Never Will I Ever

Twenty-Six

Avery

Being in my cabin this early is strange to say the least. I’ve gotten so used to Kaleb taking up my evenings after the kids are in bed, I don’t know what else to do other than lie here in the dark, staring at the wall, while the minutes slowly tick by.

Sleep evades me, despite my efforts to count sheep, and it’s not difficult to unpack the reason why when I’m alone with my thoughts right now.

This thing between me and Kaleb has changed, and I’d be remiss to think either of us knows what it means. It may have started out as messing around and having some fun between the sheets, maybe even a safe space for me to truly accept and come into my sexuality, but something changed.

Even attempting to deduce it seems impossible.

I release a long, frustrated sigh, wishing my brain would focus on anything other than the guy likely fast asleep only a few hundred yards away.

He’s always on my mind, though. Now more than ever.

Which is why I’m choosing to think of his raincheck tonight as a blessing in disguise, if only to temper the disappointment gnawing at my consciousness like a dog with a bone.

Despite my attempt at pushing them down, I’m still lost in my thoughts when the lock on my door flips open with a snick so soft, I almost miss it. The sound of the hinges creaking open grabs my attention, though, and I turn to lift my head just in time to see a dark silhouette closing the door.

Just the sight of him has my heart thundering against my ribs.

Kaleb.

He’s silent as he crosses the tiny cabin to my bed, the only sound coming from his footfalls over the floorboards. The blankets and sheets are pulled back a few seconds later, cool air hitting the bare skin of my stomach before he crawls in the vacant space beside me.

He doesn’t move, doesn’t speak. I don’t even think he breathes for a good minute while we lie beside each other, his body heat pressed against my back. My eyes sink closed as I relax into his touch, enjoying the light scrape of his fingers against my scalp that could very well be what I need to finally succumb to sleep.

Then his lips skate over my shoulders in a whisper; not quite a kiss, but more of a phantom caress, and my heart squeezes painfully.

Fuck.

Unable to stop myself, I shift, rolling to my other side to mirror his position. His ministrations immediately come to a halt with my movement, the pads of his fingers freezing against my scalp.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he murmurs after a beat of silence.

I shake my head. “You didn’t.”

My hand moves to his face, allowing my nails to scrape over the scruff running along his jaw. The feel of it, rough and scratchy beneath my fingers, feels so right when we’re like this.

Locked together in the freedom of darkness.

Kaleb’s breath coasts over my lips, the minty scent of his toothpaste and musk from his body wash invading my nostrils. It’s a heady combination, I’ve come to realize, making him nearly impossible to resist.

Good thing I’m long past the point of trying.

Using my hold on his jaw, I pull him in, closing the inches between us. I press my lips to his in a gentle kiss. One that’s only meant to be light and chaste.

Until the fingers laced through my hair tighten.

A bolt of desire zaps me in the stomach as Kaleb’s tongue sweeps over my lower lip, and the hand still resting on my hip drags my body into his. He’s rolling me to my back seconds later, sliding a knee between my thighs while he deepens the kiss.

The hand still on his jaw slides to the back of his head as our tongues tangle, flicking and teasing against the other in the way I’ve become addicted to. Slow and sensual, taking a leisurely pace that drives me mad with want in an instant. Same as it does him, from the way his erection presses sinfully against my hip.

He’s the first to break the kiss, moving to my collarbone and slowly working his way up my throat.

“I thought you said you were too tired.”

Teeth scrape over my earlobe, sending a shiver down my spine. “Not anymore.”

It’s all the permission I need to grab his jaw again and drag his mouth back to mine.

Never have I ever had a kiss shoot my senses into overdrive to the point of being hyperaware of every single place my body touches his. It creates a tingling sensation rippling through my extremities, and it only spreads with the scrape of his facial hair against my palm as I cup his face to drive my tongue past his lips.

He responds with the same passion and urgency, his hands tightening against my scalp while he continues grinding his hips down into mine until I’m a leaking mess behind my boxers.

“ Kaleb ,” I pant.

His name comes out as a half-groan, half-sigh, and one hundred percent a plea.

