Lust (Saints & Sinners #1)

Chapter 12

12

brAD

“T he fuck happened to you? You look like someone stomped on your heart.”

My roommate, Matteo, lies across his bed, phone in hand as I close the door behind me.

“You think someone rejected me?” I ask skeptically, and he rolls his eyes.

“I was only telling you what you looked like. But you’re awfully defensive for a guy who didn’t get his heart broken. So what’s up?”

Matteo’s a decent guy. I don’t want to take out my anger on him, but my emotions are all over the fucking place, and while Luke didn’t stomp on my heart, I’m terrified that what just happened in the old church will lead to something happening to him, something with worse consequences than depriving me of what I need now.

“It’s nothing.” I head to my side of our room and collapse in bed.

I keep thinking I should have chased after Luke, tried to reason with him, but after stopping Seth, Cody stopped me too. “He needs time to process this. Give him a minute, guys.”

Cody’s right, but giving Luke space isn’t easy. Since he hurried out of the church in a huff, I’ve felt this searing pain. His pain. And yet it swells in my goddamn chest, brought about by this connection neither of us can explain or escape.

“You want to play a video game?” I ask because the distraction might do me some good.

“Can’t. Meeting with that girl I was telling you about—Steph. We’re gonna hang at that pizza place down the street.”

“You need me to be gone when you get back?” Matteo has had my back plenty of times, so I’m always happy to give him his space when he has a girl over.

“That’s sweet of you, Brad, but naw. She already let me know her roommate is out for the night with her boyfriend. So pop on Grindr and line ’em up while you can.” He winks.

If only he knew that for the past few weeks, only one guy has occupied my thoughts.

Matteo gets ready and heads out, leaving me to stress about Luke.

I knew he would blow up. I knew he might fucking hate me for what we’d withheld. But it was time for him to know the truth. The whole truth. No more Sinners’ secrets. No more sticking to oaths we made when we still had no clue what we were dealing with.

It’s clear from everything that’s happened since Luke arrived that none of us really know what’s going on, and if what Luke said is true—and I believe it is, that this monster is already out and killing people in Lawrenceville—then getting rid of Luke won’t fix our problem. We must work together.

In a desperate attempt at distracting myself, I sit at my desk, trying to focus on my homework. Not much of a chance of that happening, but as long as I can keep myself from hurrying out the door and down the hall to his room, I should be fine.

But the longer I try to distract myself, the more challenging it becomes. My chest twists in knots. Anxiety bubbles in my belly. And just when I think I’m about to cave, there’s a knock at the door.

I hop to my feet, hoping, wishing it’s him. As I near the door, I become more confident that I’m right. It’s like I can fucking smell him through it.

When I open the door, he’s standing outside, giving me those same dagger eyes he cut me with less than two hours ago. His hair’s disheveled, like he’s been running his hand through it. And he’s holding the Sinners’ bible.

“Luke,” I say, ready to apologize, but before I can get another word out, he shoves me back into my room. His lips clamp down against mine. It’s like some of the times we’ve met up before this evening, and given what happened, that throws me, but as my back slams against the wall and Luke’s tongue invades my mouth, I’m not fucking complaining.

Despite all the stress, despite all the bullshit that’s going on, as he buries his face against mine, all teeth, tongue, and lips, everything is right in the world.

He growls and pulls away. “I can’t believe all the times we’ve messed around and you were keeping this from me.” His words are hot with fury before he pushes another kiss on me.

“You…have every…right to be mad,” I manage between kisses.

“Damn…right…I do.”

What is fucking happening to us? It’s like it’s even harder for us to keep our hands off each other because he’s upset.

I guide him to my side of the room, and we collapse on the bed, our kiss missing as our jaws clash from the desperate attempt to keep ourselves invested in the moment.

Soon, Luke’s on top of me. He manages to pull away long enough to place the Sinners’ bible on my nightstand.

“Don’t…think this means…we’re cool right now,” he says between more kisses.

“I…know…I’m sorry…Luke.”

