Lovestruck

3. Allie

CHAPTER 3

Allie

September

“Have you heard from him?” Bailey’s voice echoed throughout my house. The beachfront house that used to be ours .

It was my first time home after our breakup. I had a two-week break between tour stops, so I decided I had to deal with this once and for all. Our dog Charlie lay at my feet. He was my dog now. No way I was giving him to Josiah.

I looked out the back sliders to the long stretch of beach, the waves lapping the shore. My Florida home was one of several I owned across the country, but it was my favorite and what I considered home base. For me, there was nothing like the sound, sight, and smell of the beach to inspire me.

“No. I don’t plan to hear from him, though. As long as he is lying low as we discussed and not going to the press, I am fine.” Not to mention the NDA he signed years ago. I knew he had as much desire to go to the press about me as he did to step in dog poop. He hated the press.

“When are you putting it out there?” Bailey Lee was a successful, popular country singer, and we’d been best friends for over ten years after meeting at our first-ever awards show as teen stars. She was one of the few who really understood everything about this life I led. Her home base was Nashville, while mine was in Florida, so we didn’t get to meet up as often as we wanted. In typical fashion, people had tried to pit us against each other our entire careers, but we didn’t give it a second thought, and we always made sure to show the world how much we loved and appreciated each other. We even had crossover fans who called us Ballie or Wittlee and begged for a collaboration. The internet was funny. Sometimes. If only they knew how much we sang and brainstormed together. Our labels were the ones hesitant for us to “cross over” together.

“Zoey is working on ‘the leak’ that we broke up. She will handle when to do it. Sometime this week, since I’m on a break from the tour and that news can settle before I go back out. Right now, I’m just enjoying the calm before the storm.” There had been speculation about why Josiah hadn’t been seen with me or at any of my shows, but the good thing was he didn’t do much of that when we were together, so there wasn’t much off about it.

Bailey sighed, echoing my feelings exactly. She knew what was going to happen once the media got the news story. Not that people weren’t camped out outside the gates of my house every day anyway. But right now, that was for a good reason—my fifth headlining tour, an all-stadium sold-out international tour. It literally broke the internet when I announced it after my newest album, Lovestruck, went number one globally for a record number of weeks.

We even added two more rounds of dates to help with demand. My team said I could tour for years from the demand of this one tour. Once this story broke, the shouts outside my house would be questions about why I couldn’t make another one stay rather than the success of my album and tour. It got old. Really, really old. Some would say I signed up for this, but in reality, I signed up to live out my dream, not be judged for the men—or lack thereof—in my life.

Tears threatened, but I refused to cry over him one more second. For me, it had been two months. For the public, it would be a fresh story, and I’d have to relive it again. And again. And again. Until they got tired of it and moved on to another female to harass. Or they’d just talk instead about the size of my ass, from teenage me to late-twenties me, and whether me being too thin or too fat was why a man wouldn’t commit to me. And let’s not forget the pregnant rumors anytime someone got the wrong angle of my profile in a picture. Was there any wonder women had eating disorders, and I’d spent most of my early twenties trying to meet their unrealistic expectations?

“Just one more man-eater story I’ll have to deal with,” I said. “What else is new? The narrative never changes.”

“Why they can’t focus on our accomplishments instead, I will never understand.”

Bailey had had her share of news stories about her dating life as well. Two years younger than me, she entered the country music scene at sixteen also, and her dating life had been just as scrutinized as mine. Sometimes I’d like to ask people just what they thought teenagers and twentysomethings were supposed to do, but I didn’t. It wasn’t worth it. When I did interviews—which was rare now—I got my digs in, but even that wasn’t worth it anymore. I just focused on the lyrics to my songs and left it at that.

I tried to focus on continuing to live my dream and ignore them, but as I neared thirty years old, the opinions got louder and more frequent. My “biological clock” was ticking, I wasn’t getting any younger, etc. etc. etc. Reporters asking me about my work no longer focused on just me, but what I wanted for my future—a.k.a. who I wanted, and when I was going to start popping out babies. It wasn’t that I didn’t want all that—I just didn’t want it on someone else’s time frame or according to some mythical biological clock. I had goals to meet before all that. And, you know, finding the right man, apparently.

