Not A Chance (Heartstrings #2)

18. Indie

Theo Yao-Miler kissed me today. And it was hot as fuck.

My nineteen-year-old self was jumping up and down with joy, singing, “I knew he liked me!” over and over again on repeat in my mind.

It was like a scene from one of those high school love-story movies Abbie and Emery loved. The unrequited crush finally realizes she or he wants the main protagonist, and all of a sudden, there’s this huge dopamine rush happening. That part of me that was left so crushed all those years ago wanted to run through fields of wildflowers and rainbows.

Nineteen-year-old Indie was an idiot.

Luckily, my twenty-five-year-old self could rein that shit in. Hard.

There was no way I was going to let myself fall for Theo again. I had no room in my life for romance, let alone the Titanic -sized baggage that came along with thinking about us in those terms.

Putting aside the question of whether it would be wrong to date my best friend’s brother, years of planning since I’d learned about my inheritance were on the cusp of becoming reality. I couldn’t allow myself to be distracted or swept away in everything Theo. More than that, I couldn’t give my father a reason to make my life harder because I was dating a hockey player after rejecting years of potential suitors from my parents’ social circle after a single date. My father would be pissed if he thought I’d been actively sabotaging his efforts to get me to marry into a worthy family.

I hadn’t spent the last so many years under my parents’ thumb to lose what I worked so hard for. Every time I compromised my values or held my tongue to placate their endless list of demands could be undone if I allowed feelings for Theo out from where I’d locked them away.

I’d had a single-minded focus on making a difference for kids so that they would have somewhere to turn for help. I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that as many kids as possible didn’t feel utterly alone like I did because of my parents’ emotional abandonment.

Even surrounded by wealth, I had been trapped without anyone I could ask for help. My parents controlled every facet of my life. Their money meant that even professionals I should have been able to turn to, when I desperately wanted to understand the feelings inside me, could be influenced to keep my parents apprised of anything I might have shared.

The fact remained that I was still stupidly attracted to Theo. I had no idea if he wanted a hookup-type situation or was looking for a relationship. At thirty-one, from what I understood from the media speculation I’d been forced to review as part of writing media releases for the team (head office was very careful about word choice, so information only came out when they wanted it to), this might be his last season. Or not. But the analysts speculated that he wouldn’t stay more than a few more seasons in the NHL, especially since he’d been traded away from what he probably considered his “hometown” team since that was where his Gong Gong had watched all of his games when he’d been alive.

His life was in Vancouver, or I guess Toronto now. It didn’t even matter if I liked it here, which I did; my life was in Amado. My girls were there. My professional and personal aspirations would come to fruition there.

Even with Theo within reach, I just didn’t see how I could have him and make it work.

Unlocking my apartment door, I ignored the jittery feeling running through my veins.

It was like I’d mainlined espresso all day and didn’t have full control over my faculties. My hands trembled as I set down my keys. My smile was a little shaky as I watched Giz tippy tap over to the door from her favorite spot in her new bed, directly next to the heating vent.

After I got her ready to go outside, Gizmo was adorable in her new red puppy parka. She sighed every time I put the matching silly “toque” I’d bought for her bald little head, making me laugh.

I had her out and around the block for a quick potty routine and back up to the apartment in record time.

I was rushing through a shower, shaving all the relevant areas before I even realized what I was doing. Nothing was going to happen—I was just buying myself a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning, that’s all.

I’d barely gotten dry and dressed again before there was a soft knock on my door .

This was it. I was going be clear with Theo. We could be attracted to each other and do nothing about it. People did it all the time. We were both adults who had shown our ability to exercise discipline and restraint to get to where we were in our lives.

I took a deep breath before opening the door to see Theo staring back at me with a Cheshire cat–type grin.

“Hey, baby.” His smooth, deep voice rolled over me like a physical wave. My stomach dropped with anticipation.

I would not get sucked under his spell again. I had to take back control of this runaway train we were on.

He lifted his hands as if to latch back onto me and continue where we left off this afternoon. Stepping back out of his reach, I ushered him into the apartment.

The sooner I shut this down, the sooner he would leave and I could get my head together again.

“Hi, Theo. Come in. Can I get you a drink?” When in doubt, it always worked to be polite.

I walked backward into the apartment and gestured to the couch, hoping he would take the hint and sit. I moved into the kitchen area without waiting for his response.

With a counter between us, I turned around to find him having scooped Giz up and cuddling her comfortably in one ridiculously toned arm.

I grabbed a glass to pour myself some water from the fridge dispenser. I held it up to him in question, and he just shook his head, that infuriating smile still on his gorgeous face.

Taking deliberately slow sips, I took stock of the man in front of me. Besides the tiny dog emphasizing his height and the broadness of his shoulders, the way his T-shirt hugged all those muscles he worked so hard for was nearly criminal. His nearly black hair was still damp from his post-game shower, and the scruff on his face had arousal zinging through my body.

I hadn’t had time to take in all these little details this afternoon. But I realized I’d moved the hand not holding the glass up to my cheek, where I could feel some tenderness from his facial hair rubbing up against my skin. My pulse sped up with that knowledge.

Needing to break this silence between us. I spoke just to get this over with.

“Theo, what happened today can’t happen again.” Hopefully, the nervous rasp in my voice went unnoticed.