He licks up the middle of my lips, then grunts. “Fuck. I told myself a thousand times I wasn’t gonna come over here tonight. That I would fucking chain myself to the bed if I had to. And then suddenly, I was lying to Alexei about hitting the gym, and on my way here.”

“It was hard for me too,” I assure him.

“It’s supposed to be hard for you after what you did.”

He sizes me up before rising on his knees on either side of my leg. He works my belt, then my fly, so focused, like he’s having to keep from looking at me, otherwise he’ll never get the job done.

Once he gets my pants undone, I help him pull them down with my briefs. He pushes them just past my balls, then leans down and presses his face against my abs, near my navel, licking and nibbling at my flesh. My cock is a brick as he trails kisses toward it.

“Luke, are you sure you want to do that?” We’ve messed around plenty, and he’s let me suck him off, but he’s never put my cock in his mouth.

“Shut up,” he says, running his nose alongside my shaft.

I curse as I roll my head back, enjoying the sensation of his soft skin against me. He moves around my crotch, the tip of his nose and his breath leaving me in suspense. Is he really about to do this while he fucking hates me?

“Does it hurt, wanting me to pop it in my mouth?” he asks. “Do you wish I would just do it to end your agony?”

He’s a fucking sadist! But he has every right to punish me.

He rubs his lips along my girth, like he wants me to know he could so easily take all this pain away.

“Fuck, Luke, please…”

As he continues his vengeance, my cock bounces off my abs, like it has a mind of its own and just wants to push into Luke’s mouth. Feel that warm, wet tongue against it.

He snickers, the sadist enjoying what he’s doing to me.

“Yeah, it does hurt you too,” he says, “doesn’t it?”

“You know it does.”

“I was doing fine before I got mad at you tonight. Like I could have gone a day or two without messing around, but then all this anger is fucking twisted up and turned against me.”

“Somehow tonight made things worse. Maybe something to do with the vision.”

“Whatever it is, it’s so fucking cruel,” he says before sliding his tongue from the base of my shaft up to the head. “God, you taste good,” he confesses, pushing his face against my cock and taking deep breaths. “I hate you for not telling me the truth. And I hate you for being so irresistible that I can’t stand to be apart from your body. And I hate that as much as I’m enjoying torturing you, it’s fucking killing me too. That all I want is your cock in my mouth right now. That I just want you fucking my face until you come in me, and then I can devour you like you’ve devoured me. I hate that this is all I can think of when I should be focusing on that book and what any of it means.”

As he speaks, his wet mouth is pushed up right against my cock, and it’s tearing at my soul how close he is to bringing me some goddamn relief.

“We’ll make it quick, Luke, and then we can talk it out. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“Anything?” He licks up my shaft, slowly, deliberately.

I gaze down as my Straight Boy teases me, gripping my hips like he’s having to push to restrain himself.

“I didn’t want to keep it from you, Luke. I wanted to tell you, but I promised them. Jesus, please don’t be mean.”

He spits in his palm and wraps it around my shaft, gazing up as he offers me a few gentle pumps. “Tell me why you haven’t fucked my ass yet.”

“What?” Not where I was expecting him to go with this. Like…at all.

“You said you’d tell me anything ,” he presses. “You know how fucking badly I’ve wanted it, so what are you waiting for? For me to fucking beg?” He sounds as pissed as he is about the secret Cody revealed. When I don’t answer right away, he says, “ Tell me. ”

“I don’t want the reason I fuck you to be this thing that’s controlling us,” I confess.

He slows his stroke. “Go on.”

“I want you to really want it. Of your own free will.”

He runs his fingers under the head of my cock, then back down to the base, making me gasp. With each movement, my hips shift subtly as my body begs for the release he’s teasing me with. His eyes narrow, and he leans close, sticking out his tongue and running it against the head.

“Oh fuck, Luke.”

He licks his lips. “This is what it feels like for me. You keep giving me something so close, but then you leave me hanging. If you’re gonna make me suffer, then I’m gonna make you suffer too.”