At least while I was with Josiah, the only news story was when we were getting married or if we were already secretly married. That story surfaced a few times a year. Since Josiah was not a fan of the press, he didn’t often accompany me to awards shows or other public events, and if he did, he went in through another entrance and met me inside. He did not enjoy the whole pap-walk thing, and there were only a handful of pictures of us publicly in five years.

I had come to realize this was more of an issue for me than I originally thought. I could understand that he didn’t choose public life, but he did choose me. He knew when we met, ironically when I was at a meeting in his office with another attorney after someone accused me of stealing their lyrics (even though I write every word of all my songs). He knew who I was and what my life was like. And before we became official, we’d had a lot of conversations about what he was comfortable with. I initially liked the privacy our relationship gave us. But it became annoying when he refused to have anything to do with that part of my life and used it as a reason to not commit to me forever.

I guessed the final realization was that I just wasn’t what he wanted after all. I couldn’t see it—or refused to see it—at the time, but, as they say, hindsight is twenty-twenty. I really was past him at this point. I’ve cried my tears, written my lyrics, recorded my songs, written in my journal, and dumped the whole thing on my poor mother, my assistant Conor, Bailey, and Zoey.

“Hey.” Bailey’s voice snapped me back to reality. “You okay?”

“I am. I’m as over him as I’m going to get. I don’t want him by any means, but it just hurts, you know? I know what’s about to happen, and it’ll take the attention off where I want it—on my tour and my successes and right back onto my personal life. When is my life not going to be too much for someone? When is it my turn?”

She laughed, even though neither of us thought it was funny. “I hear you.”

“I know you do, but I’m also sad that you have to understand this, too. We are beautiful, successful women at the top of our games. Why does this have to be so hard?”

“The same reason why they talk about our bodies on social media but never about men’s. It’s not the same standard they hold us to. Men can date as many girls as they want and it isn’t a news story. But we are. And heaven forbid we don’t look the same as we did when we were sixteen, or if we show some skin at our performances now or our lyrics say a bad word. It’s like we are stuck as teenagers.”

Silence enveloped us for a moment. We didn’t have the answers to these things, but at least we knew we weren’t alone in it. Together, we’d made a lot of progress with the public over the years, but you couldn’t change them all. Old ideologies died hard.

“Hey.” Bailey’s tone indicated a change of subject. “Did you contact Theo to tell him thank you?” He hadn’t left me his contact information, but I knew I could get it easily. I just didn’t think it was a good idea.

I looked immediately over at my desk, where the signed jersey sat inside the plastic I’d received it in. I thought about the note inside it, written to my real name with the words of encouragement written in neat block letters. The kindness he showed me that day. On top of that, the fact that in two months, I hadn’t heard him utter a single word about running into me that day or what I told him.

Integrity in a man. Imagine that. The only other things I saw other than the jersey he sent me were the viral pics of him kissing my cheek on my life-size cutout at the tour and some pictures of my fans leaving the stadium, but even then, he didn’t post them. Fans who saw him posted them. That was cute and broke the internet temporarily with comments about “shipping” us, but without knowing Josiah and I broke up, the story died and it was chalked up to him being a closet Allie-Cat. I did find that quite funny, but he seemed to run with it, and it didn’t bother him.

“Nope.”

Bailey laughed. “You have to admit, that was pretty ballsy. And sweet. He’s hot as fuck. I’d climb that man like the tree he is.”

I laughed, imagining her doing just that. Bailey was pocket size, and Theo was not. Yes, my Google search showed me quite a few drool-worthy pictures and videos of Theo Nolan. I learned way more about football than I ever thought I would. I learned he was a running back and played offense, neither of which I knew a thing about before looking them up. Thank goodness for a lot of downtime on my plane traveling to different cities. It wasn’t like I had a lot of time for watching football growing up, but I may actually give it a try. “He is hot, I’ll give him that.” I thought back to seeing him up close. Definitely hot.

“And successful on his own,” she continued. “Did you see he’s part of a documentary? They’re filming the life and career of five of the top American Football League players.”

“I did not,” I said. As a general rule I stayed off the internet because it was a toxic place that made me spiral. I posted on my own social media sometimes and lurked on fan videos, but that was about the extent of it. My team took care of what I needed to know and shielded me from the rest.

