Chapter 26
I’ve barely knockedwhen Olivia opens the door.
“Hey, beautiful,” I say, setting my bags down. I quickly wrap my arms around her and let my hands get tangled in her hair. For a split second, I think about taking a step back, that I’m being too forward, too assuming. But then I remember that everything has changed in the last few weeks.
“Are you feeling okay from the flight?” She looks up at me with sincerity swimming in her eyes and I get hit with another wave of I really fucking like this girl.
“Yeah, slept the whole time.” I kiss her nose. “Do you mind if I take a quick shower? I always feel gross after a long flight.”
“Of course.”
I’ve never been reserved so I leave the bathroom door cracked open. But I’m still shocked when Liv comes in to join me a few minutes later.
“Is it okay if I come in?” she asks with a shy smile.
“Much more than okay.” I grab her hand and guide her under the water with me.
When Liv kisses me, I feel like I’m flying. Like she’s imbuing some sort of magic into me with each brush of her lips.
And it’s not just her lips. Her hands wander freely, hungrily around my body. She pulls me with her until her back is up against the sliding door.
“Did you miss me, Sparkles?”
“A little.”
My mouth travels down the column of her throat, stopping to suck on all her favorite spots.
“Please don’t be angry with me,” I say, looking up at her. “I didn’t bring anything.”
“You really never think you’re going to get lucky, do you?”
I raise my head until we’re eye-level. “I never thought I’d get this lucky.”
Our lips meet again, and this kiss is more heated, more urgent, more everything.
“Well, lucky for you, we don’t need a condom.”
“We don’t?” I give her a questioning look, but she only responds by grabbing onto my shoulders and moving us in a half-circle. She presses me against the glass.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to try with you.”
She turns off the shower. And then she drops to her knees.
With zero hesitation, she drags her tongue up my length. I practically slam my head against the door behind me. Jesus. This girl really is going to kill me.
“Are you okay?” she asks, looking up at me like a perfect angel.
“All good,” I grunt. My mind’s in a tailspin with Liv in front of me like this. I look down, memorizing every detail, and then I notice her knees wobbling. “Here.” I reach over the door to grab a folded towel off the shelf and place it down at my feet. “For your knees.”
She bites her lip and re-balances on top of the folded towel. “Thanks, Scottie.” She grins and licks me again.
“Fuck.”
She licks her lips, drops her eyes from mine and says, “You might want to hold on to the door.”
I chuckle and follow her instructions, but my laughter dissipates immediately when she takes me into her mouth.
“God, Olivia,” I groan, watching her. “You have the prettiest mouth I’ve ever seen.”
I can feel her lips stretch when I say it. She likes when I talk to her.
“Could you be any more perfect?” I ask, running a hand through her wet hair. I try to massage her scalp while I use my other hand for balance, but she’s making my brain too foggy to concentrate on much more than her lips.
She circles her tongue around me, and I can feel a moan vibrate from her throat.
“Does this turn you on, Sparkles?”
She releases me slowly and looks up. “Yes,” she admits, a grin playing at her lips. “A lot.”
Just her saying that makes me harder. I can feel myself twitch in her hand.
“Touch yourself.”
“What?”
“Spread your legs, Olivia. Tell me how wet you are.”
Her gaze hooks on mine as she moves each knee a little wider. I swallow, watching her hand slide dangerously slow down her body. My lips part and I lean forward, greedy for the show.
She gasps, just one quick breath, and her mouth is on me again.
I feel drunk, dazed, out of my mind. The wet heat of her mouth, the sounds she’s making. Each puff of her breath has my muscles clenching.
A low moan escapes her lips, and my eyes are drawn back to her hand. The one making slow circles between her thighs.
“Are you close?” I ask.
Her eyes find mine and she nods. God, she’s making the same circles with her tongue.
“Stop.” I press my hands on her shoulders.
“What’s wrong?”
“Absolutely nothing. Come here.” I pull her up against me. “You’re really good at that too.”
“Then why’d you stop me?” She pouts and it’s adorable.
“I was getting jealous.” I tilt my head in a nod.
“Of my hand?” She laughs, and the movement brings our bodies even closer.
“I haven’t seen you in a week. If anyone’s hand is getting you off, it’s mine.”
Liv’s alarmgoes off at 9:00 a.m. and we both groan.
