Chapter 19
CHAPTER 19
I wandered around the loft, at a bit of a loss as to what to do. Jackson had cleaned everything to a state of perfection, so I didn't even have to clean. I didn’t feel like painting or watching TV. My book didn’t hold my interest. I couldn’t bring myself to even think about last night.
My phone rang, and I lunged for it. It was Julie. I sighed.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Emily.”
“Hey.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Hungover. You?”
“Like I want to hang my head over the toilet for the next three days.”
I gave a short laugh. “Been there, done that.”
A brief pause.
“That was quite the party you had last night.”
“I aim to please.”
“So what are you and your two boys up to today?”
I looked around the empty loft. “They’re both out. ”
“Is everything okay?”
I stilled as a coldness ran through my body. “Yes. Why?”
Her laugh sounded false. “Oh, no reason.”
“Why would you ask that?” My spider senses tingled.
“Just that Matt was pretty wasted last night.”
I sat up straight. “You were there? Did you go out with them?”
“Yeah, there were a few of us, and someone had suggested going down to that blues bar on 5th. Matt was all over that.”
“Who all went?” I asked, working hard to keep my voice casual.
She laughed. “I don’t know. A guy named Dave and Adam, I think.”
“Aiden?”
“Yeah. And his girlfriend.”
“Wife.”
“Whatever. And there was another dude, but I never caught his name.”
“How long were you at the pub?”
“I think we left around 2? We shut the place down.”
I wanted to, but I couldn’t ask her what happened after that. I didn’t want to admit that Matt had gone missing for the remainder of the night. “I missed all that.”
“I tried to get Jackson to come out with us.”
“Why didn’t he?"
Her voice accused slightly. “He said you were too drunk to be left alone.”
“Oh.” Matt obviously had no issue leaving me behind, but Jackson had been concerned about my welfare. Jackson seemed to highlight exactly how Matt failed me as a fiancée. “He could have gone.”
“I offered to stay with him,” Julie sounded pissed, “But of course he said he would be busy cleaning up and monitoring you.”
“Oh.” I had no idea what to say about that.
“Only you could manage to get in the way of the hottest sex of my life from a coma state. ”
“It’s not like I asked him to stay.”
“Doesn’t matter. For some stupid reason, the man feels responsible. Why couldn’t you stay sober enough to clean up after your party?”
Defensive. “I didn’t mean to get so drunk.”
“Next time, think about your actions.”
My mind worked in overdrive as I tried to determine what had happened to Matt.
“Whatever.” I didn’t want to talk about Jackson.
“What’s going on between you and Jackson?” her question was direct. I guess we were going to have a conversation about Jackson.
“Why?”
“He carried your drunk ass upstairs.”
“I don’t remember that,” I lied. “Are you sure it wasn’t Matt?”
A harsh laugh vibrated in my ear. “No. It was Jackson. He just picked you up and carried you off to your bedroom right in front of Matt. He seems super protective of you.”
“What did Matt do?”
“Nothing. It was odd. He glanced up and shrugged. I was the one standing at the bottom of the stairs, my mouth hanging open.”
I swallowed the fear that was in my throat. “He’s the army guy. I think they’re all just trained to be like that. It’s nothing personal.”
“He’s in the navy,” she corrected. “You never mix up army and navy. You'll royally offend if you do.”
“Okay,” I said. I wanted to avoid a lecture on her knowledge of military men. Her interest in men in uniform bordered on an obsession.
“So is Jackson going to be around later?”
“Matt’s mom is in town. Everyone is going to be here for dinner.”
“Oh good. You can make it up to me by inviting me over.”
Dinner promised to be an intense family affair, adding Julie to the mix would be like adding fuel to the fire.
“Irene just wants a quiet family night,” I lied.
“You owe me,” she shot back. “You have to help me. ”
“From the looks of it, you were doing just fine on your own last night,” I said. “If Jackson wants you, he'll come after you.”
“You're right. We were doing well last night.”
“Okay.”
“You don’t understand anything. A Navy SEAL is the most elite soldier in the world. To make it to that level, he’s the best of the best.”
I picked up a magazine and set it down. “You would know.”
“Not to mention how hot he is. He gives me shivers. He looks like he would be a machine in bed.”
I gasped, and my face burned red hot. “Julie.”
“What! The guy looks like he could fuck a girl six ways from Sunday. He’s so strong and big, and he could pretty much do anything he wanted as many times as he wanted.”
“Oh gosh,” I breathed, shutting my eyes on the images she was conjuring up of him. I did not want to imagine his magnificent naked body doing crazy sex things. Because it would be crazy. And intense.
“That man is my Mt. Everest,” she declared.