“The first episode came out last night. You should watch it. I did. It’s good. I think I need to get me a football player. I think Theo Nolan has his eyes on someone else I know.”

“His eye on me? No. He was just a nice guy.”

Bailey laughed. “If you say so. Watch the show. You may like it, and it may finally make you want to contact him and thank him for the jersey.”

Dread dropped like lead into my stomach. “Does he mention me?”

“Not in the way your mind went to, but he does mention you. Want to watch it on FaceTime together?”

“Bailey.”

She giggled. “It’s good, Al. You know I am not a fan of men dropping our names, but it isn’t like that.”

“He doesn’t mention the worst day of my life?”

Bailey sighed. “I’m going to queue it up and put you on video chat. He’s hilarious. His best friend, Spencer, is in it with him. They’ve been best friends since college and are like brothers. Spencer is engaged, or I’d say for you to tell Theo I’d like a setup when you finally contact him.”

I chewed my lip as she switched us to FaceTime and then turned her phone so the show appeared on my screen. An intro with five sexy football players in the gym, on the field, and then lined up together for a photo in their respective team gear immediately caught my attention. Well, to be honest, the one who’d sat next to me and rubbed my back while I fell apart was the only one I watched. I couldn’t tell you a single feature on the rest of them, but Bailey’s commentary told me they were all hot.

I knew the day I saw him for the first time that he was hot. I wasn’t dead—I was upset. But seeing him on the screen made me hold my breath. Theo Nolan was drop-dead gorgeous, much like I remembered. His dimpled smile and the ease with whom he was standing out the most, despite him having chiseled cheekbones and a scruffy beard that made me weak in the knees—despite never being a beard girl before. His perfectly styled short brown hair and bright-blue eyes seemed to sparkle behind the camera. He was a natural.

They cut to footage of each of them during a game and then showcased each one on their own field. Spencer and Theo were together in their spotlight, running plays.

“Theo, you’ve had a great year so far professionally. You’ve been a top performer for the Blaze for eight years now.”

Theo laughed and clapped Spencer on the back. “We are a great duo. I couldn’t do it without the support of this guy right here and my amazing family.”

“Family is important,” the interviewer commented. “You’re an only child, right?”

Theo nodded. “They stopped at perfection.” Everyone laughed, and I couldn’t stop myself from joining in.

“It gets better,” Bailey interjected off the screen.

“My parents did everything they could for me as a young boy once they realized my passion. My dad played all the way through college but got hurt and didn’t go on. He’s been my biggest supporter my entire life. And my mom—she’s my best friend. I wouldn’t be the man I am without them.”

“Swoooon,” Bailey said, and I laughed. “You hearing this? Oh, just wait. It gets even better, my friend.”

“What do you do for fun when you’re not on the field?”

Spencer prattled off first about his fiancée, Lacey, his charity work with a local school, and his love of golf and the beach. The camera panned to Theo and he sat back, completely comfortable. I envied him. I didn’t think I’d ever been that comfortable with a reporter in my face. Then again, inevitably, whatever question they started with, it turned into who I was dating or who I was rumored to date.

“I actually love to cook. I have a degree in culinary arts. I run a culinary program for teenagers as part of a local high school program. I don’t get to do as much as I’d like during the season, but I still make sure I stop by and do at least one meal a week with them. I love music, even though I can’t sing or play any instruments, so I try to go see live music whenever I can. It’s a good stress reliever for me.”

Spencer smirked, and I heard a noise from Bailey. My hands started sweating. “You saw a really good concert recently, didn’t you?” I thought back to the pictures of him from social media during my concert—in his box, the lights of the stage reflecting a broad smile on his face.

Theo turned his gaze to his friend, and a silent conversation happened between them. My breathing accelerated and I sat forward.

“Relax,” Bailey’s voice came through the line. “There’s nothing bad. I promise.”

Theo grinned, his dimples on full display and his perfect teeth all showing. “Why yes, I did, Spence. And you were lucky enough to join me.”

“Who did you see?” the reporter asked.

“Just so happened that the extremely talented Allie Witt was here at our stadium for her opening night for her new tour. So Spence and I caught the show. It was phenomenal. I know why everyone loves her and she’s at the top of her game. That girl could probably run circles around me. Singing and dancing for over two hours? On top of that, I think her stage was like a mile across, and she changed outfits more in those two hours than I do in a month.”

