Chapter 38
Meeko was surprised when Fiona asked if he would give her a proper Tarot reading; she’d appeared unimpressed by the cartomancy before Christmas.
“Joe’s gone,” she’d told him on the phone. “And I’ve got to create my next chapter from a blank sheet. Your cards might not help but I need options. I’ll pay the going rate.”
He punched the air. The toad was gone! Hopefully it had been a positive choice by Fiona to throw him out and not the toad leaving of his own free will. Then rational thought and memories of their conversation the previous day crept in. It had been impossible to discern for certain whether, like him, she felt they could be more than just friends, and if she too tingled with electricity whenever they touched. Plus, there was that big red danger sign in his head, warning there could be no way back to a solid friendship from an unworkable romance. After his loneliness over Christmas, Meeko didn’t want to lose Fiona forever. It would be best to sit tight and be there for her as she worked through things herself.
The immediate problem was the Tarot. He had the cards and he had the books but he hadn’t properly put them together to learn how to read the cards. Having to make every penny count had taken all his brain power. Plus, research had shown him that the internet was awash with Tarot readers — the chances of him making any meaningful money was low. He glanced at his watch: thirty minutes until she arrived. He fed coins into the meter and put the gas fire on full blast. There was only one solution: he would make up the reading to be suitably vague. She wouldn’t believe it anyway — her brain was too logical.
Meeko zoomed around his kitchen and living area, dusting and putting stuff away. He bleached the toilet and wished he had air freshener because now the tiny room smelled like a hospital. He stuffed the used tea towel in the bag for the launderette and put out his slightly smarter spare one. At the same time, he was trying to guess if there was specific advice that Fiona might want.
“Come in.” He’d run down the stairs at the sound of the doorbell. Once in the flat, Fiona seemed about to take her coat off, but then twitched her shoulders and changed her mind. It was obviously colder than she was used to. “We’ll sit by the fire,” Meeko said quickly. “It’s the warmest spot. Keep your coat on until you acclimatise.”
He had the cards out ready. When Fiona was settled with a mug of coffee, he turned over three cards.
“I’m at a turning point in my life.” She looked him in the eye. “There are choices and I don’t know which way to jump.” There was an unspoken plea for guidance. As her friend, he should fabricate a neutral reading to encourage her to consider all options carefully.
Fiona’s gaze was intense, moving between his face and the cards. He tried to formulate a narrative to give meaning to what he saw before him. From his initial reading on the subject, he had an inkling that the three cards were supposed to represent past, present and future. He looked up at her and picked on the left-most card, which showed a ladder of swords. “The Nine of Swords shows that things in the home aren’t running as smoothly as they might.”
“We already know that.”
“But that sets the context for moving forward.” He was working hard to keep his voice confident and believable. The next card along was captioned ‘The Lovers’ and was illustrated with a naked man and woman, plus an angel hovering above them. “This one indicates you are at a fork in your close relationships and decisions must be made, for your own peace of mind as well as those near to you.” He dared to glance up.
She was looking intently at the cards. “What guidance are they giving?”
Meeko took a breath and bent over the pictures again. Now their heads were almost touching. He could smell her perfume, something spicy with a fruity undertone. He hoped it wasn’t a present from Joe.
“The cards can’t be exact. They deal in hints and generalisations. You must interpret them according to your own situation.”
She frowned and sat back in her chair.
The final card was captioned the ‘Ace of Cups’ and appeared to show an overflowing fountain with the excess water playing into a woman’s hand. He took a gamble. “This shows that there is a relationship to be had which will make you very happy.” He couldn’t meet her eye. “And that person is close by.”
“Do you mean long-lasting romantic love or platonic friendship?” Her voice faltered over the last two words and then picked up. “Or perhaps a maternal, caring kind of love for a younger person, or the love that one might feel for a parent? Or someone I was close to years ago?”
He knew exactly who she meant in each of those scenarios but it wasn’t fair to point her specifically in his direction. Changing the nature of their relationship carried a huge risk. “It could be any one of those, or more than one.”
She bit her lip and frowned. “This isn’t helping. I need more direct advice.”
Meeko’s mouth went dry and there was a fluttery feeling in his stomach. This opportunity wouldn’t come again. And Fiona still had the free will to make her own decision. “If I was doing this reading for me.” He spoke slowly, wanting to get every word right. “I would interpret it as pertaining to a relationship in my life that has the potential to change and grow.” He held the edges of the table to steady his hands and his heart thumped as he put his case as plainly as he dared.
Fiona met his eyes, blushed and looked down again. “I . . .”
Meeko was certain she’d understood his subtext. He felt the angular wood of the table edges dig into his hands. Both their futures hung between them.
