Oblivion (Alphaholes #4)

7. Sammy

7

SAMMY

I ’m nervous. I shouldn’t be. Starling, Sebastian, January, Clay, and Hunter are my friends. I even like Bunny a lot, although I didn’t really get a chance to know her because she left California before summer break started to go back home to Florida.

I’m not entirely sure what happened that led to Hunter and Bunny getting engaged, and truthfully, knowing what the guys are all capable of, I’m not sure I want to know. But I’ll definitely be finding an opportunity to pull Bunny to one side to make sure she’s actually with Hunter by choice and not because he’s forcing her to be, like Sebastian did to Starling.

I haven’t seen any of my Kingsacre friends since the start of summer break. All of them, except Evan, have reached out to me, asking me to join them at the beach house they’d rented or on trips they’d planned. But even though I’ve missed them, I still said no to all of their invitations.

This summer has been eye-opening for me. Figuring out how the new me works in my old life has been harder than I ever expected. For the first few weeks after I walked through the front door of my parents’ home, my life felt like I was wearing clothes that were just a little too tight, and no matter how much I wiggled or stretched, they just didn’t fit.

For a while, everything about my home, my room, my life had felt just…wrong. But then my parents had invited my old boyfriend, Drew, and his parents for dinner. I’d expected it to be awkward, but oddly, it wasn’t.

Drew’s familiarity, his unchanged personality, and attention seemed to close the gap between Kingsacre Sammy and DC Samantha, and even without realizing it had happened, I found myself comfortably dressing and acting and performing the role I’ve played for most of my life.

Being with Drew is easy. Dress pretty, smile lots, be poised and perfect. It was even easy to ignore the way he laughs as he teases me by telling me I’m truly perfect when I’m quiet. It was easy to smile while he told others that the liberal arts degree he’s confident I’ll graduate with would be useless in the real world but perfect for me. It was even oddly easy to remember that the things he says are never quite insults but more barbs hidden within a compliment.

When he’d asked me to go to the movies with him, I’d said yes to be polite. He’d talked about our friendship enduring the time and distance of college, and honestly, because I was lonely and he felt like the only thing that “fit” quite right at home, I smiled and nodded.

When he asked me if I’d like to go with him to a party his dad, the mayor, was hosting, I said yes, glad to be out of the house and the loving but stifling attention of my mama.

When dinner at my house with him and his family, or dinner at theirs with me and my parents became a twice weekly thing, I went along with it, because it was easy and familiar and…nice.

Drew’s family is very similar to mine. The Merricks are an old political family. Wealthy, but not crazy rich. His dad was a senator before he decided to step down and became the mayor of the town we live in instead.

A month into summer break, Drew’s dad, John, asked me if I’d be interested in an internship at the mayor’s office. When Drew and my parents encouraged me to accept it, I said yes and somehow found myself working alongside Drew as his assistant, a role he’s spent weeks telling me I’m beyond perfect for.

Now, break is almost over, and I’m sitting on a private jet, being reminded in a very visceral way that my life and the lives of my friends are very, very different.

The moment the jet lands, I’m met by a car with a driver who ushers me into the back seat while he gets my bag from the flight attendant. The ride to Sebastian’s parents’ house gives me more time to think than I’d like. I have to tell everyone something, and I’m not sure how they’re going to react, but now more than ever it feels like the right thing to do.

My clothes once again feel wrong as I follow Sebastian’s parents’ housekeeper into the den. After spending so much time with my parents and Drew, I’ve fallen back into the habit of dressing much more conservatively than I did at school.

My bag is full of California-friendly clothes, and I loudly announce that I need to change before I even have a chance to greet my friends. Once I’m wearing shorts and an oversized shirt, something inside of me clicks into place, and I wonder how I’ve coped wearing suits and pearls the entire summer.

Sebastian’s mom hands me a cocktail, and the nerves that were hampering me on the plane and car settle until it feels easier to become the Sammy I discovered during my time at Kingsacre once again.

Connecting college Sammy with home Samantha is odd, and it almost feels like I’ve created two entirely separate personalities. College Sammy is bold and brash, and I find myself talking about how awful my summer has been, even though I’m not actually sure if I feel that way. Instead of quietly warning Bunny about how crazy Hunter has the potential to be, I end up loudly telling her about the tracking chips Sebastian and Clay had fitted in their wives without their knowledge.

I drink more than I should, and when we pile into cars and head back to the beach house the guys have all been sharing all summer, I’ve somehow managed to avoid even looking in Evan’s direction while speaking to every other person in the room.

