Mine

Chapter Eleven

CHAPTER ELEVEN

JT

I wait until we get home that night to tell Reggie what happened. We climb into my bed together, and he immediately says, “You were different the last little while at your parents’ house.” We like to do this sometimes, lie in bed together and talk. While I always had a lot of friends growing up, it’s different having a close relationship with someone who is queer. Straight friends are great, but there are certain things they would never understand. There are parts of me I didn’t always know were there, and once I understood them, still didn’t completely show to the world. My life growing up wasn’t the same as for a lot of my friends. All my crushes were secret and unrequited. There are experiences I never had, and Reggie is the same. Add to that my being kinky, which made me feel even more different.

“I ran into Marsh in the bathroom.”

Reggie cocks a brow. “Well, I can tell there’s a story there.”

“I was just leaving, and he was outside. I sneaked in with him, and we talked.”

“Jesus Christ, did he fuck you in your parents’ bathroom?” he shrieks, but there’s a smile on his face. Reggie can pretend to be scandalized all he wants, but deep down I know he thinks the idea of being fucked by my dad’s best friend at my parents’ house is hot.

“No. I wouldn’t do that. But like I said, we talked. He wants me to go to his house tomorrow. I think we’re at least going to have one scene together.” My body flushes with warmth at the thought. It’s wild how I’ve spent my whole life around Marsh and never thought of him this way until recently. Yes, I noticed his hotness—because how could I not—but fucking him had never crossed my mind…and maybe it never would have if he wasn’t FulfillingDominance. Something about that month spent anonymously talking to him has altered my whole world, and I don’t know how to get back to the way it was before.

Reggie sighs. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I’m not trying to be a downer here, but you told me that when you first found out, you almost puked.”

“Not because I’m not attracted to him.”

“I don’t mean that. It’s a big deal. I can understand why it would have been strange for you, and now two weeks later, you’re meeting up with him for sex.”

I bury my face into the pillow and give a playful scream. The fact is, I know he’s right, and I can’t pretend I’m not nervous I’m making the wrong choice. I know there’s a possibility this is a huge mistake, but… “I can’t explain it. I was in shock at first, of course. How could I not be? But the more I think about it, the more it calms something inside me. I’ve spent my life not having anyone close to me who would understand that part of me, who would know the things I want and not think it’s weird.”

He winces. “Sorry. I don’t mean to act that way.”

“You don’t, not really. But you also don’t get it. Then I met a man who did get it, who has spent years practicing, and he spent a month making sure I know there’s nothing wrong with these things I crave. To meet him and discover it’s someone who I know has cared about me my whole life, someone I respect, someone I know will always do right by me…it pulls me in more, makes me feel more at ease. I know I’m giving this part of me to someone who deserves it. Then I think about the times Marsh has taken care of me, been there for me as Marsh and not Sir, such as when he came to the restaurant just because he knows I like working there. I realize Marsh has always done stuff like that —been there for me as a person, without it being anything sexual in nature and just because he’s kind—so how can I not want it to be him? Also…”

When I don’t continue right away, Reggie prods, asking, “Also what?”

“I don’t think I realized how alone I felt in this part of who I am, but I do now. I never thought I felt any kind of shame about it, and I still don’t know that I do, but if someone like Marsh can need what I do… It just helps. Makes me feel more secure in who I am and tells me that I’m on the right path, even if to some people it’s strange.” I hate that I need someone’s approval, but maybe I do, and it being Marsh makes it all the better.

“That makes sense. I’m nervous for you, but I’m glad you get to share this with someone you trust and who will take care of you. But what if it gets serious?”

“It won’t.” How can it? My parents would lose their shit. I could never do that to Marsh. Plus, the man is forty years old and has never been in a serious relationship. He told me as FulfillingDominance that it’s not something he wants. There’s no way that would ever change for me.

“What if your parents find out?”

“I fuck people all the time, and they don’t know. It’s not like Marsh and I will advertise it. We’ll be fine. I know it.”

And I can’t wait for tomorrow. My body tingles at the thought.

“I hope you’re right,” Reggie says, rolling over to turn off my lamp.

We curl up together, me with my arm around him, and go to sleep.

*

FulfillingDominance: Wear the same clothes you wore when we met at the coffeehouse. Take a car service. I’ll pay you back for it when you arrive. If you don’t have the money, let me know and I can send it to you now.

CravingMore: You don’t have to pay for my ride.

FulfillingDominance: Are you refusing me? Is that a limit for you? If we’re going to do this, even once, I’d like to be the one to take care of those things. It brings me joy. If it’s not something you can accept, then I won’t push it.

How is it that I basically melt into a puddle of goo just seeing that? I never had someone paying for things for me as a kink on my list. In fact, I’m pretty fucking independent in that way, and I would have thought the idea of it would turn me off, but I can’t deny the way my insides are now Jell-O. But…

CravingMore: I’m not sure… Part of me is turned on by the idea of being taken care of that way. I never would have seen that about myself, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I try so hard to be who I am and stand on my own, so it also feels a little off for me.

