20. Chapter 20 I’m All In, and She Isn’t
Chapter 20: I’m All In, and She Isn’t
W ADE
“Everything okay, man?” Kyle asked in lieu of a greeting.
“Of course. Everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?” Wade spit out in rapid fire succession as he paced around his hotel room.
The room suddenly seemed too small, and he walked across the room in only six steps. He wasn’t a big guy. Shouldn’t a suite have bigger bedrooms? Surely, he wasn’t the only one who needed to stride while he thought, and there simply wasn’t enough room for him to properly pace in this tiny space.
“Uh, you called me,” Kyle reminded him with a sardonic tone. “As in called instead of texting. Since I’m the one holding down the fort on the work-related stuff, I think you can understand my confusion. Plus, some of us have to work in the morning, and it’s late.”
Kyle refrained from laughing, but the amusement was clear in his voice.
“Okay, fine. I’m freaking out a little bit,” Wade admitted.
“Uh, oh. What did Suzanne do now?”
“What does Suzanne have to do with this? No, that’s all taken care of. She won’t be bothering us anymore.”
“Really? That’s great news.”
“Yeah, today has been a rollercoaster, and I don’t know what to do now.”
Wade ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He sat down on the edge of his bed and then hopped up. Uncertainty kept him from relaxing, and he muttered under his breath as he paced again.
“Oh, no, did your date go that badly?”
“What? No. I mean, yeah, it started off with Suzanne doing Suzanne things, and I need to catch you up on that soon, but the date itself was fun. Great. Better than great.”
“Then what’s the issue? Why do you sound like I need to talk you off a ledge?”
“It’s the part after the date. Ugh, I need to back up, but I also don’t know how much I can really tell you.”
“Okay, that’s mysterious. Let me see if I can guess some of it, so then you’re not breaking any confidences.”
“Sure, fine. Whatever.”
Wade slumped back down on the edge of the bed again. Dating was so stupidly complicated. He liked being in a committed relationship, and he didn’t mind being single, but the transition between the two sucked.
“Here’s my guess,” Kyle said. “You went on the date. Suzanne pulled some attention-seeking bullshit, but you set her straight, so now she’s withdrawn to lick her wounds in private while scheming something else.”
To his surprise, Kyle’s summation made him chuckle.
“Pretty close.”
“So back to the date. Jenny’s a nice girl so she wouldn’t do some duplicitous stuff. My guess is that afterwards, you got carried away. Now you’re freaking out that she’s going to quit or report you to Elizabeth. There’s no reason to worry.”
“No, that’s not it. I guess I’ll need to tell you a little bit, but please keep it between us.”
“You know I would never share your private stuff with anyone. I may enjoy knowing everything about everybody”—Wade fake-sneezed the word gossip—“but I wouldn’t talk about you behind your back.”
“I know, I know. But Jenny isn’t quite ready for me to tell people. That’s part of the problem. Why isn’t she ready? Is she embarrassed of me?”
“O-kay. That’s not at all the direction I thought we were going, but that’s great. It sounds like things went well.”
“Yeah, they did, and then they went even better, and we had a lot of great conversation, covered some heavy stuff, joked a little bit, did some fun things, had some more heavy conversation, but she still isn’t ready. I’m all-in, and she isn’t.”
Wade flopped back on his bed. “Is this Suzanne all over again? Am I so eager to be in a relationship that I don’t care if she’s just tolerating me?”
“Slow down while I parse this. If I understand correctly, are you seriously freaking out that someone you literally just went on your first real date with is not ready for you to propose?”
“What? No! I didn’t propose.”
“Yeah, I know, but I was just trying to put it into perspective. Besides, your mom would kill you if you did that before she got the chance to vet her.”
“My mom is gonna love Jenny, but she doesn’t want to meet her. Jenny, I mean. She doesn’t want to meet my mom. Or my sisters. Why doesn’t she want to meet my sisters? They’re awesome. I didn’t like them a lot when we were kids, but they’re great now, and everybody else likes them. Why doesn’t she like them?”
“Woah, dude, you need to calm the fuck down. What is wrong with you? I’ve never heard you act like this. You’ve gone on one date, and you already asked her to meet your mom? What the fuck are you doing? That would scare anyone away.”
“Yeah?”
“Holy shit. Do you have a brain parasite?”
Wade snorted.
“No, I’m being serious,” Kyle continued. “Did you truly ask her to meet your family after one date? And you’re spiraling because she wasn’t ready for that? I’m shocked you didn’t propose. Oh God, tell me you didn’t plan to propose as soon as you returned home and got your grandmother’s ring out of storage.”