Her cheek still rests against my chest and our legs are completely entwined. I’m not sure how we actually slept in this position, but it goes to show how tired we were.
“Are you sure we have to leave so early?” I whine, because I’d prefer to stay in bed with her all day than drive to Sonoma.
“I told you. If we’re not there by noon they’ll disqualify me. It’s exactly what they want, and I will not give it to them.”
Liv and her brothers sound more competitive than me and Gabby. When she told me the other night about their annual dirt bike race, I was sure she was joking. I should have known. This girl is always surprising me.
And as tired as I am, I’m champing at the bit to see Liv on a dirt bike. No wonder she was so calm on the motorcycle.
“All right, Sparkles.” I sit up, yawn, and stretch my arms. I give my head a good shake to try and wake myself up. “I’ll run home and grab the bike. Sure you can fit everything you need in a backpack?”
“Yep. I have everything I need there, just bringing a couple essentials.” She kisses my cheek. “Like you.”
Liv’s houseis just north of the main town in Sonoma, so the drive only takes about an hour. I haven’t really considered what her place might look like, being a home on a vineyard, but I feel like a fool when we arrive.
“It’s a castle,” I say, dumbfounded. She doesn’t hear me because she’s already jumped off the bike and is running toward three men who I really hope are her brothers and two golden retrievers that I really hope I can spend the weekend with.
I’m quickly introduced to the brothers, the dogs, the parents and a few other people who are hanging around. Then I lay on the ground and let Carat and Cork slobber all over me. And before I even get a chance to go inside, we’re all whisked off to get ready for the big race.
Liv wasn’t lying when she said she loved dirt bikes. She and her brothers are all decked out in full motocross gear from the boots to the helmet, Liv in hot pink from head to toe.
Not that I ever thought she was lying. But the girl whose closet is full of silk bows and sparkly dresses doesn’t scream “I like to drive fast and get muddy.”
She in fact does like to drive fast and get muddy. And it’s hot. My mind is spinning on where I should take her next on the motorcycle. Hell, maybe I’ll let her drive.
She smokes her brothers in the race, earning herself major bragging rights and a solid chunk of my dignity. She would have smoked me too.
“Gavin, come join us, will you?” Sandra, Liv’s mom, asks shortly after we get back to the estate. Then she looks to Liv. “Can we borrow him while you get cleaned up?”
Damn, I was looking forward to helping Liv get cleaned up. After last night I never want to shower alone again. Probably not appropriate at her parents’ house though.
“Sure,” Liv replies. And then, “Go easy on him.” She runs outside leaving me with nothing but a smirk.
Sandra gives me a quick tour and then I follow her down the stairs to their cellar which seems to double as a dining room, and maybe a tasting room too? There are three long dining tables but a few other areas with couches and low tables where people are currently drinking. From what I’ve learned, this main building is where they give tours and tastings, but they live in the other estate next door.
“Gavin!” Liv’s dad shouts. He introduced himself as Mr. Diamond, so I still don’t know his first name. “Come, come. Grab a glass.”
He pours me a hefty glass of red wine and introduces me to more friends, some other winemakers from the area. And then he does the one thing I’ve been dreading.
“Tell us what you think about the wine.”
“It’s good,” I reply, but he just stares at me. “Great,” I offer. Still not good enough apparently. “I know it’s not the one that’s Liv’s favorite. This one’s sweeter, I think?”
They all smile at me, and I feel like I just cracked the DaVinci code. I can tell they want more but all I keep thinking is do not say obtuse.
I take another sip and swirl the wine to mimic what I’ve seen Liv do a hundred times now. I stick my nose in the glass, hoping it looks sophisticated and not as ridiculous as I feel. But when I breathe it in through my nose I get hit with a memory.
“Alfajores.” I don’t mean to say it aloud, but I do, attracting everyone’s attention even further.
“What was that?” Mr. Diamond asks.
“Something about this reminds me of the cookies my mom used to make.”
His eyes gleam. Am I onto something? Does the wine taste like cookies?
“What kind of cookies?” Sandra urges.
“Alfajores. They’re these crumbly sandwich cookies filled with dulce de leche. It’s like a creamy caramel.”
“Ollie!” Mr. Diamond yells, his gaze traveling over my head. “You found one with a palette. He’s a keeper.”
I turn to find Liv standing behind me, freshly showered and gorgeous. She rests a hand on one of my shoulders and grabs the wine glass with her other.