“I am suffering, Luke. You think I don’t want to take that ass every time we’re together? You think it’s not all I think about, especially the way you’re sticking it up right now?”

My dick firms in his grip, and he gives it a squeeze as his lips curl into a wicked smirk. A jolt of awareness ripples through me as vivid images crowd my thoughts.

I’m kissing him, then pushing him onto his stomach.

Without undoing his fly, I yank his pants down, creating red marks along his hips as I expose his ass before burying my face against it. I open him up with my fingers, then push the head of my cock against him, watching him writhe beneath me as he begs for it.

Hard. Fast. Raw.

It’s his desire, one I’ve seen before now, one that’s become my desire too.

“If you really need it now, I can,” I say. “I just…”

“No,” he snaps. “You don’t get that. Not after what went down today. Now, even if it fucking kills me, I’m willing to die to deprive you of it.”

He pumps me a few more times, my muscles twitching as I’m totally submissive to his movements.

“What do you want from me, then?” I ask.

As he continues working me up, he considers this carefully, as though crafting a torture designed just for me because of my betrayal.

“I want you to tell me what you want to do to my ass. I want you to confess all the filthy secrets you’ve kept from me. It’s only right, since you already know mine without my consent.”

He’s right; this hasn’t been fair to him. Not that I want it to be this way, but even now, I can feel how bad he wants it. Even if he’s trying to hide it, it’s not something he can keep from me.

“You don’t just want me to give it to you, you want me to take it,” I say, and his cheeks flush red. “You want me to be forceful but tender. Want me to take my time opening you up, making you ready to take me. You’re scared of how big I am, but you want to give it a try because now that it’s in your head, you’re too curious not to know.”

He scowls. “I said tell me what you want.”

“I’m getting to that. You want me to start with my tongue first and then use my fingers, until you’re lifting your ass, pushing me deeper so I can show you what all the prostate hype is about. Then you want my cock.”

He bites his bottom lip.

“I want all that too, Luke. I want to see every shift in your expression as you take me. Want to see your eyes get big when I hit your prostate just right. Want to hear you begging for it harder and faster, making me really put in the work to serve your needs.” My cock throbs in his hold. God, I can’t bear this. “And then I want you begging me to come. I want you to need my cum fucking seeding up inside you. I want to feel it in my fucking soul how badly you need that. And then when you shoot, and only when you shoot, I want to empty my balls inside you.”

My hips jerk again, but he’s stopped pumping me, leaving my body desperate to play out the fantasy I just expressed.

“There,” I say. “Now we’re even. I know what you want, and you know what I want.”

For the first time since we started this, he doesn’t look pissed or angry. He looks satisfied.

But as he keeps his hand around my cock, this wish has built up so much pressure without any promise of relief.

“Fuck, Luke, you’re killing me. Please just let me jerk it off.”

I know that’s not what he wants, but a guy can only bear so much.

He grins before shaking his head, and my eyes water.

“Please, Luke. I—”

He licks the head of my cock, and I roll my head back, appreciating the sensation of his warm tongue once again.

“Now at least I know as I’m blowing you…you’re still gonna be hurting as much as I am.” He gives another lick, starting at the base, then trailing up to the head before inhaling deeply. “Why do you taste so good?” he asks with a growl before sliding my cock into his mouth. His lips glide down my shaft without hesitation as he goes for it like he doesn’t have any reservations about taking a cock.

Fin-a-fucking-lly.

I revel in the sensation as Luke bobs his head up and down. The pressure in me mounts, but it doesn’t have that sting to it, not now that the end to the pain is in sight. It may not be the hole I want, but after how he tortured me, I’ll take anything he gives me.

With each slide down my shaft, his wet tongue welcomes me back to his throat. He’s more and more ambitious until I hear him gag.

“Jesus, Luke. Don’t fucking choke yourself.”

But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me even harder hearing how determined he is to get as much of me in his mouth as he can.

