13. Xander
Xander had been an idiot, asking Maisy to dance. An incredible idiot. Worst of all, it had felt amazing holding Maisy in his arms and looking down at those big green eyes. She’d felt so soft and warm. Her eyes had been so bright. And it had taken all his willpower not to lean closer and capture those pink lips.
But then she’d come to her senses and hurried away. It was good she had, because another few seconds and Xander might have lost the battle and leaned down to kiss her. He never would have forgiven himself if that had happened. Maisy didn’t share his feelings — and even if she did, being with her would mean betraying his family and his brother.
As much as Xander cared about Maisy, he couldn’t do that. And he was sure that she would never betray her family either.
The rest of the kayaking session had gone relatively smoothly. They’d both been polite, if a little distant. Now, they were back at the villa. Maisy had retreated into her room as soon as they’d arrived, citing a headache, and Xander had sat on the balcony and tried not to think about what had almost happened that afternoon.
It had been at least an hour, though, and he still hadn’t been able to stop thinking about kissing Maisy. On top of that, they were having a romantic dinner tonight as part of the honeymoon agenda and Xander would have to see Maisy in a beautiful summer dress once again.
“Hey.”
Xander whirled and caught sight of Maisy. Sure enough, she was already wearing a white sundress that stopped just above her knees. Her hair was in loose waves around her shoulders, and she smelled like the coconut shampoo from the villa’s shower.
“Hi.” Xander nudged the chair beside him out with his foot. Maisy sat. She bit her lip. Then she turned to him.
“Things got a little… weird… on the island today.”
“Yes.” Xander’s heart began to race again. Where was Maisy going with this?
“I just wanted to apologize. It’s a very romantic atmosphere, and since we have to pretend to be a couple anyway, it would be all too easy to let the boundaries between us slip. But we have to remember that this whole thing is a professional arrangement — nothing else.”
“Agreed.” Even as he said the words, Xander’s heart sank. “I’m glad we’re on the same page. And I’m sorry if we’ve had any misunderstandings.”
“Me too.” Maisy bit her lip again, then flashed Xander a cautious smile. “It’ll be like when we were kids. Do you remember?”
Xander chuckled. “I assume you’re talking about when we first met in our teens. We weren’t exactly kids.”
“We might as well have been. Do you remember? Our families went to that trade conference in Chicago together. Our parents introduced all of us.”
“Lily must have been, what, nine?”
“Give or take. I was fifteen and you were… seventeen.”
“Right. And we all sat together at that table in the back of the conference and made up a secret language so that we could make fun of the guests without them knowing.”
Xander grinned. “That was a fun trip. I can’t believe it’s been so many years since then. More than a decade.”
“Me neither. It was always really different after that.”
There was a knock and Maisy got to her feet. “That must be Safa here to take us to dinner.” It was. As they drove towards the restaurant, Safa gave a long speech on protocol, so Maisy and Xander didn’t have a chance to talk. It was probably for the best.
The restaurant where they were eating was on a cliffside. As Xander followed the waiter to their table, he felt his heart sink. It was all unbelievably romantic. There were candles and flowers on every table, a small band played live music, and the ceiling was strung with fairy lights. Their table was right beside the railing that looked out over the cliff and the inky-black water far below. Xander pulled out Maisy’s chair for her and she sat, tucking her skirt beneath her legs as she did so. She was biting her lip again.
“It’s a beautiful night,” Xander said, hoping to keep things normal and casual between them. The romantic atmosphere had him just as much on edge as Maisy seemed to be.
“Yes.” Maisy took the light-blue cloth napkin from her plate and began to weave it through her fingers.
“Pretty romantic, too.”
“Yes.” She gave the napkin a twist. Xander felt frustrated with himself for not being able to make better conversation. They’d been on good terms throughout the honeymoon activities until now. Their dance and the moment they’d shared on the island had thrown everything off, and dinner felt strange, too.
Then Xander remembered what they’d been talking about before they left the villa. Surely, a few more reminiscing stories would bring them back onto sure footing.
“Do you remember the second time we met?” he asked. “After the conference in Chicago?”
“Yes.” Maisy grinned at the memory. “My family came to visit yours in the palace. It was maybe… three years later? I remember that I was eighteen. I’d just started college.”
“Our parents were discussing import taxes or something,” Xander recalled. “Niko was called to join them, and I remember him complaining all morning about how boring it was going to be. That was before he became so invested in doing his duty all the time.”
“Right. I remember that he was gone most of the day. It was my fall break from college, and my friends were all aflutter about how I was going to meet royalty. They asked me to try to take pictures of you guys and the palace and send them.”
“Now, that I don’t remember.”
“I didn’t tell you. And I didn’t take many pictures in the end, either — only of my room and a few events. I mostly remember sitting by the pool with you and Lily, daring each other to jump in with all our clothes on. And then you actually did it.”
“I did.” Xander grinned. “It made you laugh so hard that when I reached up and asked you to help me up, you actually gave me your hand and I pulled you in, too.”
“Lily loves that story. She’s the only one who made it out without getting soaked.”
“I remember how smug she was about it.”
“That trip was the last time we really hung out, though,” Maisy said. “We spent so much time together on that trip — meals and excursions and everything. After that, I saw you less and less.”
“Yeah. The next time we saw each other, it was when my family came to the United States. By then you were almost twenty, and our parents had started to talk about a marriage between you and Niko. That was my cue to back off.”
“Right. Bros before… arranged fiancées.”
“Something like that.” Xander hesitated. The real reason he’d spent less and less time with Maisy was that it had been too painful to be around her when he knew she was promised to his brother. When they were young, Xander had liked Maisy. He’d found her fun to be around and had enjoyed her unique way of looking at the world. Plus, she’d always been beautiful.
