Chapter 27
Gavin falls asleep quickly,his hand still tucked against my chest, our faces so close we share each breath.
Not me. I’m wired.
It feels like I swallowed starlight. Like I reached through the telescope and stole every shimmering ball of fire from the sky. If I’m not careful I might start glowing, a neon sign wrapped around me telling the world I’m in love.
Love. Is this my first time feeling it?
When I got serious with Ian there was this constant buzzing under my skin. Every time he invited me on a new trip or to go to some special event, I’d get hit hard with it, this zing of possibilities.
But if that was a spark, this is a flood, extinguishing any last remnants of my old flame.
I’m not just falling for Gavin. I’m drowning in him. His hold on me feels like cool rain on a hot day, an icy drink after a run. It doesn’t feel like something I want, but something I need. Like something I never want to go without.
I must doze off thinking about this. But my blissful dream of crisp rain pouring over me turns scalding when I wake.
Hot, hot, hot. Not the good kind. The pillow beneath me is damp and I pull back, realizing Gavin and I slept most of the night pressed up against each other.
The heat subsides when I get some space and I reach to touch his face. It’s burning.
“Scottie, wake up,” I say, gently pressing against him.
“Mmm?” he mumbles, his eyes still closed. He shivers and reaches a hand to pull me back into him.
Feeling a hit of satisfaction for him wanting my comfort, I let myself curl into him for a moment. The sigh he releases makes me beam. But then I realize this isn’t helping the situation.
“Do you feel okay?” I ask, wiggling out of his embrace. “You’re really hot.”
“Thanks, Sparkles. You’re not so bad yourself.” His eyes are still closed but he grins. “And you love me a little bit.” Now my face is the one burning.
“See. You’re clearly delusional. I better take you to the hospital immediately before you lose any more brain function.”
“She makes jokes,” he says, pulling me in even tighter. “I know you wanted to go explore but would you be okay heading back early? I’ve got a headache.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be driving if you feel sick, Scottie.”
“You drive. I saw you yesterday. My girl’s a pro with a clutch.”
Something about that singular word my has me heating up again. Maybe whatever he has is contagious.
“If you’re sure,” I murmur, more excited about driving than I want to let on.
“Positive.” He kisses my cheek before stretching out of bed and cracking his neck. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
Gavin doesn’t saymuch on the way back to the city, just a thirty-second tutorial on the nuances of his motorcycle. He’s definitely been downplaying how bad he feels. I can tell by the way he grips my middle the entire ride.
I drive us straight to his apartment. It’s a nice enough day that I can walk home, and I want him to get back to bed as quickly as possible. To my surprise, he tugs my hand to pull me through the door with him.
“Stay with me for a bit?”
“Okay.”
He immediately shuts off all the lights and grabs some medicine from an orange bottle in the kitchen. He must notice my eyes tracking him.
“Just a migraine. Will you lay down with me?”
I look around for Gabby since I’m wondering what the protocol is here. If he gets migraines often, maybe there’s something I should be doing to help him. But the place is empty.
“Want me to grab Churro?” I ask.
“Yeah. Just put him in the sling first. He gets scared when he’s out of the cage and not wrapped up.”
Carefully, I pick up my favorite hedgehog and give him a little smooch. “Hey, Chunk.” He titters back at me, and I hope it means he likes me. I slide him into the sling and wrap it over my shoulders. By the time I turn around, Gavin’s already in bed.
“You’re sure you don’t wanna be alone?”
“Why would I want to be alone if I could be with you?”
Gavin has already propped up his pillows in the perfect position. I carefully fold myself into the bed, making sure Churro is protected and happy.
We lay there for a few heartbeats without saying anything, and then Gavin really surprises me.
“Can you play some of that French music you like?”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it’s relaxing. Just keep it low.”
I let the music play on my phone and lay it at the foot of the bed. Churro must like the music too because I can feel him start to purr. I had no idea hedgehogs did that.
“I like this one,” Gavin says softly during the second song. “It’s perfect for you.”
“Why do you think that?” I whisper back.
“It’s about a girl who doesn’t realize how amazing she is.”
For a second, I’m stunned. Maybe the drugs are giving him loose lips, or maybe after last night we crossed an invisible barrier where we can say whatever we’re feeling. A girl who doesn’t realize how amazing she is. Gavin makes me feel amazing, he makes me feel a lot of things. And here I thought the song was about a puzzle. That’s the name anyway.
Wait a second…
“Do you speak French, Scottie?”
“I used to. A little bit. Gabby’s fluent.” He mumbles the words as he turns his face into the pillow, pressing in closer to me. “I’ve been practicing.” I remember now, him and Gabby explaining her affinity for languages at game night. That Gavin did speak French at one point, that Gabby still does.
He extends an arm to rest over me but instead, lays a hand on my breast…and squeezes.
“Umm, Scottie?” I ask, stunned.
“It’s my security boob. It helps my head,” is all the explanation he provides.
By the third song, he’s fast asleep.
I’m not tired, but I don’t want to leave him when he asked me to stay. It’s kind of nice watching him sleep. He looks so calm and non intimidating. Big bad Gavin Scott is curled up like a puppy in my arms. What a difference a few weeks makes.
I’ve just started combing my fingers through his hair when I hear someone clear their throat. I startle and turn toward the door we left open.
“Hey Gabby,” I whisper.
She raises her brows at me, one hand on her cocked hip. Maybe she hasn’t fully warmed to me yet.
I hold up a finger letting her know I need a second and I untangle myself from Gavin so I can get out of bed without waking him up.
Once I’m out of the room I close the door so we don’t disturb him, and then I tell Gabby the events of this morning.
“He let you drive the bike?” she shrieks. “He doesn’t let anyone touch that thing. And all the way from Sonoma?”