I knew Bailey said something, but I couldn’t rip my attention from his face. He said I could run circles around him?

“And you sent her a special gift,” Spencer added. “The boy was dead set on getting it to her. He pulled every string he could.”

I covered my mouth with my hand. My gaze darted to the jersey and back to the small screen of my phone.

Theo laughed. “She played in my stadium. I wanted to show her how appreciative I was of her talent. So I sent her a signed jersey.”

“And did she get it?” the reporter asked.

Theo shrugged. “I think so, but I’m not sure. I wanted to deliver it myself, but Allie doesn’t do meet and greets after shows, even for football players who play in that stadium. I’m not gonna lie, my feelings were kinda hurt.” With that, Spencer put his hand on his shoulder like he was consoling him, and I couldn’t help but grin. Theo winked, and something strange happened in my lower belly.

“Allieeeee,” Bailey moaned off-screen. “I want to jump that guy for you.” I shook my head at her once again, referencing her small self climbing this man.

“You put something else with that jersey, didn’t you?” the reporter prodded.

This time, Theo shot a warning glance at his friend before smiling back at the camera. “I just wrote her a note and said I thought she was talented and I enjoyed the show.”

That wasn’t what the note said at all. I blew out my breath and sat back, my legs jumping in nervous anticipation.

The video paused and Bailey’s face appeared. “That’s not what it says, right?”

I shook my head no. “Not one word of what he just said.”

Bailey nodded. “I thought so. He’s protecting you. I love it.” She flipped the screen and pressed play again.

The reporter whistled. “You shot your shot to Allie Witt? Rather sure she’s taken, even if you are Theo Nolan. Maybe you can change her mind.”

I saw a look cross Theo’s face so fast most people would probably miss it, but I caught it. He shrugged and held up his hands in surrender. “I meant no harm. It was just a thank-you. I would never try to get any woman to change her mind about anything, much less something as serious as already being in a relationship.” There went my stomach again.

Bailey turned the screen around so I could see her face. “Al. Seriously. That man is the hottest man I’ve ever seen in my life.”

I sighed. “I know, Bai.”

“Did this convince you to get his number yet?”

My stupid heart, which always failed me, said one thing, but rational me spoke. “No. I am not ready.”

“You could get it. You know a lot of people. Your people could contact his people. You’re Allie freaking Witt.” Bailey prattled on as if I didn’t even speak. “You could just tell him thank you. You don’t have to get married tomorrow.”

I sighed. I knew she was right, and I did owe him that thanks after the way he protected me just now in that episode. And for the jersey and the sweet words on the note. Plus, Juan was over the moon that Theo included him in the gift, too. He wore it every Sunday and made sure to tell me what the score was of each of the Blaze’s games. Rico, my other main security, was jealous and Juan took every opportunity to rub it in to him that he got one and Rico didn’t.

“I’ll think about it. Let me get through this disaster first.” I didn’t admit, even to myself, that I was afraid to get his phone number because I wasn’t sure I could guard my heart against him, and my heart was already weak from being stitched back together.

Conor, my assistant and cousin, sat next to me on the plane, Zoey across from him, my mom on the other side of me. We were headed to my next tour destination, six shows in Texas. Security sat in the front, as they did, going over the security plan for the stadium.

“How’s it going?” I asked, not sure whether I wanted the answer. The “news” of my breakup with Josiah got “leaked” five days ago while I was on my small hiatus at home. I stayed off my phone and the internet even more than usual. The only people who came through my “do not disturb” were the people on this plane and Bailey.

Zoey looked up from her laptop. I was glad she sat across from me so I couldn’t see what was on her screen. She typed on her phone and looked at her laptop at the same time. Zoey had been with me since I was a young girl fresh into this life. She had been part of every decision, every up and down, and every bit of drama I’ve had to deal with, whether true or fictional.

“It’s typical. People coming out of the woodwork stating they know you or him. People commenting on their own opinions of it all. Adding to the rumor mill of whose fault it was or what you or he supposedly told them about your relationship. The biggest rumor was that he wouldn’t marry you, so you ended it. Of course they’re using ‘It’s the End’ as the proof that you were giving him an ultimatum.”