She takes a slow sip.
“Mmm, is this the new Orion?” Her dad nods. “Love the caramel notes.”
The chair I’m in is oversized but not wide enough for two. Liv comes around and sits with me anyway, half her body in my lap.
No one seems to mind, especially not me.
“Why does everyone call you Ollie?” I ask. I heard Owen say it last week, but I’ve noticed everyone’s been using the name for her today.
“My fault,” Owen says, taking the chair across from us. “When we were little, I couldn’t say Olivia and started calling her Ollie. It just stuck.”
Liv shrugs. “And when I was a toddler, I called you ‘Money’ and Deacon ‘Dick.’ Somehow I was able to grow out of it.”
“You really hate it?” I ask.
“It makes me sound like a dog.”
“I love it.”
“Oh no, are you gonna start calling me Ollie now, too?”
“Nah, they can have it.” I lean in closer to whisper in her ear. “Sparkles is just for me.”
Mr. Diamond stands up and clears his throat, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Let’s make our way to the table. Dinner should be ready soon.”
When I stand, he comes over and pats a hand on my shoulder. “Ever been to a Passover seder, Gavin?” he asks.
“No, sir. I’m excited for my first though.” First of what I hope to be many.
He tells everyone where to sit and of course I’m next to him with Olivia on my other side. I’ve never been grilled by a girlfriend’s dad before. I’ve never really had a girlfriend, or anyone I’d cared about enough to try and impress their family. It’s intimidating as hell.
“So, Gavin,” he continues. It’s clear he’s been drinking for a while from his breath, but I imagine in this line of work he can really handle his booze. “Passover is all about wine.”
“Dad!” Liv scolds. “It’s not about wine. It’s literally about the Jews escaping slavery and returning to their ancestral homeland.”
“Yes, yes, that. And wine,” he repeats, holding up his glass like he’s giving a toast.
Liv rests her chin on my shoulder.
“Sorry, he’s drunk.”
“It’s all good.”
Deacon and the other brothers start bringing out the food. It looks like we’re about to have a feast. I’m not sure what anything is, but I’ve never had an issue trying something new.
“All right, Liv, you’re up,” Deacon says. “You’re still the youngest.”
“You know there are like ten other steps before the four questions,” she replies.
“But the food’s ready and we’re hungry so just give us a little taste of what we should be doing, okay?”
“I swear, it’s like I’m the only person in this family who went to Sunday school,” she mutters. “How about this?” She stands. “Why is this night different from all other nights? Why do we eat unleavened bread and bitter herbs and dip the herbs and lean back in our chairs?” She finishes with a curtsy and sits back down. No idea what that was.
“Amen,” her brothers all chant.
“Not Amen, you’re supposed to answer the four questions, you idiots.”
“Can we eat now?” Owen asks.
Liv’s dad stands up and holds out a glass. “L’chaim. Let’s eat.”
Liv drops her elbows to the table and covers her face in her hands. I can hear little grunts wafting off of her.
“You’ll have to explain that to me some other time,” I say.
She picks up her head and looks at me. “If a Jewish person ever asks what you know about Passover, do not use this night as an example.”
“I’m having fun.”
She beams. “You’ll love the food. Deacon’s an insanely good cook. Mom, can you pass the brisket?”
The whole table falls silent as everyone takes their first few bites. It really is delicious, especially these little dumplings that I’ve never heard of. I’m trying to pace myself with wine, but her dad keeps refilling my glass after every sip.
“So, Gavin,” Sandra starts in. “Tell us about yourself. Where are you from?”
I should have been prepared for this but I’m not. Just another reason I don’t get close to people. Then I never have to talk about my past. But I don’t want to hide shit from Liv, not anymore.
“I was born in Argentina, actually. That’s where my mom’s from. We didn’t move to California until I was nine.”
“Oh, we love Argentina. Mendoza has some of the most wonderful vineyards in the world.” Sandra goes on some tangent about her favorite South American vineyards, mainly talking to her friends. Her hand gestures grow bigger with every word, like she’s sculpting an Argentine vineyard from invisible clay.
“Sorry, she’s high,” Olivia mutters. Sandra already offered me a joint on our tour, so this doesn’t shock me.
“You don’t have to apologize for your family,” I whisper. “They seem great.”
