Epilogue
Two summers later
For so long, I’d avoided coming here. Originally, it was because it reminded me of the childhood I’d had to endure with my fake-up family. Then it was the place that haunted me — showing me everything I’d had and let go — or rather, screwed up.
Now, I can’t imagine giving it up or being anywhere else. It’s home, salvation, and I have everything I’ll ever need right here.
I watch out the window, waiting for Becca and Andy to arrive.
It had been a challenge for Anna to rebuild her relationship with her mum. She chose me over her, and not for the first time. Only this time, it was the right call. But there had been a huge amount of damage to repair with that decision.
Becca didn’t understand why, after all this time and all the hurt, there was anything between us to fight for. She couldn’t know that, for us, there won’t ever be anyone else. Call it fate, destiny, soul mates — whatever. All I know is that we are meant for each other. End of.
But slowly, and I think with a lot of help from Sophie, she’s come around.
Her trust in me may never be fully restored, but I can live with that as long as she and Anna are good. Becca was there for her when I wasn’t able to be. I owe her a lot, and I’ll do everything I can to help mend that over the rest of our lives.
Sometimes I can’t believe quite how much I fucked everything up just by doing what I thought was the right thing and letting Anna be free of me. At least, I thought it was the right thing in the beginning.
Their car pulls up onto the drive. “Sophie, Auntie Becca is here,” I call. Her little footsteps race through from her playroom to the door, and she kneels on the stool by the window next to me. I open the door, and she looks up at me. “Go on.” Her grin is all toothy and full of excitement as she goes to meet them as if her best friend just turned up.
Becca races towards Sophie and sweeps her up and into her arms. Sophie worships her, and Becca treasures her in return. Sophie has been my secret weapon to help smooth the transition of moving Becca’s daughter in with me down here in Cornwall — away from her and the safety she’s always offered.
“Hey, Becca. Andy,” I greet.
“Jeremy.” She’s polite but curt in her greeting. And I need to accept that it might never change.
“Will you come and play in my room, Auntie Bec?”
“Of course, I will, sweetheart.” Sophie leads her through, and I nod to Andy as he follows with the small weekend case.
“Upstairs?” he checks.
“All set up for you. I’ll be out on the deck with Anna. You know where everything is.”
“Thanks. I think Becca will be occupied for a while.”
I leave them to it and head out the back and down the path to the jetty.
Anna spends a lot of her time here, either swimming or doing yoga — writing, as well. She’s been a little lost as to what her purpose is here. She doesn’t need to work, but that’s not in her character. She’s finding her way, and all I know is that I’ll give her anything she needs to be a success.
I sold my dad’s boat. In fact, I sold everything I could that had any reminder of him for me. And I took great pleasure in dismantling his company, piece by piece, and selling it to the highest bidder. It was my revenge, to take apart what he spent his life building.
He took everything from me, so this was payback. It didn’t give me the satisfaction I was looking for, but it ensured my future and Sophie’s. Not that we needed it — we were both set for life with his inheritance alone.
The sailboat I bought for us now is anchored one jetty along. The first three now all belong to me, making it more private for us — even more our place than ever.
I pause and watch as Anna rises up from a forward position, lifting her arms to the sky.
She is my world.
She always has been. I just couldn’t see that for a while.
Now, my vision isn’t distorted by the crutches I’d always reached for to block the bad shit out.
Last night, I got my two-year chip.
Sober for two years.
It’s the longest stretch since I took my first drink back in school. Sure, I wasn’t out of it all the time back then, but that changed when I turned eighteen.
Everything changed then.
And it did the damage, rotting my life from the inside when I didn’t know any better.
My eyes drink her in as she moves from one stance to another. She’ll be finished soon. I’ve watched her often enough to know. My hand clenches around the coin in my hand as I walk the rest of the way along the wooden deck and strip my shirt off, tossing it onto the rattan sofa that’s permanently out here for us. I leave my sobriety chip on the cushion and push out of my trainers.
