Chapter 13
13
LUKE
T hat was vindictive of me.
I’m just so fucking angry.
Not only because Brad didn’t tell me about my dad’s involvement, but because of this lack of control over my feelings. I should’ve been able to take a moment with the book and figure out what the hell I was looking at, but when I got back to my dorm room, I was so worked up that I could barely concentrate on the words on the page.
And it seemed the more I hated Brad for his betrayal, the more I needed to see him, to the point where I finally broke down, submitting to these sick impulses within me that have me lusting after a guy I can’t even stand.
Although, fucked up as this may be, after helping each other release all that tension, I’m relaxed once again. Now that Brad’s given me so much peace of mind, it’s easy to grant him some forgiveness.
I lie on his bed, breathing deeply, reveling in those moments of bliss, when Brad says, “Here.” He stands beside the bed and passes me a towel.
“I’m assuming this is to clean up your saliva because I think you took care of the rest.”
“Wasn’t gonna leave a damn drop,” Brad says, and a warm sensation stirs in my chest.
I pat myself down with the towel as he sits on the edge of the bed. “How are you feeling?” he asks, like he really gives a shit, which only makes me feel that much worse for how I treated him.
I remind myself that I have a right to be pissed. “You should have told me.”
“As I said before, I made an oath to the guys that we would keep these secrets between us. And I was the one who pushed them to tell you.”
It’s true, I know it. But it doesn’t make me feel any better.
“I’m not just angry with you,” I confess. “I’m so messed up since I saw Dad’s name in there. A part of it flared up missing him. And then another part of me wonders how he could have kept something like this a secret.”
“It’s okay. It’s confusing-ass shit. I can’t imagine how I’d react if I were you. And not an excuse, but one of the reasons I didn’t push the guys to mention it sooner was that from what you mentioned about your dad, I worried it would only add more stress. But I was wrong. That wasn’t fair to you.”
Damn you, Brad Henning, for being so fucking considerate. “Can’t you go back to being the douchebag you were when I first got here?” I joke, maybe to bring some levity to the conversation. Neither of us is laughing, though.
“I have plenty of time to be a douchebag later,” Brad says, leaning over to the nightstand and retrieving the book. “So how about, for now, we start going over the Sinners’ bible. I’m sure part of why you were so upset when you got here was because it’s not exactly user-friendly.”
I scoff. “Fucking understatement. Some made sense, like their meeting minutes. And I could tell some of the pages were spells or incantations or such, but a lot of that was gibberish.” That’s what really set me off. I thought I could get some answers, only to get stuck with what looked like garbled nonsense.
“The book was meant only for the original Sinners—Josh Dobbers and your dad. Dobbers recorded how he and your dad came upon this stuff—this place, their powers—and what they learned about it. They wrote down the information Dobbers channeled from the Guides—like how to make amulets and use them with their powers. They didn’t want anyone to stumble upon the book and know what they were up to, which is why it’s encoded. Cody cracked it, hence his nickname Codes. That’s how we learned to experiment with our powers. Most of what we know about the Rift and our powers comes from this book.”
It’s nice to finally start getting some direct answers. “So why did they call themselves the Sinners and not like, the Saints?”
“They explain in the bible it was just something they came up with while dicking around. Both were raised to be good Catholic boys, here at a major Catholic institution, but wound up playing with magic.”
“And this Rift you guys keep talking about? What is it exactly?”
Brad flips to a page, displaying a sketch of darkness and eyes and teeth.
“What am I looking at?”
“Another world. Dobbers was like Cody. He could feel the presence of the Rift, this tear between our world and another. And his powers gave him the ability to probe into that world.”
“What kind of world? Like ours?”
“The Sinners did a lot of occult and New Age reading to come up with their jargon, and they use the phrase sentient thought forms to describe it.”
“Ghosts?”
“Not the best descriptor. Ghost usually refers to something that has lived at some point, but a lot of what’s in this other world has never been corporeal. Some ghosts do end up there, but our understanding is that’s almost an accident—a spirit wanders into the Rift by mistake and gets trapped there. It’s not what I’m describing, though.”
“Are there more Rifts in the world? And others who knew about this before Dobbers and Dad?”
“The Guides have worked with others in the past to close gates and prevent monsters from wreaking havoc on our world. They told Dobbers this is where a lot of myths originated—creatures that escaped and entered our world. Some are still out in the world now, though most of them aren’t as dangerous as the ones the Guides have helped others stop. In that way, Dobbers and your dad were the original Sinners for this Rift, here in Lawrenceville.”
“So what does all this have to do with these powers you guys have? And with whatever I’m able to do?”
