Chapter Twenty-Two Adam
M om waved at me from inside the store as I parked the car and headed to the entrance. I put on a fake smile, but there was enough anxiety in my chest to drown a man. I wanted to avoid talking about Mateo, but I had a feeling it would be impossible with Mom. She had a tendency to pull information from me whether I wanted to give it to her or not. The woman was relentless.
But maybe that’s exactly what I needed. Some motherly advice. Clearly, I wasn’t doing a good job by myself. Rowan and James’ advice had only led me to more heartache like I thought it might. But Mom had a completely different perspective. Maybe she could finally point me in the right direction because I sure as fuck was doing a poor job of it by myself.
I stepped inside, the door ringing over my head in a far too cheerful tone.
“Hey honey,” Mom called, waving me over to stand next to her in line. Thankfully there wasn’t anyone behind her. “It’s good to see you!”
I gave her a big hug, doing my best to keep a smile on my face. She pulled back, holding me by the shoulders and giving me a good once over.
“You look skinny,” she said, furrowing her brows.
“You always say that.”
“And you look sad.”
“I’m… fine.”
“Wow,” she nodded. “That was almost believable.”
I let out a long sigh. “Can we just get coffee and food please? I’m starving.” I glanced at the people in front of us and another couple that was pulling up to the back of the line. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Sure, sure. You know me, honey. I’d rather give my right arm than go meddling in your business.”
“If that were true you wouldn’t have any limbs left.”
The lady in line in front of us snickered and I could help a grin.
“Adam Matthew! You take that back!”
“Sorry. I don’t tell lies.”
“Well, we both know that’s not true.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “I guess we both have our quirks then, huh?”
“You are in a mood today.”
“Yep.”
“Well, I know some iced coffee and a little food will help at least a little bit. You always did have a hangry streak, even as a child.”
I sighed again. “I know…” I gave her a small smile. “I am happy to see you though.”
“Happy to see you too, honey.”
It only took a few minutes to get through the line and get our order. While we waited, Mom chatted my ear off about her hotel and the view and how she was hoping to find a Latino lover for the week just to blow off some steam. That last part was just to make me laugh or embarrass me in front of the other customers. Either way, it accomplished both.
“But in all seriousness,” she said as we headed for an open booth. “I have been seeing a guy.”
“Oh?” I took my seat, the sandwich in front of me calling my name far too loudly for me to say much else. “How’s that going?”
“Good actually.” She took her seat across from me, putting her purse on the edge of the table. “We’ve been seeing each other for a while, actually.”
“How long?”
“Six months.”
“S-Six months?!” I choked, nearly spitting out my sandwich. “You didn’t think to say anything about that?!” I paused. “Oh god. Are you getting married? Did he propose already because that’s way too fast, Mom.” I narrowed my eyes. “I’m not calling him Dad if you did.”
“Oh my god,” she laughed, patting the back of my hand. “Calm down. We’re not getting married, and you don’t have to call him anything. Well, except maybe Patrick, because that’s his name.”
“Patrick sounds like a fat middle-aged plumber who lives in his mom’s basement.”
“Rude.” But she chuckled anyway. “Actually, Pat is a contractor who owns a landscaping business. And he’s definitely not fat.” She fanned herself with her napkin. “He’s built like a brick house. And he… well he knows what he’s doing if you know what I mean.”
I winced. “Unfortunately, I do.”
“But there’s one thing you might find weird.”
I braced myself for impact, my sandwich firmly gripped between my fingers.
“He’s uh… He’s twenty-seven.”
My jaw nearly hit the table. “ Mother !” I whispered, putting my sandwich down and leaning forward. “You’re a cougar ?!”
She rolled her eyes. “Not on purpose! He was my yoga instructor and we got to talking and you know… he was showing me some advanced poses and then we were in some advanced poses…”
“Please stop.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to get that image out of my head.
“Sorry.” She continued to fan herself. “It’s all just kind of… invigorating . I feel like I’m back in college again.”