He shifts his weight to his heels, sitting up to peel his clothes off at the sound of my desperation, and I’m quick to follow, shedding my boxers. The heat of his skin sinks deep into my bones when he layers his body over mine again, grounding me to this time and place and moment. Locking it in the marrow for safekeeping, where nothing and no one can touch it.

No doubt, no fear, no shame.

No mistakes or missteps.

All that exists is us.

This is who I am.

It’s taken me more time than I’d like to admit, to accept it, but now that I have, I can’t believe I thought I could live any differently.

“Please, touch me,” I beg, arching into him.

I don’t think I can handle the teasing tonight. I just need him inside me. Right fucking now. He must realize it too, and with a tight hold on my hips, he rolls us before dragging me on top of him.

“Want you to ride me,” he growls in a harsh whisper. “Wanna feel you clench around me while my cock is buried inside you.”

My dick twitches at the filthy image he’s planted in my brain, and no more than three seconds later, I’m putting it into action.

Leaning over toward the desk beside the bed, I grab my nearly-empty bottle of lube and flick open the cap. After dousing my fingers with the cool liquid, I straddle his hips again and spread it over his length. He thrusts up into my palm with every gentle stroke I give him, gathering the pre-cum from his tip and spreading it back down his shaft to mix with the lube.

His hands land on my thighs with a tight grip as a tortured moan breaks past his lips.

“ Fucking hell, Aves. I need to feel you, baby.”

His plea is a drug with an intoxicating allure, coaxing the confidence I need to shift my weight backward until I’m positioned over him. My heart hammers against my ribs as the head of his cock presses against my rim, and when I drop my hips, the cool lube allows him to easily slide through the tight ring of muscle.

“Oh, Christ.” His nails dig into my thighs as I sink farther onto his length, not stopping until he’s fully seated inside me.

Inhaling sharply, I pause and allow myself to adjust to his intrusion. It doesn’t burn anymore when he enters me, and after a few seconds, I start moving over his length. Pleasure immediately coils low in my stomach, building with every drop of my hips, and that’s before his palm wraps around my cock.

“God,” I whisper on a sigh.

Leaning forward, I close the space between our lips and kiss him like he’s the air I breathe. His free hand slides back from my hip, gripping my waist while I sink down on his length again, impaling myself to the hilt. Filling myself with his cock until I might burst at the seams.

There’s never been a better feeling than this. Him sheathed inside me, mouths and bodies joined together at the molecular level.

Two parts of a greater whole.

I move slowly over his length at first, dropping my hips in time with the leisurely strokes his palm makes over my shaft. Our tongues tangle while we move together, giving as much as we take. We fall into a sensual rhythm, with low moans and breathy pants filling the air around us, the mixture of them becoming something of a symphony I can’t help but get lost in.

Then again, I think I’ve been lost in Kaleb far longer than I’ve realized.

“You feel so good,” he mutters against my lips. “So right. So fucking mine.”

Because I am yours.

The thought is in my head instantly, and I have to physically bite my lip to keep the words from spilling free. It’s a sentiment that can’t be taken back once it’s spoken aloud, even in the heat of the moment. But it doesn’t make it any less true.

I’m his.

I don’t know how it happened, and I don’t know why. All I know is that it did, and there was nothing I could’ve done to stop it. No way I could have shoved this down and made myself want him any less.

“Then don’t stop,” I pant out instead.

Then I kiss him with every ounce of passion and love coursing through my veins.

Because that’s what this is, right? This pulse-racing, stomach-fluttering feeling I get when I’m near him? The way I can’t stop smiling every time I catch him looking at me?

How he peers inside me, sees all the fucking damage and destruction that’s created me, and doesn’t look away?

What else is that, if not love?

And it fucking terrifies me.

Linking my fingers through the dark strands of his hair, I kiss him deeper still, letting my tongue flick and roll against his while I move over him in sharp, quick thrusts.

Like it’s enough to erase the past, the mistakes, the pain.

Like it’s the beginning of something new.

Like it can make him love me back.

He licks and nips at my mouth while I ride him, picking up speed and stroking me in quick, rapid succession. It feels like heaven and hell all at once while we drive each other mad with want, pushing each other closer to ecstasy, just not fast enough.

“Kaleb,” I whisper, his name a plea falling from my lips.

