15. Ryn
Chapter fifteen
Ryn
Dreams of your lips and whispered words haunt all my waking moments- Ryn Raines
It hurts so much to be me. I can barely breathe through the pain tonight. My imminent failure is looming on the horizon, a future with those alphas who will simply order me into doing the depraved things I don’t want to do. I don’t know why I can’t escape these black thoughts, but anxiety has a throat hold on me.
Yesterday, Envy told us we’re heading back to their home village; Carmine.
And the panic set in. The more afraid I got, the louder my failures seemed. My skin feels too tight, and I haven’t really stopped weeping in hours. Nothing feels safe. Nothing feels right. Fear skitters up my spine and seizes me by the nape. My bleak future is coming true.
I need Kelly.
Perhaps I should ask Locke for help.
Pain rips through my stomach, causing me to double over. What the fuck?
I open my bag and pull out some over-the-counter painkillers. I pop two and chug it down with a bottle of water.
The pain continues, rippling and cramping, but I’m able to stand.
Tyr appears and looks me up and down. “Feeling all right, Raines?”
“Yes,” I snarl. “I don’t need you to tell me I look like shit, Tyr.”
He grunts and puts his hands in his pockets. I can still feel his eyes.
“Ready to go?”
“Yes, we’re stopping in Carmine for two weeks, aren’t we? Or have the plans changed? ”
Tyr shakes his head. “Envy has been summoned home, so you’re coming with us. The plan is still the same.”
I go completely still. “I can stay in a hotel or something. Seriously, I don’t have to go with you.”
“Afraid that’s not going to happen. Denise, Envy’s mother, has decided she wants to meet you.”
I want to argue with him. I really do, but the car rocks up, and he ushers me into it. A few minutes later, Envy, Digs, and Mako get in.
Mako turns to me with a smile. “You’re going to love our home.”
I glower at him because I already hate it. I hate it on principle. And I hate their smug faces and the irritating way they just keep deciding what we’re doing. I’m a grown ass woman. I’m sick of jumping to their weird little commands.
The pain streaks through me again, and I decide right then and there that I don’t care. If I don’t have to get on a plane, I will go anywhere.
I close my eyes and try to ignore the thick scents that are filling the car. Coconut threads through it all, subtle, so faint it almost can’t be smelled.
Envy is pressed up against me, his arm against mine. He’s in the middle, Tyr on his other side, Digs is in the front, while Mako drives.
“Were we seen?”
My eyes open, and I turn my head, watching Mako as he frowns.
“Don’t think so, but I’m going to make a run around, just to make sure we don’t lead anyone back home.”
I almost groan and lean back and close my eyes. My body is aching. Have I got a flu?
I fold my arms around myself and let the soft chatter of their voices drag me to a warmer place.
“Ryn? Ryn, baby? You need to wake up. We’re here.”
I slowly come to and wonder why Envy’s voice is so soft, so caring. But then I realise I’ve got my face buried in his neck. I’ve crawled halfway into his lap and the car isn’t moving.
I want to move, but it feels so right.
The last time we were like this was that night. I curl my fingers in his shirt and hang on to the material. Don’t let it be a dream. In my dream, he doesn’t regret that night.
“Let's run away from the world and live in a song,” I whisper .
His hand slides down my back. “I believe last time I suggested that you turned me down.”
“Only because you looked so sad when you kissed me.”
That tears the remainder of sleep from me. I let out a groan, part mortification, part pain. We don’t talk of that night, ever.
Envy sighs and carefully lifts me off his chest. He gets out of the car, but I just snuggle into the seats, squeezing my eyes closed. The sun is too bright.
The door opens, and I’m picked up and pulled out of the car.
Movement hurts.
“It hurts,” I whimper.
“You caught a bug. Lots of places on the road to catch bugs. I bet you’ve been staying up all night writing songs and refusing to sleep, too. You aren’t a super soldier, Ryn.”
“Not me,” I whine.
“Sure.”
I can hear the laughter in his voice. He steps up, and then a creaking door is opened, and I smell something fragrant and nice but not offensive.
“Where are we?”
“Digs sends his parents on a continuous stream of holidays, so we’re going to stay here for the next couple of days. It’s his house.”
“Oh. Can I sleep?”
“You don’t want to eat?”
I shake my head, but that makes it throb. “No, I just need to sleep.”
“All right.” He carries me through the house, pauses, and then opens a door.
“Envy?” Tyr’s deep voice is whiplash of sharp sounds. I tense, wondering what I’ve done to upset him now.
“It’s all right. She needs to sleep. It’s the darkest room in the house-”
“But-”
“Tyr, drop it. It’s fine. She needs to sleep.”
We enter the dark room and the smells of the pack are strong. Envy lowers me to a bed, and I grab a pillow and curl up around it, moaning as sharp twists of pain grip my stomach.
Envy pauses and puts a hand on my head. “You’re hot.”
I whimper.
“I’m going to get you some painkillers and some water.”
