Marry in Haste (The Vaughns #2)

Chapter 26

M outh slackening, Eddie stared at her. “Pardon?”

“We have a good marriage. Far better than many, in fact. We have a strong foundation of friendship and respect, and we needn’t muddy the waters by pretending it is something deeper than that.” Joanna paused for breath before continuing, “Of course, we wish to grow our family, so whatever intimacies we share in our bedchamber will continue as they have, but I will not tolerate any more playacting in public or private.”

For the briefest moment, Eddie was amazed that Joanna didn’t stumble or blush at the mention of “intimacies,” especially when he was struggling not to do so himself, but that shock gave way to the meaning behind her words.

“I am utterly confused, Joanna,” he said, his brows pinching tight together. “I am at a loss to understand why you feel the need to address this issue or why you believe it is an issue in the first place. You make it sound as though I have been mauling you.”

That chin of hers lifted, a hard glint entering her eyes that Eddie had never seen before as her tone filled with a challenge. “Why did you try to take my hand just now?”

Rubbing at his forehead, Eddie rose to his feet as well because it was just too blasted uncomfortable to remain seated when she was standing. “There are rumors about our marriage, and I want to put them to rest. That is all. We married to protect your reputation, after all.”

At that, Joanna stilled, her body not deflating though the color drained from her until Eddie worried she would faint. Stepping closer, he tried to get her to sit, but she shook him off, stepping away with a shake of her head.

“Don’t you see? That is the problem,” she whispered.

Closing her eyes, Joanna turned away, pressing a hand to her forehead as she paced the length of the room once more, and when she returned to him, she dropped her arms and faced him with that same determined glint in her gaze.

“I didn’t know you only married me to protect my reputation.”

Now it was his turn to grow faint as Joanna recounted the past three months from her perspective, unearthing all the misconceptions that had brought them to this moment. Eddie’s legs grew weak as he settled back on the seat, and for a long moment, he wondered if he ought to thank or curse Morty for that letter—though he knew not only that his friend deserved praise for having undergone some serious self-reflection but that stumbling along in ignorance as they had wouldn’t have ended happily for them.

Scrubbing at his face, he sighed. “I had no idea, Joanna. We never spoke of it, and it never occurred to me that your family would’ve kept it secret from you.” Pausing, Eddie considered that. “Though in all honesty, I’m not sure if I ever admitted the truth to anyone beyond your aunt. I never thought she would withhold that information from you.”

Joanna held up a staying hand and turned away, slowly pacing the floor. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Edward. I’ve wasted enough time blaming others, but we cannot go on as we have.”

Eddie straightened, his eyes boring into his wife as she walked the length of the parlor. “What does that mean? Are you leaving me?”

Jerking to a halt, she turned and stared at him. “Of course not. This isn’t the marriage I expected, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happy in its own right. Only that we needn’t pretend it is anything more.”

Joanna paused, that tell-tale blush entering her cheeks, though her posture remained upright as she forced herself to hold his gaze. “Clearly, you know my feelings, else why would your friends choose me? What would cause more embarrassment for you than to have our names bound together when you were already discomforted by my obvious affection and utterly disinterested in me?”

And for once, it was Eddie who could not meet her eye. “I wouldn’t say it so baldly—”

“Is now the time when you accuse me of putting words in your mouth?” she asked with the barest hint of a smile, though he could find nothing amusing about this conversation. “Or are you merely discomforted that I see the truth for what it is?”

Still unable to lift his gaze from the floorboards, Eddie shrugged, which earned him the barest whisper of a sigh. Moving to the sofa, Joanna sank onto it, her body sagging against the cushions.

“You know that I have…” Her jaw tensed, and Joanna paused a moment before forcing the words out. “We have known each other for years, and I have loved you for nearly all of that time. Until now, I hoped your feelings might grow into something more than brotherly affection—”

“I do not think of you as a sister,” he insisted with a scowl, his mind filling with the private affections they’d shared that were not of the familial variety. There was nothing fraternal about their relationship.

“But I would hazard to say that you did until we exchanged vows, and regardless, your feelings are not romantic in nature,” she whispered, her voice barely carrying above the noise echoing from the street below their window. “And if you have not fallen in love with me during all the years leading up to our marriage and after spending every day of the past three months together…”

Blushing must be catching because Eddie felt another swell of heat in his cheeks as he recalled the moment his wife had caught him leering at Miss Livingstone. The memory in and of itself made his conscience claw at him, but knowing the full context of his wife’s feelings made it all the worse.

Joanna paused, swallowing hard as she stared at her hands that rested in her lap. “If your feelings haven’t moved beyond friendly admiration, then it is pointless for me to expect you to change. It isn’t fair to either of us.”