Sandra finishes her air-sculpture and turns back to me. “Do you still have family in Argentina?”
“No.”
Liv must hear the clipped tone in my voice because she grabs my hand under the table. We haven’t discussed my childhood before, but I know she can infer enough.
“Then your parents are in California too? What part?”
“No, umm, my mom died before we moved here. And my dad’s gone. It’s just me and my sister now.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Me, too,” Liv whispers. I squeeze her hand in return, and luckily her parents get caught up in another conversation right away.
“You okay?” Liv asks a moment later.
“Of course. All this wine is making me a little sleepy though.”
“It’s not like we were well-rested when we got here either.” She leans into me, laughing a bit. “Wanna call it a night?”
“I can’t believethis is where you grew up.”
We take a winding staircase to the second floor of the private estate where all the bedrooms are. The walls here are covered in photographs of her family. All of her childhood memories immortalized.
My eyes snag on one with Liv inside a wine barrel. Her face is stained pink, and her brothers are all laughing. You can see a sliver of her dad looking like he’s about to take someone’s eye out. Then I remember the story she told me. It feels like I’m getting a behind-the-scenes tour right now.
“It’s weird, huh.”
“Weird is not the word I’d use. You’re lucky, Liv. This whole house feels so alive, like I can’t imagine you ever had a quiet moment here.”
“You’re definitely right about that. Not with my brothers.” She opens the door to her bedroom and the size of it alone has me reeling again. Our lives could not be more different. “Can I show you something?” she asks.
“Of course.” I wrap an arm around her shoulders and kiss her temple. It’s nice finally having a moment alone together.
She walks us over to the opposite end of her room where double doors open to a small balcony. The air outside is crisp, a gentle breezing cascading around us. There’s a large tarp that Liv pulls down to reveal a telescope.
“Fancy,” I murmur.
“When I was little, my brothers and I would camp out in the vineyard and count the stars. It became kind of an obsession for me, so they got me this for my thirteenth birthday. It’s still my favorite part about coming home.”
I look up, realizing there are about a hundred stars visible from where we are standing. “Wow.”
“You’re lucky it’s a clear night. When the fog rolls in, sometimes it can be impossible to see anything. But the views will be incredible now.”
She starts tinkering with the telescope before looking through it and making some more adjustments. “There,” she says. “Come look.”
I peer through the lens and find myself utterly speechless. I’ve never seen anything like this. I take in as much as I can, feeling so small in the moment compared to the vastness of the universe. Finally, I pull myself away.
“It’s cool, right?” she asks. “I know it’s kind of silly, all the wine names and the stars and?—”
“It’s very cool,” I say, cutting her off. “I guess we both have an affinity for sparkly things.”
She smiles. “When I was younger, I said I was going to be an astronomer. I was so desperate to get away from this small town that I wanted the whole universe. But then I kept failing science, so I settled on San Francisco.”
I laugh, watching as she repositions the telescope a few more times to show me different views, finally showing me the constellation Lyra, her favorite rosé’s namesake.
“For someone who was desperate to get away, you seem to like it here,” I offer. How could she not? It’s idyllic in the most basic sense of the word.
“I appreciate it more now. Sometimes you don’t know how great one thing is until you have something else to compare it to.”
As soon as we get back inside, she quickly changes into a T-shirt and slides into bed. “Come lay with me?”
I follow suit and join her under the covers. I almost moan, it feels so good to lie down. After the trip to New York, our late night and early drive this morning, I’m beyond exhausted.
Liv rolls toward me and leans in for a kiss. It’s just a quick brush of her lips, nothing more. “You don’t like talking about your family, do you?”
My lips part, but nothing comes out because I don’t know what to say.
“It’s okay. I wasn’t trying to pry or anything. I shouldn’t?—”
“No, you’re right. I never talk about them. I didn’t grow up like you did.” I slide a few pieces of hair away from her face. “But I’d like to tell you.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything, Scottie.”
“I want to. I’ve actually been wanting to, because I might need some advice.”
She tucks her arms into her chest, those blue-gray eyes sparkling back at me. “Well, I can’t say I’m great at advice considering I do not have my shit together, but I have a damn good therapist. Hopefully she’s been rubbing off on me.”
I smile and she kisses me again, followed by an encouraging nod.
“Okay. So—sorry, I honestly don’t even know where to start because I’ve never told anyone this before.”