“From what we’ve gleaned from the book and our experiments, this alternate world creates an energy around Lawrenceville that we can manipulate.”
He flips a few more pages before displaying one with a cross necklace and some more gibberish. Then he removes his necklace and hands it to me. “These amulets have copper in them, which for whatever reason, this energy from the Rift is drawn to, and it can build up in there like a battery, which helps us use it whenever we choose. We’ve experimented with other metals, trying to improve them, but copper does the trick best.”
So many fucking questions… “This energy is around Lawrenceville, so what happens to your powers when you go home?”
“The energy is everywhere, but it’s stronger here. I can still use it when I’m away, but it’s nothing like when I’m here. Same goes for Codes and Seth.”
“That makes sense, I guess, but Jesus fucking Christ, how do you guys know that it’s okay to be fucking around with energy from another world? I mean, there must be a reason my dad and Dobbers stopped playing around with it, right? At least, I’m assuming they did and that’s why they hid their notebook. Have you even talked to Josh Dobbers?”
He shakes his head. “Dobbers passed before your dad, from cancer.”
That hits me like a brick. “And that doesn’t sound disturbing to you?” I start to consider that maybe my parents’ deaths had something to do with all this.
“I don’t want to be insensitive, Luke, but their causes of death were nothing alike. And as far as we know, your mom wasn’t a part of any of this. Sometimes people just die.”
He’s not wrong. They could have discovered this and, unrelated, died of various causes years later, but…I don’t like coincidences. “So why did they leave behind this book with all their secrets, without any explanation?”
“Back when your father and Josh Dobbers went here, when the Guides in the Rift called to them, it was because there was a tear in the Rift—like Cody mentioned, a gate—that allowed evil entities to escape into this world. The Guides showed them how to use their powers so they could protect our world from things that might escape.”
“If that’s true, then why did they stop?”
“They eventually closed the gate, but the Guides had them leave this book behind in case another gate opened, which we believe it has now.”
“This has bad idea written all over it. You guys are playing with fire.”
“I hear your frustration, and we’ve had our own discussions around this, but we’ve had positive experiences with the Rift. And what were we supposed to do—lock this book back up and pretend nothing was happening if a monster escaped and started killing people?”
But for someone who’s been so forthcoming, I can tell he’s holding something back. “I can understand wanting to protect this world from monsters, but I still don’t know that you should be trusting some book. What did you mean by positive experiences with the Rift? Is that about being good at getting laid?”
His gaze drifts, his jaw tightening. “That’s not what I’m talking about, but I have my reason, just like Seth and Cody have theirs. They’re all deeply personal, so I’d never share theirs, and the most I’m willing to say about mine right now is that it’s a good fucking reason.”
“But you won’t tell me what it is?”
He shakes his head. “Not tonight, no.”
His entire body language has changed. His shoulders tensed, and he’s not looking at me. Even though he’s not willing to share what it is, I’m tempted to believe that, whatever it is, it’s a damn good reason.
Still, there’s a flaw in his logic. “You’re saying you had good experiences with the Rift, but now there’s this thing that came through and already killed someone.”
“Okay, maybe I should have worded that better. We hadn’t had any bad experiences until those visions started up. But like I said, once that happened, knowing what the original Sinners faced, we knew we couldn’t walk away from this.”
Can’t really fault them for that, not when I’m not willing to walk away now that I know what I know.
I glance at the Sinners’ bible, running my thumb across the page. “I appreciate your sharing all that with me.” He’s holding something back, but I accept he’s done his best to help me understand this wild world I find myself in.
And really, though his answers only created more questions, I have to say, “I think that’s all I can handle for one night.”
“Yeah. I understand that.”
We’re maybe a foot away from each other, but I find myself resenting the space. Like if we could just close it again, then maybe some of this confusion and frustration would dissipate.
But now that I’m being pulled out of our conversation, back into the moment, I notice I’m naked. “Maybe I should put some clothes on.”
“Really? I prefer you like this,” Brad says, doing a once-over as a smug smirk slips across his face.
My dick shifts, which doesn’t escape his attention.
“You don’t need to put your clothes on right away,” he adds.
“Shut up.”
He chuckles, and as I reposition, he gets up and heads around the bed, picking up my boxers and pants and passing them to me. I thank him, and when I slide into them, a rush of disappointment pulses through me—my body’s disapproval of my decision not to have another go.
“Guess I’ll head back to my room now. Figure I can text you if I have anything I’m dying to get an answer to.”
“Yeah, that works.” He pulls on his briefs, which cling to his thighs and ass, reminding me that he is head to toe one hot motherfucker. He pulls his pants up and buttons his fly. “This is probably going to be awkward, but…that thing you brought up about why I haven’t fucked you yet.”
