20. Chapter 20
20
I took Pebbles today because I couldn’t sit still in the cart. Frenetic energy skittered through my veins until I wanted to tear them out. Something was off. Esta hummed in the kitchen yesterday, working on a meal that was too elaborate for a regular dinner. When the star shower came, she stared at the sky with a sense of awe. We all did, but hers was knowing. She stayed there, even when Hale forced Bram back to bed and removed himself. Oliver and I went to the barn, but I watched her from the shadows. Her chest moved in great, heaving breaths, as she closed her eyes and tilted her head upwards.
Like a weight was being cut from her body, she smiled.
Then, this morning, she painted a vision in peach. The color matched her undeniable scent. I wanted to see her walk in the lovely dress, the skirts swishing around her shapely legs. As much as I wanted to undo every frivolous ribbon and touch the silky skin underneath. I couldn’t calm the unease in my stomach. I squeezed Pebbles and urged her forward into a trot. Her hooves kicked up dust, and I let her have her head. Go wild, take me with you. Anything to rid me of this feeling. But it didn’t work.
She’d said goodbye.
I reined Pebbles in, panting with the sudden realization. Esta said goodbye, and she meant it. My heart seized in my chest, and I jerked Pebbles around. The cart was a prick in the distance, but as it loomed closer, my throat dried. What if I was wrong? Esta was surely home, waiting for us to return.
But what if she was gone?
My blood turned to ice. This feeling wouldn’t subside, not until I saw her with my own eyes. I’d only been going to church for her. Hoping to prove I was a good alpha, worthy of her time. I wanted to see her smile again.
“What’s going on?” Hale frowned at the expression of horror on my face. Oliver stiffened, following my flickering gaze toward the ranch. Bram was too busy threading two pieces of string into knots. We were halfway to town, but I didn’t care. My stomach cramped with a dire warning. Hale took his hat off and carded his hand through his hair.
“Nothing, something. It’s—here.” I pressed my fist into my stomach. “I…I need to get eyes on Esta. Something is wrong.”
My throat constricted after admitting my worries out loud. I expected Hale to deride me and tell me to stop being foolish. But his hand swayed to his stomach, and he pressed his fist to it. A mirror of mine. Could it be that he felt something was wrong as well? He looked up at me and the stoic mask shifted.
“I feel it, too. Esta is in trouble.” Oliver agreed, gruff. My pulse leaped at the thought of her in danger, and I tightened my hands around the reins.
“Go.” Hale’s voice was rough as he jerked it toward the ranch. “We’ll be right behind you.”
I didn’t hesitate, digging my heels into Pebble’s side and urging her forward. The wind whipped sharp and judgmental against my cheeks. I knew something was different as soon as I saw Esta last night. I should have trusted my stomach. My lungs burned, but I couldn’t work air into them. Panic filled them instead.
A thousand nightmarish scenarios flashed through my brain, piling over each other. Pebbles took my punishing pace with ease. All I could do was strangle the reins and watch as the ranch loomed larger. I vaulted off Pebbles and let her wander to her trough alone, her reins tangled in the dirt. My horses were everything to me, but that was before I met Esta.
We’d both watched those shooting stars and had realizations.
Mine was deciding to dedicate myself to Esta’s happiness. However she would let me. I slammed into the house like a beast. My legs rubbered and bow-legged from the ride. A prickle on my shoulders made me pause at Esta’s door and I put my ear to the solid wood, heard nothing.
She might be sleeping. She said she was unwell. My hand itched around the knob.
But she’d said goodbye.
And it stabbed like an icicle through my heart so I opened the door, needing to see her. To refute the wild thoughts in my mind. The bed was empty, tidily made with a spread of letters on the covers. I stood frozen for a moment, not understanding. A letter for each of us, and another labeled Birdie. My stomach dropped to the floor.
Gods almighty . I couldn’t breathe.
My gut instinct was right. But where could Esta have gone? I would have passed her on the way into town if she’d planned on taking the train. If she was going to Lucinda, it would have been the same. She wouldn’t be foolish enough to go into the wildlands.