FulfillingDominance: I’m not your parents. When I give you money, there are no strings attached, there’s no disappointment involved. I do it because it gets me hot. Because for me, that’s a way a Sir takes care of his boy. And if we do this, you’ll be mine.

I shiver, blood rushing toward my groin. Goddamn him. How can words on a screen affect me so much? But the truth is, they have with him from the start.

CravingMore: We’ll try it this time and see how it feels. I have the money.

FulfillingDominance: Good boy. Don’t be late.

CravingMore: Yes, Sir.

My insides are jittery and my heart feels like it’s beating too fast as I get dressed—thank God the clothes are clean. I’ve already cleaned myself out. I don’t know if Marsh is going to fuck me today, but I really want him to. Call it manifesting. A clean ass goes hand in hand with a dick inside it, so I’m putting that into the universe.

I pull up the app for a ride share earlier than I need to. The last thing I’m going to risk is being late. I can hide on Marsh’s street before going up to his house if I have to.

My nerves don’t go away the whole ride to his place. I can’t help but shift in the back seat while the driver talks to me about the weather and a Hurricanes game she went to last season. I don’t even know how we got on the subject, but she’s clearly a hockey fan.

“You can just pull over on the street,” I tell her when we get to Marsh’s. She does, then drives away after I step out and close the door. I’m not supposed to be here for another fifteen minutes, and I can’t decide if I should go to the door early or not. Does it look good to be early in a situation like this, or am I disobeying him by not arriving when he told me to?

My thoughts spin around and around while I pace. I’m not an overthinker in any other aspect of my life, but when it comes to this, I want it so much, it will kill me not to get it right. What if I disappoint him and he doesn’t want me again? Then what if it does make things weird and I can never be around Marsh again? What if I’m a bad lay and don’t fulfill his needs? I’ve never had any complaints before. In fact, the men I fuck are quite fond of my ass, but I’ve never given it to someone who is so entwined in my life.

I spend so much time trying to sort through what to do that when I look at my phone next, it’s 1:58. “Goddamn it,” I curse, hurrying down the driveway to Marsh’s large white house that’s set back from the road.

As soon as I get to the door, it opens. “You were waiting for me.” I grin, confidence making my chest swell slightly. He clearly wants me if that’s the case.

“You were cute out there pacing. I considered going to get you, but it was more fun watching you suffer.”

I mock-gasp. “You’re a sadist.”

He shrugs. “In some ways, yes. Does that excite you?”

I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, teeth sinking in. The buzz beneath my skin grows, body flooding with warmth. “In some ways, Sir. Does that excite you?”

“You’re going to be trouble.” Marsh chuckles, but then I see the reality of who we are to each other flood his eyes, and he sobers.

“It’ll be okay,” I tell him.

“Will it, though? I’ll lose my brother if he finds out about this.”

Guilt drops weight in my gut, all of me suddenly feeling too heavy. “I’m sorry. I know I pushed for this. I really want it, but I don’t want you to be hurt either. If you truly want to put an end to things, if you feel pressured in any way, we can stop right now. I won’t harass you about it anymore.”

He watches me, an expression on his face I can’t read, then sighs. Marsh steps closer, reaches out, and holds my chin. “I want you. I wanted you the whole time we were talking online, and I’ve wanted you every moment of the last two weeks. I can’t wait to make you cry for me…make you come for me.”

“Yes, Sir,” I say, cock already going hard. I want to kiss him, to taste him, to sit between his legs and suck his cock all day, but I try to be patient, waiting for Marsh to tell me what to do next.

“What is your safe word?”

“Let’s go with red.”

“Come inside.” Marsh moves out of the way, and I do as he says. He closes the door behind me. “Take off your shoes, then kneel for me.”

“Yes, Sir.” My skin prickles with excitement, the spinning thoughts from earlier now quiet.

I take off my sneakers, then get onto my knees, wishing I was naked for him, wishing he was naked for me. Nervous, yet enjoying the fact that I don’t know what will happen today, that I’m not in control—and it’s not because I’m too weak or can’t make decisions myself; it’s not because my choices are wrong or not good enough, but because I want to hand that control over to Marsh, and that’s the best kind of high.

“You look beautiful down there, sweet boy. I’ve seen it over and over in my head since walking out of that coffeehouse…and even when I hate myself for it, I can’t stop hoping for it.”

“Whenever you feel that way, remind yourself that you’re giving me what I need…that you’re taking care of me. Because I know you will, Sir. You’ll take such good care of me, and I’m so glad it’s you.”

I swear fire blazes in his eyes, heat radiating off him, and I’ve never in my life wanted to burn for someone more than I do right now.