Only You, Only Us

Chapter 31

This might be a bad idea. It might only push her away and seal my fate, but then, fuck it. At least then, I can say I’ve done everything I can.

I’m selfish when it comes to Anna. I always have been.

“Hey, Sophie, we’re going to meet a nice lady now.” I pick her up and hold her in my arms as I knock on the door. She wraps her little arms around my neck but then fusses and wriggles to get down after a few seconds.

“Down,” she says, straightening her body, making it hard for me to hold on to her.

“Okay, okay. Hold my hand.” She doesn’t. She goes to the flowerpot on the doorstep and looks like she’s about to grab the big daisy-like petals.

The door opens, and I pull Sophie back into my hold. “Um, hi. Is Becca home?” I ask the gentleman.

“She is. May I ask who’s calling?”

“I’m a friend of Anna’s.” He looks at me and Sophie, still wiggling and trying to get to the flowers, but he seems to believe me.

“Come in. You look like you have your hands full.”

“One hundred percent.” I follow him inside and into the living room.

Not much has changed — there’s a new sofa and paint on the walls, but beneath that, it’s the same — proper home, lived in and warm.

“Becca, you have a visitor,” he calls. I put Sophie down on the sofa, pass her the little bumblebee backpack, and open it for her packet of snacks.

Poppy had to give me a crash course in children. Emphasis on crash because I was clueless. But Sophie seemed to like me. Cling to me even. I’m waiting for her to get bored of me like a new toy and toss me aside when she realises I’m a shit consolation prize for losing her mum.

“We aren’t expecting—” Becca stops as she sees me.

For a moment, she’s silent.

“What are you doing here? You are not welcome. Andy, please show?—”

“Becca, wait. Please. I’d like to explain.”

“Explain what?” But she moves further towards me, and Sophie comes into view. She looks down at my little sister and then looks back at me and shakes her head as if not believing what she sees.

“She’s my sister. Before you jump to any conclusions.”

“Why are you here? Has Anna seen you? Does she know?” Genuine fear crosses her face as she starts asking questions. Sophie abandons her snacks, climbs off the sofa and clings to my leg as Becca approaches.

“Can we sit? Talk. I promise I’m not here to cause trouble.”

I pick up Sophie and sit down with her on my lap. She nestles into the crook of my arm and hides her face away for a moment before peering back out to spy at Becca.

Watching Sophie seems to disarm Becca, which was my intention all along. I don’t care if that makes me a bastard. I’m going to do everything I can to get Anna back.

Becca slides into the chair opposite us but doesn’t stop watching Sophie. There’s even a ghost of a smile on her lips as Sophie starts to squirm, reaching for her snacks again.

“I love Anna. I always have.”

“Well, you have a funny way of showing it,” she snaps.

“I can take that. But it’s not the same now. My life has changed.”

“Did you think bringing your sister along to soften me up would play in your favour?” she accuses.

“I thought I would need to explain why I’m finally in a place to offer Anna what she deserves.”

“She deserves better than you. You broke her. You hurt her time and time again. And I curse the day you first took her away.” Her words aren’t a surprise.

“She does deserve better than me. I’ve never believed any differently. But I know that Anna and I are meant to be together. I’ve always believed that, whether or not I’ve acted that way. I love her. And love isn’t always straightforward. Things are different now. Having Sophie means that I can’t fall back into old habits.” I look up at Becca, but she looks confused. “I’m Sophie’s legal guardian. Her parents died, and so I’m all she has. I have her to look out for now.”

“I know it shouldn’t have taken this to see how destructive I’ve been, but I can’t change the past. All I can do is hope for the future I know we once wanted together.”

“You were children when you thought that,” she snaps again, and I can feel the anger she still holds for me.

“Do you think Anna believes that? That what we had was simply a crush young people fall in and out of?”

Becca stares at me and crosses her arms in defiance. “You strangled her with your so-called love. And you’ve never let go.”

“I loved her the only way I knew how. It was obsessive and all-consuming and too much for us, maybe. But now, I hope, it will be different.”

She shakes her head.

“More.” Sophie holds up the now-empty pack of vegetable crisps for me.

“Soon.” I smile at her. “Becca, I thought bringing Sophie would help you to understand that I won’t screw up again. I can’t. She might not be my child, but I love her all the same.” I offer my hand to Sophie, and she takes it, squeezing my two fingers in her tiny hand as she slides off the sofa. “I didn’t know responsibility until her, and she is how I know I’m ready to love Anna the way she deserves and make a life together.”

Becca doesn’t say anything else but watches as I take the bag and swing Sophie up into my arms. There’s nothing else I can say. This might have backfired, but I needed Becca on my side. However, I’m not sure if she would even open the door to me again.

I nod, say goodbye, head for the door and leave.

“How do you think I did?” I ask Sophie, but she just starts to grizzle. “I know. Me too. Me too. Let’s get through tomorrow, and then we have to keep our fingers crossed.”