Marry in Haste (The Vaughns #2)

Chapter 35

W hy didn’t fashion alter with the seasons? Of course, there were differences between summer and winter dresses, but even the lightest of outfits weighed well over a stone. What did it matter if one wore long or short sleeves when the majority of one’s body was wrapped in layers upon layers of petticoats all year long?

Even Joanna’s dressing gown felt like a mountain of cotton, though it was considerably lighter than a proper dress, and despite being in the parlor, she opened the buttons holding it closed and pulled back the cotton and lace to reveal her chemise underneath. Flapping the fabric open and closed, she sent a swirl of air through her undergarments, and though it did little good, the feel of the air caressing her skin was heaven-sent.

The sound of footsteps had her snapping it closed, her fingers fumbling with the fastenings. Joanna’s cheeks burned as she struggled to get her dressing gown closed. When Edward strode in, she held the fabric snug around her, hiding her efforts to finish buttoning it in place.

“What are you doing home at this hour?” she asked, glancing over to the clock, though she knew it hadn’t been long since luncheon.

“My last appointment was cut short, so I have some time on my hands and want to spend it with my wife. But what are you up to?” he asked with an arched brow. “You look like I caught you sneaking sweets from the pantry.”

Shoulders sagging, Joanna sighed. “It is bad enough that I am lazing about in my dressing gown in the afternoon, but you almost caught me in a state of dishabille.”

Edward stopped in front of her. “Firstly, I want it on record that I am not the slightest bit bothered by the thought of catching you parading about in your chemise.”

His eyes flashed with a spark of mischief that had Joanna’s cheeks heating twice over, and though he didn’t speak his thoughts aloud, his smile was far too pointed for her not to hear the invitation to cast off the chemise as well. Joanna’s hand clutched the dressing gown tighter, and she held back a sigh.

Edward was doing better about not pressing the “issue,” which was a godsend, but when would all this nonsense end?

“And secondly,” he added, “and more importantly, you are growing a child, and that affords you the freedom to do whatever you require to make yourself comfortable. Laze about in your dressing gown. Wear naught but your chemise day and night. Sleep through the heat and only emerge from your hibernation when the weather is more cooperative.”

Herding her toward the bedchamber, Edward ignored her protests and sat her on the bed. With a quick tug, he yanked open the window before pulling the curtains closed enough to block the heat pouring through the glass whilst allowing in enough light to see.

“I have a treat for you,” he said, holding up a finger for her to wait.

A tendril of hair fell free of her bandeau, and Joanna didn’t bother checking in the mirror before shoving it haphazardly into the mess atop her head. This was not a day for visitors, and there were no errands to see to, so Joanna hadn’t put any effort into her toilette. Not that it would’ve mattered, as sweat was destroying even her half-hearted attempt.

With the curtains drawn, the bedchamber grew noticeably cooler, though it was a good deal hotter than was comfortable. There was no wind to speak of, and though Joanna heard the clatter of hooves and the call of people from the street below, not even the barest breath of a breeze came inside.

Perhaps it was time to change her chemise. Again. At the rate she was sweating through them, Peggy would be doing nothing but laundry day in and out. With the bedchamber door shut, Joanna yanked off the dressing gown and threw it over the armchair, and though that allotted her a degree of relief, it wasn’t much, and she fell onto the bed with a sigh.

It was so wretchedly hot that she couldn’t even give in to Edward’s joking suggestion and sleep the day away. Not with the heat trying to suffocate her.

The door opened once more, and Joanna didn’t bother opening her eyes.

“It is practically September. How is it so wretchedly hot?” She tried to keep the whine from her voice. She was a grown woman, after all. Yet with perspiration pooling in every crevice and her hair sticking to her skin, she could barely contain the mounting frustration. “I am going to perish.”

“Not until you enjoy the treat I brought you,” said Edward.

“That is kind of you, but I do not want a sweet or cake or more of that tisane—” Cold brushed her knee, and Joanna jolted upright with a squeak, her eyes wide as she stared at her husband and the rag in his hand. And before she could ask what was happening, Edward lifted back the edge of the fabric to reveal the most beautiful thing her eyes had ever beheld.

“How?” she asked as he lifted the fist-sized chunk of ice and set it against her flushed cheeks. Sighing, Joanna took the rag-wrapped bundle and swiped her face with the frigid water.

“The Overtons sold it to me. Belsey Hall boasts a perfectly designed ice house that allows them to have ice all year round, though this summer has depleted their stock significantly. They wouldn’t normally sell off such an insignificant bit, but it was all that remained of one of their bricks.”

“It must’ve cost you dearly,” she said, pausing in her ministrations.

“My father has treated them well for years, so they gave me a good price.”

No matter how much Edward insisted, Joanna knew even this little chunk was worth a small fortune, but she couldn’t stop herself as she wiped it across her neck. It wasn’t as though they could return the purchase.

“You are a dear,” she whispered, her eyes closing with a sigh as several water droplets slithered down the bare patches of skin.