The next day, I spend all morning trying to find the words to tell everyone the decision I’ve come to about my future. But before I can, the conversation turns to wedding plans, dress fittings, and what we intend to do for the rest of the day.

During my time away, I’d almost forgotten how possessive of Starling Sebastian is. But the moment I mention just the girls and I having a girls’ night out at a party, Sebastian immediately shoots down the idea, quickly followed by Hunter descending into a full-blown alpha male hissy fit.

“There is no way you’re getting my wife all dressed up and taking her out to shake her ass for other men. It’s not happening, Sammy, not ever. We can all go out to as many clubs and bars as you want as a group, or you can shake your asses as much as you want at home. But if you try and make her sneak off without my knowledge or permission, I’ll put the house on lockdown and keep all of us inside. It’d take Clay five minutes to change us all to distance learning and even less time to have Dr. Harris come put a tracker in your neck.”

My lips part, and my mouth falls open. I have never heard Hunter speak that way before. Honestly, of all the guys, I’d have said he was the least likely to lose his shit and become and overbearing alphahole, but apparently, I was wrong.

Before I have a chance to speak, he turns to Evan and says, “I told you last night. It’s time to get your woman under control. Don’t make me have to do it.”

“I am not his woman,” I shout, hating Hunter for even insinuating Evan and I are in any way connected.

“Aren’t you?” Evan hisses, closing the distance between us as his feral glare pins me to the spot, daring me to run and give him an excuse to chase me.

“No, I’m not. You made sure of that. I’ll never be yours, Evan. Never,” I yell, fighting the tears that are threatening to fall.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Evan yells, suddenly angry.

“Fuck you, Evan,” I yell back, glad that everyone else is so consumed by their own drama they’re not focused on me or Evan.

An ear-piercing whistle splinters the air, and I cover my ears with my hands, wincing at the sound.

“Enough,” Hunter snarls, turning his furious eyes on me. “Sammy, girls’ nights that involve parties, clubs, or bars are not happening unless me and the guys go too.”

At his words, I feel myself wither a little. I know he doesn’t know why I’m pushing so hard for this, but at his proclamation, I feel the friendships I’ve made drift a little further from my reach.

“My parents want me to move back home,” I blurt a few minutes later, unable to keep the words inside me any longer.

“What? When?” Starling gasps, her eyes filled with shock and unease.

“They have a friend on the admissions committee at Harvard. When I originally applied, I got waitlisted, but their friend has pulled a few strings, and they’ve offered me a transfer starting this fall.” I don’t admit that it’s actually Drew’s dad’s connection that has helped me get the place or that it was Drew’s idea for me to leave Kingsacre in the first place.

I love my friends, but they don’t know me, not really. They only know college Sammy, and this summer has reminded me that just because I can pretend to be someone else, it doesn’t change who I am at my core.

“No.” Truthfully, I’d expected Starling to be the one to protest the most, then ultimately be happy for me. But it’s Sebastian who’s shaking his head.

“Sebastian, you can’t just say no.” I laugh.

When Starling first told me about her and Sebastian’s history, I assumed I’d hate him, but it’s really hard to hate someone who loves my best friend the way that Sebastian loves Starling. It’s not a nice love. There’s nothing pretty about their relationship. It’s ugly and toxic, but at the very core of it is an enduring love that is as beautiful as it is horrifying.

When Starling and I first became friends, Sebastian didn’t try to hide how much he disliked me. To be honest, he actually straight-up told me he hated me on more than one occasion. He even subtly tried to warn me away, but I’m not scared of him, no matter how crazy he might be. I’m not sure when things changed, but somewhere in the last year, he and I became friends. Now, he’s like a crazy older brother. He’s brusque, rude, overbearing, and a pain in the ass, but he’s protective of me, and I don’t hate it.

Laughing lightly, I turn toward him and smile. “That shit might work on Starling, but she loves your crazy ass.”

“I don’t want you to leave,” Starling whimpers, her voice breaking as her eyes turn glassy.

Inhaling sharply, I exhale a ragged breath and try to force a smile to my trembling lips. I love all my friends, but Starling is different. She’s my bestie, the one person I’d legitimately help bury a body. “It’s not like we’d never see each other again.” Pausing, I try to decide how to word this to make them all understand why I’m making this choice. “But I think it’s time for me to stop pretending I’m one of you.”

The silence in the group is so loud, I can hear the rapid beating of my own heart.

