Only You, Only Us

Chapter 15

There’s nothing I want more than to curl up on the sofa and have a cry with my mum. But I’d have to admit that Jeremy might not be the boy I thought he was. Even after everything we’ve been through this year, I’m haunted by how he strung me along, pretending when I first thought we were friends.

Instead, I tough it out on my own and message Sammy.

Anna

Will you give me another chance to explain? Please?

As I’m waiting, the phone lights up with Jeremy’s face — he’s calling — and my heart does a little skip.

“Hey,” I answer.

“Hey, why aren’t you here? I thought you’d have stayed last night.”

“Stayed? Why would I have stayed?”

“Because you’re my girlfriend?” I can hear the confusion in his voice.

“What do you remember from last night?” My heart aches as I realise he has no clue.

“Oh, well, there’s quite a blur amongst the partying. I needed to let loose a bit. We had a good time, though. Can I come over?”

“We had a fight last night.” The words sound like a confession, and I hate that I have to tell him this. I didn’t think we’d have to do this. It was bad enough going through it. Now, I have to remind him of what he did.

“Did we? Over what?”

“Another girl. She was all over you, and I pushed her off you. You took her side, and so I left.”

“What? That’s crazy. I’d never take someone’s side over yours. I love you. And I’m not interested in anyone else.”

“It didn’t feel like that.” I hate the green-headed monster that emerges when I think about that girl, or any girl, with Jeremy. It’s ugly, and it shows my vulnerable underbelly, the insecurity that all of this is going to end.

And as much as I want to believe that after the last year, we’re stronger than ever, and there’s nothing to fear, I’m still just a girl, desperately in love with a boy, and wanting to cling onto that with everything I have.

“That’s ridiculous. I’m coming over. I hate that you’re on your own, thinking that way. I love you, nobody else. I’ll be there in fifteen.” He ends the call without another word from me.

I don’t like his dismissal of what happened, but I do like that he’s coming over. I drag myself from the sofa and go and change out of my pyjamas.

Jeremy arrives, coffee in hand, and we spend the rest of the day studying. No fights, no arguments, and no tension when he looks at me.

It settles something in my chest.

I only wish that it stayed that way.

We had both been studying for our exams, which started in a matter of days, every hour of every day. It was tedious and stressful, and even I got cabin fever.

So, we agreed to go for dinner. Nothing special, just to get out and spend some time together with our heads out of the books. Jeremy doesn’t usually settle for fast food, but it felt needed, and he ordered enough for four of us.

“Feeling hungry?”

“Starved. I’ve burned all my calories from the study.”

He digs into his first burger, unwrapping it from the greasy paper like he’s not eaten all day, and he devours it before I’m only two bites in. We even laugh about it.

Then his phone starts with messages, vibrating it off the table.

“What’s that?” I ask around a mouthful of fries.

“I’ll check it later.” He carries on eating and clears his three burgers in the time it takes me to finish my one.

“I don’t know how you ate that much.” I laugh at him.

“I must be the one doing all the work, building up an appetite.” He grins and leans in. “And I’m not even being dirty.” His eyes darken, and he stares at me, making me forget all about food or revision.

Until the phone interrupts us.

“Are you finished?” He points to the mess of burger wrappers and empty packets of fries.

“Yep.”

“Let’s get out of here.” He grabs my hand, and we head back to the car.

Only we don’t go home. We end up at one of his friend’s houses, where there’s a party.

“What are we doing?” I bite out, hurt that he’s dragged me here with no conversation.

“We won’t stay long. Don’t worry.” He takes my hand and leads me inside. It’s packed with people, most I don’t recognise, but it’s wall to wall, and we can barely move. The music blares, and people are already off their faces even though it’s not late.

“You made it!” There’s a huge cheer as Jeremy walks through and out onto the small, paved area.

“Hey!” he greets. They all look at me like I wasn’t invited, and I squeeze Jeremy’s hand harder. “Do you want a drink?” he asks, but I shake my head. I don’t want to be here, let alone drink.

“I’m just going to have one.” He keeps my hand in his as he goes back inside to find something and pours himself a shot.

We go back outside to where the friends he wanted to see are. I go and sit on the low garden wall and watch, my anger simmering. They engulf Jeremy into their circle, and I’m reminded of how they were at school. Only this time, there’s a smile on Jeremy’s face.

He’s happy, and I wonder if I’m stopping him from having fun with his friends. That thought plants enough doubt in my mind to stop me from marching out.

One drink leads to more, and it’s not even an hour later when Jeremy’s had too much to drive home.

We’re all sitting on the lawn when they start handing around a joint. I skip it and pull up the app to order a ride home.

“Oh, Archer, Little Miss Good Girl Anna wants to go home,” Derek calls.

“No, don’t, Anna. I want you to stay,” he slurs his words a little, leans in closer, and puts his arm around me.

“I think I should go. You don’t have to. We can catch up tomorrow.”

He grabs my hand and stops me from standing. “Anna, no.”