“Esta.” My throat burned as I screamed her name. Desperation mounted each second she didn’t reply. My fingertips burned as I stumbled down the stairs. I checked every inch of the house, and found nothing. Her scent was faint. She must have left as soon as we did. The only option remaining in the barn was Dalton, and he was more demon than horse. I’d tried everything I knew to break him in, and still only saddled him a handful of times. The first time I attempted to get on his back, he kicked so violently I landed on my ass. There was still a lingering ache in my bones from the sudden unseating.
There was no world in which that wild stallion would let Esta on his back. But my feet took me to the barn in a haze.
Her lingering scent was stronger here, tart with stress.
“Esta, what have you done?” My voice cracked as I took in the open door of Dalton’s empty stall.
Charlie let out a low moo as if he were agreeing with me. I took in the box she’d obviously used as a step. There was a halter missing, but she’d abandoned the saddle and saddlebags. Had they been too heavy for her to lift? Or had Dalton been too stubborn? It was probably both. My heart pounded so hard in my chest I couldn’t walk straight.
My gaze followed the churned path as the stallion careened out of the barn. I followed it through the fields, to the back of the property, and toward the wildlands. Somehow, Esta mounted his bare back. I searched every ditch for the sign of her crumpled form. Esta didn’t know how to ride. Only pure, white-knuckled determination would have kept her astride. My ribs shrunk around my rapidly thumping lungs.
“What were you thinking?” I muttered to myself.
I couldn’t help the rage stirring in my veins. How did Esta think she was going to survive out here? I walked against the wind. The sting made my eyes water. Did Esta know how cold it got in the wildlands? How the land stretched to the horizon, and every league was barren? Did she know in a few weeks’ time, the ground would freeze with snow?
Luckily Dalton left a clear path on his bolt to freedom, but I searched every horizon for an Esta shaped lump. She would have struggled to keep her seat, and Dalton would not have cared one bit.
I should have taught her to ride sooner.
My desperate thoughts cracked when I heard a hoarse sob down a shaded ravine. There was a sharp drop covered by thorny bushes.
“Esta?” I scrambled through the thick brush, cutting my hand on a spike. “Esta. Where are you?”
“R-Ruck, is that you? I’m down here. P-please hurry.” Her voice was thick with pain, and I threw myself over a fallen log.
When I saw Esta on the ground, I almost faltered. My knees trembled with a sudden flood of relief. More surprising was Dalton, standing across the gap, the reins dragging on the ground. He narrowed his eyes at me and stomped his hoof. His flanks shivered, damp with sweat. He’d run hard and fast.
Dirt marred Esta’s tear-streaked cheeks and there was an egg on her forehead, turning dark purple. She held out her palms, and they were skinned, red, and bleeding. Her skirts hid her legs, but there was a tear on the hem. She teetered on the edge of a large crack in the ground, a deep fissure spotted with thick tree roots. Dalton must have strayed too close to the lip, and Esta lost her balance. There was a dent in the ground where she’d slammed and rolled further into the ravine.
“I-I-I can’t get up,” Esta cried, seeing the horror on my face.
I slammed my knees so hard I knew it would bruise. The pounding in my ears blocked out every other sound as I bundled Esta into my arms. She cried out and clutched at me, one of her injured hands wrapped around her ankle.
“Esta, darlin’, how badly did Dalton hurt you?”
She shook like a leaf, and I pressed a kiss to her forehead, shifting her into my lap as carefully as I could. She trembled so hard her teeth clattered in my ear.
“N-n-no, h-h-he.” She took in a few shuddering breaths, steadying herself. “Dalton was protecting me. There was a wolf howling, and it startled him. I lost my hold on the reins and slid right off like a fool. It stalked me, Ruck, and only fled when Dalton charged at it. He came to my rescue, but I rolled my ankle so badly, I’m worried it’s broken.”
“A wolf?” I didn’t refute her because I knew of the vicious pack picking off young cattle all around Misery Creek.
