Chapter 29
I I didn't know how long I slept, but the sun was high in the sky when I awoke. My stomach rumbled because I hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday on the road with Wrenley.
But I was still slow to get out of bed. My body ached all over, and there was a dull feeling inside me.
I couldn't put off today forever, especially since it was already here, so I got up. I pulled the curtains back and peered outside at Soren's backyard. It was a nice view, even if the chilly weather meant that many vibrant summer plants were withered or dead. There were still punches of red and orange in various chrysantha, and the pond was serene under the willow.
Firstly, I cleaned up and dressed, making myself as presentable as I could manage. There was no reason for Soren to see me all haggard again. Once I'd finished, I made the trek through the gardens into the house.
Through the circular stained-glass window in the backdoor, I could see Soren’s silhouette in the kitchen. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
He opened it a moment later, a bemused smirk on his lips. It must be earlier than I thought because his hair was soft and wavy instead of styled, and he was wearing only his kaftan robe and satiny pajama pants.
“You don’t need to knock, Izzy, not while you’re staying here," he said as he motioned for me to enter.
“It felt rude to just waltz in,” I demurred as I slid past him and went into the kitchen.
“The teapot on the stovetop just came to a boil, and there’s fruit in a bowl and fresh bread in the breadbox and butter on the counter,” he said.
“Thank you,” I said as I went over to grab a plum and pour myself a cup of tea. “And I don’t mean just for this. I mean, everything .”
It was easier to express my gratitude when I wasn’t looking at him, and I could pretend to be focused on cutting my plum into slices.
“It really is the least I can do, considering I brought this all on you,” he replied, sounding weary and guilty.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
He was leaning against the counter and rubbed at the back of his neck. "I was selfish and greedy, so I rushed over to your house to poach you before Adora convinced you to work with Herve."
“I would never work with Herve,” I insisted, and I wanted to believe that I wouldn’t have given into Adora’s demands if Soren hadn’t been there. But it wasn’t as if I hadn’t caved to her pressure many, many times before.
"I know," he said softly, almost like he believed it. "And that is part of the reason I intervened with you and Adora because I knew you didn't want to be anywhere within his grasp. But if I'm being honest… if it had been someone other than Herve, someone you were dying to work with, I would've behaved all the same." His eyes were full of something dark that I couldn't define. "Because I wanted to work with you.”
"Then I am truly sorry to disappoint you because I am not sure I want to perform with silks again," I said.
“I won’t ever force you to do anything you don’t want to do,” he said. “But can I ask why you don’t want to do aerials again? The rumors are that you were splendid.”
“Well, the main reason is that I’m afraid of heights,” I answered.
His eyebrows instantly went up. “And you climbed up the silks anyway?”
"I did, and it was difficult. I'm proud of myself for pushing through as much as I did, but I'm not sure I want to hop right back into it," I elaborated.
He leaned back slightly as if appraising me in a new light. "I don't blame you. How about this then: will you agree to perform with me at Samonend on the condition that it is a total collaboration?"
“What do you mean by that?” I asked.
“That we won’t do anything that the other isn’t comfortable with. All decisions will require two yeses and one no. If I suggest something, and you say no, we don’t do it. Simple as that.”
“If I decline your collaboration, will I have to find somewhere else to stay instead of the guest flat?” I asked.
He was immediately appalled. “No, of course not! You can stay here as long as you wish.”
I studied him, trying to understand. “What are you getting out of this? If I don’t perform with you?”
He shrugged and looked away. “I would say nothing, but that’s not entirely true. I don’t like Herve Chaunter. I don’t like the way Adora treats you. I don’t like seeing people exploited in general.” Then he looked over at me. “I like you, I enjoy your company, and I want to keep working with you.
“So that’s what I’m getting out of this,” he finished with a crooked smile. “Spiting my enemies and helping my friends.”
“So we are friends then?” I asked.
His expression turned quizzical. “Why wouldn’t we be?”
“You said we have to keep things professional.”
A grin spread slowly across his face. “Professionals can be friends. Your friends with Wrenley and Briar.”
"Well, yes, but we're all muses. I'm allowed to date another muse without going against the Regula. My relationship with you is different than that."