Of course. One of the songs on Lovestruck . They were not that far off, but it wasn’t me who ended it. Was that song me working through that he still hadn’t married me? Yes. It also hit a chord with people because it was one of the most successful songs from the album so far, and it wasn’t a single.

I sat back and looked out the window. My mom took my hand and I smiled thinly at her. For as hard as this was for me, it was just as hard on her. It had been me and my mom for my entire life. I never knew my dad and she was my sole supporter. Every once in a while, someone came out for media attention and claimed to be my father. That has yet to be true, and I had no desire to go any further with it. I knew what my mom told me about that time in her life, and that was good enough for me. It wasn’t something she wanted to get into details about, and I accepted that.

Once my career took off, my mom started working for me full time. She was my bookkeeper and scheduler. My aunt Tiffany, my mom’s sister, and her husband, my uncle Daniel, Conor’s parents, lived next door to us growing up, and we’d spent most of our time together as one family. Conor was two years younger than me, and when I got famous, he purposely went to college to work for me. Before he was my assistant, my mom and my aunt and uncle did it all. Allie Witt was a family affair. Of course now we had many more people that made up our organization, but they were still and always would be the heart of it.

“Is it the top news story? Over my tour?”

Zoey and Conor exchanged glances. “Yes. But your show tomorrow will put the focus back where it belongs, and before you know it, it’ll be old news.”

“What are the Allie-Cats saying?” Zoey and Conor ran my official fan social media page, Allie-Cat Post, which they worked hard to keep all fans and no trolls. It was a full-time job, so they did have some trusted moderators, but they tried to keep their hands on it at all times.

Conor ran his hand through his curly blond hair. “They’re sad for you. They know how hard this is going to be for you to get up there and sing. They’ve got some sweet tributes for you for tomorrow. I’m not going to tell you, though. I want you to be pleasantly surprised.”

“Ha,” I said. “If only they knew I already got through the worst part two months ago.” Back then, when I had tears in my eyes during a song I’d written for Josiah, they chalked it up to my emotions about seeing my fans screaming for me. When I sang with extra venom in my voice about people who let you down, it was at the injustice of being a woman in a male-dominated world or the haters who constantly posted negativity about me.

“You are loved,” my mom said in a quiet voice, and Conor nodded. “Focus on those that know and love you, and not on the ones that say your name on social media just to get attention.”

“I know,” I said. I laid my head back against the headrest, closed my eyes, and thought about the stadium tomorrow night, full of people who wanted to be there. Who paid a significant amount to be there, with family and friends, in their outfits, singing my lyrics back to me. The ones who stayed with me no matter what the news said, what guy I was linked to, or what drama someone concocted. Even ones who had been fans first as teenagers and were now bringing their own kids to the concert. Those were my favorite ones. We grew up together. Seeing the little Kitty-Cats, as they named themselves, in the audience made all the rest of it worth it.

I stuck my headphones in my ears. I needed to focus on what was important, and that was being ready for my show tomorrow. The rest was just noise.

I opened the door to my dressing room, wiping the sweat from my forehead. I was as ready as I could be for tonight, so now it was time to eat, shower, and relax.

Being from Florida, I was used to the heat, but even in my yoga pants and crop top, I was still dripping. Changing outfits tonight would be fun. They may need some extra fans backstage tonight. Forget my long blond hair. It would be a frizzy mess. Maybe I’d just go natural tonight and not straighten it. September was still summertime in the South. Fall who?

Conor and Zoey both turned when I walked in, and that was when I saw the most massive flower arrangement I’d ever seen in my entire life. It took up much of the table it sat on. My mouth dropped as I noticed the color—the colors of my Lovestruck album, pink and purple pastels. There had to be hundreds of small flowers inside it. Next to it was a pink glitter gift bag. Glitter was by far my favorite color, and that was definitely not a secret.

“What’s this?” I asked.

Conor and Zoey shared a look. “It was delivered a few minutes ago by security. I guess it was cleared.”

Cleared meant that whoever sent it wasn’t a deranged fan or unhinged stalker, and yes, I had both of those. It was someone I knew. I stepped toward it, my hands shaking for some reason I didn’t want to read into. Bailey. It had to be from her.