“Why not, Indie?” He inclined his head as if confused by the direction I had chosen.

“It’s just not a good idea for so many reasons. Sex complicates everything. I can’t give you what you want.” I let out a deep breath. I didn’t say that I was worried that physical intimacy would erase the flimsy barrier I’d put up to protect myself from falling in love with him again.

He gave Giz a quick peck on the head (shit, swoon) before setting her in the nest of blankets I’d created for her on the couch. He made his way around the counter to stand before me. He ran a searching gaze over my face. His intense focus was a direct contrast to the way he leaned his body casually against the counter.

He nodded, as if coming to some conclusion. “Hit me with ’em,” he stated.

“With what exactly?” I asked.

“Hit me with all of those reasons you’ve got up in your head about why we can’t do this.” He spread out his hands in an explain-it-to-me-type gesture.

His beautiful face with its stupid model cheekbones, lush eyelashes (male DNA seemed unfairly advantaged in this way), and dark brown eyes threatened my good sense.

I wanted something for once. Something selfish and just mine. I’d never been allowed to want things when I was younger. My decisions were dictated by my parents’ needs, which were mostly to pretend I didn’t exist as anything other than a prop for when they needed to look family-friendly. I’d spent so long just saying yes to whatever was demanded of me that I’d almost completely forgotten how to want .

What I wanted was right in front of me. Theo. Telling me he wanted me too, in whatever capacity he did.

I wanted the ability to take a risk, not knowing the outcome. To forget about consequences and appearances for one goddamn moment.

I mirrored his stance, putting my hip against the counter. I took him up on his dare.

I held my hand up to count the reasons. He wouldn’t give up until I gave him a reason to. But once he saw sense, he would walk away. It would save us both a lot of complications and potentially hurt feelings.

“One, you’re Emery’s brother. It’s not okay to break her trust this way,” I began. “Two…”

Before I realized what he had done, he’d pulled his phone from his back pocket and unlocked it, pressing a button and putting it on the counter between us.

“What are you doing?” I hissed. It was freaking 12:30 a.m.

One ring and a soft “Hello?” had my internal organs freezing solid.

“What the fuck, Theo?” I mouthed at him. He’d fucking called Emery.

“Hey, Em.” He smiled in the face of my surprise.

“Theo, are you okay? Why are you calling so late, your time?” Her sweet voice seemed to echo throughout the apartment, as if suddenly eight hundred square feet had turned into a coliseum of sound .

“Don’t worry, sis. Nothing happened. I just had something to ask you that couldn’t wait,” he explained.

“Should I be worried, Theo?” Her tone was still wary. Clearly, she was unused to Theo calling her out of the blue to ask something.

I mean, Emery, Abbie, and I would rather be eaten by dinosaurs than make a phone call, so I could understand that most of their contact happened via text.

You know, like normal people.

“Listen, Em. I want to ask Indie out on a date—” He narrowed his eyes at me as if to say, “ Look how much this isn’t a problem. ” “—and don’t want to do it without you being okay with it first.” He winked at me, as if he was the one who’d considered her feelings first.

Jerk. A handsome jerk, but still.

“Theo. I don’t understand? What? You’re interested in Indie? Since when?” Her questions came rushing across the line.

He didn’t break eye contact as he answered her, as if he was talking to me instead.

“Since we reconnected when she started working for the Tempests. So what do you think, Em?” he pushed.

“Well, you are both adults.” She chose each word slowly. “And it’s not really my place to say.”

Theo rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, Em. You two have been attached at the hip since first grade. And with Abbie completing the three musketeers, you’re always all up in each other’s lives. Stop being polite and tell me what you think.”

“Shut up. I’m not being polite.” Her growl made him grin. I could still see that sibling thrill of getting under his sister’s skin shining in his eyes.

She continued before he had a chance to poke her further. “Fine. Here’s what I know: Indie’s an adult who can make her own decisions. So talk to her, you stupid-head. But as far as I’m concerned, I’m fine with you having a relationship with her as long as you are in it for the right reasons .”

“And what, dear sister, are the right reasons according to you?” Theo raised an eyebrow.

Damn, was I cursed to think every move he made was sexy?

“The right reason is, you idiot, that you take care of her feelings and don’t use her because you’re bored or lonely or because she’s familiar. If you care about her for her and not as just another puck bunny–type fling, then it’s up to you two what you make of it.” Her exasperation was clear over the phone line.

“Okay, good. Thanks, Em. I do care about her, you know.” Again, his eye contact meant that he was saying the words to me, even though he was reassuring Emery.

“I know you, Theo. You’re a good man. Mom would be so proud to know you. Just… don’t break her heart, okay?” Emery’s voice had softened again with a sadness that belied how acutely they both missed their mom.

“I’ll do everything I can to avoid it. Love you, sis.” His hushed tone matched hers as she echoed his words.

Ending the call, he moved a few steps closer to where I was standing. I don’t think I’d moved a muscle in shock at how bold he was in just calling Emery up like that.

He’d circumvented a huge barrier in my mind, and I was scrambling internally to catch up.

The wistfulness of Emery’s mention of their mom cleared from his eyes, replaced by that predatory fire that I was sure served him well on the ice.

“That’s one objection down, Rocky. What else ya got?” He smirked.