“Yeah, Anna, come on. Stay.”

“Stay, stay, stay!” they all start to chant, and it forces a smile to form.

“Fine,” I concede, and they all cheer, Jeremy squeezing me against him and kissing my temple. He reeks of booze.

“If you’re staying, there’s no excuse.” Derek hands me the joint.

I stare at it, and Jeremy leans towards me. “You don’t have to.”

But in a rush, I press it to my lips and inhale.

It’s mossy and tastes of damp ash. I cough and splutter but try again, inhaling again, before passing it on.

It earns me another round of applause, but it also turns my stomach.

The joint is passed around again, and I don’t miss the other things going between the boys.

The party seems to be moving outside as more and more people fill the cramped garden. A few more draws, and then I pass. It’s enough, although I don’t think it’s affected me.

Jeremy looks happy. He’s having fun, and that makes me happy. We should be at parties, having fun together while we still can. That’s all this is, I tell myself.

I relax as my thoughts focus on him, and I begin to enjoy the noise of the party around me. Being with Jeremy is important, and I don’t want to be the one to stop him from doing things he wants to.

My thoughts seem to start muddling together, and my head grows groggy and tired — as long as Jeremy’s happy.

It didn’t matter that I knew the dangers, that I knew my own mind and didn’t want to be dragged into it. I still took that first step and allowed myself to be sucked in.

It was like opening a box of sweets you knew weren’t meant to be opened. It looked too nice and shiny, and then inside, all the different choices made you want them even more. Only you had no way of knowing what was underneath the wrapper. Would it be delicious and sugary and make you reach for more, or would it be sour and bitter and make you want to spit it out?

Mum grounded me for the period of my exams. Going out and not coming back home until morning practically made her explode in anger, and I didn’t blame her. I didn’t tell her where I was going, although, in my defence, I didn’t know that either until it was too late.

She didn’t need to hear that.

Jeremy was allowed over, but no sleepovers until after the exams.

It was the best call.

Only it didn’t help.

Jeremy came over and spent as much time as possible with me, which may have been a distracting influence. When sitting in the drafty exam hall at school, I wasn’t focused on the papers in front of me. My mind wandered to wherever Jeremy might be.

It was frustrating and annoying, and I hated that after all my work and years of diligent effort, I was allowing myself to stumble because of a boy.

My timetable was mercifully short, and the hideous stress of balancing exams with Jeremy was over.

He was there, waiting for me at the end of the last one, and I couldn’t help but run towards him.

He picked me up and swung me around, and I was thrown right back to when we first got together — when he found me and kissed me in front of everyone.

“What are we going to do to celebrate? No more being grounded,” I ask.

“Party, of course.” He kisses my temple. “I’ve already got it covered.”

I couldn’t stop my face from falling.

“Oh?”

“At mine. And I’m not going to the school’s lame dance.”

Parties at his house had been cursed in my eyes since his eighteenth birthday. I only attended his second eighteenth because I wanted to be there for Jeremy.

Pop. Another balloon burst in my chest of hopefulness. We hadn’t discussed the dance because I assumed we’d be going. Everyone went to it, and I got tickets weeks ago.

“But it’s like a tradition. A rite of passage, like prom,” I protest as I take his hands in mine and plead my case. “I’ve always wanted to go. If you don’t want to take me…” I don’t finish the sentence because I’m unsure how he’ll feel about me going alone.

He stands there, amongst others milling about after leaving their exam. I won’t beg him to take me. A knot forms in my stomach as I think it over and consider giving this up just because he doesn’t want to go.

No.

His jaw clenches. “Well, you’re not going with anyone else, that’s for fucking sure. So, I’ll make a deal. We’ll turn my party into the afterparty. That way, we both win.”

He pulls me back towards him and starts to walk us towards his car. It’s not the most romantic invite I might have wanted, but if we’re going together, it doesn’t matter.

I’ve finished my exams. I’m in love and have the best summer ahead of me.

Jeremy makes an effort for the dance. He wears a well-fitted tux, picks me up, and even dances with me.

As I stand in the middle of the dancefloor with friends and peers around me, I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy. My heart pulses and swells in my chest, full because of Jeremy.

I feel whole with him, like I don’t need anyone else in the world as long as he’s by my side. It’s a giddy feeling.

Before we head back to Jeremy’s, I stop and rush up to Sammy. She hasn’t responded to any of my messages. We used to talk about coming together to this dance, not thinking either of us would have dates.

“Hey,” I start, but I can see she isn’t impressed. Well, tough. I fling my arms around her in a huge hug. “I miss you. I’m sorry. Please, let me make things up between us.” I pull back and grab her hands. The friendship bracelet’s still on her wrist, at least, just like mine is.

She doesn’t say anything, but she nods ever so slightly. It’s not a lot, but it’s a start, and I latch onto it.

“Thank you. Are you coming to the afterparty?” I ask. But she just shakes her head as her eyes trail over my shoulder to where Jeremy is. He’s chatting to some friends, Derek among them.