The flowers didn’t have a card. I touched the soft petals, looking at the intricate colors on each one. They were gorgeous. I could hear Conor and Zoey whispering behind me, and the door opened and closed, but I stared at the gift bag like it was a snake that would bite me if I touched it. What was my problem? The list of people that it could be from was so small I had no reason to have the nervous shakes.

“Are you going to open it?” my mom’s voice came from next to me. She put her arm around my shoulders. “Ew, you’re sweaty.”

I laughed. “Yeah, it’s rather hot out there if you didn’t notice. I’ve been rehearsing for two hours.”

“Who is it from?” She gestured to the massive gift in front of us.

I shrugged, reaching out for the card sticking out of the bag. “I don’t know yet. I’m guessing Bailey.”

“Love that girl,” she said. “You hungry? I’m going to have food service get lunch ready.”

“Starving,” I said. “Thanks, Mom.” She walked away and I turned back to the bag. An envelope was tucked on the side, but it didn’t say anything on the front. I looked over my shoulder to see both Conor and Zoey busy, so I opened the envelope and slid out the handwritten card.

And knew immediately it wasn’t from Bailey. The very obvious male block handwriting I’d seen once before stuck out to me first.

Focus on what’s in your control and not what some people who don’t even know you say. Know you’re better off, and you don’t need anyone who doesn’t know your worth. But if you need something to hug or to get out some stress relief, enjoy your gift. Much like this lioness, you are fierce and unstoppable. The flowers remind me of you and your music—beautiful, colorful, and inspiring. Kick ass tonight, Mallorie.

~T-Bear #23

Tears blurred my vision as I removed a stuffed lioness out of the bag. I smoothed its soft fur and looked into its dark eyes. Something shiny caught my attention, and I laughed out loud when I saw the necklace dangling from its neck. The Allie-Cat symbol of a black cat with a heart on its chest with my initials, AW, inside it. He really thought of everything.

“Girl,” Conor appeared next to me. “You’ve got to be kidding me right now. Theo Nolan sent you this?” Apparently Conor knew who T-Bear #23 was. Two months ago, I’d have had no idea, but it seemed I was definitely in the minority.

That got both Zoey’s and my mom’s attention, and they made their way back to the table. The three of them read over my shoulder, and my mom slapped her hand over her heart.

“Mallorie.” My mom was the biggest romantic ever—which was ironic since she never married and spent her life with me. She didn’t need to say anything else—I knew what she thought. She was always good about letting me have my own opinions about the guys in my life, even if she always told me afterward what she really thought. I smiled when I thought about her rant after I told her about Josiah’s phone call.

“I know,” I said. I had the incredible urge to call Bailey, but she was unreachable right now, shooting a music video. Instead, I snapped pics of the flowers, the lioness, and the note and texted them to her, smiling at what I knew would be her reaction once she saw them.

“Zoey?”

“Yeah?” She still stood next to me, and I could see her wheels turning from this new gift.

“If I wanted you to get someone’s number for me, could you do that?”

She furrowed her brow. “Of course.”

Conor grinned, and I felt my mom watching me with a dreamy look. If Bailey were here, she’d jump up and down. Zoey looked at them, then at me. “Is this about Theo Nolan?”

I bit my lip. What was I doing? I had no business finding him. I was in the middle of a shitstorm of bad press once again, thanks to Josiah, the media spewing all sorts of shit that wasn’t true. I didn’t need another man—a famous one at that—connected to me. But he was already kind of connected to me. He’d mentioned me in his documentary, and he’d been all over social media at my concert and with my cutout.

Now he’d sent me a second gift without any presumption. He didn’t add his phone number to anything. He didn’t give away details about me to anyone. He was just—there. Supportive. Showing me that I wasn’t alone. I thought about why this felt different to me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. He just felt—safe. And I wasn’t the type of person who felt that often with someone after just meeting them.

It could blow up in my face. That had happened to me before. I trusted too easily sometimes, and people took advantage of it. But all I wanted was to say thank you. I didn’t have to go any further than that. I just wanted him to know I appreciated all he did—and didn’t—do for me since that day I ran straight into him.

“Yes. Get me Theo Nolan’s number, please.”