Only You, Only Us

Chapter 30

My feet stop as I process the words.

His sister?That didn’t make any sense, but it was enough to keep me standing in the pouring rain.

I turn and look at him.

The woman and the girl run for shelter, but Jeremy remains, standing in the middle of the path, looking at me.

The rain seeps into my T-shirt and trickles down my back, but I can’t move.

His sister.

My mind turns the word over and over again and again, and relief bubbles to life, undeterred from the drenching rain.

“Talk to me,” he calls. “At least let’s get out of the rain.”

I stand there, afraid of doing anything.

“There’s a café. Please let me explain.”

The café that that woman and his sister just escaped to.

I’m intrigued. Of course, I am. So I run past him to the shelter, wringing out my T-shirt and my hair before stepping inside.

The woman and the little girl are in the corner where there’s a small kids’ area, probably to cater for the families out and about. My eyes lock onto her and struggle to let go.

“Come on. Let me get you a coffee.” Jeremy places his hands on my shoulder, making me freeze. He moves past me to the counter, and it takes me a moment to snap out of my trance. I choose a table in the furthest spot from the kids’ area but keep watching as he goes over to where his sister is and speaks to the woman with her before ruffling the little one’s hair.

He joins me and sets the coffee down on the table, splashing drops of water from his wet hair and clothes over the table.

It’s like we’re both waiting for the other to speak first. But for so many reasons, I need him to take the first step, especially because of what he did to me last time we spoke. He’s the one who owes me an explanation.

“I don’t have an agenda, Anna. I promise. Only to talk,” he starts.

“It’s hard to believe that when you’re waiting for me on my run.”

“Would you have agreed to see me otherwise?”

“No.”

“Well then.”

I twist the cup around on the table. “I have so many questions, but mostly I’m so fucking angry at you.”

“It’s not just anger you feel. I saw that. You can’t lie to me.”

“Stop it. You can’t just come back here and pretend like everything is okay.” I scowl.

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just that things have changed now, and I needed to tell you that, to explain.”

“So,” I prompt.

“Well… He’s finally out of my life. He was in a crash with his wife. They died. But there were some questions from the insurance company which held everything up. He was drinking, which doesn’t fucking surprise me.” His voice turns bitter, and he fidgets in his chair. “He couldn’t even die without ruining my life again.”

“Jeremy, that’s?—”

“I don’t mean it,” he rushes in. “I did. I really did. But that’s not how I feel now.”

I wait for him to elaborate because the pieces of the story aren’t complete yet.

He takes a sip of his coffee and leans back in his chair, then leans forward again. His eyes watch my hands on the table, and I wonder if he wants to take them and hold them like he used to.

“I never met her.”

“Who?”

“His wife.” He spits the word before carrying on. “I’ve barely spoken to him since that day.”

I didn’t need to be told which day he was talking about.

“They divorced, and that was that. I took his money. I had no problem with that. But I didn’t go to his wedding. And I didn’t know if I had a sister or a brother, just that they’d had a child. Then, all this explodes, and suddenly, I’m her guardian. I’m the one meant to look after her.”

It’s clear that he’s hurting and angry with the situation he’s been put in.

“When did he die?” I ask.

“Nearly six weeks ago. The funeral is on Tuesday.”

I nod. “And you’ve had her since?” My words are timid, like I’m not sure how to talk about her with him.

“Yeah. Poppy is her nanny. It’s the only stability I can offer her.”

“Are you going to…” But I can’t finish that sentence. It’s a horrible thing to even contemplate.

“Keep her? It’s all right. I thought it, too. That is until I met her. Then everything changed.” His face beams with a smile that I used to think he only kept for me. There’s a wonder there as if he can’t quite believe his luck.

“And your mum? You said she was going into a facility.” I need to change the subject.

“My mother.” He takes an exaggerated inhale. “It’s time she has the care she deserves. Maybe now he won’t be able to hurt her again.”

His words and the way he says them terrify me.