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“It means, he's the ultimate goal. He’s the man I have been waiting for my entire life.”
“Well when you set your mind to something, you usually get what you want.”
“Damn straight.”
“If you could do me a favor and not get your hanky on with him over here? You have your place. Please take all your sex noises elsewhere.”
I was joking. But not really.
She laughed. “Okay, I don’t want all my screams of ecstasy to shock your virgin ears.”
“Thank-you,” I said, suddenly exhausted with this conversation.
“So if you're not going to invite me over for dinner, do you mind giving me his number?”
“Why don’t I give him yours tonight,” I compromised. I wasn’t going to inflict more pain on him by subjecting him to Julie’s excessive determination.
“Right now. Send it to him right now.”
“Julie, have you ever heard about playing hard to get?”
“Nope,” she said. “Give it to him. I'll take it from there.”
“Fine,” I said. “I promise as soon as I hang up I'll text him your number.”
“Thanks, gorgeous. I'll talk to you tomorrow.”
I walked over to the whiteboard in the kitchen where Jackson had written his cell out in black marker. I shook my head. I would pass on her digits, and he could do what he wanted with that information.
Me: Jackson, it’s Emily
Jackson: Hey
Me: Julie asked me for your number. I didn’t give it to her, but she asked me to provide you with hers. 718-425-3423
Jackson: Not interested
I stared at my phone for a long time. And reread those two words again and again.
Me: She made me promise to text it to you, so there you go. Sorry to interrupt
Jackson: You’re not interrupting
Me: You and Irene’s time together
Jackson: I dropped Irene off at her hotel. I'm picking her up later
I stared at the phone. I wasn’t expecting a conversation with him over text. Curiosity drove me to keep talking to him.
Me: Why don’t you think you're interested in Julie?
Jackson: I don’t think she’s a good friend to you
What? What did that even mean?
Me: Care to elaborate?
Jackson: No
Me: You must have some reason for saying tha t
Jackson: I saw enough of who she is to know that I don’t want to go on a date with her
Me: I don’t know if she is looking for a date…per se
Jackson: I saw enough to know I don’t want to fuck her either
Me: Blushing now. Bye!
Jackson: You walked right into that one
Me: I did :-(
Jackson: Haha
Me: What are you doing now?
Jackson: Currently sitting in my truck at a park
Me: Oh
Jackson: Are you okay?
I stared at my phone. Sighing, I decided just to be honest.
Me: I feel embarrassed about yesterday. And for crying and everything
Jackson: You have nothing to be embarrassed about
Me: You’re too nice to me
Jackson: I told you. I'm not a nice guy
Me: Funny, you're one of the nicest people I know
I sat there staring at my phone, while moments ticked by.
Jackson: Why did you want me to stay so bad?
I started and stopped at least a dozen responses. Finally, I decided just to be honest.
Me: You make me feel good about myself. Why did you want to leave so bad?
Jackson: You don’t want to ask me that
I sat holding the phone to my lips.
Me: I'm sorry you're being forced to stay here
Jackson: No one can force me to do anything
Me: Can I have a redo?
Jackson: What’s a redo?
Me: I want to erase the last 24 hour s
Jackson: Everything?
I chewed on my lip. I didn’t want to erase how he was so helpful before the party or the way he helped me repot my plant. Nor did I want to erase the way he cared for me when I was barfing my guts out.
Me: Well, not everything
Jackson: What do you want to remember?
Me: It’s more what I want to forget
Jackson: Tell me
Me: Barfing
Jackson: Consider it forgotten. Anything else you want to erase?
Why was my heart racing? I stared at my phone screen.
Me: I want to erase the fight between you and Matt
Jackson: Me too
Me: I also want to erase my stupid meltdown this morning when you were trying to leave
Jackson: Nope. I don’t agree to those terms
Me: What? Why not? That was me at a weak moment
Jackson: I learned something about you
Me: I'm scared to ask what
My hands sweated as I waited for his response. Why did he want to learn about me? I did not understand this man, but I was like a moth drawn to a big flame. I couldn’t help myself. I jumped when my phone dinged.
Jackson: I don’t erase truth or honesty. Anything else you want to erase?
What was he saying? That my meltdown was me being honest? Being truthful? If that was me being real then that was a scary thing, considering what a hot mess I had been this morning. That’s precisely the part of me I wanted to keep hidden from people.
Did I want to erase anything else ?
The kiss.
I should tell him that I want to erase the kiss. That should have been on top of the list for things to forget. I should banish that moment from my life, but I couldn’t bring myself to erasing that.
Me: No
Another long pause and then my phone dinged again.
Jackson: Me neither