’t even need to use words. A simple tug at his hair would be enough to get my point across, and I knew he’d immediately stop the moment I did.
This thought, more than anything, drove me over the edge. My toes curled into the carpet, and I whined in the back of my throat like a dying animal as I came.
Logan showed off his surprising talent by swallowing most of what I gave him. He didn’t even look embarrassed when he gazed up at me with the evidence of my pleasure glistening on his lips. In that moment, if anyone was asked to guess which of us had been paid for sex before, Logan would have seemed like the better candidate than me.
“Fuck,” I gasped as I collapsed back against the bed. “I want to ask where you learned to do that, but I’m afraid of the answer.”
Now Logan dared to look embarrassed, sitting back on his heels and staring down at the floor like he’d done something wrong.
“Oh, no.” I grabbed his chin and tipped his head up. “Don’t go getting bashful on me now. There’s a story behind that. What it is?”
Clearing his throat, Logan wiped his lips and chin with the back of his hand. His mumbled answer was so quiet I had to ask him to repeat himself, and even then, I struggled to hear what he said.
“You, um, aren’t the first sex worker I’ve dated. They taught me some things.”
A brief flicker of jealousy alighted in my heart, but it died almost immediately. I couldn’t blame anyone for wanting to date Logan. He was too perfect to pass up. I was just glad that this unnamed ex had left him free and available for me.
“Remind me to send this ex of yours a thank you card.”
Logan still knelt on the floor at my feet, his own arousal unsated and straining against the confines of his pants. He didn’t say anything about it, but I knew it was driving him crazy from the way he kept shifting his legs.
I took my time removing my shirt, the last piece of clothing I still wore, and shuffled up to the top of the bed where I made myself comfortable among the pillows.
Still, Logan didn’t move from his place. He didn’t even try to stroke himself through his pants. He just sat there, enduring the desperation, as he waited for my next order.
I was half-tempted to leave him wanting. There was something dark and thrilling about the thought of getting him riled up and then refusing to give him any relief.
Maybe we could play with that idea another day. I had a feeling Logan would find it just as enjoyable as I did.
Not today, though.
Today was a day for both of us to enjoy.
I curled my hand toward myself, beckoning him over. “Get undressed and come here.”
Logan practically tore his clothes from his body. I was genuinely surprised I didn’t hear ripping fabric as I watched him toss them aside. He climbed onto the bed with me but hesitated before touching me.
In response, I spread my legs to make room for him.
He still hesitated. “Are you sure? We can do it the other way if you’d prefer.”
I’d never actually considered that before. My role in bed had always been assumed. Doing it any other way had never occurred to me as a possibility.
Thinking about it for a second, I shook my head.
“Maybe another time. For now, I want it like this.”
He was still obviously hesitant, so I grabbed his shoulders and guided him forward until he knelt over me with his hands planted on the bed near my head and my legs wrapped around his hips.
I ran gentle hands over his shoulders and down his back, admiring the strong but safe cage his body formed around me.
“Everything with you has felt so different than what I’ve known before. I want to know how different this will feel as well. I need to feel you inside me.”
The nightstand beside the bed was close enough for Logan to reach without leaving me. He tossed a bottle of lubricant onto the mattress beside me, then held up a condom with a question in his eyes.
I debated with myself, but ultimately shook my head. “Do you mind if we don’t use it. I’m clean. I promise. Jason insisted I get tested for everything possible, and I haven’t slept with anyone since. I just… I really want to feel you as much as possible.”
Logan tossed the condom aside without protest. “I’m clean as well. I got tested just last week. Not because I thought there was a problem, but just because I wanted to be able to prove it to you. I can get the paperwork, if you want to see it.”
I held on tight to his shoulders before he could leave.
“It’s all right. I believe you. But thanks for making so much effort. You didn’t have to do that. I would have believed you even without proof.”
He pressed a heartbreakingly tender kiss to my forehead.
