Chapter 34
“A nd the dog ran off with her drawers, waving them about for all to see,” said Joanna, barely able to speak for laughing. But it was at that precise moment that good sense struck her over the head, reminding her that not all ladies would find a tale about unmentionables being dragged about in public amusing, and that old, familiar fear swept through her, demanding she apologize that very instant or explain away the faux pas.
Her instincts battled for control, but she held firm to her convictions. Sadie was clearly amused by the anecdote, and though Mrs. Satterly may be a relatively new acquaintance, she’d seemed a kindred soul. And it wasn’t as though the story had appeared from the ether; it arrived from the natural flow of the conversation. Odd though that may be.
That war was waged and won in the span of a heartbeat, and Joanna held firm in her resolve. If Mrs. Satterly found the story amusing, then all the better. If not, that would simply help Joanna sift her into the list of those with whom she could be friendly but not friends.
And Mrs. Satterly didn’t disappoint.
Placing a hand over her mouth, the young lady tried stifling a laugh. “Good heavens. That must’ve been mortifying!”
“Doubly so with her skirts hitched up so she could chase the beast down the street,” added Joanna, which set all three ladies laughing again.
When they received a few questioning looks from other patrons of the haberdashery, Mrs. Satterly motioned toward the door, and the three stepped out into the blessedly cool afternoon air. And straight into the path of Miss Betsy Norman and Mrs. Valerie Selkirk.
Though Sadie showed no sign of distress, Joanna’s muscles tensed as the former friends eyed Sadie with smiles that were as cold as the Yorkshire winters everyone warned Joanna about. If Mrs. Satterly noticed, she made no show of it, though Joanna suspected the young lady knew as well as any that Sadie and the Norman sisters had been quite close until recently.
Holding fast to her sister-in-law, Joanna gave the pair a nod and a smile (as was befitting of polite company) but said nothing to stop them as they passed. And she longed to do a jig right there in the street when Sadie held fast, giving them a suitably warm greeting but not quivering or surrendering when Betsy ignored her.
Only when they were out of hearing did Mrs. Satterly turn her wide smile on her companions once more, though it held a hint of an apology. “I fear I must be on my way, but I do hope you and Miss Vaughn will visit soon.”
“Of course,” said Joanna, glancing at Sadie, who had said little during the conversation but was nodding vigorously at the invitation.
With a wave of farewell, their new friend set off in the other direction whilst Joanna took her sister-in-law by the arm and pointed her down the street.
“I am proud of you,” she whispered to Sadie.
“I am not,” she replied with a sigh. “If not for you holding fast to me, I might’ve chased after them.”
“You do not give yourself enough credit,” said Joanna with a frown. “You have done a lot in the past weeks to build yourself a new social group.”
“Again—only because you have been at my side the whole time.”
Joanna waved that away. “What does that matter? If not for you, I doubt I would ever be so bold. Even now, I quake in my shoes whenever I speak to anyone.”
“You do not look it,” said Sadie.
“Yes, but that is the trick. Isn’t it?”
Thank the heavens for clouds . Such an odd thing to pray for, but the overcast sky was such a blessing that Joanna couldn’t help but feel that it was a gift given solely to her, despite knowing the Powers That Be had more important things to do than alter the climate to suit her. Yet as she strode through the streets of Thornsby, Joanna couldn’t help thinking it again and again.
The time was long past for her to return the calls paid to her in her new home, but the heat had kept her locked away. Now with the sun tightly hidden behind a wall of clouds, Joanna was quite free to roam without fear of melting or collapsing despite it being the hottest month of summer.
“Quite the successful afternoon,” said Joanna.
“This has been lovely,” said Sadie with a sigh. “I’ve wanted to know Mrs. Satterly better for some time, but…”
The statement drifted off into silence, though there was no need to finish it as it was a common refrain. So many things Sadie had wanted to do but Betsy and Valerie had objected for one reason or another.
“Between the two of us, we might make proper friends in Thornsby,” said Joanna, bumping Sadie with her shoulder.
Arm in arm, they strolled down the lane, her spirits lightening with each step. With a few prods, Joanna got Sadie talking about the coming weeks and the festivities that would come as summer gave way to autumn, and seeing her sister-in-law so at peace only added to her elation. So many great blessings in her life, and Joanna was determined to enjoy them to their fullest.
Which made seeing Hawthorne House all the more difficult as it signaled the end of their afternoon out. It would be easy enough to gain an invitation to stay for the evening (Mother certainly had tried enough times to lure her to their table), yet Joanna had a fair many things to do still, and if she crossed the threshold, she knew she wouldn’t be strong enough to leave when she ought.
But when Sadie made no move to depart, Joanna sent her a questioning look.
“I promised my brother that I would ensure you arrive home safely anytime we are out and about,” said Sadie with a wry smile.
“He arrives home tomorrow. There’s no need for you to go out of your way—”
But Sadie stopped any argument with a firm shake of her head. “I gave my word to…Edward.”
Her words stumbled just the slightest bit, and it made Joanna hold even tighter to the lady’s arm as it wasn’t lost on her how difficult it was for the family to think of him in that far more suitable name, but they tried their best to honor his request.