Time and time again, I’ve allowed Jeremy to hurt me. Will that be my fate? The same as Penelope Archer’s? In and out of rehab with every break of my heart?

It’s like he reads my mind and this time, he does reach for my hands. “No. Don’t think like that. You’re nothing like my mother.” His words are resolute, but I can’t help but see all the similarities. The pressure on my hands grows as if he can physically stop me from following my chain of thought, and he doesn’t let go as I stand, gripping me tighter.

“Anna, wait. Please.”

“Let go.” He does, and I leave. But I can hear him following.

“Anna, wait.”

The rain stops as I open the door to leave, but the clouds still look full and threatening.

“Come back and meet Sophie. Please.”

But I don’t want to meet her.

I start jogging, the cold and damp of my clothes confining me, trapping me.

“Anna!” I hear him, but I keep running until I’m back along the path and heading into town, taking the fastest route back home. But as I unlock the door, I hear him call. He’s followed, running after me.

He pulls up, huffing and puffing and bending to lean on his thighs to catch his breath. I close the door, not prepared to let him cross the threshold to my space. He’s not welcome there.

“Anna,” he pants. “Come. On.”

“No.”

“Listen. Wouldn’t you want to know? If everything were different, if I could be different, then maybe we could make things work. We could make all those dreams we had a reality.”

I stand there, dumbstruck and lost at his words.

“For a moment, for a split second, I thought we might…” I don’t finish the sentence because it’s a crazy response. How could I even contemplate that? “But now, you have a child.”

“A sister. It’s not the same.”

“You’re right. Perhaps, but she won’t see you as her brother. She’s too young. And what about drugs? Tell me you’re clean.”

“Since the day I met her.”

“So, a few weeks.”

“I have to start somewhere,” he bites back. “You know this. But she’s changed my life.”

I wish I could grow armour around my heart to protect me from Jeremy. I wish I were immune from his pain. “You could do it for her? A child you’d never met, but you couldn’t for me? The person you said you loved more than anything in the world.” My words drip with envy and pain, but I’m done hiding my feelings from him.

The words I want to say freeze as I see Marty walking towards us.

We were going for lunch after my run. I’d forgotten. And I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Everything okay?” he asks as he comes to stand next to me. He puts his hand on my shoulder, and I wait for Jeremy’s response.

It’s not what I expect. He looks at me, then at Marty, and steps away.

“Goodbye, Jeremy.”

“Jeremy? This is Jeremy?” Marty asks.

Jeremy at least has the decency to look a little embarrassed.

“Why are you here? Haven’t you done enough?” Marty steps in front of me as if putting a physical barrier between us.

“It’s okay, Marty.”

“I’m sorry. I am. I only wanted to talk with Anna.”

“She doesn’t want to hear anything you have to say.” But as Marty says the words, I know they aren’t true.

“I told you I couldn’t be with you until I had my own life sorted. That you deserved better than what I was. Well, that’s changed now.”

“Shut the fuck up, man. Don’t.”

“Marty.” I pull back his shoulder.

“Don’t you dare defend him, Anna. Not after what he’s done to you.” He steps forward, forcing distance between me and Jeremy.

“Hey.” Jeremy puts his hands up and backs away from Marty. “Anna, I mean it. I meant everything I wrote in that letter. Through everything, I’ve never stopped loving you. That’s been my one constant, and that hasn’t changed. Even with Sophie.”

“Jeremy, I think you should leave,” I suggest, knowing this isn’t going to end well.

“I’m not the same person, Anna. But there’s only ever been you. That will never change. We’ll be at the house until Friday.” He backs away. “If you truly don’t have anything else to say to me, then I’ll leave. And on her life, I won’t bother you again. I swear.”

“Good. Leave. And never come back, you piece of shit,” Marty yells at him.

Jeremy stares at me as if nothing Marty says can upset him until Marty turns me around and pushes me towards the door, not giving me a chance or choice to answer him.