My chest tightens up. “Fucking kill me now. Can we not get into this?”
“You brought it up.”
“I can’t control half the shit I’m saying when we start messing around.”
“But that’s what you want. I know that’s what you want.”
Of course he’d know—it’s all I can think about when we mess around, so I’d be surprised if he’d even need powers to pick up on it. “Don’t rub it in.”
“I’m only mentioning it because I think it would be wise to have a conversation about it rather than get lost in the moment next time.”
Next time. I know there’s gonna be a next time, but damn, it feels good to hear him say it.
“You sounded upset that I haven’t done anything to your ass.”
“ Upset seems a generous word for it.” More like hot rage, especially since it feels like he’s denying me something he knows I need.
“Luke, I wasn’t being entirely honest with you while we were messing around.”
“What?”
“I do want you to want that of your own free will. And each time I mess around with you, it feels like we have our wits about us a bit more. I was hoping that at some point you’d know it’s you wanting that, not just this all-consuming lust driving you to make that call.”
Damn him for being thoughtful again.
“But there’s more to it than that,” he says. “Truth is, it scares me. Terrifies me might be a better way of putting it. When I think about that…fantasize about it all day…then dream about it as it haunts me in my sleep, I just know that once we go there…I’m not ever gonna be the same. Like I’m going to need that ass…a lot. Even more than I do now. And that it’ll be even more difficult for you too. That’s frightening.”
It’s wild to hear him say something I’ve felt too. That once we pass that point, for whatever reason, it’s over and this ass really is just his. It should scare me too, but it doesn’t. Maybe because this lust has overridden the part of me that should give some fucks.
“Just so we’re clear, you’re saying you’re terrified of my ass,” I joke, which earns a glare.
“Don’t tease me.”
“Really? Teasing’s helping me not think about all the other shit.”
“All right. In that case, tease away.”
We share an awkward laugh before I say, “I should probably get back to my room before your roommate gets back.”
He nods, and I grab the Sinners’ bible off the bed. “You think the guys mind me borrowing it?”
Not because I understand any of it, but because it makes me feel closer to my dad.
“I’m sure Seth is thrilled,” Brad teases.
We share a much more natural laugh, and he follows me to the door.
My cheeks warm since it’s like I can sense he’s checking out my ass, and I love knowing what that does to him.
When I reach the door, I grab the handle, then stop and turn back to him. “I’m sorry. I should have talked to you before getting so worked up. I have a bit of a temper, and what I did was mean.”
“I appreciate the apology, but if anyone has a right to be upset, it’s the guy who had to deal with all this crap the first few weeks of his sophomore year.”
I snicker. It is wild to think that we’re still just in those first few weeks when so much has happened.
“If you have any questions about the book, feel free to text me.”
“Will do. In the meantime, enjoy a last look for the night.” I pull my pants down, flashing him my ass.
I meant to be silly, but he rushes up against me, pushing me against the door. We’re stuck together, our bodies magnetized. By the time I can make sense of the quick movement, I feel his girth behind his boxers, rubbing between my cheeks. He pushes it up against me, and his hands slide under my shirt, one tight against my hip, the other sliding up to my chest as he kisses the back of my neck. I reach my hand behind me, resting it on his head, my eyes rolling back as he offers a low, rumbling growl against my skin.
My body’s alive with sensation, but there’s also this emptiness in me that I know can only be filled with him, and as he thrusts his cock against my ass, I push back. Doesn’t even feel like I’m in control. Like my body’s just begging for him to end my suffering.
He grips me, biting at my neck gently. “Luke…we have to stop,” he breathes into my flesh.
“Why?”
“Luke!”
No, he’s right. It’s too much, and especially with all the other shit going on, we don’t have time to be consumed by the sort of fucking I feel like we’ll need once we go there.
I grit my teeth as I spin around, pulling my pants back up. He pulls his hands from under my shirt and places them on either side of the wall, steadying himself as he glares at me, taking deep breaths.
“Maybe don’t tease me like that ,” he says.
“I have a little fun, don’t I?”
“You fucker.”
“Night, Brad.” I lean close and offer a kiss. It lingers for both of us, but I finally manage to get out the door and head down the hall.
He closes the door behind me, and as I walk toward my dorm with the Sinners’ bible tucked under my arm, my mind’s spinning with everything that went down tonight.
As complicated and fucked up as this all is, knowing what Brad and I are inevitably moving toward somehow makes the wildest parts easier to bear.
That’s what this sick lust does to me, at least.