Loving Jake (Almost Perfect #1)

Chapter 11

ELEVEN

“Hello, Mr. Taylor,” the nurse greeted him upon his exit from the elevator on his grandfather’s floor.

“Hi.” Jake signed the guest registry, while the nurse updated him on his grandfather’s status.

“He’s been asleep all day again today. The doctor was in to see him this morning, and as before, he says that your grandfather is not in any pain. They’re going to try to switch his medication to see if that makes a difference. His heart is strong, as you know, and everything else seems to be in good working condition. Since he stopped participating in physical therapy, he is too tired to do much else than stay awake for his meals.” The nurse paused while she waited for Jake to finish signing the registry. “Based on the stories he told us when he first arrived, your grandfather has had a good life,” she added with a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah, he has.” He nodded and then handed the nurse her pen and walked away.

Jake stepped into his grandfather’s room, and a wave of sadness overwhelmed him, much as it had over the past week. His strong, ornery grandfather lay listlessly in bed, his only movement the rise and fall of his broad chest. His hair lay in thick waves as it had most of his eighty-five years. A thousand tiny wrinkles crisscrossed the old man’s skin, each a reminder of the burning Houston sun he had spent so many years working under.

Jake felt a large lump form in his throat, as he pulled a chair next to his grandfather’s bed. There were so many things he still wanted to tell his grandfather. Grandpa Zack had always been there for him, ready to help him out and lend some advice when he thought Jake needed it. “What am I going to do without you, Gramps?” Jake placed his grandfather’s thin, weathered hand in his own.

He closed his hand over his grandfather’s and willed him to live. For several minutes Jake held Gramps’ hand in silence, unable to put into words what he wanted to say to him.

He pressed his eyes closed and swallowed back the lump in his throat. Finally, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes. “Gramps,” he began in a low voice. “I... I hope you can hear me, because I need to talk to you. Why I’ve saved everything up inside me until now, I can’t say. I only hope that you can forgive me for never telling you sooner.”

“You see, Gramps. You’re the only real parent I’ve ever had. Mom died so long ago that I barely have any memory of her. You’ve been both my mother and father all these years, and I can’t imagine life without you. I mean who else would have encouraged a kid who never played an organized sport in his life to try out for a big city high school football team his first year at a new school? Or loaned me his car so I could go carousing with my friends and then said nothing when I returned it with a dent in the front bumper? Or convinced me to try my hand at journalism, even though you harass me about it now and I know you don’t mean it, when all the other kids went into business or medicine at college? You, Gramps, you. You’ve always been there for me.”

Jake took another deep breath, that damn lump in his throat just wouldn’t go away. “I know you’ve carried the guilt around about me getting mumps, but it was inevitable. Houston or San Francisco, it wouldn’t have mattered. You had no control over me getting the mumps; nobody did, except my mom, and well, she must have thought she was doing the right thing at the time. Please always believe that, Gramps. I do.” Jake smoothed his thumb over the skin on his grandfather’s palm and was reminded of how hard the thin, wrinkled hand had worked for so many years.

“Gramps, I need to talk to you about Kimberly.” He swiped away a wisp of hair that lay against his grandfather’s forehead, close to his eyes. “I know you would have liked to have seen us get together... but it’s not going to happen. I’ve caught every hint you’ve dropped these past weeks, and it just won’t work. I, I’m not what Kimberly needs. Gramps, you even call me a hippie with my long hair and wandering ways. Kimberly wouldn’t want someone like that. I mean, I’m gone for months at a time, sometimes not even able to get cell reception for days. What kind of a life is that?” He paused, his eyes flickered over his grandfather’s still form.

“Gramps, who am I trying to kid? You know as well as I do why it would never work between Kimberly and me. If you could have seen her face at George’s birthday party, Gramps. Her beautiful brown eyes light up when she holds a baby in her arms. Kids adore her, and she adores them. She deserves better than me. She’s beautiful, she’s intelligent, and she’s witty. She’ll find someone to fill up her heart and forget I ever existed.” Jake leaned his elbows on the edge of his grandfather’s bed railing. He lowered his forehead to his hands, his grandfather’s hand still held tightly in his grasp .

“Gramps, I know what you would say right now and you’re right. I’ve... I’ve fallen in love with her. But don’t you see? Brenda’s rejection nearly destroyed me. A life spent with Kimberly would be a prison sentence for both of us. She claims she loves me, but I would never be completely sure. I’d always wonder if she was happy, if she regretted her decision not to have children. I couldn’t do it, Gramps, not to Kimberly, not to myself,” he choked out, his voice deep and husky with emotion.

Jake sat for several minutes in silence. There was so much more he wanted to say, but he was talked out. Emotionally spent. All other confessions would have to wait for another day. He remained hunched over his grandfather’s bed deep in thought and oblivious to the passing of time. Minutes or perhaps hours later, the door opened, and he brought his head up from the pillow he had created out of his and his grandfather’s hands.

“Excuse me.” The nurse’s voice echoed against the walls of the plain room. “But visiting hours are over, Mr. Taylor, and it’s time for your grandfather’s medicine.” The nurse waited patiently for him to respond, a smile of understanding plastered on her pleasant face.

“Sure. I must have lost track of time.” Jake rose from the side of the bed. He wiped away the excess moisture at the corner of his eyes and then pushed his hair behind his ears.

Jake glanced at the nurse and then back at his grandfather. He bent down over his grandfather and placed a kiss on the old man’s forehead. “I love you, Gramps.” He clenched his grandfather’s hand one last time, and as he did, his heartbeat quickened when he felt his grandfather squeeze his hand back. He turned his head toward the nurse, and she returned his gaze with a small smile on her lips.

Reluctantly, Jake let go of his grandfather’s hand and returned his chair back to the corner of the room. He paused at the doorway to look at his grandfather one last time, before he walked out of the room.

Jake held onto the house keys with one hand and the doorknob with the other when his cellphone began to ring. “Hello?” He pushed the door opened and walked into the house.

“Yes, this is Jake Taylor.” Daisy ran to his side, and he automatically reached out and scratched the top of her head.

“No. I was just there, less than a half an hour ago. He squeezed my hand. I know he did.”

He brushed his hand across his jaw and took a deep breath. “No, I think I’d rather come back tonight and take care of things. Thank you.” Jake disconnected the call and afterwards sat down on the living room couch in little more than a daze. He willed himself to release the myriad of emotions that welled up inside of him. It didn’t work. He felt cold, dead inside, unable to feel anything.

He stood up and mentally prepared himself to return to the rehab center. He had lost both Kimberly and his grandfather in less than two weeks. He felt numb inside, beyond feeling anymore. He thought he had understood what it meant to be lonely. He laughed bitterly. He never knew what loneliness meant, not until now.