“I . . .” she repeated. There was a silence and then she looked directly at him again. “I . . . I don’t want to jeopardise the most valuable thing in my life.”
Meeko’s heart contracted painfully. His shoulders slumped. The disappointment was huge. She had decided to obey that red danger sign. A second later he hitched his shoulders, relaxed his hands into the middle of the table and attempted to smile. Earlier he’d decided to be neutral and let her work through her options. That was still the fairest policy. “Other relationships?”
Fiona looked relieved at the change of focus. “There are several people that could apply to. I’ve held everybody at arm’s length for so long. Including my mum. With her I automatically revert to the role of awkward teenager because that was our relationship when I last lived at home. But when I see her with Adele and other adults, I see she is an interesting person in her own right, and if I could change our relationship then I could benefit from knowing that person too.”
“Improve that relationship if you can, but I don’t think it’s that that the cards are alluding to.” He had to tread carefully; he wasn’t ready to give up completely on the belief that they had a future together.
“And there’s Rob. In the early part of our marriage, we were as thick as thieves. I didn’t think any couple could be closer, or happier, than us. Neither of us have successfully found another partner since.” She paused. Meeko hoped she couldn’t hear the pounding of his heart. Rob was available and Fiona was available. “We need to work on that relationship and become friends if I’m to become part of his ‘reparations tour’.” Her hands added air quotation marks and she emphasised the word tour as though she was a rock singer with a huge live audience.
He said nothing.
“The arm’s-length relationship with Joe worked because it was all I thought I needed. In the last month I’ve wised up. The two of us always showing our polished side, and me being in control of everything, was a house of cards. And now it’s come tumbling down.”
Again Meeko said nothing. Fiona stopped speaking and looked directly at him. His heart leaped. His shoulders tensed and he felt his cheeks warm. The gas fire hissed as it tried and failed to send its heat across the room. His cheeks continued to burn.
The hope still deep within him meant he couldn’t stay silent any longer. “Sometimes the safest thing isn’t always the best thing.” He gripped the table again so the shaking of his hands wasn’t visible. “Sometimes we have to take a chance.” It was up to Fiona now and he would accept her verdict.
“I can’t afford to gamble and lose the thing I treasure the most.” Her eyes were speaking louder than her voice. “I thought I’d lost it recently and I was devastated. I can’t take that risk again.”
Meeko wanted to pull her close and reassure her it wasn’t a gamble. But that wasn’t true — they would be taking a huge risk that could end in catastrophe. That didn’t stop him wanting to kiss her neck, her throat, her face. He wanted to kiss her deeply on the mouth. He wanted to tell her that the two of them being happy together was a dead cert. It was odds-on to be a success. But there were no guarantees and so he didn’t speak and he didn’t move.
After a silence that felt interminable, Meeko looked at the cards and then across the table to Fiona. “Have the cards helped?”
“Talking to you has helped.”
“I’m glad. You’re welcome anytime for another reading, a chat or . . . whatever. But bring your own hot water bottle next time.” He gave a mock shiver and she had the decency to laugh.
Their drinks had gone cold and Meeko made more coffee.
“It’s not fair,” Fiona said when he sat back down.
“What’s not fair?”
“The way the hotel is treating you. You are the most popular instructor in that place, yet they are cutting your classes. Surely your boss is slitting his own throat?”
“That’s not how he sees it. Believe me — I have tried to plead my case with Frank. The lovely ladies that come to my classes are regulars, some of them come every day. Which is marvellous for me, but not so good for the hotel. They are clogging up the changing rooms and using the facilities but not bringing in any extra income because they use their membership to the full. Head office is pressurising Frank to bring in more cash, which means attracting more members, preferably working people who have less time to exercise and therefore won’t monopolise the place as much as my ladies, but will still bring in the same amount of cash per head. And because they attend less frequently, we’ll have space for more of them. Working people are younger and less interested in my holistic classes — they want an instant hit of calorie-burning, fat-shedding, heart-rate-rising, muscle-strengthening exercise. That way they feel attending only two or three times a week is beneficial. Does any of that make sense to you?”
“Yes and no. I understand that members who attend less frequently are more profitable. But I don’t fully agree with the way your boss is going about it. I’m sure lateral thinking could come up with a better solution.”
“Frank doesn’t do lateral thinking. He does what the bosses from on high tell him.” Meeko shrugged. “I guess that’s life.”
“You are too nice and too amenable, Meeko. Don’t let people take advantage of that. How much do I owe you for the reading?”
“Nothing.” He stopped her hand reaching for her purse, but the sudden surge of electricity from the skin-to-skin contact made him drop it immediately. They stared at each other.