Our Little Wedding (The Spencer Brooks Diaries #3)

Spencer

Once I’d gotten Ainsley calmed down, we went into the kitchen and prepared a meal together. I’d wanted to do whatever it took to get her mind off what had happened, and so far it had worked.

We ate in the kitchen as the dining room table was now covered in boxes and glassware. We’d just finished our meal, and I sat back in my chair and took a drink. “So, you said that everything will be done in time?”

“That is what they told me.”

“Well, that went better than I expected. We should take a drive over to the new place tonight and check on things.”

“Sure.” Ainsley shrugged.

“All right then, give me a few minutes and we will head out.”

I cleared the table and shoved the dishes into the dishwasher. Then we made our way out to the car. I pulled my seatbelt across me, while Ainsley did the same, and then I noticed she shifted uncomfortably in her seat at the same time she let out a small moan.

“What is it?” I questioned.

“Nothing, I just got a sharp pain in my back is all. I must have pinched something,” she said, moving around while trying to get comfortable.

“You sure that is all?”

“Yes. See, it’s all better now,” she said, finally sitting still.

I drove off toward the new house, pulling into the driveway in ten minutes. I came around to Ainsley’s side of the car and opened the door, helping her out, and together we walked to the front door while looking at the gardens. I slid the key into the lock and we stepped inside. Some rooms contained boxes and others had the furniture all set up. We headed upstairs to the bedrooms and found Nikki’s almost completed.

“Wow, it looks amazing,” Ainsley said.

“Yes, this company was highly recommended. They have done an amazing job so far, haven’t they?”

I watched as Ainsley walked across the room and flipped the light on the inside of Nikki’s own bathroom. “Wow, I really think Nikki is going to love this. What about you?” She was about to take a step when, once again, she flinched in pain, this time putting her hand on her abdomen.

“Ainsley, what is it?” I asked, rushing over to her.

“Just that same pain again.”

I frowned, worried that something was wrong. “I think we should get back to the house. I think a hot bath and bed are for you.”

It surprised me she didn’t fight me but agreed. That worried me more. Concern lined my face; she took my hand and together we made our way back out of the house and drove back home.

Once home, I drew her a hot bath and got her settled, and then I headed into the living room to do some work. I’d just gotten off the phone with Max when I heard a bang come from the bedroom. I listened hard, but heard nothing, so I went back to what I’d been working on. I was just about to call Max back when I was sure I heard my name.

I got up and began walking down to the bedroom; halfway down the hall I heard Ainsley scream. I took off, shoving the bedroom door open, and ran into our ensuite to find Ainsley sitting on the bathroom floor, naked. Her legs and hand covered in blood.

“,” she cried, looking down at her hand, then her legs. “I…I…I…don’t know what is wrong.”

Immediately, I dropped to my knees and grabbed the towel off the edge of the tub, wiping her hand. I reached and grabbed the towel that hung on the towel rack and covered her legs and pulled my cell phone from my pocket immediately dialing the emergency line.

Her body shook as she leaned against me, listening as I made the emergency call. I held her close, waiting for what seemed to take forever for the ambulance to arrive.

I’d been waiting in this damn waiting room for over two hours and had heard nothing. I paced back and forth frantically. I was just about to sit down when a nurse walked by the room.

“Excuse me,” I called, and then repeated, “Excuse me.”

“Sir?” She came back into view.

“I’m here with Ainsley Matthews. Has there been any updates?” I questioned.

“I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know. I’m not looking after anyone by that name. I can check with the nurses’ station and find out for you if you like.”

I could feel my heart beating in my ears and nodded. “Thank you.”

The nurse turned around and went back the way she came. I took a seat on the couch and picked up a magazine off the table, flipping through it, barely seeing anything. They’d taken her from the paramedics the second I’d walked through the emergency room doors. I didn’t even have time to say anything to her, to let her know I was here, nothing. They just whisked her off as she lay on the stretcher, clutching her body, crying in pain.

I’d sent a message to Carly a little over an hour ago and still had heard nothing from her. I dropped the magazine on the table just as the nurse returned to the doorway.

“I’m sorry, sir. There have been no updates yet,” the nurse said quietly and continued to walk down the hall.

I felt helpless, completely powerless at this moment. I always had control. I wasn’t used to this. I leaned back in the chair and stared at the wall when I heard my name quietly called from behind me. I turned and looked over my shoulder to see Carly, Jon, and Jane standing together. Sadness lined all their faces, along with worry.

“How is she?” Carly questioned.

My eyes travelled from her to Jane and then to Jon, who looked more worried than any of them combined.

“I… I don’t know. I haven’t heard a thing,” I said, the first tear escaping from my eyes. I covered my mouth and turned my back. I just needed a minute to calm myself and take everything in that had happened in the past few hours. I never cried, but when I felt a small hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Carly standing there, her eyes full of tears, my own tears fell.

She wrapped her arms around me, and we stood there, the pair of us crying. “I just love her so fucking much,” I whispered, feeling as if my heart were being ripped from my chest. “I don’t know what I’ll do if she isn’t okay.”

“She is going to be fine. Don’t talk like that. She is going to be fine,” Carly cried.

I pulled away from her and saw Jon and Jane standing in the same spot they had been. Jon had his arm around Jane, and they both had tears in their eyes. Carly guided me over to a chair, and the four of us sat down together.

We talked for a while, going over what happened, each of them listening, and then I heard my name called. I turned to see Doctor Pines standing in the doorway. “, can I see you please?”

Carly softly smiled and nodded at me. “Go… we’ll be here.”

I looked at Jon; he nodded as I got up from my chair, feeling the weight of everything on my shoulders.