But they’d never attacked a Designated or a human before. A cold sweat prickled over my body at the idea of brutal teeth tearing through my girl. I examined her ankle, still encased in her boot. Her laces were undone like she’d tried to take it off. Esta let out a soft whimper.
“It’s too swollen.” She ducked her head, confirming my thoughts. My tongue crowded with the desire to shout, driven wild by fear. I could have lost her. Esta was so breakable against my chest, so fragile and so precious . I loosened the desperate clutch of my fingers.
“I’m going to take you back to the house. We’ll have the doctor come and look at it as soon as we can.” I didn’t ask her about why she was out here or about the letters. Or why she left . Taking my damn heart right with her into the ravine. But she wasn’t relieved, like I expected. Her crystal eyes widened and filled with tears that spilled down flushed cheeks.
“No, I can’t go back there.” Her fingers scrambled at my arm. “Don’t you understand? Hale wants me gone. He’s sending me back to Breton City. My sister warned me not to return. The man w-who wanted to marry me is determined to have me still. One of his eyes and ears will whisk me away the minute I set foot in the city. I need to go to the wildlands. It’s the only place I might have a sliver of a chance. I’m not going back.”
“And what will you do out there, Esta? Pray Dalton stays to protect you from a vicious, rabid wolf again? Will you hobble further into the wildlands and hope the bone hasn’t snapped? This is lunacy. You don’t even have any supplies. There are worse animals than wolves in those dunes, feral alphas.”
“I-I tried, but Dalton wouldn’t let me, and I wasn’t strong enough. I know it’s a fool’s journey. But I’d rather be a fool staring at the night sky than locked away in Breton City again.”
The boneless line of her body sagged against me. I’d taken away her fight, and all that was left were the tears. I comforted her as best I could, my arms tight around her body, clutching her to me like she might disappear if I let go. How long I held her, I didn’t know until her incoherent sobs petered out. Then, there was no sound except for her soft hiccups.
She shivered in her sleep, her fingers anchored onto me as hard as I was to her. I pressed kisses to the crown of her head, thanked the gods I turned back. We’d almost lost her. She almost— I wrenched myself away from the myriad of nightmare possibilities that clawed at me. Fear hissed through my teeth as I rocked Esta in my arms and promised myself it would never come to this again. I would force Hale to let Esta stay. Make him apologize.
I lifted her and stood, shushing, as she cried out. “I’m going to take care of you, trust me.”
Trust me .
I swallowed a bitter scoff. It killed me that whatever scant amount of trust Esta offered me was eroded, disappeared down a ravine. She’d been driven to this because of us. She thought she was all alone in this world.
I skirted the jagged rocks in the ravine and over the gap until I reached Dalton. The horse reared back, tossing his head. His proud nostrils flared, and his ears flattened. I remember the first time I saw him. Galloping on a ridge in the wildlands. His powerful back legs rippled with muscles. I’d been mesmerized, hungry to tame the haughty toss of his neck. Half a day I spent tracking him before I managed to capture the mustang.
And one minute to free him.
I juggled Esta as I fiddled with the clasp and slid the halter off. It fell to the ground, and I didn’t care. My focus was on Esta now that I’d released Dalton.
“You’re free. My thanks for saving my girl.” I whispered to the animal, and Dalton’s nostrils blew out as if he was saying, of course, what kind of horse do you think I am?
But it was only a minute flicker, and he tossed his head. He watched me with a suspicious gleam, like he weighed up whether to lunge and snap at me. But I cradled Esta, and the stallion seemed to understand she was hurt.
How did a horse have more emotional intelligence than my brother?
Shame weighed more than Esta. I heard the thunder of hooves but couldn’t watch him go. Dalton was the greatest capture of my life, and maybe it wasn’t because of his beauty and strength. He’d saved my omega. There was no choice but to repay him with what I’d always refused, what I thought I could break from him.
The need for freedom and his home.
The very things Esta tried to use him for as well. Esta whimpered in her fatigue-driven slumber. I’d make the ranch safe for her if it tore me apart.
“Let me take you home.”