Edward cleared his throat, and Joanna opened her eyes to find him shifting from foot to foot. When his gaze found hers, he turned away with another clearing of his throat before sitting himself on the bed.

“Have you made any decisions about the nursery?” The question was innocent enough, but no amount of playacting could hide the tightness in Edward’s tone.

“Is something the matter?” she asked with a frown.

There was the slightest breath of a pause before he gave her a smile that was the picture of self-mockery. “Yes and no. But regardless, the trouble is entirely my doing, and thus, the burden is mine to bear.”

Joanna stared at him for a long moment as water dripped from her hand and down her forearms. “Is there nothing I can do?”

“Enjoy your ice, Joanna, and tell me what decisions you have made about the nursery,” he said, his grin never faltering.

Shaking away the oddity that was her husband, Joanna glanced at the bed but dismissed the possibility; best not to sit lest she soak their linens and mattress. So, she wandered to the window as she bathed herself with the melting ice; at this angle, no one could see her, and the water on her skin caught even the faintest breath of the breeze.

“Your mother came over and looked at the room. The Sweets haven’t had young children for some time, and they’d been using it as an attic, so it will require quite a bit of cleaning up before it will be suitable, but it will be perfect. And Mother has furniture we can use.”

“But what color are you going to paint it?” he asked, and Joanna’s gaze turned to the sliver of sunlight coming through the curtains. Pushing the fabric back a touch, she glanced through the window, though there was little to see unless she wished to stand fully in the blazing light.

“I haven’t the slightest notion,” she said with a sigh as she swathed her neck and arms with the ice. “What do you think?”

“I…” But Edward got no further than that before clearing his throat once again.

With a furrowed brow, Joanna glanced at him. “Are you falling ill?”

Giving her another self-deprecating smile, he shook his head and quickly asked, “Have you heard from your father?”

Something was afoot, though the distraction he presented was perfect; despite recognizing the shift in subjects, Joanna’s attention firmly latched onto it.

Dabbing at her chest, she sighed. “He hasn’t returned any of my letters since I wrote to him about our news. I suppose it isn’t entirely surprising, as it is bound to bring up unpleasant memories, but I had hoped that the prospect of a grandchild might entice him out of his doldrums.”

Why a woman of her age and experience would hold onto such hopes was a mystery, but then, Joanna was known to be quite ridiculous when it came to such matters.

Shaking that away, she forced a smile and added, “But your father is eager enough for them both…”

With the ice held to her neck, Joanna glanced over her shoulder to find Edward staring at her—though that word was far too tame to describe the way his eyes bored into her as though tracing the tracks of the droplets trailing down her skin. His entire attention was fixated on her, his eyes burning as they rested on the billowing fabric of her chemise.

Which was when Joanna spied herself in the mirror beside the bed, revealing the fact that the light at her back had caught the fabric in a manner that negated the modesty the chemise afforded and fully illuminated the shape of her figure beneath the cloth. The sight startled her enough that she could barely move, doubly so when her gaze fell to Edward once more, whose eyes roved the sight.

Though the red of her overheated cheeks had faded some, her hair was still a tangled mess tied atop her head with tendrils pasted to her skin from the sweat and ice bath. All in all, she was a pathetic sight to behold, yet he looked at her as though she were Venus emerging from the ocean.

“What are you doing?” she gasped, her hands instinctively moving to cover herself, though why she felt the urge when her husband of nearly five months had seen the whole of her was a bit of a mystery. Yet Joanna didn’t fight the urge.

Edward jerked, his brows rising as his eyes met hers and widened a fraction.

Then clearing his throat, he shifted in his seat with a wry smile. “I am simply enjoying the view.”

But it had been more than mere enjoyment in his gaze, and try as she might, Joanna couldn’t explain why Edward had been ogling her—and there was no other way to categorize the appreciation that had blazed in his eyes as he’d taken in the whole of her. The fellow had been so caught up in the moment that he hadn’t even noticed her watching him.

Edward had been leering . Even thinking it sent a shudder of denial through her, the words forming easily upon her lips, yet how could one dismiss the evidence of one’s own eyes?

“You think me…” Joanna didn’t know how to finish the sentence because every word that came to mind seemed more ludicrous than the last. Lovely? Appealing? Desirable? “You think me…fetching?”

Nose wrinkling, Edward cocked his head as he stared at her. “Of course I do.”

But Joanna shook her head as she clutched the ice and rag to her chest. “No, I mean you truly think I am pretty.”

Rising to his feet, he held her gaze as he drew closer, his eyes warming with the same flames that had consumed her just minutes ago. “No. You are beautiful. The most captivating lady I have ever known.”

She gaped, her lungs seizing and refusing to work as he stood so close that she felt his heat even with the ice melting in her hands.

“Do you truly love me?” she whispered.

His stomach brushed hers as he leaned close, his one hand setting the ice on the dressing table as the other drew around her back, settling into its favorite place. But before he could speak a word, Joanna lifted her hand to his lips, forestalling him.