When his parents had started talking about a wedding between Maisy and Niko, Xander had been annoyed. He’d been in his early twenties at the time and had still been trying to work his way out of the rivalry he and Niko had been pushed into by virtue of being such high-profile twins. Niko seemed to get everything: more goals in soccer, better grades in university, more love from the public — and even the girl Xander liked and whom Niko had never shown any interest in. It hadn’t seemed fair. That had been the beginning of Xander’s mission to branch out and develop his own strengths without competing with Niko.
But saying any of that would mean coming dangerously close to admitting that he had liked Maisy all those years ago — and that he still liked her now. He’d spent years burying his feelings for her. The time they were spending together now was slowly unearthing those feelings and breathing new life into them. That moment on the island had been proof of that.
So instead, Xander picked up the menu. “What are you planning to order?”
If Maisy was surprised by the abrupt change in topic, she didn’t show it. She just lifted her own menu and began to flip through it. “Ooh, finally we get more Kanalean food. I think I’ll try the smoked fish in banana leaves with mango and lime salad and fried plantains.”
“I’m going for the roast pork and rice,” Xander decided. “Maybe we can exchange a few bites?”
“I’m not a huge fan of pork.” Maisy made a face. “Sorry.”
“Oh, I remember now.” Xander chuckled. “On your first visit to Aenicea, you spat a bite of a pork dumpling into your napkin when you thought no one was looking.”
“I did.” Maisy winced. “That wasn’t exactly dignified of me, was it?”
“Not really,” Xander admitted. “But I can’t blame you. You didn’t know there was pork in that dumpling and it must have been a surprise.”
“It was. And speaking of weird foodstuffs, didn’t you spend half your time in the United States eating French fries dipped in milkshakes?”
“That’s not weird.”
“Oh, yes it is.” Maisy shook her head at him. “It’s very weird. Why would you ruin a perfectly good meal like that?”
“Says the American. Your food is all weird! You have maple-bacon donuts, just for example.”
“I don’t eat those. Bacon.”
“Right. How about spreading squished nuts all over your bread?”
Maisy tilted her head, looking confused. Then her expression cleared. “You mean peanut butter?”
“Of course.”
“Now, that is normal!”
The conversation continued with easy, food-related banter, and Xander felt himself relax. They were back on firm footing, discussing completely unromantic topics. Maisy was describing an Aenicean savory porridge with such dramatic facial expressions that she might easily have been discussing a life-or-death matter. Xander nodded along, but his mind was far away. It felt good to be able to talk to Maisy normally, but their casual conversation didn’t dispel his feelings for the woman in front of him.
“Xander?”
“Sorry.” He smiled sheepishly. “I got a little distracted.” By how beautiful you are.
“Men.” Maisy rolled her eyes playfully. “Always thinking about one thing.”
Xander’s heart practically stopped in his chest. Did Maisy know what he’d been thinking about? How? Was he being that obvious?
“What one thing, exactly?”
“Food.” Maisy nodded to the menu in Xander’s hand. “That’s what you were thinking about, right?”
“Of course. What else?” Xander scanned the restaurant for their waiter, partly because he really did want to order, and partly just to have something to do.
The waiter arrived a few moments later and took their orders. Once he’d left, Xander turned back to Maisy.
“What other weird things have I seen you do with food…?”
“Nothing. I’m very normal.”
“Hardly.”
“Yes. Definitely.”
“I once saw you twist open an Oreo, scoop out the filling, put it on a strawberry, and then eat the strawberry.”
“Oh, yeah, I did do that. Classic.” Maisy grinned. “But that’s not weird. I’ve seen Aeniceans eat cooked lettuce.”
“Okay, that’s one I’ll concede to you. Cooked lettuce is weird. But I also don’t eat it — so while you may have scored a point against Aenicea, you didn’t score one against me.”
“I’ll take it anyway.” Maisy paused and drew her lip between her teeth once again. “Xander, I know what you’re doing, and I really appreciate it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Talking to me like everything is normal when nothing about this trip is normal at all.”
“I mean, some things are normal. The sun still rises in the east and sets in the west. The tides still come and go. That kind of thing.” Xander was doing his best to keep up their easy banter.
“I know what you mean. But we can talk seriously, too. I know what happened on the island was just a fluke, with all the romantic stuff and all the uncertainty and all the time we have to spend together. I know you’d never feel that way about me in our real lives. So, you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to tell anyone.”
That wasn’t what Xander was worried about, not at all. He was worried that his feelings would get the better of him and that he’d confess to Maisy how he felt about her. He was worried that he never would tell her how he felt and that she would go back to Aenicea and marry his brother and forget about him. He was worried that she wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings. He was worried that she would.
The thought that Maisy would tell Niko about the dance on the island hadn’t even broken his top ten worries.
Perhaps this was the moment for Xander to tell Maisy how he felt. But he didn’t. It would be a terrible idea. Even if Maisy felt the same way, there would be no happy ending for them. She was still slated to marry his brother.
“Thank you,” Xander said instead. “I won’t tell anyone either.”
Their food arrived and the rest of dinner passed relatively smoothly. They chatted about this and that, nothing important, and returned to the apartment late. Xander’s heart still felt heavy. Any day now, their parents would figure out a way forward, and all this would come to an end. Despite how much he hadn’t wanted to be on this honeymoon in the first place, he found that he wanted it to continue now. Kanalea was like a haven, away from the real world and from Xander’s real responsibilities. And more importantly, it was a haven where he could imagine a future with Maisy, even though none was possible. Even though he wouldn’t act on it.