Obsessive Cravings (Wicked Cravings Book 1)

Chapter 23

The road passed by without my notice, my thoughts consumed by Riley just as they had been since the day I’d lost her. I’d foolishly gone to Treemont, risking Mason’s wrath. And he’d let me talk to her, threatening to shoot me if I hurt her more and saying the only reason he wasn’t killing me was that I’d taken Randall out. I didn’t know what I was doing. Never had I been as desperate as I was to see her, as lost as I was without her.

Seeing her had only deepened the gutting pain that I’d carried since that night. The hollow, eviscerated feeling that sat in my chest. I’d tried forgetting her, tried burying myself in my work, but reminders of her were everywhere. The impression she’d left on my soul was one I couldn’t rid myself of and I didn’t know if I wanted to be rid of it. I loved her and I knew there would never be another I would love like I loved Riley.

Watching her walk down the path from Mason’s house, her thin body lost in the thick cardigan she wore, had sent nerves stabbing their way through my body, igniting the agony that had berated my chest daily. But when she’d come closer, the sight of her had sent the ache spiraling uncontrollably. I thought seeing her would help, but it had only worsened the pain. Her appearance had burned through me like a hot iron, scorching me. She’d looked so thin, her eyes hollow and lined with circles, the same ones that lined my own from the sleepless nights of being without her. Her beautiful ebony hair was messy and knotted and seeing her like that only brought the guilt back to the surface. I’d done this to her, breaking her just like I’d originally wanted. But I didn’t want this now. I wanted her whole and vibrant, her smile lighting my heart, her eyes shining like emeralds. But I’d fractured her, and I couldn’t undo that, no matter what I said or did.

There was nothing I could do to take it back. My words had meant nothing to her, and she’d turned her back on me, leaving me there with only regrets and a sense of loss that threatened to drown me.

I drove straight through, not bothering to stop and rest. It wouldn’t have helped. Sleep only slipped through my fingers now, like Riley had. I spotted Den behind me as I crossed into my territory. He would give me a lashing for leaving him behind, but I knew Mason wouldn’t let me near Riley if I had any of my men with me. It had been risky, but I was so hollow at this point, death might have been a blessing.

Walking into my house, I heard Den catch up to me. I stood in the foyer, the same sensation of loss that hit me each time sinking into me. Everywhere I looked, I could see Riley. She hadn’t been to my place more than a few times, but it didn’t matter. I could see her snuggled up on my couch, the firelight dancing in her hair. Hear her giggle as I picked her up and carried her to the bed, feel her skin against mine, the warmth of her breath, the smell of her perfume…she was everywhere.

Den’s hand came to my shoulder, bringing me out of the memories.

“I won’t beat you up this time. I think you’ve done enough of that yourself,” he said.

I glanced at him, trying to summon the energy to walk into the house. He gave me an understanding look and walked further into the house, making his way to the kitchen where he fixed two glasses of scotch. Bringing one back to me, he said, “Do I need to ask where you went?”

“Probably not,” I said, finally forcing myself to move.

I avoided the couch and the kitchen, going straight into my office, where I spent most of my time now. The rest of the house held too many memories.

“Dammit, Greyson. Brinks could have killed you?—”

“You said you wouldn’t beat me up for it,” I said, rolling my neck and burying the defeat that sat heavy in my chest like the never-fading ache.

“I can’t help it. Don’t pull that shit again or I won’t be here when you return.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Is that a threat?”

“No, it’s a promise. Do you have any idea how worried I was?” He took his phone from his pocket, shaking it in front of me. “How many texts I sent? How many unanswered calls before I figured out where your ass had gone?”

I threw my phone on the desk and sat, only then noticing all the missed calls. Running my hands through my hair, I leaned my head in them.

“Fuck, Greyson. You need to give her up. You did your damage?—”

I brought my fists down on the desk, the sound echoing through the room.

“I didn’t want to do damage,” I growled.

“Yes, you did. Break and destroy. That’s what this was. That’s all it ever was.”

“No…” I said, turning my eyes to the window, seeing the wind blow flurries around from the dusting we’d had overnight. “That’s not all it ever was. That’s how it started. But that’s not how it ended.”

He remained quiet for a few moments before he said, “We’ve known each other a long time, Greyson, so I’m going to be honest. You need to let her go. The game is over, and you lost, she lost, even Brinks lost. I’ve never seen you this bad, but if any of your enemies see you this way, they’ll know you’re vulnerable.”

I looked back at him, knowing he was right. It had been weeks, and I couldn’t seem to climb from under the weight of knowing I’d lost Riley. Maybe it was time I tried again.

I saton the bed in Riley’s apartment. The fairy lights cast a calming golden light over the room as I embraced the memories of her. I’d been thinking about her question—what would I be if I gave it all up? I hadn’t known how to answer that question, but now that I’d had time to think about it, I knew the answer.

I fingered the ring I’d bought her right before Christmas, my intent to make her mine completely. Right before life had turned into a nightmare I couldn’t escape. The diamond sparkled in the dim lighting as I thought about her question.

Riley had worked her way into my heart, finding a way in where no one ever had and even if I had to give it all up, having her would make it okay. She completed me and made me whole when I’d never known I was anything but that. Even after the short time she’d been in my life, I knew that with certainty, a clarity I’d never had. If I were no longer the power figure, the boss of the network I’d built, no longer the mogul who owned this part of the province, I would still be something. I would be hers.

Standing, I slipped the ring back into its box. I looked around the apartment once more. The movers would be packing it up in the morning with instructions to send it back to Riley. There was no need to keep it any longer. She wasn’t coming back. I walked to her bed. The handful of scarves that had given me my first taste of her were still hanging there. I slid my fingers over the silk, pulling the red scarf out and bringing it to my nose. The smell of her lotion and perfume tickled my senses, threatening to tear down the barriers I was erecting around my heart. I put the scarf in my pocket, spying the blindfold on her nightstand. Smiling at the memory of lifting it the night she’d challenged me, I put it in my other pocket, knowing I couldn’t give up every piece of her, no matter how much I convinced myself I needed to.

Walking back to the table, I placed the ring box into a larger box, the tissue paper below making a soft crinkle sound. I laid my answer to her question on top of the box, then sealed the larger box, brushing my fingers over the label with Riley’s name and address. It was one last attempt to win her back, one I had little faith in, but I needed her to know the truth. To know that she’d worked her way into my heart where I hadn’t thought anyone could reach. That she’d destroyed my plans, taking my game and twisting it into something more, something longer, something deeper.

With one last look at her apartment, I took the box and walked out, leaving my key along with the memories and past that had left more scars on me than any bullet ever had.