Twenty-Five
Kaleb
It’s the time of day the kids hate but I’ve come to look forward to the most: lights out.
Cabin by cabin, I quickly take headcount by checking that everyone is ready for bed, and more importantly, actually in said bed. Which never seems to be the case when it comes to Bradley, and tonight is no different.
“Bed. Now,” I tell him before pointing at his bunk, leaving no room for debate in my tone.
I could’ve been a bit gentler about it, but my anticipation has me on edge. My mind has been firmly fixated on thoughts of melted chocolate dripping all over Avery’s sinful body, which has been playing on a loop for the past two hours.
And Bradley’s antics are drawing out the time I have to turn my fantasy into reality.
Thankfully, the last stop I have for the night is the cabin Elijah and the twins are sharing, and they’re always the easiest to wrangle into bed. A quick knock on the door before opening it reveals the three of them already on their respective bunks, chatting animatedly together.
Elijah included.
Well, I’ll be damned.
My lips curl up, knowing Avery’s attempts at breaking through to Elijah—and subsequently, breaking him out of his shell—seem to be working when we aren’t around to see it too. A little tidbit of information I can’t wait to share with him later. Preferably after we’ve both collapsed from exhaustion.
The conversation between the three boys dies down when they notice me standing in the doorway, and I quickly school my features before uttering, “Lights out, guys.”
A couple grumbles echo through the cabin, and I let out a chuckle before flicking the lightswitch off.
I’m not foolish enough to think they’ll go to bed immediately; I was a camper here at one time too. But they can talk in the dark until they fall asleep for all I care, because they’re the only things standing between me and Avery in my bed.
“Goodnight,” I call over my shoulder before pulling the door closed behind me.
A stupid smile crosses my face as I descend the cabin steps, thinking I’m finally in the clear. That’s when I hear the door open and my name being called.
Turning, I find Colton standing there, barefooted and in his pajamas, illuminated by the light above the cabin door.
“You can keep talking with the lights off, Cole,” I tell him with a smile. “Just make sure you get some sleep, okay?”
The inscrutable expression on his face tells me that wasn’t the reason he followed me out here, which he confirms when he says, “Can I talk to you about something?”
Frowning, I nod. “Of course. You know you can talk to me about anything.”
He crosses the small porch before taking a seat on the top step, and I follow suit by dropping to the wood beside him.
“What’s going on with you?” he asks almost immediately.
I have to hand it to the kid, he doesn’t beat around the bush, preferring to go in swinging a machete instead. Unfortunately, I’m not really sure which particular bush he’s wanting to hack down right now.
“What are you talking about?”
He narrows his gaze on me. “Just because I’m only eleven doesn’t mean I’m stupid. Kaleb.”
Now I’m really confused.
A frown pulls at my brows as I turn toward him. “Why would you think I’d—”
“Because there’s something going on with you and Avery.” His stare doesn’t falter when he adds, “I saw you two at the bonfire tonight.”
It’s an innocent statement, but the underlying judgment etched into its meaning tells me all I need to know. We slipped up. Weren’t as careful as we should’ve been.
The reality is, it was only a matter of time before one of the kids noticed what was happening. I was just hoping it wouldn’t be one of my brothers, if only to avoid the conversation we’re evidently about to have.
I still make an attempt to play it off, though, and aim a smirk at Cole. “What, talking? That happens when you work with someone.”
“Not you two,” he comes back with a scoff. “A few weeks ago, you wanted him as far away from this place as possible.”
This kid is way too fucking observant.
“We might’ve started off rocky, but you could’ve even called us friends at one point,” I remind him while doing my best to keep the defensiveness from my voice.
“Friends don’t look at each other like that.”
“And how would you know that? You’re a bit young to—”
“Don’t try telling me I’m too young to be talking about this with you,” he immediately cuts in, and the slightest amount of guilt gnaws at me.
Some of the conversations Cole and I have had over the past few months are ones I didn’t expect to have with either of my brothers for another few years. About sexuality, human decency, and respecting others privacy, just to name a few. He’s long since proven he’s mature enough to talk about these kinds of topics.
When I don’t respond right away, he crosses his arms and pushes further.
“After what he did, how can you even think…” He trails off, his nose wrinkling up. “I don’t get it. You don’t like him.”
The problem is, I do. Very much. I like him a lot fucking more than I should.
“Well, things can change.”
“He hasn’t,” he volleys back. “There’s no chance he’s any less of the asshole who caused all that shit back at your school.”
“One, watch your language,” I warn, leveling him with a hard look. “And two, you don’t know that. You don’t even know Avery.”
“And sleeping with him means you do?”
How the hell?
There’s no part of me that wants to answer this question, let alone discuss it with him. The issue is I can’t very well lie to him. Not when he was just accusing me of it earlier.
In the end, I don’t say anything at all. I can’t bring myself to confirm or deny it.
Unfortunately, Cole seems to take my silence as confirmation enough.
“What happens when you leave here? He’s still kicked out of school. Your friends still hate his guts.”
Leave it to my brother to force the questions I’d been asking myself out in the open, only for me to realize I still don’t have an answer. And I finally understand what Avery meant on the dock that night. What it truly means to struggle with the internal battle of wanting something but hating yourself for wanting it.
For fearing what it might mean if you actually let yourself have it.
“I don’t know.” My head sinks to my hands, and I rake my fingers haphazardly through my hair. “I wish I did, but…”
Fuck.
This has become more complicated than I could’ve ever anticipated, and no path before me seems like the one I should take. Ending things when we leave here, continuing to hide whatever this is like a dirty little secret, coming clean to everyone…they all feel like betrayal, in one way or another. If not to Keene or my morals, then to Avery.
