30. Allegra
30
Allegra
M y hands are shaking violently as I crash through the door to my bedroom. The bravado I had used to get Bonnie back has evaporated. I feel raw. Donna Malgeri is gone. If ever I needed a wake-up call to finally push me into doing the right thing for myself, it was Bonnie being taken from me.
I was in control, as usual, until I spotted her in that room, her face bruised and her hair dishevelled. I was confident Giani wouldn’t hurt her until he had an audience, but I could have been so wrong and she would have suffered if that had been the case. And it’s all for nothing. None of this is worth Bonnie getting hurt. Egos and power plays are not important enough to pay the steep price. I thought being a Ferrante was worth the pain and sacrifice, but now I know it’s not. I’ve proved myself to everyone, time and time again. I can stop now.
I love Lorenzo with all my heart. And I know he won’t stop loving me for asking this of him. I need out. I’d hoped to reach a point where the Ferrante family name was known for its good business practices instead of our role in the Mafiosi. There is still work to do before that dream can be a reality. I don’t think I can wait that long.
I’m not sure if Bonnie wants more than these last few weeks with me, but I intend to find out. First, I need to speak with Lorenzo before I chicken out. His office is in darkness when I arrive and begin pacing. It won’t be long until he arrives, though. Lorenzo might not be the head of the house, but old habits die hard. Poring over meaningless paperwork keeps his mind occupied as he adjusts to his new normal. I think I’m about to blow up his new normal into something neither of us recognise.
As predicted, Lorenzo walks in half an hour later. The constant back and forth has helped expel some of my nervous energy. He looks pale and, somehow, older. I pour us both a drink as he sinks into his office chair.
“Drink,” I say, pushing the tumbler into his hand.
We both throw back the amber liquid and sigh. “Thank you, Allegra. I owe you everything.”
“I’m not sure you’ll be thanking me after tonight.”
He leans back and surveys me as I sit opposite him. “Did something happen with Giani?”
I shake my head. “No… Yes. Too much has happened, Lorenzo.”
“What do you mean? Tell me, Allegra.”
I brace myself. “I want out, Lorenzo.” He stares at me. “I don’t want to be officially named as the Donna to the Ferrante family.”
“Where is this coming from? It’s all you’ve ever wanted. You told me that many times.”
I can’t fault him for being confused. He’s right. It’s what I strived for every day of my life with him—until recently.
Where do I begin to get him to understand? “You know I’ve been pulling us away from the more traditional work this family is used to.”
He’s not a stupid man, and I’m not na?ve enough to think he never peeked at the books or the everyday running of the family businesses. He nods.
I continue, “I told myself it was the smart play. We both know, as we’ve discussed before, the feds are a hair’s breadth away from taking us down. It’s inevitable. The only way to save our family from prison is to cut ties—be fully legit in everything we do and hope they can’t pin any of our past transgressions on us.”
“And you’ve achieved that?”
“Apart from the art shipments.”
He shrugs. “Out of everything that goes on around here, a bit of art theft is nothing.”
“Sure, until you realise we’re still dealing with the same hazards. We still have to operate with dangerous people. We have to be dangerous people. And I don’t want to be that, Lorenzo—not anymore. I don’t want to have to be the Ice Bitch for the rest of my life. It took meeting Bonnie to really understand that.”
“Bonnie? What’s she got to do with it? Her life is in the UK.”
I nod. “It started with her abduction and how much of a colossal fuck up it all was. I hated how she looked at me and I hated how I acted. I was angry and made mistakes. But the worst part of it was the anger itself. I’d started losing myself, only seeing value in the power I could attain. Whether or not we managed to get away from the Mafiosi label didn’t matter. I focused all my energy on proving my worthiness of acquiring and holding the Donna title.”
“But you’ve never had a problem with our lifestyle.”
“I didn’t know any better, Lorenzo. I didn’t know I wanted anything different.”
“Until Bonnie showed up.”
“Yes. We grew close. Once she stopped fighting me, we talked—got to know each other a little.”
“And more?” he asks.
“Yes. But she doesn’t belong in this world. I wouldn’t want her to. You must feel the same.”
He closes his eyes briefly. “No, I don’t want her in it either, and I promised her fathers she’d never get caught up in it again.”
“So tell me this, Lorenzo: How do you expect to have a relationship with her while you’re still here, living the life of a mob boss?”
“I don’t. It’s a decision I’ve been wrestling with.”
Ah, so I’m not the only member of this family needing a change.
“And what did you decide?”
Rubbing his forehead, he chuckles, “I thought I could have the best of both worlds. I could leave the family here in your capable hands and take time away to get to know my daughter.”
“No, Lorenzo. It doesn’t work like that. If your name is still associated with the mob, she will always be in danger. The pact only holds so much weight. There are families across the globe that could come calling for a power grab or revenge. The list is endless. We’ve done well up to now, keeping ourselves on the right side of things. Forgetting Giani, we don’t have any foes. But the longer we stay in this business, the greater the chance of us developing one. That’s not even taking in the fact the police could use her for their own gains. She’d never be free.”
“Keeping the family legacy alive is all I’ve ever known, Allegra.”
“Your family legacy will mean nothing if we let her down again. Bonnie is the only legacy you should be concerned with.”
“And the rest of the family?”
“I’ll deal with them,” I say. It might take a bit of time, but I will get them to see reason. “Most of them are off travelling around the world, living a life of luxury. They have no idea how to run this family and deal with the consequences of it. It’s time to educate them. I’m sure there will be no arguments after that.”
