Chapter 34
B axley and I had been performing together in what was my highest placement yet – an anniversary party for a wealthy duke and duchess in the southern gardens of Calida. Given the nature of the conduction, the whole event was romantically charged.
Initially, when Baxley and I had been chosen for it, I thought it would be perfect. The two of us stayed in a guest house with four other muses for an amorous occasion at a beautiful locale. Adora had come with me, of course, but lodging was not provided for her, so she stayed at an inn nearby.
As soon as we'd begun practicing, things had gone horribly wrong. Baxley was the only male muse, and he was paired with a gorgeous female muse, Valeria. They spent the days together, making eyes at one another. When I tried to talk to Baxley about it, he accused me of being the one who was flirting with another muse.
All of it came to a head the night of our conduction. The performance had gone well, or so it had seemed to me. The choreography called for me to end sandwiched between two other muses in a romantic but chaste embrace, more implied sensuality than anything else.
In fact, Baxley’s final pose was far more explicit, with him and Valeria in a kiss.
I hadn't enjoyed seeing him and Valeria that way. Jealousy twisted sharply in my heart. But I knew he was right. This was just a conduction, meant to put the right kind of magik into the ether to ensure that the duke and duchess who had hired us would have a long, happy marriage.
When the conduction ended, I looked over to see Baxley embracing Valeria with his lips grazing hers. A nauseated wave of jealousy bubbled inside me, but I shoved it down. This was our last night in the southern gardens, and then everything could return to normal with Baxley.
We had performed in a pavilion, and I walked off to greet Adora. She’d only had a moment to tell me about a few missteps I’d made, and then I felt a hand on my upper arm.
To others, it must have looked romantic, or at least friendly, because Adora only smiled when she saw Baxley put his hands on me. But I could feel it before I heard him speak. His anger was palpable in the way his fingers dug painfully into the tender flesh of my arm.
“Can I borrow her a moment, Lady Adora?” Baxley asked, speaking so sweetly to her as his other hand pinched into the fat of my waist.
“Of course,” Adora said, smiling brightly up at him and batting her long eyelashes. “You’ve both certainly earned a break after that splendid conduction.”
“Thank you,” Baxley said, and he pinched me harder.
I didn't say anything. I must have been smiling as he led me away because everyone only smiled and offered us vague praise as he steered me away from the crowd to a hidden area in the shadows of an outbuilding. The sound of music and laughter barely carried over to us, and we were completely hidden away from prying eyes.
We were alone.
“You sure had everyone fooled,” Baxley snarled, and he let go of me with a shove, so I stumbled forward, barely managing to stay on my feet. “Your mother thought that repulsive display was beautiful.”
"Baxley, I'm sorry, but I don't know what I did wrong." Tears were already forming in my eyes because I never meant to disappoint or upset him.
“ Liar!” he snapped at me. “You are a liar and a harlot! The way you threw yourself at those other muses! It was disgusting and embarrassing. Were you trying to humiliate me, or did you just want to disrespect the duke and duchess who have been so kind to you?”
“No, Baxley, I never did –” I started to defend myself, but the anger in him only grew, with his eyes blazing.
“I saw you!” he screamed in my face, and I felt his spittle on my cheeks. “Don’t you dare lie to me!”
I tried to back up, but there was nowhere to go. My back pressed against the wall of the outbuilding behind me.
Baxley was right before me, his body brushing against mine when he took a deep breath. His hands were balled up at his sides. He was nearly a foot taller than me, so he hunched over so his eyes would be level with mine.
They were so beautiful. His eyes were the bluest blue I had ever seen, and the way they sparkled when he told me he loved me, I nearly melted on the spot.
But now they were so cold and sharp, cutting into me with the sheer rage coming from them.
This was not the first time I had seen Baxley’s eyes this way, but usually, I immediately crumbled into apologizing. I would do everything I could so he would absolve me.
But this time was different. This time, I knew in my heart that I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Baxley himself had insisted that playing at intimacy was necessary as a muse. He had defended his brief closing kiss with Valeria.
But more than that, I loved Baxley with my whole heart, and I hadn’t considered any other person since we’d been together. While there were feelings of comradery toward my fellow muses, there was no attraction or romantic flirtation.
“I only have eyes for –” I began.
He growled and punched the wall next to my head, and the words died on my lips instantly. The skin split across his knuckles, and bright red blood was spilling down his hand.
"Why do you keep lying?!" he demanded, and in his anger, he hardly even sounded like himself. He hardly sounded human.
"Baxley, please," I said in a trembling voice, futilely trying to soothe him. " Please listen to me. I’m not lying –”
"I don't want to hear another word from your lying lips!" Baxley snarled, and suddenly, his hands were around my throat.
Both his hands were clenched tightly, and he was so much stronger. I clawed at his wrists, and my eyes and lips felt like they were bulging out of my face. My lungs burned, my heart hammered, but mostly, what I felt was panic and disbelief.
How could this be happening? How, by the hands of someone that I love so much?
People were so close. I could hear my mother’s laughter carrying over the distant music. The same man who had sworn that he loved me as he peppered me with kisses when we made love was squeezing the life out of me, and I was powerless to stop him.
The only thing I could see were his beautiful eyes full of hatred as my vision went hazy and blotchy.
And then, all at once, Baxley let go and stepped back from me.
I collapsed to the ground, coughing and gasping for air.
“You are a worthless harlot, and you are dead to me.” He sneered and spit at the ground where my fingers were dug into the grass.
He stalked off then. I tried crawling after him and calling for him, but I was too weak.
“Baxley, come back,” I begged in a hoarse voice, but he didn’t stop. I didn’t know if he could hear me or if he just didn’t care, but he kept going and never looked back.
When my strength finally returned, I got to my feet and slunk to my room in the guest house. I took off my dress since it was filthy from dirt, tears, and drops of Baxley's blood, and I climbed under the covers.
Later in the night, I heard Baxley in the room next to mine with Valeria, making the sounds of lovemaking that sounded all too familiar. I cried so hard that I threw up.
In the morning, I wore a scarf around my neck and long sleeves to hide the marks, and I had not spoken to Baxley Cole since.