“Do not say it if you do not mean it, Edward.” She shook her head back and forth, her eyes pleading with his to speak only the truth. “Do you love me in my own right? Not because you must make do with your circumstances or fancy spending time with me or because I am the mother of your child. You love me, regardless of the circumstances that drew us together, and if given another choice, you would still choose me. Do you love me like that?”

Joanna didn’t know how she managed to say it all, but the words spilled forth, drawing up every fear she’d cultivated since discovering the truth behind their marriage. Her fingers froze on his lips, unable to move lest he destroy the hopes now bubbling inside her despite her best efforts to keep them contained.

“Yes.”

The feel of his mouth against her fingertips sent heat pulsing through her as though his desire was a physical thing passing from him to her. Doubly so when his lips kissed her fingertips. Joanna jerked her hand away, but Edward merely leaned closer until he surrounded her and his voice was a low rumble in her ear.

“There are times when I can barely contain myself around you. Even more so because you are so entirely unaware of the power you wield over me.” Raising his hand, Edward brushed a touch along her jaw. “But more than that, I love your heart, which loves so purely that it gives and gives, even if it never receives anything in return. I love your kindness and humor. I love that you help me to be more myself, filling me with the sort of calm confidence I never thought I could feel.”

Joanna’s brows rose at that. “Nonsense, Edward. You have always been confident, and even if you weren’t, how could I teach you anything when I have spent my life crippled by self-doubt?”

Edward’s brows drew together as though unable to believe what she thought was an entirely logical argument, and he shook his head.

“You saw me as no one else has. Saw me better than I saw myself. And you were right to say I am a people-pleaser. I spent my life playing that role without realizing it—until you swept into my life and helped me to not only recognize that flaw within myself but overcome it. With you by my side, I feel as though I can do anything.”

Shaking her head, Joanna tried to pull away. Or rather, she told her limbs to do so, but they patently refused. “Because I flattered and fawned over you? And now that it’s gone, you want to stoke my affection—”

Edward’s thumb silenced her, sliding across her lips as he leaned close, filling her vision. “I never liked that version of you, Joanna. I understand why you behaved that way, but it wasn’t until you allowed me to know the woman you truly are that I realized how wonderful you are. This distance of late and our child that you carry may have fanned the flames, but that fire was burning for far longer than that. I don’t know when or how my feelings changed, but they have.”

With a wry smile, he caressed her lips. “I don’t need your blind adoration, my love. I need you to shine lights on my flaws because with you by my side, I know I can overcome them.”

Edward’s other hand remained at her waist, and Joanna felt herself leaning into his hold.

“You keep questioning my feelings,” he murmured, his voice a low hum in her ear, “but the more I know you, the more I wonder how I could not love you, Joanna. It is impossible.”

Tears gathered in her eyes as she stared at him. Though some lingering part of her shied away from the risk, the far larger part of her heart and soul—which had spent so many years loving this man—surged to the surface. This was what she had dreamt of. This was the fulfillment of all those years of waiting and hoping. This was even more than her little heart had imagined. And those feelings seized control before she knew what they were about.

Throwing her arms around Edward’s neck, Joanna nudged aside his hand and allowed herself to take the liberty she’d forbidden herself all these months and pressed her lips to his. This wasn’t their first kiss. Nor their tenth. At this point in their marriage, it likely wasn’t their hundredth. Yet it felt like a new beginning. A fresh moment. But then, this was the first honest kiss they’d shared. No more misunderstandings or mistakes, but two hearts desperate to demonstrate the depth of their feelings.

And Joanna loosened the reins on her heart, allowing it to do as it saw fit. Forcing all thoughts and worries aside, she lost herself in the feel of her husband’s lips on hers as she poured everything she was and felt into her touch.

*

Was this truly happening? As much as Edward feared he’d slipped into some fever dream and would soon wake, Joanna was very real and doing everything she could to erase any distance between them.

And he required no further prodding.

Drawing his arms tight around her, Edward met her passion with his own. Far too many of their discussions ended with misunderstandings, and he was determined to make his feelings clear in a manner that couldn’t be misinterpreted or denied.

Then all thought left his mind as he fell into their embrace, his heart pounding in his chest as though threatening to run off. But he supposed it already had as it no longer belonged to him. It beat inside Joanna. And in their child, which was their love personified.

Their family. Edward wished he had the words to express how much joy that brought him, but he was no wordsmith. So, he satisfied himself with funneling all those feelings into each touch, lavishing his wife with all the many things she had deserved to receive from the very beginning.

“I love you, Edward,” she whispered, her lips brushing his ear and sending a shiver down his spine as that simple declaration settled deep into his heart. “I always have, and I always will.”

Cupping her face, Edward brushed away the tears that ran down her cheeks with his thumbs. “And I love you, my darling Joanna. Forgive me for taking so long to realize it.”

She shook her head, placing her hand over his lips. “No more of that. This isn’t the time for recriminations.”

Pressing a kiss to her palm, Edward freed his mouth to whisper. “I once was blind, but now I see, and I promise I will love you to the end of my days.”

“I will hold you to that,” she said with the slightest smile before pressing her lips to his.