Wade’s tension released from his shoulders as Kyle’s words sunk in.
“No, I didn’t think about getting my grandmother’s ring and proposing, but that’s a great idea,” he teased.
“Don’t you fuck with me,” Kyle warned. “I like Jenny for you, and you’re my best friend, but I would kick your ass and do everything possible to break you up if I thought you were planning to propose to her after one date.”
“It’s not really one date, though, is it? We’ve been playing at dating all week. We’ve gotten to know each other really well since we’re sharing a suite and spending all our time together. Fighting Suzanne’s bullshit brought us closer together than we would have been on our own. Say you’ll give us your blessing.”
Wade tried to keep the laughter out of his voice, but it burst out of him before he finished with his fake entreaty.
“Fuck you, jackass. Fine, if you don’t want to tell me what’s going on, I’m gonna go back to my real friends who don’t make me talk on the phone.”
“Damn, Kyle, I’m an asshole. Weren’t you supposed to have a date this week? An early anti-Valentine’s Day date or something?”
“Nah, that fell through. Not all of us have a matchmaking boss who sets us up with our dream girl. My dream girl would have taken one look at me and— Never mind. If you haven’t proposed, what are you freaking out about so hard? Did you come on too strong?”
“Not exactly. Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“Fucking hell, man. Why did you call me if you’re not going to tell me anything?” Kyle’s frustration seemed real this time. “You don’t have to give me the details, but can’t you at least give me a clue what’s going on? Why are you freaking out so hard after one date?”
Wade stared up at the ceiling. Why was he so stressed about this?
“Okay, here’s the deal. Like I said, we talked a lot. I learned more about her dating history, and it’s shitty.”
“How shitty?” Kyle snarled.
“Not as shitty as you’re thinking. Verbal, not physical, as far as I can tell. But she’s nervous. And I made the mistake of saying we should take things slow because I didn’t want her to regret anything we did.”
“That sounds smart to me. Does she think you’re rejecting her instead of looking out for her?”
“Yes and no. But we talked about it and ended up fooling around—”
“Nice.”
“—and then we had more deep conversation. I thought things were going great, but then she pulled back. And I don’t know what I did wrong.”
“Why do you assume you did something wrong?”
“Because she’s not ready for me to tell everybody we’re dating.”
“This is still after one date, right?”
“Well, yeah, but like I said, we’ve been together all week. We just made it real.”
“Today; you made it real today. You need to slow the fuck down, bro. For real. You’ve been interested in her for a while, so to you, this isn’t sudden. But it’s new for her. She was dating someone else. They broke up, and she had to adjust to being single again. That whole time, you were there, but she didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, but—”
“No, listen to me. I was right about her interest in you, and I’m right about this, too. You’ve had a year to think about what it would be like to date her. She needs time to catch up, and if you don’t give it to her, you’re going to push her away. You’ve never been like this about a woman before.”
“I think she’s it for me, Kyle.”
“Shut the fuck up, asshole. You’ve been on one real date.”
“You’re right, I need to slow down. The last thing I want to do is freak her out. But it’s more than one date, and you know it. We’ve been friends for a while, and we’ve connected these last few days. When you spend almost all your waking hours with someone, you get to know them faster than random dinner dates over weeks. But I understand what you’re saying, and I’m going to slow things down.”
Wade snorted at his own words.
“Well, I’m not going to slow things down, but I’m also not going to tell her everything I just told you. But she’s everything I never knew I wanted. It’s not just an attraction, though there’s plenty of that. She makes me feel calm and excited at the same time. Like parts of me are at ease just from being around her, but my heart is going a million miles a minute.”
Kyle’s silence rang out until he heaved a sigh of his own.
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never said anything like that before. That was like poetic and shit.”
“Yup. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. And before you ask, it’s not a reaction to Suzanne’s presence. I started feeling this way before we ran into her. It’s so much bigger than attraction and liking. When she’s around, something in me settles down.”
“Woah, that’s wild. Congratulations, I guess.”
Wade snorted.
“Yeah, that’s getting ahead of myself. I need to convince her not to run away first. She’s not used to being an object of desire much less anything more serious. But thank you. I feel a lot better now that I understand why I was panicking so much, but I also understand why she’s not on the same page yet.”
“I hate to bring it up, but you realize she might never get there, right?”
Wade heaved a sigh.
“Yeah, I understand. Even without her shitty exes screwing up her confidence, there’s always the possibility she won’t feel the same way I do. It’s just one more reason to dial back the emotions and try to live in the moment. But holy shit, if those moments are anything like earlier, they will be memorable.”
“I guess it’s a good thing I put condoms and lube in your laptop bag.”