“And hear me out,” I added. “But you’re sure this guy isn’t trying to just hit you up for your social security check or steal your investments or something?”
“Honey,” she said with a stern tone. “I’m only fifty-six. I’m not on social security. And I’m still working, anyway. Plus, I hate to break this to you, but if I had investments and money big enough for him to steal, I wouldn’t still have a job and I definitely wouldn’t be living in Michigan. I’d be in a condo in Florida tanning on the beach.”
“Sorry,” I muttered, shaking my head. “I just… I don’t know. I don’t want anyone to take advantage of you or hurt you like Dad did.”
“Don’t you worry. I learned my lesson. Pat isn’t in a rush to get married and what we have is fun and fresh. I’m not sure where it’s gonna go, but we’re happy.”
“Do you love him?”
She looked surprised by my question but smiled anyway. “Yeah. I do. And he loves me too. And that’s enough for us.”
It was my turn to sigh dramatically, burying my face in my hands at self-pity attempted to swallow me whole. “I’m happy for you. I really am.”
“The age thing doesn’t bother you?”
“Honestly? No. I’d rather you were happy than date a guy your age to be more acceptable.”
“Then why do you sound so upset, honey?” She reached out, pulling my hands away from my face. “What’s going on out here?”
I didn’t want to answer her. I knew the moment I did the floodgates would open and then I’d have to hear the truth. But after my text conversation with Mateo, it seemed like there was very little hope of the two of us getting together in a real way. No, the truth was the man I’d fallen for didn’t want anything to do with me. I was just a toy for him to play with like all the others until he eventually got tired of me and sent me on my way.
“It… It happened again,” I said, my voice soft. “I found a gu y I thought was going to be something and it turned out he’s not. And it’s all my fault.”
“I’m sure it’s not your fault, honey–”
“It is,” I said, cutting her off. “I was the one that set the expectations at the beginning that our relationship was fake . That I was just going to use him for practice so I could be better with other guys in the future.” I buried my face in my hands again. “And then I was a fucking idiot and fell in love with him…”
“Oh honey…”
“And now I can’t even tell him how I feel. The moment I do, he’ll just run away like everyone else.” I glanced up at her, my eyes red and threatening tears. “I was just trying to figure out what was wrong with me, you know? And he’s so sweet and kind and patient with me… but it’s obvious he doesn’t want anything.” My voice hitched. “He made that pretty clear this morning.”
“I’m not sure what to say, Adam,” she replied honestly. “Other than if it was meant to be, it wouldn’t matter how you both started. It would only matter that you cared about each other now. And if he doesn’t feel the same as you… well, maybe it’s time to come home.”
Her words caught me by surprise and I looked up.
“You don’t have to,” she said, holding her hands up in mock defeat. “But you know you always have a room at my house. And there’s lots of jobs up there so you can get your life back on track. You don’t have to do the same thing or even work anywhere near your old company. Start a new life with people who already care for you. This small town… it’s wasted on you, honey. Especially if there’s not someone here to love you.”
I wanted to argue with her. I wanted to tell her that she was wrong and that everything around Hardwood Beach was amazing and incredible and could never be worse than moving back in with your mom in your thirties.
But I couldn’t.
“Maybe you’re right,” I said with a deep sigh. “I guess I could always sell the cabin. Who knows? Maybe it’ll sell for enough that I can spend some time figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life.” I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat. “I had some stupid notion to try to write a book but I’m not sure I feel much like it now.”
“Writing is a hard game. It might be easier to go back to school if you want to try a new career.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll figure it out when I get to it.” I took a deep breath, rubbing my face in a vain attempt to distract myself from all the big emotions I was feeling. “I need to let Rowan and James know I’m leaving. I promised to help them move into their new house in a couple days. After that I’ll go home with you when you leave.”
Mom reached across the table, pulling me into a hug.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out, honey,” she said. “But I’m glad to have you home. Don’t lose faith in love just yet. It’ll find you when you least expect it, I promise.”
“Right…”