“We’ll be here, ,” Carly called out again, reassuring me they weren’t going anywhere.

I turned and looked at her over my shoulder. “Thank you.”

I walked over to where Doctor Pines stood. “Walk with me,” she said.

We began walking down the hall toward a bank of rooms and stopped at the first one where I could see Ainsley lying in the bed sleeping. “She’s been asking for you.”

I swallowed hard; I wanted to know what had happened, but I was afraid to ask. I was afraid to hear the answer, because somehow, I already knew the truth. Instead, I just stood there watching her.

“Do you want to know?” she asked. “Or would you prefer I let Ainsley tell you?”

“Is the baby… okay?” I questioned, the words getting stuck in my throat. I needed to be prepared in case the outcome wasn’t good. I needed to be prepared to be strong for Ainsley.

Doctor Pines looked at me, a sullen look on her face. “I’m afraid not, . She lost the baby,” she whispered.

My chest hurt as what Doctor Pines said registered in my mind. I looked through the doorway at the love of my life lying in the bed all alone. My thoughts drifted back to when she told me about the baby, how scared she was at how I’d react and how surprised she was when I didn’t blow up. Then the complete look of excitement and happiness on her face.

“What happened? Do you think stress caused this?” I questioned.

“Most likely a chromosomal abnormality. I’ve seen this many times, and I have sent some tissue for testing to see if that is indeed the reason. Elevated cortisol can speed up the inevitable, but stress is not the cause, . While stress isn’t good for her, or anyone for that fact, this is quite common to happen. About eighty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage this early on.”

I grew quiet as I watched Ainsley. “Will we ever be able to have children?” I asked.

“Yes, of course. She is perfectly healthy. I am going to set up an appointment for you guys to come in and speak with me at my office once the test results are back. I am not sure how Ainsley is going to take this. She knows, of course, but it’s too early to tell how it may affect her psychologically. However, there is also a slight chance she won’t be affected at all. Either way we can set her up with some therapy.”

I nodded, still watching her through the window. I wanted to hold her, to make everything okay for her, but I knew that was impossible. This wasn’t something I could put into a spreadsheet, tweak and fix.

“Go be with her. She has been asking for you since she woke,” Doctor Pines said, placing her hand on my back. “I am truly sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

I stepped into her room, listening to the gentle beeping of her heart rate monitor. I made my way around the bed and gently took her hand in mine. I bent down and brushed her hair from her forehead and kissed her. She didn’t move. I had just sat down in the chair beside her bed when a nurse came in and swapped out the almost empty IV bag, adjusted a couple of things on one machine and printed a report from another. She said nothing. She just gave me a nod and quietly left the room.

I brought Ainsley’s hand to my lips and kissed the back of it, and she let out a small moan and slowly opened her eyes, blinking fast. She looked over at me. “Where are we?” she questioned, looking around the room.

“At the hospital, baby girl,” I replied. “In your room.”

It was then that her eyes filled with tears, and the once gentle beeping of the heart rate monitor got faster and a little louder. “, I’m so sorry, I lost the baby.”

I wiped the tears that slid down her cheek and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I know,” I said, swallowing hard. “It’s not your fault,” I whispered.

She tried to move closer to me but she couldn’t, so I lowered the rail on the side of her bed. She was over far enough that I could lie beside her, so I carefully climbed onto the bed, sliding my arm under her and wrapping myself around her.

I’d just gotten comfortable when the door opened, and a nurse stepped inside. “Everything okay in here?” she asked, silencing the alarm on Ainsley’s heart monitor.

I nodded, holding Ainsley tight against me. That was when I noticed that people from the hallway could see into the room. I didn’t want them staring, watching us, as we shared this private moment together. “Nurse, could you please pull the curtain closed give us a little privacy?”

“Certainly, sir,” she said, pulling the curtain over the glass window. “If you need anything, just hit the call button, okay,” she said before leaving the room.

As soon as the nurse was gone, Ainsley shifted onto her side and wrapped her arm around me, burying herself in my chest. A guttural sob escaped her. Once again there was nothing I could do but hold her tight, allowing her to cry, to grieve for what we’d just lost.

A few hours had gone by. Ainsley was now sound asleep on her back. I slipped from the hospital bed and headed down the hall. I’d forgotten that Carly, Jon, and Jane were still there. I rounded the corner in time to see the three of them look up.

“How is she?” Carly asked immediately. “How is the baby?”

I looked at them, feeling empty. “She is okay. She, um…” I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, “She lost the baby,” I muttered. It was the first time I’d said those words. I’d heard them, I’d thought about them, a lot, but this was the first time I’d actually said them.

Carly covered her mouth as tears ran down her cheeks. Jane grabbed her and wrapped her arms around her, and she grabbed Jon’s hand.

I stood there, watching as each one of them consoled the other, wishing that there was someone to console me. I turned around, sitting down on a chair away from them all. I buried my face in my hands as I listened to Carly cry. Jane was doing her best to calm her down.

I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a breath, and that was when I felt a firm hand on my shoulder. I sat there for a moment before looking up to see Jon staring down at me.

“I was wrong.”

When I said nothing, he came around and sat down.

“I was wrong about you. About how you feel about her. I see it now.”

It was wrong that it had taken this to get him to see my feelings for her. To lose a life in order for him to realize that I really, truly loved his daughter. I didn’t have words. I wanted to shout at him but knew it would do no good. We’d all lost something here. It wasn’t just Ainsley’s and my loss; it was also Carly’s, Jane’s and Jon’s.

It would take all of us time to heal. Heal from this, heal from the words that had been spoken. It would take us time to rebuild our relationships with one another. Everything now hinged on time.