With a goofy smile already on my face, I walk towards Anna, building up my pace and pulling her to me, carrying her with me and over the edge into the water.
We plunge in, and I swear I can hear her cussing at me through the bubbles around us.
“What the hell?” she spurts as we both re-surface. Her arms cling around my neck, and I’m happy to pull her to me, treading water for both of us.
I want to re-capture everything we did together, and I want to make room for all the things we missed out on. Dunking her in the water will never get old.
“What was that about?”
“Just feeling nostalgic. Your mum’s here, too.”
“So, you thought I needed to take a shower?” She splashes water at me.
“I’ll enjoy a shower with you anytime.” I squeeze her thighs as they wrap around my waist and tighten.
“You are incorrigible.”
“Only for you.” I lean forward and steal a kiss, the heat of our lips diminished by the water.
“Come on,” she murmurs against my lips. She pushes back, forcing me under the water and releases her hold around me before making her way to the steps.
She squeezes her T-shirt, wringing the water from the fabric and doing the same with her pitch-black hair as I climb up onto the deck.
“What do you want to do today?” she asks.
“I don’t mind. But I’d like to get married.”
“What? Don’t joke.” She shakes her head, flicking droplets over the wood.
“I’m not. I’m deadly serious.”
“We can’t get married today. There are processes to go through and things to plan. We can’t just decide.” She fumbles with excuses, but none of them tells me she doesn’t want to get married. They are simply barriers to the logistics.
“Fine. Not today. But we don’t need to plan anything. You, me, your Mum, Andy and Sophie. Just as soon as we can after we’ve done the legal stuff. I’ll look it up later. All you have to do is say yes.”
She stills and looks at me. “Oh my god, you really are serious.” Her eyes don’t leave mine, as if she’s trying to read them.
“I’ve told you, nothing about us is temporary for me. We’ve proved that we can make this work. All of us. Now I want to make it official. You’re mine in my heart and my soul, and now I want other people to recognise it as well.” My eyes watch for any sign of doubt on her face, but there’s nothing.
I go to retrieve my shirt and pick up the coin.
“This isn’t a ring. But for us, it’s more than any diamond I can buy for you. That’s easy, and I will, don’t worry, but I want you to have this.” I hand the little circle of metal over. She has her own, but this isn’t about her. It’s about me.
“I didn’t know you were getting this last night?” Her voice holds an air of wonder as she twists it over in her fingers.
“I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Congratulations.” She leans in and hugs me despite us both dripping with water. Our bodies press against each other, seeking warmth from the other.
“So, is that a yes.”
“I don’t know.” Her eyes don’t meet mine.
It’s not the answer I want. “How long do you need? Another year, two? I’ll wait. If I need to prove I can stay clean, then I’ll wait as long as you need. But nothing will change. We have it all — we are living the dream we had all that time ago. But I want you as my wife. And there’s nothing stopping us,” I plead, desperate for her to see it my way.
She looks down at her fingers, twisting and playing with the coin, but she still doesn’t answer me.
“I can’t do this without Sammy. She has to be there. And Marty.” Her eyes flash to mine, and I watch her smile emerge like the sun breaking over the horizon at dawn.
“Done and done.” I balance my arms on her shoulders, waiting for the three little letters I need to hear.
“Oh, and I want to ask Mum if she’ll make our bands. She might not, but if she will, that will mean a lot to me.”
“You can have whatever you want. If I can give it to you, I will. Now, in the future, and forever.” I rest my head against hers.
“Then let’s do it. Yes. You’ve had my heart — you’ve never let it go. I might not have the same need to get married as you, but I love the idea of being tied to you in another way than I already feel.” She bursts up, wrapping her arms around my neck, and I move to pull her into me, clinging to her, hoping she’ll never let me go.
Because I never want to let her go.
Only her, only us.
I hope you enjoyed Only You, Only Us. You can read more about Tregethworth and Molly’s Diner in New Tides and Unfinished Summer.