“You really want this? What will you do? What will any of us do?”
I smile. “Lorenzo, nothing will change in the day to day. Everyone has a job to do. They’ll just have less shitty ones.”
He gets up and pours us both another drink. “It’s going to take time. There will be a lot of pissed off and confused people to deal with on the outside. If we’re going to do this, we do it right. A clean break from it all, with no backlash.”
“Absolutely. There’s no point otherwise.”
“I didn’t think we’d end up here,” he says.
I nod in agreement. “Neither did I, but then again, I wasn’t expecting Bonnie.”
“She really got to you, huh?”
I can feel myself getting hot. “She has, and I don’t want to mess it up. She’s the only woman I’ve seen myself having a real future with.”
It’s true, and it scares me to death.
Lorenzo’s eyes well with tears. “Those Poletti women will get you every time. Maria had me under her spell from the first time I saw her. Bonnie did the same to you, I think.”
I laugh. “Well, she did…after all the arguing and bitching.”
“No, that was all part of the attraction, I’m sure. If it means anything to you, Allegra, I’m happy for you both.”
I finish my second drink. “She hasn’t said she wants more with me yet.”
“She will. You’re Allegra Malgeri,” he says with a wink. “Don’t waste time wondering. Talk to her now. Get it all out there. I would give anything for a few more seconds with Maria. Don’t let another minute pass by without pouring out your heart to her if she’s the one, bella .”
In an unusual display of affection, Lorenzo pulls me into a hug. He’s warm and feels like home.
“Thank you, papà ,” I whisper. He kisses my head.
I leave him to his own thoughts. Mine are entirely on Bonnie. I need to see her again and reassure myself she is okay. The kitchen is empty. Maybe I should wait until the morning, because I’m sure her dads are making a fuss over her right now. What if she doesn’t want to see me? It wouldn’t be a complete surprise if she blamed me for all this craziness.
I’m totally lost in thought when I round the corner and run straight into her. We both fall backwards and hit the ground with a thud.
“Crap,” she mumbles.
I scramble to get to her. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
Her hair is a mess, and her eyes are red-rimmed from crying. I’m sure it’s been an emotional few hours. A knot tightens in my stomach. I’m the reason she’s gone through so much. I’m being selfish wanting more from her.
“Stop,” she says. Her fingers brush my cheek. “I was on my way to find you. Can we talk?”
Pulling her up, I resist the urge to take her in my arms. We walk to my room, but I pause. “We can go somewhere else if you want.”
“Here’s fine. I’m not scared, Allegra.”
She’s the strongest woman I’ve ever met.
“Okay,” I respond with hope blooming in my chest.
The cleaning crew have been in and removed any evidence of a scuffle. At least Bonnie won’t have to see her friends’ blood on the floor.
“How is your head?” I ask. She’s got a black eye, which makes me want to reevaluate my stance on letting the other families decide Giani’s fate. I should hav—
“Allegra, stop. I can see your jaw clenching. You’ll have no back teeth if you keep it up.”
“You’re hurt and it’s my fault.”
“No, it’s Giani’s fault. I don’t want you holding that kind of anger in. Please.” She stands in front of me and places both palms on my chest. “It’s over.”
Resting my head against hers, I breathe in deeply. Her scent calms me. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not tonight. I’ve already gone over it so many times, I’m exhausted.”
“Then let’s sleep.”
I want to talk to her—ask her if she sees a future with me, but we’re both bone-tired. If I get to sleep next to her one more time, I’ll be happy.
We slip under the sheets without a stitch of clothing on and fold into each other. When I wake, I’m alone. The sun is shining and the house is alive with people going about their business. Stretching, my ears hone in on Kelley’s voice outside my room.
“Bonnie, the plane leaves in two hours. Will you get moving? Pete’s getting really annoying. I need you to be my buffer.”
The plane’s leaving in two hours? What plane?
Rolling out of bed, I search for something suitable to wear. I haven’t got time to get dressed up as usual, but I won’t parade around in a silk robe for all and sunder to see. Snagging on a pair of silk sleep trousers and a tank top, I step outside into the corridor. Bonnie’s door is open a fraction. Knocking, I push it open and take in the sight before me.
Large suitcases are open on the bed and they’re stuffed with the clothes I had put in her wardrobes. Bonnie is sitting at the vanity with her arms folded and a scowl on her face. Phillip and Mark busy themselves with her belongings.
“Bonnie?”
“Allegra.”
“We have to go,” Phillip says, his voice icy. “It’s time for Bonnie to come home, where she’s safe.”
Ignoring him, I walk over to her. “You’re leaving?”
She shoots a scornful look over my shoulder and pulls me back to my room.
“They’re not listening to reason,” she begins. “Yesterday terrified them, and now it’s all blowing up. Pop and Dad marched into my room this morning and just started packing. I heard them and went to see what all the fuss was about. I’m sorry I didn’t wake you.”
My mind is foggy with sleep and the aftereffects of yesterday’s stress. “I… Do you want to go?”
She squeezes my hands. “I do need to go home. But I wasn’t expecting it to be like this.”
I want to tell her to stay for a little while longer. I’m not ready to say goodbye. Everything is happening too fast.
“Can I call you?” How pathetic.
“Of course you can. I’d be upset if you didn’t. And maybe when they’ve calmed down a bit, I can come back and visit. Or you can come to me.”
Her tone and words aren’t aligning with how I thought she felt. This seems so final; like two friends saying goodbye, promising to keep in touch but never following through.
Is this really it? The end of our story?