“I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”
I held back the tears that wanted to well up in my eyes and gave him a smile instead. “I promise you. I’m very comfortable.” Then I handed him the bottle of lube. “Now, get to work.”
Logan’s fingers slid into me easily. Two years of celibacy wasn’t enough to make me forget how sex worked, and I found it very easy to relax while holding onto him and breathing in his comforting scent.
While he slowly stretched me open, Logan pressed dozens of kisses over my neck and chest. His fingers sought every pleasurable spot inside of me until I was a writhing, desperate mess.
“I’m ready,” I gasped as his fingers pushed even deeper. “I was ready a while ago. Now, you’re just trying to make me beg.”
Logan just laughed and kissed me again. “Patience. There’s nothing wrong with making sure you enjoy it.”
“Enjoy” was an understatement. Logan’s touch was so different from anything else I’d ever experienced, there was no comparison.
When he finally deemed me ready—and when I was nearly clawing at him in desperation—he removed his fingers and hitched my legs higher around his waist to line himself up.
My fingernails left crescents on his shoulders as he pushed inside me. I couldn’t help the instinct that made me want to brace for pain. Yet, I felt nothing but pleasure and satisfaction as he buried himself deep inside me. At this point, I may as well call myself a virgin. If this was what being with someone was supposed to be like, then everything I’d experienced before shouldn’t even count as sex.
Logan started moving, soft and shallow at first, but quickly gaining strength. I clung to him, crying out in ecstasy with each thrust. He must have really been paying attention when he used his fingers, because he managed to hit my deepest pleasure spot with deadly accuracy every time.
I couldn’t take it. I wasn’t used to feeling so much all at once. Yet, at the same time I didn’t want him to stop.
I wrapped my arms and legs around him as tightly as I could, practically merging our bodies together as I mumbled encouragement into his ear.
“Fuck. Baby, just like that. So good. You’re so good.”
With each thrust, Logan sent me higher and higher until it almost felt like I’d slipped into the Midnight Zone again. I was barely inside my body anymore, as though my soul was leaking out and filling the air around us.
I could have stayed there forever and lived a happy life.
Eventually, Logan’s movements grew more erratic. He was desperately close to his end. Considering how much I’d teased him before this, it was a miracle he’d lasted so long.
His hand slipped between us and started stroking my cock, hastening my own climax so I could join him. He was mumbling something into my ear the whole time, and though I couldn’t make out the words through the pounding of my own heartbeat, the sound of his voice was enough to tickle the back of my brain.
I bit his shoulder when I came. I didn’t plan to do so. It just happened in the heat of the moment.
He grunted in shock from the unexpected pain, but just held me closer as he reached his own end.
Subtle warmth spread inside me as his hips stuttered, and I could just make out the sound of him repeating my name over and over.
Was there something better than heaven?
If so, then this was it.
When it ended, and we’d both calmed down enough to at least give each other breathing room, Logan lay on his back with his head on a pillow and one arm still around me. I let my head rest on his shoulder, hooking one leg around his hips to keep him close, and basked in the warmth radiating off him.
I’d heard people describe a “post-sex afterglow” but never experienced it myself until now. It was another first I could give Logan. I wondered if I’d ever stop discovering new experiences with him, or if he’d spend the rest of our lives surprising me.
The thought startled me. While I’d been contemplating the future recently, I’d never thought so far ahead to use phrases like “the rest of my life”.
I found I enjoyed the thought a lot more than I expected. So long as Logan was there, I’d probably enjoy anything.
Propping my chin on his chest, I looked up at him.
“I was thinking of taking some classes.”
His eyes still weren’t fully focused, and he struggled to comprehend what I was saying at first.
“What? You mean, like, at the University?”
“Yeah.” I lazily drew nonsense symbols over his chest with one of my fingers. “I still have no idea what I’d want to major in, or if college is even the right choice for me, but I thought maybe I could take some of the core classes while I decided.”