“Just start talking,” she urges. I guess I can do that.
“Our mom died when Gabby and I were little. I guess you already know that. It happened suddenly, something bleeding in her brain. She was just…gone. Like it all happened so fast that I’d wake up in the morning and forget she wasn’t there anymore. For months.”
Liv pulls one of my hands into hers but doesn’t say anything.
“My dad hadn’t been around much before that. I mean he was always around, but—my parents weren’t married. We weren’t like some big happy family is what I’m trying to say. When I was young, I don’t think I realized exactly what was going on, but he was violent. And whenever he got that way, Mom would kick him out and he’d be gone for days, weeks sometimes. But he always came back. And after she died, he was all we had left.
“He moved us to Sacramento into his parents’ house. We’d never met them before, and they didn’t seem very happy to take us in. Dad never had a steady job, so money was tight. All I remember from that time was screaming. My grandparents would yell at my dad, and he’d yell back. Then Gabby would get scared, and she’d be screaming too. It was just absolute shit.”
I realize I’ve had my eyes closed this whole time and when I open them to look at Liv there are tears shining in hers.
“I’m sorry. This is not a fun thing to talk about. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“No, keep going. You haven’t even gotten to the advice part yet.”
I sniff, try to make it sound like a laugh.
“The short of it is that he left. Honestly, I don’t even know if he’s alive or dead, he just disappeared on us. It’s not like he was much of a father-figure before that, but he could not have abandoned us at a worse time.
“I was barely fifteen and had to beg my grandparents to let us stay with them until I could get a job and take care of Gabby myself. The second it was legal, I started working as many jobs as there are hours in the day. People joke about how early I get in or how late I stay at the office sometimes and I just laugh, because I know they’ve never worked a triple in their life.
“As soon as I turned eighteen I filed for guardianship of Gabby, got us a shitty apartment as close to Davis as I could afford because I got a partial scholarship there. Then Gabby, the little brainiac she is, graduated high school early and got accepted to Cal. I still don’t understand why we were denied financial aid, but no way in hell was I going to make her go somewhere else. And she was barely seventeen so I took out another loan. I’ve been playing catch up ever since.
“So that’s what I’ve been doing for the last decade and a half, taking care of Gabby, of us. But I think she’s starting to hate me for it, for playing the role of her father or something.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Liv whispers. I scoff. “Who doesn’t want to be taken care of, Scottie? To feel safe and secure? How could she ever be mad at you for that?”
“I’ve kept things from her. A lot of the financial stuff. I thought I was protecting her, but…I don’t know.”
“That’s what your fight was about last week?”
“Yeah. She said she forgave me, but I can still feel this rift, like I’ve lost a part of her.”
“She’ll come back.” Liv brushes my hair back and it’s the softest touch I’ve ever felt in my life. “It’s easy to see how much she cares about you. I actually thought she was the protective one.”
“I think we’re both protective of each other. Sorry if she hasn’t been the friendliest toward you.”
Liv chuckles. “I don’t know. It’s kind of nice knowing I earned it with her, that she didn’t just immediately warm to me because you told her to.” Her gaze floats up, like she’s lost in thought. “I’m really glad you two are so close. I think that happens when you lose someone. You hold on extra tight to the ones who are still around. You might just need to relax your grip sometimes.”
“Now who’s the wise one?” I murmur.
Liv slides closer and wraps an arm around my shoulder. She pulls me in until our foreheads are pressed together.
“Thanks for telling me all that,” she says. “It means a lot that you trust me. Well, I shouldn’t make assumptions. But I think you kind of trust me.”
“I kind of love you.”
She sucks in a breath and I’m frozen. Why the hell did I say that? I’ve never told anyone I loved them before besides Gabby. Can I take it back? I look down at the sliver of space between us, praying if I just wait long enough, she’ll let me pretend it never slipped out.
“Only kind of?” The corners of her mouth pull into a teasing grin.
Immediate relief hits me, and I exhale so heavily it pushes our lips together.
This time, when she kisses me, it feels different. Like there’s no destination, like we’re both just here to enjoy the ride. After many pointed comments from her brothers about thin walls, I know tonight will be tame, but I really don’t care. I could stay like this forever.
I slide my hand up to her neck and cup her jaw, reveling in the feel of her soft skin.
“Scottie,” she whispers against my lips. “I might love you a little bit too.”