However, the reminder of his imminent arrival and the knowing glance Sadie gave her dimmed the shine of that moment. Matters weren’t helped by the fact that Sadie was too quiet for Joanna’s good. Not that the lady couldn’t talk one’s ear off if she wished, but now, she was quite happy to walk silently along, leaving Joanna to thoughts of Edward.
What were his intentions? A lady shouldn’t have to ask such a question about her husband. It was the sort of thing one queried when faced by a bachelor with a piqued interest. Yet the question filled every free space of Joanna’s thoughts, and being alone in their home for a sennight meant she had far too much time to ponder that mystery.
Edward had been as good as his word—though she supposed that was hardly worth noting as he’d departed the morning after the vow. But why couldn’t he leave things be? Years of waiting, and Joanna was only just now accepting things as they were, and this was when he decided he loved her? As though one could simply make up one’s mind to adore and cherish another. Preposterous.
No, it must be the babe that had altered matters. Either Edward was giving her this fantasy out of a sense of obligation or he was conflating his feelings for their child with his feelings for her. Regardless of the motivation behind it, Joanna didn’t care for the implications.
Pity was not love. Duty was not love. Desperation was not love.
“Is something the matter?” asked Sadie, jerking her from her thoughts as they approached Joanna’s front door.
“I was simply thinking about your brother,” she replied, which was a truth she was quite willing to admit to.
“He will be home soon enough,” said Sadie.
Which was precisely what Joanna both feared and desired the most.
Adopting a smile, Joanna nodded. “Of course. Now, do you trust me to mount the steps on my own, or did Edward insist you see me into the parlor as well?”
Sadie laughed and waved a farewell before turning back in the direction from which they came. Pushing open the door that led to their front steps, Joanna climbed the flight whilst removing her bonnet and gloves. As she stepped into their entry, she hung them on the waiting pegs and hummed a tune to herself as she wandered into the parlor—and spied a figure splayed on the sofa.
Stifling a shriek at the surprise, Joanna stared for several long moments before her brain recognized the form.
“Edward?”
He stirred, and Joanna hurried over to him as his eyes cracked open. Lips pulling into a lazy grin, he mumbled, “I missed you, Joanna.”
The pleasure in his tone made it sound as though seeing her was the greatest gift he’d ever received, and that stopped her short as she stared down at him. He snatched her hand as a yawn seized hold of him, expanding his jaw until it was liable to snap, and then he forced himself upright with a shake of the head.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he mumbled, rubbing his face.
“What are you doing here?” she asked as he pulled her onto the cushion beside him.
“I was able to finish up early yesterday evening, and since the skies were clear and the moon was bright, I decided to head out early in the hopes that I could arrive before bedtime.” With a huff, he shook his head. “But then the horse threw a shoe, and the wretched beast refused to move above a snail’s pace until I replaced it. It took hours to find a farrier, but I got him patched up and ready to go. Then, in the longest and most desolate stretch of the journey, I cracked a wheel. It took ages to find someone to help, and the blacksmith could only patch it, which left me crawling along once more until I found a village with a proper cartwright.”
With each detail, the poor fellow seemed to both curse and laugh at his misfortunes, which stretched what should have been a few hours’ journey into nearly a day.
“What were you thinking, driving through the night like that?” asked Joanna with a frown. “You could’ve done yourself harm driving in the dark or been set upon by footpads.”
“I wanted to be home,” he said with a shrug. “Had I known how difficult things were going to be, I would’ve stopped at one of the inns along the way, but I kept thinking it wouldn’t take long until I would be home again.” Turning his gaze on her, Edward gave her a smile that was laden with exhaustion and aching bones. “It had been a sennight already, and I wanted to be here with you. I missed you.”
Joanna stared at him, uncertain what to say to that declaration, but he didn’t follow it with promises of undying love or flowery descriptions of his feelings.
“I missed you, too.” For though turbulent sentiments were making themselves known whenever the subject of Edward Vaughn was broached, Joanna couldn’t deny that she had grown used to having him around day in and day out. Not just his warmth and company in their bed each night, but the cheery little greetings throughout the day, the conversations about the happenings of their world, and all those little moments that peppered the day with Edward.
Motioning toward the side table, he slanted her a lopsided smile. “I stumbled across a confectionary that makes toffee. I know how much you love it.”
Joanna stiffened, her eyes darting to the offering wrapped in brown paper, and she swore she smelled the butter and sugar from where she stood.
“You didn’t need to do that,” she said with a sigh.
“I wanted to.”
As he held fast to her hand, his eyelids lowered. Edward appeared to fight against their pull, but exhaustion and gravity won the day. His head bobbed and found its home on her shoulder as his breathing deepened.
“I didn’t like being away from you, Joanna.”
Though the words were blurry and slurred, she couldn’t deny that he had, in fact, spoken them. And though her good sense yearned to cast them aside as part of some grand scheme of his, Edward was barely conscious enough to form that sentence, let alone plot in such a manner.
Joanna didn’t know what to feel about that declaration any more than she did his previous ones. Or rather, she felt far too many things all at once, and she couldn’t make sense of which sentiment she ought to embrace or cast aside. Matters weren’t helped by the fact that his hand remained wrapped around hers as the scent of dirt, sweat, and horse wafted about her, testifying to just how brutal the last few hours had been for him.
Yet Edward had pressed forward. Eager to be home. Desperate to see her.
And wasn’t that a frightening thought?