He squeezed my shoulder in a one-armed hug. “That’s a great idea. I’m sure you’ve already discussed this with Jason, but if you need help paying for classes, feel free to ask me.”
I nodded but didn’t respond. I’d already gone through this song and dance with Jason, and I’d given up trying to convince either of them to save their money.
At this rate, my brother and my boyfriend were going to end up fighting over who got to pay for me.
Shifting onto his side so he could see me better, Logan braced his head on his hand. “While I’m glad to hear you’ve got plans, what brought this on?”
I shrugged. “Just… thinking about the future.”
We lay there in silence for a moment, listening to each other’s heartbeats, but eventually, Logan let out a deep sigh and sat up.
“That reminds me of something else I need to talk to you about. This probably isn’t the best time, but I didn’t think there is a good time, so may as well do it now.”
He sounded serious, so I sat up as well. While we’d been busy, the sunlight sneaking through the curtain had turned to moonlight, and the air between us was aglow with silver dust.
“What is it?” I placed a hand on his knee and scooted closer until I was practically in his lap. “You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t get upset.”
Well, that was probably a lie. I wasn’t always the best at regulating my emotions, but I would give it my best try.
Looking at me up and down like he was judging the validity of my claim, Logan sighed again.
“You know I’ve been building a case against Preston Vanshaw ever since you told me about him.”
Every muscle in my body grew tense, but I didn’t pull away. “Yeah. What about it?”
“I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but making a case against him isn’t going to be easy. This whole operation is good at hiding their tracks. If we’re going to have any chance of putting these bastards away, then we’re going to need as much proof as possible, and… and it’s going to be nearly impossible without a witness.”
He didn’t say it directly, but I knew what he was asking.
“You need me to testify.”
For a moment, it looked like he was going to argue. His mouth opened and the words were on the tip of his tongue, but then he just silently nodded.
Telling my therapist and Logan about what happened to me was hard enough. I hadn’t even told my brother most of the details.
Would I be able to tell my story to a room full of strangers?
I didn’t know a lot about the legal process, but I was pretty sure they were going to want me to be as detailed and specific as possible.
“I’ll do it.”
“What?” Logan grabbed my hands and squeezed them almost hard enough to hurt. “Clay. Wait. Take some time to think about it.”
I pulled my hands away, and snuggled myself into the circle of his arms instead so he was holding my entire body.
“I’ve been doing nothing but thinking about it for two years. Hell, for my whole life. Nothing will get better just because I keep it to myself.”
I could feel his hesitation even without looking up at him.
“If you’re sure.”
“I’m not.” I hid my face against his chest. “But I think I’m ready to try.”
Logan’s arms were like a security blanket as they held me tight. “I should warn you, testifying won’t be the end. If anything, it’ll be the beginning of our fight. Cases like this take a long time and a lot of effort to resolve.”
“I know. I’m ready.”
This time, I managed to say it with more conviction.
The heavy moment was interrupted by a loud protest from my stomach. I’d been too busy to each much today, and after my recent exertion, my stomach had apparently decided to put its foot down.
Groaning, I collapsed onto the bed and tucked my head under the pillows. “I’m hungry, but I’m too tired to get up. Do you think my stomach will shut up if I just ignore it?”
I felt the mattress jostle as Logan moved, but instead of joining me, he left the bed entirely.
“I said I’d do whatever you told me. That includes orders from your stomach as well. I’ll put a meal together for us. Don’t worry. I stocked the fridge before you came. I remember your appetite.”
His footsteps moved away, but suddenly stopped near the door. I peeked out from under the pillow to find him standing there, smiling at me.
“I just realized I forgot to say something earlier.”
Pulling my head completely out from under the pillows, I looked at him with confusion. “What?”
His smile grew even wider. “Welcome home.”
Then he left and a moment later I heard him moving around in the kitchen.
Rolling onto my back, I stared at the ceiling and watched the movement of the moonlight as I listened to Logan humming to himself as he cooked for us.
“I’m ready.”