Oblivion (Alphaholes #4)

6. Evan

6

EVAN

T here she goes. My wild one running away, just like she should. Just like I keep making her. If she had any idea how much I want to own her, dominate her, brand her as mine and never let her go, she’d run a hell of a lot faster than she is now as she climbs into her car and drives away.

I’m hurting her. I see the way she flinches when I speak. She’s been avoiding me since that night in her room, and I deserve it. Leaving her was necessary but unforgivable. But knowing she wants me, almost as much as I want her, is like a stabbing wound that will never heal in my chest.

I don’t fight the pain. I deserve it, and that’s okay. I’ll take it all and use it to build another layer on the wall I’ve constructed between her and me, so I never get a chance to ruin her. The part of me that wants her to be happy, knows that I should let her move on and find someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. But my heart and soul know she’s mine, which is why I threaten to destroy every guy who has the audacity to ask out my girl.

None of them so far have been willing to incur my wrath to date her, but eventually, someone will come along who wants her more than they’re scared of me and what I can do to them. When that happens, I’ll lose her, and what’s left of my hollow shell of a heart will go with her, forever hers.

Hunter asks the group if they know what’s wrong with her, and I make an excuse, citing tiredness and too much alcohol for her behavior. In a couple of weeks, she’ll be leaving. Unlike the rest of us, who plan to spend the summer together, Sammy’s parents want her to come home, and I’m hoping the distance will help, but I doubt it will.

If I could, I’d follow her home and watch over her, but that’s something Bastian would do, and I won’t allow myself to become him. If I do, it’ll only be a matter of time before I slip up and let my obsession for her overwhelm me.

Three months will be an eternity without her, but she’ll visit, and I’m sure we’ll go to DC too. There’s no way the girls will be able to go that long without seeing each other.

Three Months Later

Three months isn’t an eternity, it’s a bottomless hole of misery without an ounce of light. That’s what my life is without her in it. I thought I could learn to live with the pain, but I don’t think that I can. Since the day Starling and Sebastian drove Sammy to the airport, all I’ve done is count down the seconds until I can see her again.

I assumed she’d be back to visit, or that we’d go to her, but Sebastian and Starling spent a month on vacation, and Clay and January have been locked up in their own world, fucking until they were too exhausted to touch each other again.

Hunter’s spent all summer forlornly staring at his cell, plotting things that I’ve helped him put into action, that I promised myself I’d never do again.

Guilt for playing a role in yet another girl’s downfall has a mountain of shame, warring with the longing I feel for Sammy until the pain seems almost unbearable. I promised myself that I’d never claim her, but that promise is becoming more and more frayed every time someone mentions her name.

I miss her. Even if she never utters another word to me, I’d still be happy just to be near her. That’s a lie. I want her. I want to touch her, kiss her, finally join my body with hers and worship her like the wild fucking goddess that she is.

But I refuse to break her, and I know if I allow myself to have her, that’s exactly what I’ll do, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.

She’s on her way here right now. Sebastian sent his family’s jet to fetch her, and she’ll be on it by now, soaring through the air, back to us. Back to me. I’m hoping she’ll stay. It’s less than two weeks until school starts again. It doesn’t make any sense that she’d go home, just to fly back again that soon.

Once she gets here, once she sees everyone, she won’t want to leave again, and maybe then my skin won’t feel like it’s burning me from the inside out. Maybe then, this desperate need will settle, and I’ll be content just to be near her again.

Or maybe I’ll finally snap and claim her once and for all.