I nod back and squeeze her hand before turning to Jeremy.

“Ready?” I ask.

“Sure. Thanks, man, I got you,” he mumbles his goodbyes, and we head out. “See you all back at mine!” he calls out, and the dance erupts with cheers.

I see the boy with the reputation then, the boy that everyone wanted to be seen with or be friends with. This was the character he’d created for himself in school without having to invite people in.

Now, he’s splashing it about like it’s second nature far more than he ever used to.

I remember one of our first conversations on the beach — about people always looking at him for the money. That view’s changed now because I’d hate to think what his mum has spent on alcohol alone for him over the last few parties.

“We better get going.” The evening so far has been perfect, and now I have to keep my side of the deal — another house party. At least I can sneak off if it gets too much.

We take the limo back to his, and Jeremy helps himself to the liquor in the small cabinet. I sip the amber liquid while he downs the glass and refills it.

“To the end of school and the start of our lives together.”

“To us.”

“I love you, Anna. That’s never gonna change. No matter what.”

“I love you, too.”

“Come here.” He pulls me against him, slides his hand around my neck, and cradles my head. It’s intense, and the air around us charges with want and need.

He doesn’t kiss me right away. Instead, he holds me, keeping me waiting — and wanting — as he just stares into my eyes as if he’s waiting to make a decision.

“Jeremy—” I don’t know if it’s a question or a plea, perhaps somewhere in between.

He finally gives in and kisses me. It starts slow but builds fast as he tugs at my lips, all the while keeping me safe in his hands.

Suddenly, it’s not enough. I want more, he wants more, and our hands are all over each other. There are too many clothes between us as we race to reach skin. But he grabs my hands and ties them in one of his as he pulls away and smiles.

This smile is different; it’s full of mischief and trouble, and it’s totally sexy.

His hand dips to my ankle, and he slowly brings the tips of his fingers up my leg, skimming over my skin until he reaches the hem of my skirt. It doesn’t stop him, and I let out a little sigh as he gets closer to offering me some relief.

All the while, he watches me, studying me, and catches every little quiver or reaction to his hand.

“Are you gonna let me make you come before getting to the party?” His words are deep and husky, and they make me remember where we are: in the back of a limo.

His hand stills as I look towards the driver, but we’re shielded by a privacy screen I hadn’t noticed or cared about earlier.

“Relax. I want to play with you until you come apart. And then I’m going to walk you into my party and have the best fucking night.”

He grips my thigh, snapping my attention to him as he continues moving his fingers until he slips them under my knickers.

I shift in the seat and widen my legs as much as the dress allows, winning a devilish grin from Jeremy.

We’ve been intimate plenty of times, but I’ve never seen this side of him. It’s hot and adds to the excitement.

He teases me, playing with me until I drop my head back onto the seat and give myself over to whatever he wants to do.

“Fucking beautiful.” He pushes his finger inside of me, and I stifle a moan, wanting him to give me all the pleasure.

He works his hand, pulling in and out at a gentle, rhythmic pace that only winds me up.

My pulse quickens, I bite my lip, and I know he’s watching every second.

The familiar and addictive feeling builds in the centre of my stomach and starts to travel deep within my core until I lift my hips, encouraging more from him.

“You’re mine, Anna. Remember that. You’re mine.”

“Yes!”

His fingers twist and rub the spot that sends jolts of lightning all through my body, pulsing in time with my racing heart.

Dazed and satisfied, I open my eyes and put Jeremy back into focus.

“Don’t leave tonight. Stay. Promise me you’ll sleep in my bed.”

“I promise.” I lean my head forward against his forehead and revel in the moment.

I haven’t stayed in his house since before his birthday, but his dad’s been gone for weeks now. There’s no reason why I should be afraid, but a small tremor slithers under my skin at the thought.

The party is as I had feared, louder and more extreme than the last one.

There’s more booze and even more people — he invited the whole year as it’s the official afterparty of the dance.

They arrive just behind us and pour in, helping themselves to Jeremy’s hospitality.

I go up to his room to change into something less formal and take the opportunity to freshen up.

Before going back down, I knock on Penelope’s door. “Mrs Archer?” There’s no answer, so I check the door and twist the handle, cracking it open an inch and peering inside. It’s dark and gloomy, but I can make out the bed at the far end.

Curiosity overtakes and pushes me to take a step inside, my footsteps tentative on the plush carpet. As I travel deeper, I make out the shape of her body on the bed, lying on top of the covers.

She’s fast asleep, still dressed, and silhouettes of a bottle and a glass rest on the nightstand. It makes me sad to think this is her life, checking out of reality.

Is Jeremy doing the same?

I leave, making sure the room’s shut safely behind me, and go downstairs.

In the few minutes I’ve been gone, the place has filled with wall-to-wall people who are all here to have a great night.

I grab a can of pre-mixed cocktail from the kitchen and look for Jeremy, hoping it won’t be a repeat of the last party, determined not to let anything ruin this night.