As he shifted in his seat, Eddie’s instincts demanded he tease her into a good mood or tell her what she wished to hear, but whatever mistakes they’d made to arrive at this moment, he wasn’t going to compound the problem by lying. He adored her in many ways, but she was…Joanna. He didn’t know how to quantify his feelings, yet he knew enough about matters of the heart to know his was bound to hers more out of affection and honor than genuine desire.

“I am sorry for this misunderstanding, Joanna. I have only ever wanted to protect you.”

She nodded, seeming to take strength from that as she straightened once more. “Then I would ask that you stop the pretense. We are married. We share a life and a bed, but we needn’t pretend anything more.”

Eddie studied her profile. “But if we don’t ‘pretend’ we’ll feed the rumors.”

“What does that matter?” she asked with a frown.

“We are trying to keep you from becoming a laughingstock, Joanna. That is what matters.”

But she waved it away. “I have spent my life as an outcast in society and am quite familiar with the role. It doesn’t scare me.”

Getting to his feet, Eddie stared at her. “You cannot be serious. Protecting you is the entire reason we married. Now you want to cast that aside as if it doesn’t matter?”

“I didn’t ask you to protect me, Edward,” she said, rising to meet his stance. “Not once. You made that choice on your own, and though it is kind of you, I will not take the blame when you made the choice. Twice! You could’ve left me to Mr. Bell, but you chose to marry me. If you had bothered to speak to me about it at any time before our wedding, I never would have agreed to this marriage in the first place.”

Those words drove into his heart like a dagger, stopping him short as he stared at his wife and the utter conviction with which she stood before him. Eddie struggled to take a breath, but he forced his lungs to work.

“Are you saying it is my fault we are stuck in this marriage?” he asked in a cold voice.

Joanna’s brows rose, her mouth gaping. “‘Stuck?’”

“That isn’t what I meant!” Eddie sighed heavily and paced the room, following the path she’d used before. “Why do you always twist my words!”

“Why do you always say things that are so easily twisted? Or should I simply be happy that you deigned to save me from your friends’ cruelty and forced yourself into this marriage you hate so much?” she said, her voice rising.

“I don’t hate it!”

“Oh, yes. It is clear you adore the wife with whom you are ‘stuck’ and whom you must force yourself to act as though you care about.” Holding up her hands in dismissal, she strode to the corridor. “I am done pretending, Edward. I have never been good at it, and I refuse to develop a talent for it now.”

Eddie called after her, but she didn’t slow, sweeping out of the parlor like a winter storm. Her footsteps echoed through the rooms as she stomped up the stairs, their bedchamber door slamming shut the next moment. The sound rang through the air, and the silence that followed was anything but peaceful.

***

Arms clenched tight across her chest, Joanna’s eyes bored holes into the plaster-covered wall. Her jaw tightened, and her chest rose and fell with the injustice of it all. The room was stifling, and her nightdress clung to her skin, but it was nothing compared to the heat simmering inside her. She settled deeper into the pillows, scrunching her eyes shut as if that might somehow dissolve the anger in her chest—yet each time she tried to calm herself, a fresh wave of frustration flared up, tightening her throat and making her cheeks burn anew.

There wasn’t any point in attempting to sleep until he deigned to join her. The man moved about the room like a herd of agitated elephants, bumping and clattering about, so even if she could fall asleep now, he was guaranteed to wake her when he finally decided to stop being childish and come to bed.

And had she ever complained to him about the noise? Of course not. She’d been too eager to prostrate herself before him. As if behaving as though she were unworthy of his attention would somehow endear her to him. Joanna huffed at herself and scowled all the deeper.

Closing her eyes—as though that might hide her from her own thoughts—she rubbed at her forehead and winced against all the memories that continued to prick at her pride. She’d never thought herself possessing much of one, but the poor thing had taken quite the beating over the past few weeks.

Footsteps on the stairs announced his arrival with enough time for her to give the door her back and pull the covers up (despite the heat demanding she kick them away). But when it opened, Joanna knew the feet making those noises didn’t belong to her husband, and turned over to see Peggy fetching Joanna’s dinner tray from the side table.

And as much as Joanna didn’t wish to voice the question, she asked, “Is Dr. Vaughn still sitting downstairs?”

“Yes.”

“Could you ask him to join me?” Doubly embarrassing, but it was better than having to go herself.

Clutching the tray before her, the maid-of-all-work couldn’t quite meet her mistress’s gaze. “He had me fetch him blankets and pillows. I don’t think he intends to come up.”

Joanna held back a flare of temper and dismissed the woman. She ought to leave him to his uncomfortable night’s rest, but instead, she kicked back the bedclothes and pulled on her wrapper.