“You’re one of us,” January says, a wistful smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

January is such a beautiful soul. After everything she endured at the hands of her family, she could be hard and angry, but instead she’s chosen to see the good in the new life she’s created for herself. If I didn’t know just how in love with her Clay was, I’d say he wasn’t good enough for her.

Sighing sadly, I shake my head. “I’m not, but it was fun pretending for a while. Kingsacre is a great school, but Harvard is…well, it’s Harvard. My trust fund isn’t big enough for me to live off for the rest of my life, so I actually need to think about what I’ll do after graduation. Being at Harvard will give me more opportunities than I’d get here.”

When everyone but Evan opens their mouth to speak, I start to talk again, cutting them all off.

“I love you guys, and I’ve loved living with you and getting to play at being mega rich for a while. But being at home this summer and Hunter getting engaged has made me realize that you’re all getting on with your lives, and I’m still just playing. I am serious about the girls’ night, though. I still want to see you all once a month, but I thought we could trade off flying back and forth.”

The silence is deafening as I scan the faces of my friends one by one, trying to assure them with my eyes that this is the right decision for me.

“No,” Sebastian growls again.

“You’re not leaving,” Clay snaps, tapping at his cell before decisively placing it down on the table. “Your Harvard acceptance just went away. You’re not playing at being one of us, Sammy. You are one of us.”

Tears fill my eyes as emotion builds inside of me, threatening to make me dissolve into a puddle of mush. Instead of bursting into tears, I roll my eyes and flip up my middle finger at Clay, knowing if I speak, my voice will break.

“I need you here,” Starling whispers.

Turning my head to look at her, the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks almost has me changing my mind and agreeing to stay. I don’t want to be the cause of my bestie’s tears. She’s shed too many in the last few years. She just got married, she got her happy ever after, and I refuse to be the reason she’s sad.

Shaking my head, I blink away the glassiness in my own eyes. “No, you don’t,” I say with a shaky smile. “You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. I mean, Jesus, you survived everything these guys threw at you, and look at you now. You’ve got Sebastian twisted around your finger.”

Starling’s expressive, fear-filled gaze locks with mine, and I try to silently assure her that just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean we won’t be friends anymore. But before I can say a thousand silent words, Hunter speaks, pulling my attention.

“We all want you here,” he says, his voice rough and low. “Your home is with us. If you need opportunities, who better to give them to you than us? Tell us what job you want, and we’ll find one for you. If we can’t find one, we’ll create one for you. You brought Starling back to us. You helped January and then brought her back to us. You’re already standing up for Bunny, and you hardly know her. You’re the best of us. We won’t let you go.”

His words hit me low in my belly, making my stomach clench and tighten. I’ve never had friends like this before. In high school, my friends were Drew’s friends, and when I left for college, I did it knowing that I wouldn’t really care if I never saw any of them ever again. But these people I know, no matter what happens, they’ll never just be a part of my past.

“No,” Sebastian says again, the single word saying a thousand things, and all of them are refusing to let me leave.

“Sebastian.” I laugh, the sound thick with unshed tears.

His intense, furious eyes bore into me. “I can have a pretty cage made just for you if you want. You know I would. If you go to Harvard, we all go to Harvard, and I don’t want to go back there. So, stop causing trouble, be a good girl, and I’ll show you photos of your security team.”

I can’t help it, I burst out laughing, the sound so loud and ridiculous that it shatters some of the pressure that had surrounded our group like a bubble. “You really are a psycho, aren’t you?” I ask him.

Instead of answering, he shrugs, flashing me a smug grin.

“Did you think I was exaggerating all this time?” Starling asks. “He’s right, though. If you go to Harvard, I go to Harvard.”

“Me too,” January says quickly. “Which means Clay, too.”

“And us,” Hunter blurts, flashing a look at Bunny, who just nods.

“Harvard is a good school,” she says with a shrug.

At the sight of all the people I love, showing me just how much they love me back, I feel all of my muscles soften and relax.

“No one is going anywhere,” Evan snaps, speaking for the first time since I brought up the idea of me leaving. His voice is icy and cold, and so at odds with the warmth I’d been feeling that my spine snaps straight.

Since that night in my bedroom, I’ve actively avoided looking at Evan, but my eyes move to him now without my permission, and I find my gaze locked with his.

“It’s not happening, Sammy, so get that fucking idea out of your head,” he snarls.

Before I have a chance to tell Evan that what I do is none of his business, Hunter claps his hands and orders us all into motion, and the subject is dropped, at least for the moment.