Lost in Life

Chapter 5

They’re magnificent.

I haven’t stopped thinking of Nova all the years I’ve been gone, no matter how badly I tried to push them out of my mind. My memories don’t do justice to the stunning human before me now.

Their once golden brown hair is now an eye-catching, bright, reddish purple. Partially shaved on one side, a braid hanging over the cropped section. My eyes scan over their face, noticing several piercings in addition to the small nose ring they once sported, an eyebrow and Medusa piercing now joining the nose ring. Both ears are pierced along the lobe up to the helix, an industrial piercing on the side of their shaved hair.

Nova has always been beautiful, but now there’s a fierceness joining the beauty. I watch them stumble into someone and take the opportunity to bolt like the coward I am.

Life has not been easy for me since leaving that church. I’ve had to learn how to protect myself and that’s what I’m doing now, because I know if I were to let Nova back into my life it would only end in more tears. I’ve damaged us beyond a hope of repair and, no matter how desperately I wanted to run to them and wrap them up in my arms, I can’t do that. I can’t hurt them. Not again.

Slipping out the back exit, I sling my leg over my motorcycle, shoving the helmet onto my head.

The worst part about the whole encounter was knowing it’s their birthday today. The day I always made special for them, the day I could lower my guard a bit and show some of my real feelings.

Speeding away from my best friend and love of my life, I wish I could take it all back, change the decisions my younger self made. But it’s not possible, and even if by some miracle I could, I know now that every miracle comes with a price I’m not willing to pay.

So I’ll return to my empty home and drown my sorrows in the cheap vodka I have stashed away. Nova is better off without me anyway.

“You’re late.”

I duck my head, wringing my hands as I shuffle into the empty bar. Club Vixen always looks so different in the daylight without the ambient lighting and copious amounts of alcohol.

Snapping his fingers, Rex draws my attention back to him. “Get over here, jailbait.”

I flinch at the term, Rex’s favorite nickname for me since I was sprung a few months ago. It wouldn’t do any good to tell him that it doesn’t mean what he thinks it does. If anything, it would just make him use the term more.

He smirks, knowing the effect it has on me.

While I never experienced some of the more horrific things the name is meant to imply, my prison sentence was far from easy.

My fingers drift absentmindedly to the scar on my side, one of my many such reminders of the pain I endured during my lockup. Standing awkwardly beside the booth, I wait for him to tell me what this is about.

My mind drifts to last night, the image of Nova filling my vision. Shifting on my feet, I try to push away the desire to drop everything and find where they are. The nearly overwhelming need to crawl back on my knees and beg for their forgiveness.

I don’t deserve it.

And they don’t deserve to have to put up with me and all my broken chaos.

I try to hide my flinch at the thought, but am proven unsuccessful when Rex barks out a laugh. “Pussy.” He chuckles, shaking his head and knocking back a shot. Slamming the glass down on the table, he sloppily pours another one, holding the clear liquid out to me.

My eyes dart around the space, trying to find a way out of this situation. Looking back at the offered alcohol, I slump my shoulders, knowing it’s pointless to try. Even if I somehow managed to slip out of the empty bar, Rex is my sole source of income. If I turn tail and run, I’ll find myself on the streets again.

A shudder runs through my body at the thought of going back to that.

I can’t. I won’t.

So, even though I know this is probably going to end badly, I reach forward and shakily take the shot glass, tossing it back.

“Atta boy.” He croons, slapping my shoulder. I flinch, lowering my eyes as my heart beats a little faster at the praise. “Now, let’s talk business.”