He pulls off my cock briefly. “Don’t tell me what to do.” Then he’s right back at it.

I know he’s just playing out fantasies he’s already had of this. In those times when we messed around, I could tell he wanted to deep throat me, but like with anal, he was nervous about taking that next step. He sure as hell isn’t nervous tonight as he surrenders to his desires, which become my desire with every slide and gentle suck.

I feel a nudge, as though he psychically projected it to me, and I lower my hand to his head, encouraging him as I stroke my thumb along his temple.

“Good, Straight Boy. That’s real good.”

He moves faster, like he’s trying to suck the cum out of my balls. If so, it’s working.

“I’m not gonna last much longer,” I warn him, which makes him pull off.

“Fuck my face,” he says, leaning back, and I roll off the bed, my legs still trapped in my jeans, which I push down to my ankles. But I can’t bother with more than that. I need to end this.

“Lie on your back,” I tell him, “and put your head over the edge of the mattress.”

He obeys, and as I move closer, he says, “Just know, after you come in my mouth, I’ll still fucking hate you.”

“Come in your mouth? Are you sure? While you fucking hate me this much?”

“Shut your fucking mouth and put your dick in me.” I doubt he could sound any more annoyed if he tried, and I’m so delirious from everything he’s done to me, I just follow instructions, sliding my cock between his willing lips.

He grabs my ass cheeks, guiding me in, and again, he’s ambitious with how deep he takes me.

I admire how he takes what he needs from me.

I want him to use me like a fuck toy.

As I increase my pace, I grab either side of his head. “Fuuuuck,” I groan, and it’s too fucking late for me as the final rush of energy springs through me. “Luke, I’m coming, I’m coming,” I call out as he takes me like a champ. Drinks me up as I continue thrusting into his face. His greedy hands pull me close, my cock jammed back, and I can feel his throat.

I gasp with relief as his body relaxes beneath me. He pulls my cock partly out of his mouth, his tongue still going wild like he needs to make sure he’s got it all.

As I pull the rest of the way out, I notice some of my cum drip onto his lip, but it’s not there long before his tongue collects it and he takes a deep breath.

“Fuck yeah,” he says as though he’s just run a fucking marathon.

“Please, Luke. Can I suck you off?”

After how he’s punished me, I’m expecting him to refuse me just to piss me off, but he says, “Please,” like even he can’t resist this anymore.

I kick out of my pants while Luke undoes his and pulls them down to his knees with his boxers. Then I climb into bed, helping him out of his shoes, pants, and boxers. As soon as his clothes are off the bed, I hook my arms around his thighs and go right for his hard cock.

I’m desperate to have him in my mouth, to bring him the relief he craves. Maybe because I think, in some fucked-up way, that if I get him off, it might make up for all the other shit.

I know that’s not how it works, but I don’t care.

My mouth is here for him.

I cling to his thighs, taking him to the hilt as I breathe in his scent.

“Fuck,” he groans, and I feel his hips jerk. “Pull off. You don’t get to enjoy me. This is your fucking punishment.”

He might as well have stabbed me in the gut. The ache sears through me as I surrender, pulling off his cock and swapping it out with my hand. His body twitches and trembles as he shoots onto his abs. A fucking waste is all I can think as I watch it collect on his skin, wishing for a little taste.

“Can I just—”

“No!”

I push my face against his thigh, struggling with Luke’s most cruel punishment. Not just because I want it, but because I know he wants it too.

My chest continues to burn as I jerk him off, emptying him of what’s left of his load.

“Look at it,” he demands. “Look at it and suffer.”

As good as I am at reading him, clearly he’s getting good at it too because as I look, he must see the pain in my expression as he denies me what feels as necessary to me as food or water.

My gaze shifts to him, and his tension relaxes. “Go ahead,” he says with a nod.

Thank fuck.

It’s like I black out, can’t remember the moments between him giving me permission and when my face is mashed against his skin, my tongue going wild as I lap him up like a dog.

“Take it all,” he says.

And I do, beyond grateful.