“It is,” he agreed. “Romance tends to complicate things.”
“I suppose that is true,” I said and thought back to my relationship with Baxley Cole.
He and I had dated around the time I turned sixteen when Adora and I were working on procuring the estate and titles. I had just snagged my first prestigious conduction, which had put me close to the rising star muse, Baxley.
"When I dated a muse, it started fun and amazing, but by the time things ended…." I trailed off as my thoughts returned to the end of my tumultuous time with my first boyfriend.
“What happened?” Soren asked.
"It was messy," I admitted, but then I shook my head because I didn't really want to talk about it, especially not when my nerves were still so frayed. "But all of that proves your point. If we're going to be collaborating, we should keep things light and friendly."
“So does that mean you want to collaborate with me for Samonend?” he asked.
“If I don’t have to do anything I’m uncomfortable with, then yes. I will.”
"Excellent!" His excitement almost immediately shifted to grave, and his smile fell.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Now I have to plan a routine,” he said.
He ran a hand through his thick hair and offered me a lopsided grin. “I was so focused on convincing you to do the Samonend with me that I didn’t think about how I have to choreograph a whole routine and get it down in a matter of weeks. It needs to be especially fantastic since I made such a scene about poaching you from Herve.”
“What were you planning on before you decided to ask me to join you? Is it something we can modify to include me?” I asked.
“Solo illusions, but honestly, I’d rather build something up around you instead of forcing you into something that wasn’t meant for you.” He stared thoughtfully into space. “Do you have issues with the silks themselves or the acrobatics when performed on the ground?”
“No, those are fine,” I said.
"So silks, ribbons, and scarves are all on the table?"
I nodded. “Yes. What do you have in mind?”
For a moment, he didn’t answer and continued staring off. I was about to ask him again when he finally answered, “I have ideas, but I need to get some supplies.”
Then he looked at me again. “And you need to rest if you’re going to be any good to us by Samonend. You spent so much magik and energy in Lamida.”
I didn't even attempt to argue with him. The weeks pushing myself on the silks were physically, mentally, and magickally draining, and the fight with Adora drained me emotionally. Muses needed time to rest and recharge between major festivals and conductions, and with Samonend approaching fast, I didn't have an ideal amount of recovery. That meant that I had to make the most of our limited time.
“I’ll have to get some supplies in the market, and I’ll make replenishing imbued meals for you,” he said, almost absently. “Is there anything you need?”
“I think I’ll be okay with what I have.”
He straightened up. "I'm going to get ready and head out. Feel free to relax around the house while I'm gone. Read anything you want in the library, relax by the pond. There's paper and ink in the desk drawer in your flat if you'd like to write any correspondence."
When he went to his chambers to ready himself for the day, I slipped out the back door. In my little flat, I sat at my desk and pulled out the paper and ink.
Wrenley had so much going on in xer life with King Asmond, but xe would be upset if I didn’t let xer know that I had moved out of Adora’s house, even if it was only temporary.
A cold chill ran over me because I didn't know this was temporary. Obviously, I hadn't imagined that I would live with my mother forever. I had always planned to someday get married and have my own home and family.
But not so soon, and not like this.
Adora’s mother had died when she was young, and her father kicked her out when she fell pregnant with me. My own father had disappeared right after she told him, and it had been the two of us against the world for my entire life.
Even though I had enjoyed my increasing freedom from her over the past six months, that didn't mean I wanted her out of my life completely. She was my mother, and I loved her.
If I went back to her today, on my hands and knees to apologize, she would likely allow me back into the house again. But an apology would never be enough.
To get back into Adora's good graces, she would expect penance and strict obedience. I'd have to perform on the silks with Herve, which I wasn't even sure I could do. But beyond that, she would insist that I cut all ties with Soren immediately.
But if my exile from Adora's home wasn't temporary, then what did that mean for me? No matter what he claimed, I couldn't stay in Soren's guest flat forever.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I didn't have to solve everything right now. I would stay at Soren's until Samonend, making our practice more convenient anyway.
Right now, I only needed to rest and alert my friends about my change in residence. Briar, Wrenley, and I needed to catch up soon, but it wouldn't be today. Two brief letters were enough.