For what, I don’t know. I doubt he does either, but he takes action anyway, releasing my cock in favor of my hips for more control.

More speed.

More fucking everything.

“Stroke yourself, baby,” he rasps, his lust-darkened gaze boring into mine. “Get there. Mark me. Come all over my chest.”

His hips drive up into me, drawing low moans from my chest that he swallows down before they can ever leave my lips. My hand moves faster over my length, trying to keep up with his rapidly increasing rhythm that soon isn’t a rhythm at all.

It’s relentless and brutal and addictive in all the best ways.

I can feel my orgasm building higher, reaching a tipping point I’m desperate to fall over. All I need is one little push, and I’m there.

As if reading my mind, Kaleb pistons his hips faster, the pace becoming unreal. Like he’s hell-bent on breaking me into a thousand tiny pieces every time he thrusts into my body. Like the only thing on his mind is me—

“Come for me, Aves,” he commands, voice taut with tension. “Squeeze my cock until I follow you over the edge.”

As if his words have a direct line to my dick, I shatter on demand, consumed by a wave of ecstasy unlike ever before. Stars form behind my eyes as he drives his hips up into me, his crown swiping over my prostate with every thrust while my thumb rubs the sensitive nerve under my tip. I don’t let up as my cum coats his chest, not stopping until I’m a boneless heap on top of him.

“That’s it, baby,” he growls in my ear as his hands grip my waist harder.

He’s lost all sense of control now, snapping his hips upward with absolutely no finesse. Sinking in deep, burying himself there while my ass clamps around him until he finally loses himself right behind me. I feel his cum filling me as his orgasm takes hold, claiming me from the inside out.

Marking me as his—which is the one thing I’m desperate to be.

He slows his movements before coming to a stop, his head rolling back as he stares up at me with an unreadable expression, chest heaving with effort. I let out a long, shaky breath and try to regain some control over my breathing as well, at a loss for words while we come down from our high.

He doesn’t say anything either, instead sifting his fingers through my hair and dragging my lips to his in a kiss as passionate as it is tender.

One filled with emotion and desire.

Promises in the form of unspoken truths.

When he finally breaks away, I shift my weight to one side enough for his cock to slide free. I feel the loss of him instantly, an emptiness taking hold while his release slowly seeps past my rim, dripping over my ass and leg.

My heart hammers against my ribs as I curl into his side, sinking into the warmth of his skin against mine while his fingers dance over my back and shoulders.

“Kaleb,” I whisper against his throat. Right where his pulse thrums beneath the surface, pounding to the rhythm of his rapidly beating heart.

And once again, I’m hit with the same thought.

Three simple words.

I love you.

But I can’t say it.

Not because of any shame or guilt; we’re long past the point of those things standing in the way of my feelings for him. It’s fear that holds me back. Fear that he won’t feel the same.

Or maybe it’s the fear that he will.

Kaleb’s fingers stop moving over my back, and his arm wraps around me, tightening until our bodies are pressed together at every point possible.

“I know,” he murmurs, finally breaking the silence. “I know, baby.”

My eyes sink closed, and I force myself to breathe evenly.

Despite his statement, there’s no way he actually knows what I was thinking. Not really. But the thought that he could? That the musing swirling in his brain while he holds me could be the very same as my own? Well, it’s enough to have my own rampant heart crawling into my throat.

Neither of us make any attempt to move, to peel ourselves apart and clean up, and I find myself grateful for it. I want to soak up as much of this moment as I can, knowing damn well how fleeting they can be.

Maybe that’s why, after minutes or hours have passed, I find myself whispering three painfully vulnerable words.

Just not the ones I want to say.

“Please don’t go.”

Even as I ask, I know it’s foolish. Apart from the night on the mountain and the one where I accidentally fell asleep, we haven’t strayed from the status quo. Despite keeping each other up later and later into the night, we still sleep in our own cabins, all under the guise of not being caught by security cameras or by another person.

But I don’t have it in me to give a fuck anymore.

We’ve been playing with fire for weeks, but at this point, I’m ready to set the whole goddamn forest ablaze if it means keeping him here.

His arms tighten around me before he presses his lips to the side of my head.

“I won’t,” he murmurs, his nose nuzzling my hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”