“I ride dirt bikes. He trusted me.” This earns me another stern look, but it softens quickly.
“Thanks for taking care of him. When he gets migraines, they’re really bad. I always feel so helpless.”
I exhale. “I have felt like that all morning.” We share a look. Maybe this is some good common ground for us. And maybe it’ll earn me some points if I let her take over. “I’ll head out. No need for me now that you’re here.”
“Kadesha’s on her way over. Wanna hang out with us? I’m gonna make tacos for lunch.”
“That’s really nice of you, but?—”
“Gav’s drugs keep him knocked out for a few hours. But I’m sure he’d be really happy if you were here when he wakes up. Stay.” I have no idea what Gavin has told his sister about us. Like he told me, they’re obviously close, but as far as she knows this is still a fake relationship, or maybe just a friendship. Does this mean he’s told her things between us have changed?
“Oh my god, are you blushing right now?” she interjects my thoughts. “Wow, you really do like him.”
I think I’ve clearly admitted as much to him already. No point trying to hide it. “Yeah. I really do.”
Gabby’s expression is unreadable. That is until I see tears falling from her eyes. But even their presence doesn’t give me much to go on. I can’t tell if she’s happy for us or falling into a deep pit of despair.
Before I can puzzle it out, the front door opens and Kadesha walks in.
We met when I came over for a game night a couple weeks ago. Her personality is just as bright as her pink hair.
“Babe, are you crying?” Kadesha drops the bag she was carrying and runs into the kitchen, hugging Gabby. “What’s wrong?”
Yes, Gabby. What’s wrong? Am I really not good enough for your brother?
“Nothing,” Gabby sobs. “Nothing at all. I’m just so happy.” I think that’s what she says but it’s hard to tell with all the crying. She’s a blubbering mess.
Kadesha looks at me, a question in her eyes. I shrug. And then suddenly Gabby is hugging me.
“Welcome to the family,” she says into my hair. I hug her back, relief settling into my bones. “If you hurt him, I’ll destroy you.”
Kadesha leans against the island and laughs.
We all chipin to make the tacos. Well, since I have no actual cooking skills, I make margaritas. And I offer to press the button that blends Gabby’s “famous” chimichurri.
After we eat, Kadesha shows us the contents of her bag: new accessories for Churro. The guy has been chilling in his sling on me all day and he’s so quiet I almost forgot.
Kadesha shows us a new sling she concocted for him that is made out of a fabric printed with tiny churros—very meta, and then she pulls out the cutest miniature sunglasses I’ve ever seen. The lenses are shaped like hearts.
“Ahh, we need to get pictures of this,” Gabby says, grabbing her phone.
“Hold that thought,” I say. I hand Churro to Gabby and tip toe back into Gavin’s room to grab my camera out of his bag.
I thought I was stealth enough to not wake him up, but after our photoshoot begins, he pokes his head out.
“What’s going on?” he asks groggily. I don’t blame him for being confused. Kadesha has the churro-printed sling draped over her head while she uses the bottom to hold him up. It’s a full backdrop. The sunglasses hang off his tiny little face and he looks exactly like the diva he is.
We all laugh at Gavin’s expression, and I finally put the camera down.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, walking over to him.
“All better.” He tucks some hair behind my ear and kisses my nose. “I’m gonna grab a quick shower. Don’t leave, okay?”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
The photoshoot continues as we find all sorts of props for Churro to pose with. Gabby glares at me when I wrap him in a tortilla but apologizes when she sees how cute the photos are. Gavin even joins us after his shower and lets me get some incredible photos of Churro resting on his head.
As I snap each one, I think I might never be able to have Gavin over again. My wall is about to be covered in photos of his face.
We order a pizza for dinner. Every time I mention leaving, all three of them encourage me not to go. It’s starting to feel like I couldn’t outstay my welcome if I tried.
We finally get into bed a little after eleven, Gavin promising he’ll let me go home in the morning.
“I feel like I completely wasted the last twenty-four hours I had with you. I need tonight at the very least.”
“You had a four-hour nap,” I reply. “Don’t expect another all-nighter.”
“That’s okay.” He kisses me softly and dips his head, pressing his mouth to my jaw, then my neck. “I kind of like doing all the work.” It’s the last thing he says before expertly sliding off all my clothes.
“Thank you,”he says a few moments after we finish. I roll over to face him.
“You don’t have to thank me, Scottie. That was mutually beneficial.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that, but that’s not what I was thanking you for, beautiful.”
“Oh.”
He wraps an arm around my waist and tugs me close again. His hand wanders up my back and over my shoulder until he has my face in his palm.
“You took care of me today. No one ever takes care of me.”
“I barely?—”
“You know it’s not easy for me to let my guard down. Just let me thank you.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“And about last night…”
I wait for him to finish the thought as I listen to my heart beat like a woodpecker. He’s taking it back. He didn’t mean it. I humiliated myself by responding the way I did. I love you a little? Who the hell says something like that?
“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain. This is still so new and we’re figuring things out. We can just forget we ever said anything at all. Really, it’s no big deal.”
“Sparkles?”
“Yeah?”
“You’ve really got to stop assuming you know what I’m about to say.”
“Oh.” Oh no, could it be worse than I thought?
His hand reaches out to cradle my face, his eyes roaming over each of my features.
“I wanted to say that it felt like a cop out. Like I was afraid to tell the truth. And there’s not much I’m afraid of, definitely not being honest with you, not anymore. The truth is I do love you. I really, really love you. Not kind of. Not just a little bit. I love you a whole damn lot. And whether or not you feel the same way, I just wanted you to know that.”
“I—”
“And one more thing, since I’m done keeping anything to myself. Because what the hell is the point of that? So I think you should know that…that this isn’t new for me at all.”