Chapter 45
CHAPTER 45
The harsh light of day hurt my eyes. I woke alone in bed. Disoriented, I sat up. Memories of the day before washed over me. Getting attacked. Pregnant. Being taken care of by Jackson. Falling asleep in his arms.
I staggered my stiff body to the bathroom and peered in the mirror. Hot and puffy eyes looked back at me. The swelling around my lip had subsided, but the bruises on my neck seemed more pronounced. I looked closer. I could almost see fingerprints on my neck. I shuddered. If Jackson hadn’t saved me, I would've been murdered yesterday.
Today I needed to end it with Matt, and I needed to come clean with Jackson about the baby. I dropped my face into my hands. I dreaded both tasks.
I showered and made my way downstairs. A bowl of cut fruit waited on the island. A note from Jackson stated that he had taken Chloe for a walk. My phone rested next to the note.
Twenty text messages from Matt. He was sorry. He wanted to talk. Was I okay?
I stared into space for a long moment. I had no desire to see Matt or Irene today.
I texted him back.
Me: Sorry. I should've texted you yesterday. I just needed some space.
Matt: Please come see me today. I need to talk to you.
Me: Okay
I heard two sets of footsteps on the stairs. The door clattered as it slid open. Chloe ran towards me at full tilt.
“Chloe,” I said, feeling joy. She planted both of her front paws on my legs, smiling her dog smile while I rubbed her face.
Jackson walked towards us. He assessed me.
I assessed him back. He looked serious and pensive.
“How are you feeling?”
I nodded. “Good.”
The truth was I was slightly queasy, but I did feel well rested.
He nodded and walked into the kitchen. I spun around in my seat and watched as he poured himself a glass of water.
“You want to talk about yesterday?”
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“At some point, you're going to need to.”
I couldn’t talk about it until I could think about it. And right now it was buried so deep in my brain behind all the other things I didn’t want to think about. I was barely conscious of it being there.
“Not today.”
He sipped his drink and watched as I picked up my fork and slowly ate my fruit. The silence between us hung heavy. I could tell that something was up.
“You’re leaving,” I blurted out, voicing my greatest fear.
“I have to fly back to Virginia for a couple of days. There's an arbitration that I'm required to attend.”
My heart hardened into a chunk of ice. He was leaving.
“For your job?”
“Yes. ”
“Are you coming back?”
“I still have my outpatient program to finish.”
I blinked at the frustration in his voice. “Jackson, why are you an outpatient? Are you sick?”
He snorted. “It’s just a bullshit mandatory process.”
I sensed that today was not the day that I should bring up the baby. Giddy relief washed over that. I could avoid that conversation for another day. “You don’t seem that impressed.”
“It’s part of my obligatory COA that I need to do before they let me back into operations.”
“You have to do this before they let you work?”
He crossed his thick arms. “Yup.”
I had no idea what that meant or why it was happening, but I sensed that he was at the end of his patience on the matter. “When do you get back?”
He switched gears. “Are you going to see Matt today?”
I shrugged.
“How’s he doing?”
“Well, he’s able to walk for at least 5 minutes at a time. He hasn’t been sleeping all that good, but I'm told that’s part of his brain being hurt. The doctor said it would get better with time. He’s lost weight, but his appetite is good.”
“Has his memory come back?”
“Not yet.”
“So he remembers nothing of the past five months?”
“No. He’s really sensitive about his memory loss which the doctors also said is normal. The doctor told me not to talk about our broken engagement because they don’t want him to become agitated or upset.”
“So he doesn’t remember cheating on you or breaking up with you.”
“No.”
“Does that mean he thinks you are still engaged?”
I chewed on my lip. “Yes. ”
Silence hung between us.
His voice sounded low and ridiculously gentle. “How are you doing with all of this?”
“It’s weird to pretend that nothing has happened and not talk about it.”
He didn’t speak.
I tried again. “It doesn’t feel real but…”
“But you can’t get honest about it because you aren’t supposed to.”
“Yes.”
He looked around the loft. “You should move into your granny’s place while I'm gone. I don’t like you being out here alone when I'm gone.”
He would only be here for a few more weeks, and then he would be gone for good. “Okay.”
“My flight leaves in four hours. Why don’t you pack up and I'll help you move your bags.”
Jackson took out the garbage and loaded Chloe’s stuff into my car, while I put together a bag for myself. It would be weird to be back at the penthouse, but I looked forward to it. That place felt more like home than the loft did. After my granny had died, I couldn’t bear to be there, but now it might comfort me while Jackson was gone.
Jackson followed so close behind my car, I could only see the enormous grill of his truck in my review mirror. How much patience did he require to follow so slowly behind me? That was the difference between us. I did a three-point check before I changed lanes. I was cautious and held my steering wheel at two and ten. He barely kept his hands on the steering wheel, much less his eyes on the road. He drove his truck like a bat out of hell. Jackson thumbed danger in the face. I lived to stay safe. I found his courage wildly intoxicating.
He carried my bags up to the penthouse and then I sat on the couch and waited for him to pack his bags.
He reappeared a few moments later, and my heart stuttered in my chest. He looked like a soldier with his grey and white military fatigues. A faded military grade baseball cap was pulled low over his eyes. He seemed impossibly tough.
My heart slammed into my chest. Fear seized my throat, making it tough for me to speak. “Are you going to fight?”
He snorted in amusement. “I wish. My flight is military. No civilian dress on those flights.”
I let out a big pent-up breath. “Oh.”
He picked up his black duffle bag that I knew from experience weighed more than I did. A terrible feeling that he wouldn’t return crushed my chest.
“You’re coming back right?” I sounded like a lovesick teenager in angst. But I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“I'll be back on Friday.”
I stood up and anxiously wiped my hands on my pants. I wanted to launch myself at him, but instead, I stood there and memorized every inch of him. The way his long hair licked up beneath his hat. His big black watch that wrapped around his thick wrist. The shape of his eyes that were shaded by his hat. The hard angular planes of his face. The thickness of his corded neck. The man was absolutely massive.
My hand pressed against my stomach. And this giant of a man had planted his seed inside of me. I broke out in a sweat and swayed on my feet. I was about as petite as one could get. I had a faint thought that this baby might kill me coming out if it took after its father.
His eyes narrowed. “Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah. Totally.” I lied through my teeth.
He frowned and looked at me.
I worked to school my expression. “Have a good flight.”
We stared at each other. Finally, he nodded curtly and then turned and was gone.