To my heart.
“Well, you’ve always been yourself, and you’ve always stood up for the right thing,” Cole says as he kicks a few stray pine needles off the step with his socked foot. “You know, that’s one of the reasons you’re my biggest role model.”
His words hit me in the chest.
Sure, I’ve always felt a little closer to Cole despite our age difference, but I hadn’t realized he would look up to me with such high esteem until…Family Day.
He was there, sitting in the stands, when Keene and Aspen were outed. And it wasn’t until later than night, after he pulled me to the side and told me he’s afraid something like that will happen to him one day, that it hit me.
And it was Colton’s fear that ultimately led me to Coach’s office. Led me to turning Avery in.
Just the reminder has my throat constricting a bit when I choke out a soft, “I know, Cole.”
He’s quiet for a few heartbeats before he rises from his spot beside me and fires a bullet straight at my chest.
“What you’re doing makes me think I shouldn’t look up to you anymore.”
I take in a sharp breath, disarmed by his evident disappointment as he walks toward the cabin door.
“Cole, I’m still the same person I was yesterday, last month, or a year ago,” I call after him. “This doesn’t change that.”
So much for not lying to him.
The person I am right now is nothing like the Kaleb who stepped into Colin’s office, only to find Avery sitting in the chair across from him. I’m nothing like the Kaleb who tried to get him kicked out simply because I couldn’t handle the feelings he’d started pulling out of me the moment I saw him.
But at some point, I truly started to leave the past in the past. Started giving Avery the benefit of the doubt, allowing him to prove himself. And by pushing my own personal issues to the side…I finally got to see the person he really is. The one, deep down, I knew was there all along.
Though, from the look on my brother’s face, that doesn’t matter. If anything, he looks even more despondent as he pulls open the door and walks inside, only to turn and whisper one last parting thought.
“Like I said. You don’t have to lie to me.”
When the door clicks shut, I let out a long sigh and drag myself off the cabin porch.
I’m barely a hundred yards from the cabin, barely starting to process the conversation Colton and I had, when a familiar voice calls out from somewhere down the moonlit path.
“Hey, hey. There you are.”
Turning, I find Avery closing the few yards between us. There’s a devastating smile on his lips as he approaches, but his brows crash together, those sky blues taking on a hint of worry when he gets a better look at my face.
“Is everything okay?”
Not even close.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just got done getting the last of the kids into their beds for the night.”
“Same,” he murmurs with a nod. “Though I didn’t think Jordan and Tyler would ever get in their bunks. I’d always thought the whole sugar-before-bed thing was a lie our parents would tell us so we didn’t eat too many sweets, but I’m starting to think there’s some truth behind it.”
I offer the faintest smirk I can manage, but it feels wrong and foreign on my lips.
Avery must not notice, or the shadows of impending nightfall must hide my expression just enough, because he takes a few steps toward me. His hands land on my waist before sliding to my back, where his fingers link together just above my ass.
“You’re still good with me sneaking over tonight, right? Watch some Criminal Minds before you let me do despicable things to you?”
There’s a seductive glint in his eye when he asks, and the way his lips curl up gives me the urge to kiss that stupid, sinful smirk right off.
But my brother’s words are too fresh, clawing at my mind like a trapped animal in dire need of escape.
“Actually, can I take a rain check?” I swallow hard and force the lies out. “I’m just beat from today. I don’t think my body can handle anything more than crawling in bed and crashing.”
He’s able to mask his disappointment quickly, just not fast enough for me to miss it.
“Yeah, that’s fine. There’s always tomorrow.”
All I can do is give him another tight smile and nod before stepping out of his hold.
We go through the rest of our nightly routine without talking much, and though he doesn’t say anything, I can tell Avery feels my shift in demeanor. It’s only when we’re about to part ways, heading to our own cabins alone for the first time in weeks, that he breaks the silence.
“I’ll see you in the morning, then?” he murmurs, brushing back the stray blond hairs the wind pushed over his forehead. I find myself wishing I could be the one to sweep them back instead.
But I keep my hands to myself and murmur, “Yeah. I’ll see you at breakfast.”
My cabin feels empty and dead inside when I reach it, and far too lonely without Avery. I hadn’t realized just how accustomed I’d grown to having him in this space over the past few weeks, and it doesn’t have anything to do with the sex.
Just him being around, existing in each other’s presence.
Rebuilding a friendship.
And now that I’m here, alone with my thoughts, I realize this may be what lies in store after camp is over.
All the questions I’d been pushing down—the same ones my brother forced back to the surface—come barrelling back into my mind like a racehorse. No matter the way I twist and dissect the options, I can’t seem to land on a solid plan of action. Nothing stands out as the obvious choice, and that same dejected feeling from my conversation with Cole starts to take hold.
Fuck.
The look on his face while we spoke said more than his words ever could. Rife with disappointment. Fraught with frustration.
I’ve never seen him so forlorn, and it’s exactly what I was worried about. Why I didn’t want anyone to find out Avery and I were sleeping together, let alone becoming friends again. I knew no one would understand. They wouldn’t be able to see past all the shit that’s happened, and they certainly wouldn’t accept my willingness to push it to the side.
They’d only see it as a betrayal.
Of my friendship, of my community, of the respect of my loved ones.
Of my morals.
But isn’t betraying my heart worse?
Ironically, that’s the only question I’m able to answer without a second thought.
Yes. It’s immeasurably worse.
And that’s the only thing I’m holding on to as I slip out of my cabin and walk the moonlit path separating me from the person my heart is calling to.