Chapter 39
Fiona stopped the car part way home, at the picnic place by the river. She needed space to think before heading back to the demands of tiny Natalie. The cards hadn’t given her answers and she was feeling strange; emotionally trembly. She’d been naive to think something as airy-fairy as Tarot would give her a direct life path to follow. And her logical mind didn’t believe in it anyway. But speaking to Meeko had helped clarify some of her feelings, as well as emphasising the scary one that grew in strength every time she thought of him.
She couldn’t deny that she hadn’t wondered what it would be like to get back together with Rob. He knew that he owed her big time and therefore his best behaviour was guaranteed. But now she knew that best behaviour wasn’t a strong enough foundation for a relationship. Had she expected perfection from Rob in the early days of their marriage, before she knew about the gambling? No. Definitely not. She had clear memories of the mess he’d left in the kitchen after his attempt at making her a birthday cake. But she also remembered him clearing up when morning sickness overcame her and she couldn’t reach the toilet in time. It had been different with Joe; he hadn’t seen the need to help when she was struggling. She pulled her mind back to Rob. Did he still have feelings for her? Since they’d resumed contact Fiona had begun to feel a vague sisterly concern for him but nothing romantic. That bond of trust could never be rebuilt, and he would forever have to be an arm’s-length relationship. Nothing more than their joint activity with the anti-gambling talks.
Meeko. Her heart lurched again — a sensation that had never happened when she thought of either Joe or Rob. An accidental glance in the rear-view mirror caught her smiling. He was her closest friend. She hadn’t been aware of him showing any interest in her as a woman until he’d announced his break-up with Lynn. But now there was no mistaking, he was throwing his cap into the ring. And, despite her reciprocal feelings towards him, she was pushing him back. Why? It was impossible to ignore those sparks of electricity. And close friends could become lovers. Often they made the best life partners — you had to be friends with someone in order to live together. But when that relationship didn’t last, the close friends bit was gone too. It was a high-stakes gamble. And gambling didn’t sit well with Fiona. She didn’t want to take the risk. She wanted things to go safely back to how they were before. But that wasn’t possible.
Pull yourself together. Look at this rationally. Tackle it like a work feasibility study.
How would you feel if he introduced you to a new girlfriend?
Gutted.
Would you be worried that she would impinge on your ‘close friendship’?
Absolutely. Meeko and Lynn were already an item when he and I first met. So the issue of romance between us never arose and our friendship worked because Lynn was easy-going and understood. A new girlfriend might see me as a threat and would need tiptoeing around.
Is there a major risk of this happening?
Yes. He’s the nicest guy I know and when he walks his hips move in a way that is incredibly sexy.
How can you mitigate this risk?
Alternative 1: Sabotage any relationship that develops. Not fair on Meeko.
Alternative 2: String him along with the excuse that I need some time to get over Joe before embarking on something new. Not fair to put the brakes on Meeko’s life. I might never feel brave enough to take the plunge.
Alternative 3: Take a massive risk, pick his cap out of the ring and see what happens. Fair to Meeko but incredibly scary. Failure would be as devastating as Rob’s gambling and the loss of Amber. If our romance broke down, I wouldn’t be able to climb out of another big black, lonely hole. There is no way out of this mess.
Fiona’s mind switched to the final part of their conversation and the drastic reduction in Meeko’s classes at the hotel. Then the penny dropped and she was seized with a sudden rush of enthusiasm. He was a brilliant teacher. She was a good organiser. Together they could be a great team. This was something she could do with Meeko but without taking that step over the edge into oblivion. Something that would test their ability to work together.
“You look like a cat that’s got the cream,” Adele said when Fiona arrived home.
“I have a plan.”
“A plan?” Adele was sporting a muslin cloth over her shoulder, holding Natalie against it and tapping her daughter gently on the back. Fiona felt proud of how the young woman’s maternal confidence was developing on a daily basis.
“Project Meeko. We are going to make the hotel change its mind and reinstate his classes, so that he doesn’t have to live like a pauper or hire himself out dressed in silly costumes or pretend to be a fortune teller.”
“He did excellently as Father Christmas — all my friends said so.”
“But it’s not an all-year job, is it? He needs a reliable, reasonable income for the next seven years, until he can draw his state pension.”
“And how do we go about doing that?”
“I haven’t thought that far forward. I’ll be in my office if you need me.”