No Matter What You Do

35. Our Return

The five of us, including a sleepy Brandy, walk back to my room. I’m sure Brazely is only coming because Tamara is. Tamara is coming because she’s a kind and compassionate human being.

All seems to be going well, until a door opens, and our RA, Kelly, walks out in a staff polo shirt. Perfect timing.

Kelly shuts her door and stops at the sight of us. “Hey,” she says carefully when she notices one of us is in less than our right mind and state. “What’s up?”

I let out a “Pft” and a nervous laugh. “Nothing, you?”

“Last set of my rounds for tonight. Is she all right?”

We all stop in our tracks as Kelly approaches us. I’m ready to lie until Brandy gets a burst of energy. “Hey, are we back from Stef’s kegger?” She looks around with her wide eyes. Kelly’s shoulders slightly drop. We definitely ruined her night. Based on her sunken expression, I can guess the rest of her sets have been quiet, and she assumed the same for this one. “Is there anything that I need to know?” Damn, she’s giving us an out, but I can’t just let Stef get away with what he’s done.

I glance at each one of my fellow suspects, and my eyes linger on Brazely’s. Her eyes tell me keep your mouth shut, but I ignore them. “Can we drop Brandy off to bed and relay what happened? Tamara and Cameron just helped get her up here. They have nothing to do with this.” A half lie, but why should they be mixed up in this?

“Sure,” Kelly says with a touch of uncertainty.

We drop Brandy off at her bed as promised. Cameron and Tamara offer to stay until Brazely and I are done.

“You know I’m going to ask about that boy”s bloody face, right?” Kelly says when we sneak into her dorm room. We sit on her bed, and she pulls up her desk chair with a notebook and pen.

We both tell our stories. Brazely explains everything before I arrived, and I go from there. We say everything we remember. I even explain my point of view of what happened to Cameron.

“This Stef—” Kelly heaves a sigh “—is this Stef Feinman?”

“Yes. Blond, tall.”

“I know who he is. You reported him before, right?”

I nod in confirmation.

“Okay,” Kelly says. “I’ll write up what you told me in my report tonight, but I will have to talk more with Brandy and Brazely tomorrow.”

“How long does it take to kick someone out after something like this?” I blurt.

Kelly’s brows pull together in slight regret. “Unfortunately, it’s a long process. Sexual assault reports can be filed, but there are investigations, statements, and trials that need to be done and it can take?—”

“What is the point of reporting someone if the school does nothing to prevent this person from doing it again?” This all explains why Stef is still prancing around school like an idiot. There are probably not enough statements against him. I don’t know. This sucks.

“I understand your frustration. I do. In the meantime, I can suggest you get a restraining order. The school can help you. If you, Brazely, and Brandy would like to do that.”

“Yes,” I respond immediately. It’s not justice, but it’s something.

We separate with the promise of all meeting up tomorrow. I’m exhausted and feel guilty about both Brandy and Cameron. However, Stef…doesn’t deserve any more of my time tonight.

I open the door to my room and shuffle in. Tamara gives me a hug before making eye contact with Brazely in the hall.

“Can we talk?” Brazely asks softly.

Tamara nods and disappears behind the door with Brazely. That leaves Cameron with me.

We say nothing as I wash off his face injuries in the bathroom. I cannot bear another second looking at that dried blood. He leans against the sink as I hold a wet washcloth just above his eye. I make my intentions clear by pressing my body into his as I do so.

“You don’t have to,” he says.

“I know.” I look him in the eyes and lower the cloth. A bead of water drips down his face. “You didn’t have to come with me tonight or defend my honor. I have no idea why you’re even speaking to me.”

“Because I’m in love with you.” He looks away to the shower.

“You could have spoken to me this entire time. You pretty much ghosted me.”

He pushes himself off the sink and crosses the room to lean on the shut door. “I needed time.”

“What kind of time?” Not prying, simply curious.

“The kind that allows me to better myself. You told me that you didn’t want me to smoke to fend off my anxiety so I… After we had that fight, I really needed to smoke. I gave myself the worst anxiety when I told myself that you didn’t love me. I know you do. You didn’t say you didn’t. I just, I was afraid that it was so easy to lose you. I don’t think that even makes any goddamn sense.”

“It does.”

“I threw away the joint I rolled myself, and I got rid of the bong. Then I called my dad. He helped me find a therapist.

“People smoke for a plethora of reasons. Sometimes it works for them but not for me. I’d get high and then feel shitty when it wore off. I never thought talking to someone would take such a weight off me, but it does. Instead of avoiding my problems, I have to analyze them. Speak them. Release them.

“When I told you I needed a break, it wasn’t because I was angry with you. I just needed to work on myself a little. And, Lainey?—”

I meet his eyes. I am filled with selfish relief but also pride. “Yes?”

“It might help you too. I’m not trying to overstep, but with everything going on with your parents…”

“I know.” Of course I know.

Cameron and I meet in the middle, and he lifts a hand to my cheek. “Think about it.”

“I will.” I mean it too. In the next breath I tell him, “I love you.”

“Of course you do,” he chuckles. “I just got beat to shit for you. You would be terrible not to.” He smirks.