He disappears, and I think I must fall asleep because it seems like only a moment later, he’s got me sitting up and carefully puts a tablet in my mouth, coaxes me to swallow the water, and then adds another .
I moan in pain, but when he goes to leave, I cling to him. Reluctantly, he climbs in beside me, pulling me up on his chest. I wrap myself around him and fall back into a deep sleep.
The next time I wake up, it’s dark, and the house is silent. Envy is still in the bed with me, twined around me. I have a thigh thrown over his hip, and my mouth is pressed against his chest.
I’m touching him everywhere, but there is one part of us that is touching that brings the most alarm. My pussy is pressed against the hard lump in his jeans. And I can tell that he is soaked.
I’m frozen as panic spears through me.
I’m not sick.
Oh, god.
My eyes snap to his. Envy has his eyes open, and he’s staring at me intently.
I clear my throat, then do it again, but when I try to pull away, he wraps his arms around me and holds me still.
“You got something you need to share, Ryn?”
I shake my head tersely.
“Omega,” Envy whispers, and I get full body shivers.
I can’t even protest. The evidence is damning. My scent is fully enmeshed with the scents of the pack. It’s nice and so very wrong.
I don’t realise I’m rocking against him until he moans.
“Shit, sorry. Let me go.” My voice is husky and whatever Envy hears, his cock twitches under me.
My eyes widen. “You should let me go.”
“You should explain.”
“Yes, I agree. An explanation would be outstanding,” Tyr growls from the doorway.
I spring away from Envy, breaking his hold. Fuck, it’s just like last time. Except no one caught us that time. It was close, but we escaped by the skin of our teeth.
Envy sits up more slowly, ignoring the wet patch on his jeans as he stands up and follows me up the stairs and out of the room.
I can’t stop looking back at him.
Heat coils under my skin, turning me warm one limb at a time .
Mako and Digs are sitting at the table, and they look feral. Tyr indicates a seat and I slip into it, lifting my chin and refusing to cower.
“You are an omega!” Digs almost shouts.
“I’m aware.”
“An omega! What the actual hell, Auryn? How could you do that?”
I flick him a reproachful look. “It’s a designation, not a disease, Digs.”
He slams his palm into his face and groans. “Since when?”
My temper sizzles. “Since always. I have always been an omega.”
“Why can’t we smell it!” he snaps. “Why did you hide it? Why?”
I stare at him. He knows all these answers. I don’t need to answer this interrogation.
“Because you hid it to be safe. From not just us but everyone, so your father wouldn’t sell you to the highest bidder,” Mako drawls out loud, figuring it all out.
“Omegas are a more highly sought commodity than betas,” I say bitterly.
“So, why didn’t you tell us?” Tyr asks.
I raise an eyebrow. “I didn’t even tell my cousins, and I trust them.”
The bard hits true.
Tyr sits back. “Well, you’re going to have to trust us now, Auryn,” Tyr snaps. “You’re going into heat.”
I open my mouth to protest, but suddenly, the sickness, the aches, the pain, my strange behaviour, it all becomes crystal clear.
My eyes find Envy and lower to his crotch, the wet patch. My slick. The clarity I had in the room, the understanding, returns.
Heat.
I stand up and start pacing.
“I’ll call someone.”
“It's too late,” Tyr says calmly.
“No-”
“Ryn, it’s too late. No one will reach you in time. There’s only one option.”
I stare at him, my head getting light.
“We’re going to have to see you through this.”
I shake my head, a wordless protest. “No, I can’t. We can’t.”
“You don’t have a choice anymore, Ryn.” Tyr is immovable.
I bare my teeth at the huge alphas as I back towards the door, but Digs gets up and crowds me into the corner.
“No one is going to hurt you, . No one is going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. We just want to help you. ”
I can hear Mako whispering to Tyr, but when I look over Digs’ shoulder, Envy is standing apart, staring down at the floor.
What is wrong with him?
The heat hits me hard, and I inhale deeply, drawing the intoxicating scent of Digs’ almond into my lungs. I feel hungry.
I feel like I need it.
I reach out almost unconsciously, and he draws me with him, back towards the room.
My panic hits me. I don’t have a nest.
I’ve never had one. I refused to allow myself even a remote chance I might fuck up and give myself away. I don’t have a nest.
This nest isn’t mine, but it could be. Maybe. I still don’t feel right.
I give it a once over and look back, finding Tyr and Mako following. Envy stands at the top of the stairs.
“Envy?” Mako growls.
“I can’t!” Envy whispers. “I can’t be here, and I can’t see it. Digs, I can’t watch.”
“ENVY!” I shriek.
“You stay with her. I’ll go home and stay with my mum. I’ll come back when it’s over.”
I protest, I fight, but Tyr slowly dips his chin and gives the other alpha his okay.
No!
I whimper. The room suddenly gets colder, but I’m barely hanging in. The heat is smashing me about and dragging me under.
Envy is backing away. I watch him leave, feeling something inside me shatter.
But the heat sweeps me up.